We don't need the mods or administration to make people feel like the forums are a concentration camp--we already have the crowds to do that. For example, in Singles--if you post about your struggles as a single, supposedly well-meaning people will tell you to get up off your lazy single butt and "Do something for the Lord!", and that ultimately, during your service, He will then surely answer your prayers for a spouse!!
So then when people try to explain that they HAVE been participating in various ministries, then you get the people who will say you're losing any heavenly reward you might gain from your service by talking about it openly, via Matthew 6:3.
It really IS a matter of people condemning you if you do, and then condemning you if you don't. It's always a Catch 22, no matter what you try to say, and no matter how hard you try to explain yourself.
We surely can't have any fun threads because people are offended that they are not mentioned in them, but when you try to mention them, they often get offended by what IS said (which I do understand--that's why I only try to mention people I have either known for a long time here or have a PM correspondence with.) So on one hand, people will say, "Why wasn't I mentioned in such-and-such thread? No on notices me, everyone forgets me, I may as well not even be here," but on the other hand, when people ARE mentioned, they're either hurt by someone's comments, or else they accuse everyone else of forming a big clique and purposely excluding them.
You just. can't. win.
When people write threads, they're often accused of making something up, not trying hard enough to clean up their situation before presenting it, or are flat-out told that they are being trolls (what about the posts that are actually legit?) And then there are also a steady stream of complaints about how there aren't any new threads, or that the forums have become boring. But then when users DO present new threads, they're usually shredded to pieces or killed off within the first 5 posts (often being told, "Someone has already posted about that, stop wasting our time"), as if that seems to be what some might look forward to most on the forum-- totally destroying a thread before it even has a chance to get off the ground.
I always try to encourage people to write threads of their own, but lately I've had second thoughts about even doing that, because unless a person writes threads on a regular basis, they probably don't know that you really have to have a spine of steel to write them, especially on a regular basis because you. are. going. to. get. blasted. from every angle (most often, by people who NEVER even write threads themselves!) I don't like the feeling of setting people up as targets.
Back in the day, I used to drop a lot of threads here, but now I have to stop myself and think about how hard I want to brace myself for the backlash. I've been working on a sequel to the "Knights in Shining Armor" thread in my head for over 3 weeks (I had an idea long before I even wrote the first thread), but it all becomes a matter of trying to anticipate what kinds of criticisms you're going to get in advance so that you might be able to avoid the major battles in the hope of a good discussion.
I keep thinking to myself, "Well, I could say... but then someone is going to say blah blah blah... and if I point out such-and-such... then someone is going to holler about this-and-that..." And so, the idea has been written out and lying dormant on my table for almost a month because to be honest, I'm at a dead-end in wrestling with myself over how to handle the inevitable criticisms.
And there are so many other things to be spending time on in life besides arguing with anonymous strangers on the internet.
Like anything else, CC has its own "generations." When I came to CC, Singles was a lot more interactive, and the chat rooms were just plain fun. We used to play Bible Trivia, have Bible Studies, and really interesting group discussions nearly every night, often led by a very talented group of moderators and active people on the site. I had always hoped it might go back to that, but I'm pretty sure it never will.
I know that people move on and that the "landscape" here changes at least every year or so, but I'm just not sure anymore what we can all do to try to make it a more positive experience. I used to think that if we all kept writing threads and talking to each other, it might bring people in closer community with each other, but unfortunately, I think it's actually having some of the opposite effect, as we seem to be drawing in more and more critical people (not just to Singles, but to the site in general.)
I am very grateful to CC for the friends I've met here and the opportunities I've had to practice communicating with people on this type of interface, but I have to admit that as positive as I've tried to be, I too have lost most of my hope for trying to make even Singles a more upbeat place to spend time in.