To be completely transparent (please be respectable and treat me as a sister in Christ) the dreams of are sex with past boyfriends, however I am who I am now (as a change individual, forgiven, made a covenant with God 7 years ago which I have kept thus far). It's the past meeting the present. Which fills me with dread, that I am doing something against my convictions and covenant. I am doing something that I do not want to do, but still find myself in that situation. That I have no regard. Like I mentioned before, it is so strong that I am afraid that I will still feel that dread, that my heart won't be into it if I ever marry. That I will do it only to please my husband not out of love. That fills me dread. It makes me feel empty inside, as if I am no better than a prostitute, giving my body over to a man even though he is my husband. I don't really understand all this. It makes me not want to marry. Please pray that if I am being told lies, that God will reveal the truth.