This year has been a really momentous year for me – what with me getting baptized and really publicly declaring myself as a Christian.
I remember being at one of the classes at church, I was the oldest and I really enjoyed that.
I felt like I had a responsibility towards the younger ones and always tried to offer my help and guidance whenever possible.
I was just done with high school and I keenly wanted to be there offering advice and any assistance with regards to career or questions.
I’ve always been a leader growing up. Leadership as an instinct comes naturally to me and I’ve been doing it very well.
I was the head girl of my school and I really took it upon myself to see lots of positive changes done in the school which still hold for now.
Being the head of the school council, I was the final authority for any changes passed.
It was really easy for me to handle all of that. I delegated responsibilities and invited accountability. I was also keenly aware of how much the younger kids would look up to me and so was always careful to remain neutral at all points of time.
Even in projects or events now, I do not mind taking up additional responsibility – doing whatever it takes to ensure the team succeeds.
So, it was just natural for me to assume that responsibility with these kids. I liked posting scripture, maintaining a nice little internet group and just praying for everybody.
We grew really close at this point of time except for one incident that really makes me still feel bad.
One of the kids at the group, a 16 year old fell in love with me. At first, I misunderstood his interest in me and I took it upon myself to be a mentor of sorts.
Only however, he didn’t view me as one at all. To my utter shock and surprise, this kid didn’t respect me as an older person but rather as a pursuit to be conquered.
While I could just push it aside as “oh so cute”, he happened to be really aggressive. He sensed that I was nicely tucking him into the “little brother” corner. I would call him kiddo, or lil bro and in public he made a point to tell me that I was the kid, seeing he was much bigger than me.
I have dealt with crushes while in school from many kids however for me, it never really bothered me as it never ever reached an interpersonal level.
I think it was really a lesson for me. It was a nice little blow to my pride about being seen as the born leader.
This child was deeply star struck by me though. His mom made it a point to tell me how much he would talk about me all the time – how beautiful and smart I was. I was flattered but at the same time exasperated.
All gentle pokes at letting him know that I was just an older sister failed, and it reached such a point that this guy started following me around.
The worst part was finally and openly telling him to stop.
It devastated me because I know how bad heartbreaks can be. It really sucked to be on the other side. I felt like a jerk to the highest level.
I also saw my image crash – that of the leader on the pedestal. All my idealistic dreams of being a mentor in the dustbin.
I actually had a daydream once that years later, all these kids were surrounding me and telling me “You really led us to be such strong Christians that we’ve changed society completely”.
His mom would tell me stuff like, “Oh he’s do depressed, can you talk to him?”
I quit going at the same time as that service.
I was depressed myself :|
It was a hard lesson to learn – teenage hormones are somethings no one should mess with.