I know what you're thinking. There's a challenge walking the passage of good and evil. It's not for the lame of heart. Can one be a priest by day and a vampire hunter by night? Does wood from the cross keep the iron sharp? Because we are bound by the Law of Grace - that is - mercy that has imparted to us children of God all the merit he or she could ever need (John 116; Romans 5:1-2; 8:1-2; Col 2:9-10 does not mean we Christians are without law, but rather we are redeemed by grace and that places on us a duty - or really rather a gracious privilege - of not doing that which is displeasing to Him. So, as many have said before, the law was never given to provide a way for life, it was given to declare sinfulness and to erect God's perfection which we will never attain.
So how do you reckon that when most of what you are dealing with are the chief abusers of law, sometimes even among your own ranks? I would think you would become a cynic, or form a critical view of the world. It'd be hard to adjust to trust when most of your day is spent with the untrustworthy. It'd be hard to believe in positive intentions around those who's intent is to harm. I believe all I'd have to do is find one beat up to hell child lying face down in evidence of her struggles to form a clear picture of the purveyor of darkness and sin. How black would that pit be from pole to pole.
This is why we can't look upon the light for His brightness of Truth and Light! Every dark corner intensifies His light! And why the stress of the two "lives" Christian's bear is so great and why people of your noble profession suffer such internal division. This is the "passage of good and evil" I spoke of earlier; the walk of the truly brave.
And so we seek a balance. I would think that this forum could serve some well, exposing God's love through fellowship. I suspect though you yearn for more light, more understanding maybe. Here are Paul's letter to the Ephesians - the blessings AND the responsibilities of the believer..
[TABLE]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: #FFFFFF, colspan: 2"]The Blessings and the Responsibilities of Believers
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%"]The Blessings Christians Enjoy
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%"]The Responsibilities Christians Have
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]Chosen by God; election (1:4)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]To keep the unity of the Spirit (4:3-6)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%"]Adoption into God’s family (1:5; 2:19)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%"]To use our abilities for the church’s benefit (4:7-13)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]Acceptance before God (1:6)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]To keep growing and maturing (4:14, 15)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%"]Forgiveness of sins (1:7)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%"]To put away old, sinful ways (4:17-24; 5:2-14)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]Insight into God’s will (1:9)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]To speak honestly and purely (4:25, 29)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%"]An eternal inheritance (1:11)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%"]To do what the Spirit leads us to do (4:30)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]The seal of the Spirit (1:13; 2:18)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]To imitate God (5:1)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%"]God’s mercy and love (2:4; 3:17-19)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%"]To walk in love (5:2)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]Wisdom and knowledge (1:17)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]To find out what is acceptable to the Lord (5:10)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%"]Divine power (1:19, 20; 3:16, 20)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%"]To make the most of our time (5:16)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]Spiritual life (2:1, 5)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]To be filled with the Spirit (5:18)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%"]The promise of eternal kindness (2:7)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%"]To submit to one another (5:21)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]The knowledge that God’s plan for us is good (2:10)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]To have marriages that honor God (5:22-33)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%"]Unity and peace with all believers (2:11-18; 3:6)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%"]To honor God in our families (6:1-4)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]Heavenly citizenship (2:19)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%, bgcolor: #FFFFFF"]To demonstrate integrity in the workplace (6:5-9)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="width: 50%"]Access to God through Christ (3:12)
[/TD]
[TD="width: 50%"]To stand strong against the forces of evil (6:10-18)
[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
Your walk on this passage between good and evil is a walk you must make alone Jullianne as I will make mine. All I really know is there's strength in numbers and a kind of vanity in faith of our ultimate goal of pleasing God.