Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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MissCris

Guest
Super fun when both kiddos wake up crying at once....poor things, all lost and sleepy and scared.
Dang...I was sleeping so good, though.
 
Aug 2, 2009
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Super fun when both kiddos wake up crying at once....poor things, all lost and sleepy and scared.
Dang...I was sleeping so good, though.
Aww, I'm so sorry MissCris. I will pray for u guys. I can't even imagine what you all must be going through. God bless you and your kiddies.
 
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ww_21

Guest
Went to church last night.. only to find out one of the pastors in training died on Saturday and yesterday was his funeral. I'm kinda sad about it because I barely knew him but he welcomed me to the church from the first day I went there and continuously prayed for me.

It was strange without him, when ever our pastor asks questions he was the one to answer, when he asked if there were questions, again this person would be the first to ask a question. Yesterday when the pastor asked questions nobody was there to answer him, nobody was there to ask him questions. So he ended the prayer meeting earlier than usual.
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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I don't know what it is with me lately; one day I'm strong and on top of the world, feeling like no matter what happens now, I've got this. Knowing that God has things under control, that He is with me, that He will get me through this.
And then there are days like today, when I feel totally alone and long to be able to hide under my ginormous, fluffy blanket and pretend I don't exist.

All of my thoughts and feelings are at war with each other...

I want to prove to everyone that I'm fine, more than fine, that I'm starting my new life and that I'm happy to be on my own. I want people to regret every moment that they don't get to be a part of my life. I want to be able to stand with my head held high and say "I'm better off now and you're missing out"...

And at the same time, I don't want that at all. At the same time, I want to let them all see the weakness, the fear, the hurt and rejection, and let someone comfort me. Let someone rescue me.

And yet again at the same time, I want to be ok so everyone else is ok. I want to know how to love everyone the right way, the way I should have all this time, instead of in my own selfish ways. I want to be their comfort and strength even though I feel so empty myself.

My pride is battling my heart.

There's all kinds of confusion going on up in here.

And because God knows and has accepted you, you will go through this and it is God teaching you humilty
Micah 6:8 He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

What in those requirements of the three most important and enhances the other two, where they flow, and the world call us weak? I say Hallelujah

I love this fact that I know you are God's child, So ? ???????????????? and God will show you truth over error, resting in his arms and that is not for look at me I am on top of the world, Pride and boasting are not of or from God, and neither is guilt
2 Cor. 12 good chapter for you possibly now
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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So um...to avoid any assumptions or misunderstanding...my previous post has nothing to do with...yesterday. That stuff. I realized belatedly...um, stuff...and things...oh boy. I'll just shuffle on out of here now...
No matter, you probably do not realize how any others you are talking to that go through this very same thing, me for one many times and could again being a fickle human being that is in unredeemed flesh, that is my reminder to keep me humble, and so after I got haughty and prideful, I get that messenger to knock me down, and am now thankful for this
God's rod and staff they comfort me now, and I think you and others here are seeing this deep love from God and not us, the self's, and is why we are to see in Spirit and truth from God the Father through the Son Christ
Too simple
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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It's ok MissCris - few of us connect the dots. Most of us are too self-absorbed for that. You know tho, the thread the other day about the story of the eye of the needle and Jesus telling us that it's easier for us to slip through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God comes to mind. This turmoil - this strife we all put ourselves through.... oh God, it was so painful reading AprilAngel and her pleas for ....what? Compassion? Understanding? Forgivness? And it seems we carry these heavy BURDENS like a bag of hammers, dragging them through rocky fields and getting caught and wedged at every step and I'D LIKE TO SCREAM THIS IS WHAT JESUS TOLD THAT MAN! He told that man in Matthew 19 to give up what he had and to follow Him. We make all these speculations that this was about the rich man but it's NOT. It's about us! It's about what we CARRY WITH US. Is our money heavier than our remorse? Would we give money to free ourselves from grief or strife or remorse or the burdens or MissCris turmoil in her heart? We all WANT to enter the Kingdom of God, but what did Jesus say? Where did Christ say the Kingdom of God was but right HERE, but that in order to enter that Kingdom we would need to unburden ourselves. It's only when we stand before God as NOTHING, free of the things we think we need and free of the bag of hammers and free from the knives we use to cut that we become small enough to pass through the eye of the needle.

Wow how AprilAngel's message was hard to read and made me hurt and how I can't respond and don't have the words and am nothing and no help.
AprilAngel will make it through and be well, as while we all will be for God said it. I believe it and that settles it; all in Faith Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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I have just woken up from a glorious nap during which I got to hide under my ginormous fluffy blanket and wallow just a tiny lit bit before drifting off into the best sleep I've had for a week. I feel fantastic, and I haven't even had any coffee yet.

As for my threads...aw, thanks Raine :) buuuut that's a pretty high pressure job : p
So maybe do it at freedom, like the Church I attended lately. Communion was sooooooooooooooo different and amazing and freeing at the same time
The communion was spread pout on tables though pout and the people went and got their own, after sitting back down and waiting for, you know permission

It was said, when you are ready. So not in unison, for each person when they are ready, and to me wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, just do as you do, for to make you anything is the deliverance for pride to creep in and stop you from listening in you from God to speak out
Just saying, when you are ready, and we as people are so used to hearing, must do, have to do, or else all our lives from others, especially from immediate families, and we get stuck all our lives trying to please others all stressed out over it

And as I will say it again, my Brother who past at 33, last words to my Sister was God just loves me, and he spent all those 33 years in stress trying to please everyone, and was toooooo legalistic on himself that kept him in stress, and worry so he could not rest, when he could have been at rest trusting God period to see him through period. So he left me, my sister and other Brother the message
God does just love you all as well. God has no one better than the other, God views us all the same, yep you heard it All the same, not one person better than the other. And he brought life for you all here and now, to walk in trust, not try to be a doer
Have you not ever noticed trying to be what you are (already made by God through Son to be) you. we all fall short
If you quit smoking and it is behind you, you do not think about quitting do you? But if you do smoke and want to quit, how can you if you have to think how to
The same is for God is I have to think how, when it is plain Believe and remain to believe no matter what and learn from what we caused; not God, we will do better, but not to be proud, to be even more humble you think?
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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Well hello, mood swings...it's been a while since we've hung out. This should be fun.
Amazing I don't know if you all's advertisement next to MissCris is the samea s mine but it Shows Gun advertisement and she says this
My Though was there is a woman if a gun over there, And no fear send me home, I am ready, whenever God calls me
So I laughed at that
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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Today, I lost a very important person that I took for granted on many occasions. I'm filled with remorse and regret for the decisions I made as well as the choices I did not make.

it's too late to change things now, and I'm stuck with the current reality facing me.. I'm asking myself why I was so blind, why I did not see the value and importance of this person sooner. It's too late now... they're gone. And I'm left alone to wonder why I did the things I did, why I wasn't able to see past my foolish pride. Why didn't I act with more caution.

Guess I'll never know.

And there is my random thought for the night.
Brother, at least you see this now and since it is too late for this person, it is not too late for all the rest of the people that will come across your life, So at least maybe learn from it. for is there anything you can do to change what is past?

In every persons life, we all are like scratch paper, everyone that comes across us her ein this life leaves their mark
Some good marks and some bad.
so it is up to us to not let the marks that are bad to overtake us in guilt or pride, seeing not to be selfish in future and love all God's way, not taking others for granted and appreciating them instead. Those that harm you and you others sayt as Christ said, except now past tense since i ti after the cross
Thank you Father for forgiving me through Son, for I knew not what i did, and now do know, so Father will you teach me, so that I do not do that again, and thank you Father for I trusty you will.
Prayer is done for you to accept what is, learn from what is and walk to future, trusting God in your high calling to be humble and love and appreciate God's Mercy through Son to you.
 
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persNickety

Guest
Dreamed lastnight that my car had been stolen, management was pissed off that I couldn't come in. My friend and I were trying to find it, then these guys who had schizophrenia were chasing us. Then another dream that one of guys with CP began to walk. Other night I had a dream that I got shot in chest.

Whenever my life is busy with work or school, that I am multitasking a lot and my brain is on sensory overload, my dreams are quite intense. I think it tries to deal with the stress, to calm and balance it out. Defrag, and reset for the next day, like I mentioned in my last post.
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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I have really got to learn to just shush sometimes. And leave things alone. And people. Perceptive as I claim to be, you'd think I could tell when someone doesn't want to talk to me.

I'm sort of a pro at humiliating myself. Yay me...

*This Cristen will self-destruct in 10...9...8...*
And I went Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, and laughed aloud, I needed that thank you.
It is not your problem and it is not bad, and so say well excuse me, Just say you do not want to talk this trying to read others thing is garbage and conjecture to seem as truth when it quite possibly is not
Honesty, straight forward is the best policy and there are no mistakes in that, just offended flesh emotion, that ain't worth a hill of beans

Like you go to dinner and at dinner you do not like something, should you keep quiet and just eat it anyway?
Is that really the polite way to behave? or a lie from the enemy?
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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I'm pretty sure I won't make a lot of sense here because I'm kinda falling asleep and also my phone hates me. I already don't know what I'm talking about.

Im kind of a wreck. I'm kind of sure it's completely obvious that I'm a wreck. And that I'm ten different kinds of lonely and did I mention the part about being a wreck? Like a train wreck. Or something. I'm not handling life very well and I'm posting stupid crap all the time because I'm lonely and I've never been alone before and if I wasn't a Christian, if I didn't have my babies to take care of, I'd never get out of my bed unless it was to pour a drink and forget things. Which is really weird because I don't even drink.

I keep trying to pretend I'm fine and I'm just not. I keep smiling when I don't feel like it and I keep turning to God for...anything...and I know He's there, I know He's listening, He's been calling me to come back to him and now I've done it He's suddenly gone deaf.

I know that's not true.
I know I'm being impatient.
I want to be ok NOW, but maybe there's a reason I shouldn't be. Or can't be. I don't know.
I'm not strong enough for all of this, for all the change, for the divorce and the loss of everything I knew and the sudden end to every future I could see.

Every time I've started to get back up, I trip over my own stupid clumsy feet and land on my face again and it's exhausting. I feel like if I hear "trust God" one more time my head will explode. I do trust God. That doesn't stop me from being human and feeling horrible right now. Maybe He will see fit to comfort me eventually, or show me somehow what the point was, help me understand all of this...but it's not happening right now, and I don't know how to...cope. Keep doing this. Keep smiling. Keep stretching further.

I'm tired, and I'm angry, and I hurt, and I just want relief, a break, help, anything.

Im totally being a whiner. I don't know where my apostrophes keep running off to. I think I'll borrow my son's teddy bear and try to enjoy oblivion for a while before finding out what new crap I'll have to face tomorrow. I don't know why God is pushing me so hard...there's surely a reason...isn't there?
This might help and might not Sister,
Basic Gospel :: Home go to order if read yet they do ahve these books on dvd now
If can't get it on line call 1.800.727.2828

These books I suggest
"Classic Christianity"
"Living above your circumstances"
"Victory over depression"
All written by Bob George from people to people ministries
Enjoy, you get them from them at the best price.
I think you might find some solace in the midst, I know I did and many others as well. This life here is not easy., I agree with that wholeheartedly
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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I'm better...ish. I dunno. I won't be freaking people out with anymore sleepy emotional episodes, anyway. Maybe.

I'm entering the day...wary. Like when you walk into a haunted house and know that something is about to jump out at you, but you're not sure exactly what.

Whatever it turns out to be today, I just hope I don't scream like a little girl.

...coffeeeeeee...
It is always good to get the hot air out of the balloon yes?
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
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Thanks Jen :)
It definitely helps to have a place to let it out, even if people here start to think I'm a raving lunatic.
What does that matter, if people can't accept you for you, then are they worth it. for when others do not accept me for me, then I see why?
They would rather mold me, when it is God that does that for me, me being a willing vessel for god to use me and love all, anyway, but not be a doormat, nor fight back in anger, not worth it is it?
 
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Ugly

Guest
PRAYER REQUEST

User Raine has had headaches for 3 days and apparently it is much worse today. She is in severe pain. I'm not sure the cause. Dont think she is either. Last night at a clinic they suspected a viral infection. But dont think it was verified.
So please keep her in prayer.