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I feel like Satan doesn't want me to graduate. I KNOW, it sounds crazy. It really does. But honestly. These last 4 years of high school have been like a nightmare for me. Some of it has NOT been my fault, some of it has. This year, it definitely isn't. Though I am WAY ahead in math, I'm falling behind in other subjects like government and econ. And I have to help my mom out and since people have been working on our house, I've had to dog-sit to make sure the dogs behave (I can't turn away for a second or they go nuts and everyone's miserable).
This next week may be especially hard. Since Mom's had her surgery, had has been taking care of Mom. When he's back to work, I'll be the only one home besides her. I wanted to work my hardest and get things straight outta the way this year. And now I'm stuck and behind in some stuff, JUST like last year. I just want June to come.
This next week may be especially hard. Since Mom's had her surgery, had has been taking care of Mom. When he's back to work, I'll be the only one home besides her. I wanted to work my hardest and get things straight outta the way this year. And now I'm stuck and behind in some stuff, JUST like last year. I just want June to come.
A
Been having multiple bouts myoclonic and absence seizures past few days (basically hand jerks, twitches and short blackouts kind of like a cd skipping). I am trying to figure out what is causing them. There are a few possibilities. One of them being change in work schedule. More stress to the brain I think. I think I'll need to increase my medication dosage or something.
A heart and mind seeming full, yet feeling empty. I say this not to illicit response, nor with intent to depress, distress, or even necessarily confess, but I digress...
Here's the thing. Have you ever found someone or something out to be other than what you thought, not in the common way, but something deeper and longer lasting. For me, the opposite can be true, too. What if it was just the way you thought...
Strange, jumbled, simple, and cryptic, I know...but please, bear with me.
I think many things, and not all them coherent or congruent. One such repetitive thing has been the thought of what is not, not in a 'what if' manner, but in the knowledge of what has gone, and now can never be...
We say it's good to remember, but bad to regret. What if one remembers regretting, or regrets remembering? In this manner, so I've decided, to share a thought with you:
"Do you ever regret not having the one you may someday love, because you've missed out on every moment, each in its different, simple, yet extraordinarily intricate complexity, you'd have otherwise shared? I, though still young, will never know young love. I'll never experience my partner (should I have one, someday..) as she was a child, nor a teen, or even a college girl.
Those memories, those loves, those moments, are not mine, nor hers for me. We weren't. Though this certainly does not counteract the bliss and blessing of one day being, it is, in my reckoning, a very sad loss.
Here's the thing. Have you ever found someone or something out to be other than what you thought, not in the common way, but something deeper and longer lasting. For me, the opposite can be true, too. What if it was just the way you thought...
Strange, jumbled, simple, and cryptic, I know...but please, bear with me.
I think many things, and not all them coherent or congruent. One such repetitive thing has been the thought of what is not, not in a 'what if' manner, but in the knowledge of what has gone, and now can never be...
We say it's good to remember, but bad to regret. What if one remembers regretting, or regrets remembering? In this manner, so I've decided, to share a thought with you:
"Do you ever regret not having the one you may someday love, because you've missed out on every moment, each in its different, simple, yet extraordinarily intricate complexity, you'd have otherwise shared? I, though still young, will never know young love. I'll never experience my partner (should I have one, someday..) as she was a child, nor a teen, or even a college girl.
Those memories, those loves, those moments, are not mine, nor hers for me. We weren't. Though this certainly does not counteract the bliss and blessing of one day being, it is, in my reckoning, a very sad loss.
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G
My, my AsIfreeces, that kind of stuff will blow hearts to pieces. I'm just glad God reigns and rule and Loves me and comforts me through all i do, that He Loves me despite my wrongs , despite my failures (and I have many) and continues to keep me under the shelter of His wings. I am His, not going anywhere, and, when I do, He comes after me. I know my God is awesome and that if I regret things then that brings sadness to His heart because He knows the plans for me and He can see out way beyond what my little eyes can 'see.' Blessings, bro , good stuff, too, quite the bit of philosophical elements woven in to that 'love'ly tapestry of what we are in life doing and being and acting on doing based on things that have happened, of , splendor in the grass. Good news ! God's got the best meadows splendidly out there for us IF we wait on Him have faith in His leading us to those things that will tickled our fancy and be wilder and more blessed than our imagination can bring to life 
As always, Green, thank you for your interest, response, and return to faith. God bless you, and keep you, brother.
I find myself a weaker man...thought not entirely for the worse, I believe. I hear you, though. God be praised in all things, and He sees us through. Nonetheless, it's common for those of my nature (personality type and the like) to be prone to fits of things like depression in our endless search for the deeper significance of each thing. For those like me, nothing is meaningless...thus, there is much to think about...and at times, those thoughts, however true they may be, can turn dark.
Be not afraid, nor dismayed, my friend. I simply cannot solely live a life of solemn solitude, though I often try and seek it. I do occasionally share a drop, or for those who prove able, a splash, of the deeper reservoir which is my inner reality. ^^
I've learned over the years, however, to tread with caution. Many cower from the storm, and yet others drown. Wisdom and experience would dictate the course of action, then, that I try to take, and I adjust course as necessity dictates.
I find myself a weaker man...thought not entirely for the worse, I believe. I hear you, though. God be praised in all things, and He sees us through. Nonetheless, it's common for those of my nature (personality type and the like) to be prone to fits of things like depression in our endless search for the deeper significance of each thing. For those like me, nothing is meaningless...thus, there is much to think about...and at times, those thoughts, however true they may be, can turn dark.
Be not afraid, nor dismayed, my friend. I simply cannot solely live a life of solemn solitude, though I often try and seek it. I do occasionally share a drop, or for those who prove able, a splash, of the deeper reservoir which is my inner reality. ^^
I've learned over the years, however, to tread with caution. Many cower from the storm, and yet others drown. Wisdom and experience would dictate the course of action, then, that I try to take, and I adjust course as necessity dictates.
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I will pray for you Arwen. I know a little about what a challenge living with your condition is. My best friend that I grew up with used to have grand mals and petite mals and sometimes I would have to tell people who witnessed it what was happening and also try to keep him from injuring himself. He was on medication too but I think the medicines weren't as advanced back then. God bless.
One thing through out this long walk with Christ, I have noticed it has always been right close to the end that Father comes through for us.
I also learned to pray in this manner, I do not know Father how you are going to get me through this crises, but I do believe you will, for I believe you God. Now teach me this to not worry over it and listen for your direction as I go through this storm. Since you promised to meet my actual needs, I trust you will. And I am not going to sit around and wait, I am going to go out into this world pounding the pavement, and get what I need as you lead me one foot at a time.
I am in your hands, the only safe place I know to be.
Now as long as this walk has been, I many times feel like I am so old that I was the servant at the last Supper.
I also learned to pray in this manner, I do not know Father how you are going to get me through this crises, but I do believe you will, for I believe you God. Now teach me this to not worry over it and listen for your direction as I go through this storm. Since you promised to meet my actual needs, I trust you will. And I am not going to sit around and wait, I am going to go out into this world pounding the pavement, and get what I need as you lead me one foot at a time.
I am in your hands, the only safe place I know to be.
Now as long as this walk has been, I many times feel like I am so old that I was the servant at the last Supper.
I am positive you are not alone, this happens to all.
A long time ago when I was pulled in 20 different directions and going nuts. I talked to a pastor. As I was talking to him and naming odd each problem, he stopped me and said to me, It seems to me that you got all these problems flooding in on you at once, from each direction and is causing your going nuts.
I said yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and he said well why don't you take the most prevalent problem first and work that out first. Then when that decision is made and done solved, move on to the next.
What sense this made, and have used that as a premise in solving problems, one at a time.
The same works for projects, we tend to take on more than we can chew.
Hope this helps in your walk, for I know I have not ever been able to escape troubles here in this world.
Confusion as I see it now comes from overload, and this world promotes overload in and on everything here
A long time ago when I was pulled in 20 different directions and going nuts. I talked to a pastor. As I was talking to him and naming odd each problem, he stopped me and said to me, It seems to me that you got all these problems flooding in on you at once, from each direction and is causing your going nuts.
I said yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and he said well why don't you take the most prevalent problem first and work that out first. Then when that decision is made and done solved, move on to the next.
What sense this made, and have used that as a premise in solving problems, one at a time.
The same works for projects, we tend to take on more than we can chew.
Hope this helps in your walk, for I know I have not ever been able to escape troubles here in this world.
Confusion as I see it now comes from overload, and this world promotes overload in and on everything here