Singles and Human Affection

[1still_waters]

i am curious if you have ever had a massage? just gauging from your statement, i am guessing no. : )

licensed massage therapists are actually well trained in many aspects of health service, such as anatomy, physiology and clinical standards. they provide what i find akin to physical therapy, or any other health service that involves utilizing a more "hands-on" approach.

by your definition, the services/examination provided by my doctor could be considered risque too. : D

usually my massage therapist is a woman (her husband is her clinic partner and back-up), and while the massage is not in a group setting, there is nothing remotely "risque" about it. instead, it's often a bracing (and verging on painful) journey across the landscape of knots in my back. also, she does myofascial release, an intensive therapy designed to restore and protect range of motion. because of my injury, it is almost painful, but well worth it for the end result.

while i can't speak for others, the massage offered by my massage therapist would never be confused as "risque" or less than a health-seeking, therapeutic massage. and i don't think most licensed massage therapists are offering anything less than real therapy.

Yeah I was giving a very general description of massage.

Alone with another in a room.
Sometimes with someone of the opposite sex.
Much hand to body contact.
Sometimes hand contact near questionable places.
Sometimes with little clothing.

We think nothing of that because it's done for medical reasons, from medical professionals.

Yet the cuddling issue involves a similar general description.
And in some higher degree cases may actually serve a medical purpose, ie so severely damaged they need that.

If cuddling were done in a medical context by people perceived as trained medical professionals, would we view it in the same light as we do massage, since both do to some extent have similar general descriptions?


That was my food for thought.
Both have the same general descriptions.
Both could be used for medical purposes. (One psychological, one physical.)
Both could to an extent be done by perceived professionals.
So why acceptance of one and not the other?

Familiarity?

My question is examining why we accept one and not the other.
I'm not condoning, just examining our acceptance or rejection of both, and the motives behind it.

Like I said in my initial reply, I was rambling, tossing out food for thought.
Not drawing any hard and fast conclusions.

Anyways I really need to scoot. I may be back later to discuss further.

ciao.

 

[gypsygirl]

Yeah I was giving a very general description of massage.

Alone with another in a room.
Sometimes with someone of the opposite sex.
Much hand to body contact.
Sometimes hand contact near questionable places.
Sometimes with little clothing.

We think nothing of that because it's done for medical reasons, from medical professionals.

Yet the cuddling issue involves a similar general description.
And in some higher degree cases may actually serve a medical purpose, ie so severely damaged they need that.

If cuddling were done in a medical context by people perceived as trained medical professionals, would we view it in the same light as we do massage, since both do to some extent have similar general descriptions?


That was my food for thought.
Both have the same general descriptions.
Both could be used for medical purposes. (One psychological, one physical.)
Both could to an extent be done by perceived professionals.
So why acceptance of one and not the other?

Familiarity?

My question is examining why we accept one and not the other.
I'm not condoning, just examining our acceptance or rejection of both, and the motives behind it.

Like I said in my initial reply, I was rambling, tossing out food for thought.
Not drawing any hard and fast conclusions.

Anyways I really need to scoot. I may be back later to discuss further.

ciao.

you raise some good questions, but i do think that training and "rules of conduct" largely separate the two kinds of services. the unlicensed, untrained field of "cuddle therapy" mean that she is a self-appointed expert and practitioner, doing something that has no real guidelines or conduct, no oversight from a licensing organization. so, she is offering something that she has deemed therapy in an environment that she feels is acceptable.

i don't think that she can view her services as remotely "therapy" any more than i can charge my friends for "friendship therapy".

much of massage and physical therapy has broadened into addressing much of the stuff that you are mentioning. the documented benefits of massage are more than physical. however, there is always latitude in how much clothing you remove, the gender of your therapist, and other particulars.

i find the 'cuddle shop' to be better compared to prostitution-lite. afterall, isn't it said that many men who frequent prostitutes often do so just so they can talk, right? ; p

 

[hoss2576]

Something I thought about, and this may be a very simplistic way to look at the differences, but what if she is ugly? I mean if you go to a massage therapist, and she/he is unattractive, would you still get the massage? If you go to the cuddle specialist, and she/he is ugly, would you still cuddle with her/him? If there is a difference in the two answers, then I think you are probably viewing the cuddling as more than a medical/therapeutic event.

 

[lil_christian]

To me it just seems like all kinds of wrong. Then again I'm very much a hands off person (quite literally, I might add).

 

[MissCris]

To me it just seems like all kinds of wrong. Then again I'm very much a hands off person (quite literally, I might add).

You can take your hands off?!?!

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

To me it just seems like all kinds of wrong.

Being in the business of cuddles? Or everyday platonic affection?

 

[seoulsearch]

Something I thought about, and this may be a very simplistic way to look at the differences, but what if she is ugly?

I'm guessing the simple answer for the "cuddle therapist" would be, "How Big Is My Visa Bill Going to Be This Month?" If they're looking at facing a pretty big bill, cuddling would therefore take place.

(I say this partly as a joke and also as part seriousness--I read a first-person account of a male "escort" once, and he said that's what he thinks about whenever he gets clients who look like they could be his Grandma.)

Now that I'm pretty sure I have thoroughly grossed everyone in the forum out... Carry on. My work here is done.

 

[lil_christian]

You can take your hands off?!?!

You got me. I'm a mutant. I've been training to be an X-[wo]man. Thanks for blowing my cover, Cris. lol

Being in the business of cuddles? Or everyday platonic affection?

Being in the business of cuddles. Not everyday platonic affection.

 

[seoulsearch]

P.S. I'm sorry that I misread Hoss' question.

I thought he meant, what if the Cuddle Therapist found the Potential Client to be ugly... Which of course would be another hazard but... Sorry for the misunderstanding!

 

[seoulsearch]

I think the attractiveness issue also starts to cut to the heart of the matter.

Let's say you hire a Cuddle Therapist on a regular basis, and your CT (Cuddle Therapist) happens to be extremely good-looking. Hair that falls in just the right place, big eyes that sparkle with expression, a kind face with great contours.

So, you have your half-hour session with your CT once or twice a week for a couple of weeks, and you have a big social event coming up (business party, wedding, etc.) Would you be tempted to ask your Cuddle Therapist to be your "date"? Would you offer to pay them or ask as a "regular" date?

And how do you feel about this good-looking, opposite gender person who is lying close to you and/or wrapping their arms around you every week dashing off and serving other clients, perhaps a great number of them, aside from you? How will you feel when you can't get any booking with your CT because he or she is so in demand with other clients?

The human heart has a tendency to become very possessive in these matters and does not take well to competition.

 

[Trailblazer]

I'm starting a new Hugging business.
Should I charge .25 cents per hug? Or charge hugs by the hour Just kidding.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Very good points brought up, thanks guys! I'm with the majority here, that apps and hired cuddling just seems strange, and maybe opens the door for other things (concerning the hook-up app). But I definitely feel that human affection is vital and important, and that touch therapy (whether by a professional or a friend or sometimes even a random stranger) is very beneficial.

I'm a professional face painter, and I touch a lot of people's faces. One of my hands is always placed gently on top of the head, cupping a cheek or chin, etc. The reason is more for my own steadiness and to keep the face steady, but it also adds human contact and I know that. Then the face is patted (sponge) and stroked (brush) for 2-5 minutes while the design is being created.

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It is very common for both children and adults to say things like "this is very soothing" and "this feels good". At first I was surprised, but so many people tell me that now that I just smile and tell them stories of children who've literally fallen asleep in my chair, or people who spontaneously hug me after getting up (children and adults too sometimes). Sometimes people send off "don't touch me" vibes and of course I respect that, but MOST people seem to soak it up.

I recently started going to a beginner's yoga class, and was caught off guard when the instructor approached me my first time there and asked if it was okay to touch me. I said of course, and she placed her hands on the curve of my back and pressed gently to adjust my form. Throughout the class she would do this for different students, and I was surprised by how comforting and reassuring it was. Her touch was knowledgeable and firm, but gentle, and I felt... I don't even know how to describe it without sounding weird, hahahaa... but I was soothed by it.

I'm a children's ministry director as well as a face painter, and there are children in some of our outreach programs that are so starved for affection that it breaks my heart.

 

[MissCris]

The power of touch is something I witnessed first-hand in beauty school; I was there the first time around to do nails (fake nails, manicures, and pedicures), and of course, part of the mani/pedi process is massaging the hands, or feet and calves. I had a reeeeally hard time with this, with touching people at all, and it made me so nervous that a lot of times if I knew I had a client scheduled for a mani/pedi, I'd call in sick. But the people that came in for them...even when I knew I was doing a really poor job, they seemed to just kind of melt in their chair. I ended up graduating and getting my license for that, but never took it further because of how uncomfortable it made me to be touching people that way. I later went back and got my hair stylist license, and it was easier for me- yes, I had to touch people to shampoo their hair (I heard so many times from clients how relaxing that was and that they wished they could afford to get their hair done every day just to have it washed by someone else), and I had to touch their neck or ears sometimes, but somehow that seemed less...awkward, I guess.

I'm none too sure what I think about selling cuddles to strangers...it's exploiting a basic human need, and that makes it kind of sick, but then...it's providing a basic human need as well, and people are paying for it...I honestly can't decide which is stranger to me, the fact that someone provides this service, or the fact that people utilize it. I'm trying not to judge...but I'm also weirded out by the idea.

I suppose, if the likely complications of such a service somehow never materialize...no harm done? I don't know.

 

[MartyrNdaMaKn]

No, need to pay for a cuddle buddy, I have two arms I can hug myself, thank you much.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

This is really weird to me. I mean some people need a hug sometimes or a buddy to hang out on the couch with them, but this gets into a grey area that makes me uncomfortable slightly. Granted I have friend cuddled before with someone of my own gender (not like the video shown but let her sit on my lap while I hugged her, let another friend use my leg as a pillow, that sort of thing), but with someone you don't know? Sharing a tender moment and then having that person just leave> I don't think that's fun emotionally. Touch is connection.

Not to mention the fact you're giving an unknown person your exact locale and how they can find you. Stalkers much? And that whole cuddling thing can go very wrong very fast.

 

[tourist]

Regarding paying to be cuddled, it sounds a like a watered down version of legalized prostitution.

 

[tourist]

This is really weird to me. I mean some people need a hug sometimes or a buddy to hang out on the couch with them, but this gets into a grey area that makes me uncomfortable slightly. Granted I have friend cuddled before with someone of my own gender (not like the video shown but let her sit on my lap while I hugged her, let another friend use my leg as a pillow, that sort of thing), but with someone you don't know? Sharing a tender moment and then having that person just leave> I don't think that's fun emotionally. Touch is connection.

Not to mention the fact you're giving an unknown person your exact locale and how they can find you. Stalkers much? And that whole cuddling thing can go very wrong very fast.

It will only go very wrong for the one that is paying for the 'cuddling' as the professional is emotionally detached from the situation.

 

[secularhermit]

It will only go very wrong for the one that is paying for the 'cuddling' as the professional is emotionally detached from the situation.

I agree with you, sir!

I haven´t read anything like that here, Vzla., but no doubt sounds like the same, as "massages" (which would end up the same place).

Let´s say one is attached to the payment, but the other... to whatever thing.

 

[Jacob_Fitzgerald]

Grace, I hope I'm not going off-topic so please correct me if I am, but as we talk about this, does anyone have any ideas as to how we can incorporate more touch in our lives?

Folk and ballroom dancing are great!

 

[secularhermit]

To the option...

Is there a person to observe if any in the group is sad or needed of PARTICULAR love attention (or a hug)?

Any team, according to its nature, can agree on dedicating a special day to whomever they know or think lacked that attention, even emotional or virtual attention.

Observe how any of those deal with loss, how they share their life or house is a mess and try to personally dedicate time (or efforsts) to help her/him overcome that situation.

The Blind Side movie (2009) with Sandra Bullock, can give yousome tips to apply. If you´ve read the Suicidal Club, of Robert Stevenson, you also could get INVERSE IDEAS to designate ONE (or several people) to try to make happy (for a day or a week) certain people those groups you work in. Try to find out WHO is more needed to be hugged (or loved) and challenge people to do that with you, too.