Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[Powemm]

I just feel like being thankful right now.. Thankful for little things .. Things I do have ..
lights , clean water , eyelashes , my fingers .. I was thinking today all the things I'm able to do because I have them .. Writing a note, waving, even typing this message..clean sheets a bed .. Food.. A roof over my head.. I look at what's happenin in the world and God pulls me into His reality and says "look michelle" look all around you "right now " ..
How is everything right this minute , right where you are? It's quiet , nothing is going wrong and all is well.. It seems the more I do this the bigger my peace gets, the more I see joy I do have..
Seems the mind likes to act like a horse sometimes ..dragging the rider off instead of the rider leading the horse ..thers a beautiful crimson sunset overlooking the pond .. The water looks like glass ..The Waters so still.. I see the reflection of the sky smiling on the earth , and the earth smiling back at the sky.. God still showing his presence in it .. Makes me think of a mirror and the reflection of Him we are suppose to see.. the beauty of all that He is and knowing ibbeing a beauty within ourselves we are to believe and know too..
I'm thankful for the tests and the trials . It's pushed me closer to Him.. everything is well.. burning a fire in the fire pit out back .. There's a warmth of an amber glow i have found as a comforting friend ..the crackle being the laughter and noise among the crickets , frogs and whatever else comes
Out at night . I see a bright star... I mean really.. everything is just fine ..

 

[arwen83]

It's kind of sad but there has been a lot that I have not told my parents. I share more on here and FB then with them. They're worry worts, and I know they would make me feel discouraged. I just want to be understood. And accepted. That I am not them, I am my own person. I have different desires than them. I can't be boxed in.

 

[arwen83]

Sometimes a glass of white wine is needed after a long day of work on a drizzly Sunday night

 

[Markum1972]

Sigh... what did God mean by not forsaking wisdom? I think there comes a time that we need to get our noses out of scripture, lift our voices to God, ask Him, and then believe that He is able to answer. There is a time that we need to search the scripture and the deep things of God; to weigh out the things that we are hearing from others and some of the things that we have been taught. There is a time and a season for both. We need to trust God letting there be no confusion. If we are God's sheep, then we know His voice. There is no confusion. We need to not waiver, as it is written, let this man not think that he will receive anything from God. Full trust in God's ability to speak to us. Full trust in God's ability to answer.

 

[Markum1972]

Noticed some of the people here changed their avatars recently to actual pictures of them. VERY LOVELY!

By the way, you are nothing like I imagined you would look, iTOREtheSKY. You have some intense eyes, dude!

 

[RedTent]

If you note my age, you will see why today I don't have the sight, hearing, or strength to add a lot to today. But I have a movie and photos in my head of such beauty of yesterday.

There was a sunny afternoon, we were many miles out to sea on our own commercial fishing boat. A large group of porpoise came playing with our boat. I lay down on the deck and leaned over the side, we had a long conversation.

It was a very stormy night, we were in port. I drove to a spot near where the waves crashed and roared, curled up on the seat and spent the night listening to the power God has, to make the ocean roar like that.

We have a huge mountain near our city with a 30 mile trail that circles it near the top. We decided to backpack that trail. The first night's campsite overlooks the distant city. It looks like jewels of light on black velvet.

After seven years on the ocean, with all the excitment that brings, I went back to the city. There was no crisis to test yourself against. I had an opportunity to bungee jump. I was 70, it took some doing to convince them I was perfectly capable. It was so boring, so safe. Only the reputation it has is frightening. I appreciated my seven years on the ocean even more. I met real crisis there and handled it.

There is so much to enjoy. Celebrating the achievements of my kids, seeing the people who come after me, concerts of beautiful music and operas. It doesn't have to be crowded into today, yesterday lasts into today, too.

 

[DuchessAimee]

I want to say mean things and call people on their crap in mean ways. Not everyone, but a few specific people. I want to lay out a logical argument as to how and why they're lying to themselves and others. I want them to shut up and stop complaining, or stop flirting, or stop blowing up at people, or trying to make themselves feel better by getting the opposite sex's attention. It gets old quickly.



Oh! And I can tell what you're hiding about yourself by how you're trying to hide it. It's not rocket science.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Tired from waiting at the hospital
Tired of pretending like everything's fine
Tired of wanting to fix everything that is wrong
Tired of hoping
Tired of wondering
Tired of dreaming
Tired of looking for answers
Tired of praying
Tired of deciding whether I should post stuff or not
Tired of trying to ignore things that I think were meant to offend me
Tired of the last few day's drama
Tired of trying to lose weight
Tired of the pain in my knees
Tired of being me

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Noticed some of the people here changed their avatars recently to actual pictures of them. VERY LOVELY!

By the way, you are nothing like I imagined you would look, iTOREtheSKY. You have some intense eyes, dude!

LOL ty..I used to wear myself as my avatar the first few weeks I was a member in CC but it was so grotesque to many,that the admins. had me take it down. lol

 

[zeroturbulence]

Tired of feeling like a fool
Tired of not being heard
Tired of having no future
Tired of wanting to do things I can't do
Tired of accepting who and what I am
Tired of hearing about the Boston Marathon suspect
Tired of rude people
Tired of working out
Tired of worrying about what I eat
Tired of it all

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

If you note my age, you will see why today I don't have the sight, hearing, or strength to add a lot to today. But I have a movie and photos in my head of such beauty of yesterday.

There was a sunny afternoon, we were many miles out to sea on our own commercial fishing boat. A large group of porpoise came playing with our boat. I lay down on the deck and leaned over the side, we had a long conversation.

It was a very stormy night, we were in port. I drove to a spot near where the waves crashed and roared, curled up on the seat and spent the night listening to the power God has, to make the ocean roar like that.

We have a huge mountain near our city with a 30 mile trail that circles it near the top. We decided to backpack that trail. The first night's campsite overlooks the distant city. It looks like jewels of light on black velvet.

After seven years on the ocean, with all the excitment that brings, I went back to the city. There was no crisis to test yourself against. I had an opportunity to bungee jump. I was 70, it took some doing to convince them I was perfectly capable. It was so boring, so safe. Only the reputation it has is frightening. I appreciated my seven years on the ocean even more. I met real crisis there and handled it.

There is so much to enjoy. Celebrating the achievements of my kids, seeing the people who come after me, concerts of beautiful music and operas. It doesn't have to be crowded into today, yesterday lasts into today, too.

I could sit & listen to you all day my friend...God Bless.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

I was just reading something Ugly posted over in the HM/I music thread...funny how certain things can jog your memory.
It is amazing how easily we lose our dreams as we grow older. I can't believe this was a "dream" of mine,but I always wanted to own or work in a record store. Totally a pride thing. I wanted to be the cool Metal guy everyone came to that needed help finding rare bands or special ordering things for people...to have music in the background of the store playing that no one had heard before & they'd come ask who it was. LOL
Then when I got saved,I still wanted to do that as a living...it was my backup plan if the band didn't work out.
Now my intentions were for good...I was gonna show people that there was more to christian music other than Carmen,or Amy Grant,or people's Hosanna Praise cassette of the month club...I was going to break down the stereotypes & if I had to bring christian metal music to the masses by force if need be.
Now,42...no record store will hire me. lol There's one here in town that I have applied to at least 7 times in the past 9 yrs. They always need a manager or some sort of help,but they are so obsessed with hiring children who look like were cranked out of a hot topic store & reek of pachouli that they never seem to get anyone to stay very long or take the job seriously.
I've never even gotten an interview from them.
I have between management & basic retail customer service/cashier work nearly 20yrs off/on experience plus my knowledge of music isn't too shabby.
So my dreams these days now consist of living in either a tree house...a cob house...or one of those houses like the Hobbits lived in. Move to New Zealand. Open a christian music store & find a woman with strong hands that can give an awesome neck massage.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I just feel like being thankful right now.. Thankful for little things .. Things I do have ..
lights , clean water , eyelashes , my fingers .. I was thinking today all the things I'm able to do because I have them .. Writing a note, waving, even typing this message..clean sheets a bed .. Food.. A roof over my head.. I look at what's happenin in the world and God pulls me into His reality and says "look michelle" look all around you "right now " ..
How is everything right this minute , right where you are? It's quiet , nothing is going wrong and all is well.. It seems the more I do this the bigger my peace gets, the more I see joy I do have..
Seems the mind likes to act like a horse sometimes ..dragging the rider off instead of the rider leading the horse ..thers a beautiful crimson sunset overlooking the pond .. The water looks like glass ..The Waters so still.. I see the reflection of the sky smiling on the earth , and the earth smiling back at the sky.. God still showing his presence in it .. Makes me think of a mirror and the reflection of Him we are suppose to see.. the beauty of all that He is and knowing ibbeing a beauty within ourselves we are to believe and know too..
I'm thankful for the tests and the trials . It's pushed me closer to Him.. everything is well.. burning a fire in the fire pit out back .. There's a warmth of an amber glow i have found as a comforting friend ..the crackle being the laughter and noise among the crickets , frogs and whatever else comes
Out at night . I see a bright star... I mean really.. everything is just fine ..

That's beautiful Michelle! And I needed to hear something like this right now too. God bless.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Right now I'm thinking Arwen's probably pretty proud of making this thread because its lasted so long, and that she's a pretty awesome young lady too.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Act like a fool & that's how people will see you. Sometimes I wonder if my being "funny" or using humor to deal with everyday life hasn't seriously affected my future in life. I notice how I can say something to someone & they will find humor in it or maybe think I'm joking,even if I am being serious or giving encouragement or even a warning...yet someone else can tell them these same things & it will be met with praise or thankfulness or carefully listened to.
Is it my delivery?
Is it how I look?
Do I just not get my thoughts across eloquently enough?
I feel very unsure of myself today. I suppose in the eyes of God,he may see this as a good thing. That maybe I won't try relying on myself today & instead letting him guide my steps for a change.
I wonder what life feels like without being in some sort of physical pain?
It's been so long since I have felt "good",I have forgotten what it is.
There was an interesting moment when I was in the hospital last year...while I lay there...it was almost an overwhelming sense of nothingness,in my flesh as well as in my spirit. I wasn't high on any drugs they gave me...it felt like I could have just let go & slip away...no fear,no sense of urgency...just become nothing.
Nothing anyone would remember any time soon.
It's the whole out of sight out of mind thing.
We build relationships with one another...sometimes amazingly deep connective ones.
People move away.
People drift apart.
People die or get sick.
Everyone who knew them tries to stay close...promises made.
In the end there is always an excuse.
Jobs-money-family-no time...no time to bond anymore. People change.
God is always the same...before & after time-day in day out.
You would think that would comfort every fiber in my body.
So why have I always felt so alone. Is that 1st rejection from a parent of classmate or crush on a girl,that impacting,so destructive that it plants a seed so deep inside that the roots can never be fully ripped up no matter how much of God's word I am pumped full of?????
God's word...heart revelation? I can hear it. I can watch it on tv. I can talk about it. I can even go out & do it. But do I believe it? Do I know it so deep down inside of me,that those seeds that have grown over time inside me of sadness don't mean a thing? Can you survive as a christian...No..overcome as a christian within a forest pain?
Is that what God would have me do...walk this earth with some deep seeded grief? It's interesting how I can always see so much potential & good in others,yet always view myself as sub-par or not worthy of anything truly good being a steadfast foundation in my life. I see more so with each day why my marriage failed & why no christian women have ever been drawn to me...lol it's because God has been protecting them from me messing up their lives. I am honestly ok with this in my heart,I just wish I'd have realized this earlier on in my life. I think it would have saved me & others less heartache in the future.
...and that's all I have to say about that,I think for now.

 

[Powemm]

Tired of feeling like a fool
Tired of not being heard
Tired of having no future
Tired of wanting to do things I can't do
Tired of accepting who and what I am
Tired of hearing about the Boston Marathon suspect
Tired of rude people
Tired of working out
Tired of worrying about what I eat
Tired of it


hey buddy.. I think I had this bug yesterday... It won't last long (pats back)

 

[Powemm]

Act like a fool & that's how people will see you. Sometimes I wonder if my being "funny" or using humor to deal with everyday life hasn't seriously affected my future in life. I notice how I can say something to someone & they will find humor in it or maybe think I'm joking,even if I am being serious or giving encouragement or even a warning...yet someone else can tell them these same things & it will be met with praise or thankfulness or carefully listened to.
Is it my delivery?
Is it how I look?
Do I just not get my thoughts across eloquently enough?
I feel very unsure of myself today. I suppose in the eyes of God,he may see this as a good thing. That maybe I won't try relying on myself today & instead letting him guide my steps for a change.
I wonder what life feels like without being in some sort of physical pain?
It's been so long since I have felt "good",I have forgotten what it is.
There was an interesting moment when I was in the hospital last year...while I lay there...it was almost an overwhelming sense of nothingness,in my flesh as well as in my spirit. I wasn't high on any drugs they gave me...it felt like I could have just let go & slip away...no fear,no sense of urgency...just become nothing.
Nothing anyone would remember any time soon.
It's the whole out of sight out of mind thing
We build relationships with one another...sometimes amazingly deep connective ones.
People move away.
People drift apart.
People die or get sick.
Everyone who knew them tries to stay close...promises made.
In the end there is always an excuse.
Jobs-money-family-no time...no time to bond anymore. People change.
God is always the same...before & after time-day in day out.
You would think that would comfort every fiber in my body.
So why have I always felt so alone. Is that 1st rejection from a parent of classmate or crush on a girl,that impacting,so

destructive that it plants a seed so deep inside that the roots can never be fully ripped up no matter how much of God's word I am pumped full of?????
God's word...heart revelation? I can hear it. I can watch it on tv. I can talk about it. I can even go out & do it. But do I believe it? Do I know it so deep down inside of me,that those seeds that have grown over time inside me of sadness don't mean a thing? Can you survive as a christian...No..overcome as a christian within a forest pain?
Is that what God would have me do...walk this earth with some deep seeded grief? It's interesting how I can always see so

much potential & good in others,yet always view myself as sub-par or not worthy of anything truly good being a steadfast foundation in my life. I see more so with each day why my marriage failed & why no christian women have ever been drawn to me...lol it's because God has been protecting them from me messing up their lives. I am honestly ok with this in my heart,I just wish I'd have realized this earlier on in my life. I think it would have saved me & others less heartache in the future.
...and that's all I have to say about that,I think for now.

Blows a bubble looking at post sideways ..... Cocks eyebrow....
I'm sending you a mind message.......

" Don't you change one hair!!!!!!"
You'll ruin you're awesomeness!

 

[MissCris]

Cracked under stress. Got ugly for a little while there. Now I'm wondering, "What stress? Look around, what is so bad that you can't just shut your mouth and be grateful?"

Get out the superglue, I guess. Start again. It's a new day, right?

 

[Searching4Truth]

“I think and think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.”

Sounds just about right?

 

[Powemm]

Cracked under stress. Got ugly for a little while there. Now I'm wondering, "What stress? Look around, what is so bad that you can't just shut your mouth and be grateful?"

Get out the superglue, I guess. Start again. It's a new day, right?

he restores the broken places He binds up their wounds .. EXACTLY!