Social Media Changes When Relationship Status Changes

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hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#1
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#1
Last week a female friend of mine made a post on her Facebook page sharing she would be deleting some of her male friends now that she was in a dating relationship. She said it was out of respect for her new boyfriend. From what I had gathered by some of the comments that followed, some of her male friends had at some point in the past professed to have crushes/feeling for her, and she now felt it was better to delete them from her page.

She received quite a bit of support, but she also caught quite a bit of flack for doing it. I initially thought she would mainly catch flack from guys, since they were the group being effected, but there were women who thought she was being silly for doing it. There were also guys who supported her decision like myself.

So if you were to start dating someone or when you started dating someone, did or would you delete people from Facebook of the opposite sex? Are there other social media things you change when you are in a relationship?
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#2
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
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#2
Couldnt be with someone who refused to allow my friendship with people of the other gender. I dont think its right for someone to even ask their partner if theyd be willing to do that. If you cant trust me, then we arent good together.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#3
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#3
When I joined Facebook I was already married. I had male friends that I added or vice verse. If it was a male I didn't know I wouldn't accept friend requests. I did have a mutual friend express that he had feelings for me. I did have to unfriend him. I was blindsided by that one. I think you have to draw a line and you can decide what you feel is harmless and what might be harmful to your relationship.

I hope that makes sense.
 
F

futurepreacher

Junior Member
#4
Aug 16, 2016
4
0
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#4
I might remove those whom I consider directly problematic to my relationship, but generally removing people of the opposite sex from your profile doesn't seem like the most logical answer. At school and in the workplace are often where affairs begin rather than on social media, and you can't just decide that you won't be around people of the opposite sex in either of those areas. If she's really worried about all of these guys disrupting her relationship, she should just stay off of Facebook altogether.
 
hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#5
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#5
Yeraza_Bats said:
Couldnt be with someone who refused to allow my friendship with people of the other gender. I dont think its right for someone to even ask their partner if theyd be willing to do that. If you cant trust me, then we arent good together.
Click to expand...
He didn't ask her, she did it as a boundary. It was a guardrail for her.
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#6
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
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#6
Id still be uneasy about that : p I would not be with someone that I couldnt believe Id trust, and I wouldnt want them to leave their friends (unless I really believed they were being hurt by them). I would not feel happy about it : p
 
Consumed

Consumed

Senior Member
#7
Jun 4, 2015
112
1
0
#7
futurepreacher said:
I might remove those whom I consider directly problematic to my relationship, but generally removing people of the opposite sex from your profile doesn't seem like the most logical answer. At school and in the workplace are often where affairs begin rather than on social media, and you can't just decide that you won't be around people of the opposite sex in either of those areas. If she's really worried about all of these guys disrupting her relationship, she should just stay off of Facebook altogether.
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You would actually be surprised at how many affairs are caused by social media. Snapchat, and Tinder among other things have caused more problems than not in relationships.

Of the three official girlfriends I had, two of them told me to delete female friends, only my current one has not. The two who had had some major security issues. The first one had control issues and narcissistic personality disorder, the second one literally had zero trust. I deleted friends for the both of them but regretted it. My current girlfriend however knows she can trust me, and that I won't cheat on her and it has never been an issue.

I used to take a lot of issue with married people having friends of the opposite gender, and I still think it can be dangerous ground if the people involved aren't careful, but it all just boils down to trust. If you can't trust you can't have a relationship.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#8
Aug 13, 2014
24,923
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#8
I would point out that the OP never said she was removing ALL guys from her facebook friends list, and the OP never said her boyfriend told her to. If her boyfriend demanded this as a condition of their relationship I would be a bit leery too. But this seems like her choice to remove SOME guy friends, and a prudent choice it appears to be. The ones she is removing she probably knows and I bet she has reason to remove them now that she's in a relationship.

I haven't been assimilated... I mean I don't have facebook myself, but if I had a girlfriend and I did have facebook I can think of a few girls at work that I would not want on my facebook friends list. They are blunt, blatant and they flirt with anything male. And I know some guys like that too, and although I would not dictate to my girlfriend "Hey these flirty guys have to go" it would make me uncomfortable if she had them on her friends list.

I would also mention that at the end of the day anything we decide in this thread isn't worth a drop in any given ocean. It's her facebook and her friends. :cool:
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#9
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
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#9
Lynx said:
I haven't been assimilated... I mean I don't have facebook myself, but if I had a girlfriend and I did have facebook I can think of a few girls at work that I would not want on my facebook friends list. They are blunt, blatant and they flirt with anything male. And I know some guys like that too, and although I would not dictate to my girlfriend "Hey these flirty guys have to go" it would make me uncomfortable if she had them on her friends list.
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Why, though? Do you not have any faith in yourself to ignore them and stay loyal to your wife? Is it just to win points in her eyes? And if theyre such a problem then why even have them in your friends list to begin with? : p
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#10
Aug 13, 2014
24,923
8,170
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#10
Who said they would make it on my friends list in the first place? :p

But if they were on my friends list FIRST, then they started flirting with me... they would probably hang in my friends list because I didn't care enough about deleting them to actually do it. But if I had a girlfriend I would suddenly care very much about removing said flirts from my friends list.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#11
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
2,660
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#11
i didn't delete anyone from my fb when i started dating. i found no reason to delete.

i don't accept friend requests from strangers, but that goes for both male and female.

i've gotten a couple of messages from strangers saying they would love to get to know me, and i kindly tell them i'm not interested. fortunately, they respected my answer.

i guess if she felt it necessary to delete those guys, then maybe they kept asking her out? or maybe were always flirting with her? etc?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#12
#12
My last gf and i didn't delete anyone. During the course of our relationship she removed a few guys. I never asked her to, but some were removed because i had issues with them and she did it out of respect for how i felt. Some she just felt she didn't want around because she was dating. And a few were just for her own reasons.

The act of removing someone doesn't automatically reveal a lack of trust in yourself, or who you're with. It's a matter of trying to use wisdom or simply being considerate of the other persons feelings. Cheating has become increasingly common and encouraged. More people are willing to push others into cheating as well. And while i think removing All friends of the opposite gender is extreme, if a person feels a need to remove specific people, then perhaps there are valid reasons. Reasons other than a lack of trust.
 
JonahLynx

JonahLynx

Senior Member
#13
Dec 28, 2014
1,017
30
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#13
hoss2576 said:
So if you were to start dating someone or when you started dating someone, did or would you delete people from Facebook of the opposite sex?
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What does FB have to do with anything about the relationship??? I'm so confused by this question lol.
 
L

LiJo

Guest
#14
#14
hoss2576 said:
So if you were to start dating someone or when you started dating someone, did or would you delete people from Facebook of the opposite sex? Are there other social media things you change when you are in a relationship?
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My BF and I have FB and are on CC, we have friends of the opposite sex. We trust each other completely and have not unfriended anyone.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#15
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
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#15
If she only deleted guys who were causing problems that's one thing, but deleting them just because they're guys is just...

 
BruceWayne

BruceWayne

Senior Member
#16
Aug 7, 2013
3,694
357
83
Gotham City
#16
Unless they're becoming problematic, I wouldn't tell her who to be friends with and she definitely isn't telling me who to be friends with. I've only had to deal with that twice in the past. They were getting flirty and disrespectful. She would show me all messages/texts XD. I ended those friendships myself. :D
 
AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#17
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#17
hoss2576 said:
Last week a female friend of mine made a post on her Facebook page sharing she would be deleting some of her male friends now that she was in a dating relationship. She said it was out of respect for her new boyfriend. From what I had gathered by some of the comments that followed, some of her male friends had at some point in the past professed to have crushes/feeling for her, and she now felt it was better to delete them from her page.

She received quite a bit of support, but she also caught quite a bit of flack for doing it. I initially thought she would mainly catch flack from guys, since they were the group being effected, but there were women who thought she was being silly for doing it. There were also guys who supported her decision like myself.

So if you were to start dating someone or when you started dating someone, did or would you delete people from Facebook of the opposite sex? Are there other social media things you change when you are in a relationship?
Click to expand...

I think a lot of this has to do with respect, trust, and honesty. I've spoken to men and women on both sides of this issue, and while some make the case that they WOULD NEVER do anything inappropriate with another person while in a relationship...others simply don't want to even allow THE CHANCE for something to happen.

In some cases, there are trust issues and cynicism (usually based off experience) at the heart of issues like these. For some, it just seems like sound judgement to 'flee from the very appearance of evil', and not leave anything up to chance.

For others, there definition of what is/isn't appropriate differs, and they feel that those understandings should be shared by their partner (whether they've discussed this or not).

In my case, I don't know that I'd delete anyone (unless she'd asked me to), but it does tend to mean that you distance yourself from other females (or males in the case of the lady). Some people find that silly, and others find it wise.

With as much adultery, divorce, and all other manner of things that seem to be increasing statistically these days, I'd prefer to err on the side of caution.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#18
#18
LiJo said:
My BF and I have FB and are on CC, we have friends of the opposite sex. We trust each other completely and have not unfriended anyone.
Click to expand...
I must add you guys!
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#19
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
2,660
113
#19
i have noticed one of my (guy) friends change the way he posts on fb. well, i say it has changed since he started dating his gf, but maybe it was before he started dating her.

some weeks ago, one of the friends shared a "on this day" memory guy friend posted a year ago and tagged all of us. guy friend deleted the post he made a year ago. why? idk. it was nothing bad.

i could have sworn he commented on a pic i posted of my ring, and later that day, as i was looking through the comments, his wasn't there anymore. now, i could be wrong but... that rarely happens. lol

he was that friend who would always comment on our statuses, but since dating his gf, he rarely (if ever) comments anymore. he only comments on his gf posts, which isn't wrong. lol
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#20
#20
Both of my ex wives used Facebook to arrange their secret trysts. At least they found something useful to them about that particular social media avenue.
 
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