I am discouraged beyond belief.
I was transferred to another job, and I just found out one of the guys at my old job is telling everyone he slept with me.
Nothing could be further from the truth. We never even talked once outside work. We didn't even have each others' numbers. And, I'm not even there anymore.
At first, I was uncontrollably angry. And then I just felt like God was saying to give it to Him. I'm going through a lot, so many things at once, and this was the straw that broke the camel's back. A long time ago I wrote a thread about sexual harassment and used a "character" who was "going through" something... Several people were critical because they said I didn't include enough information or that the main character in they story was probably misinterpreting or exaggerating.
I explained that I wrote the thread because this is EXACTLY how it happens--little by little--and you question your sanity and what happened and wonder if it's even making a fuss over. Apparently no one realized that the "character" in the story was me.
The thing that upsets me most is that this guy was the only one on the night crew whom I DIDN'T think was like that at all. I used to stop and ask him about his kids because out of all the guys I worked with, he seemed "safest" to at least say hi to.
The hardest part of all is that I'm telling myself, "Just shake it off. Shut down, shut up, and don't let it out , because it has no place to go. Don't talk to anyone, and whatever you do, don't trust anyone ever again." But oddly enough, I know I still will.
I just always have, no matter what's happened.
Along with everything else... I am down and out to the nth degree right now and not quite sure how to pull out of it.
Sorry for venting... I know this is probably too personal to be posting but I feel like I've hit the very bottom of the pit of despair, with a smile on my face for show, a mind that never rests because I never sleep anymore, and a life that resembles automation more than living because all there is to do, always, is get up and go to work.