I'm beginning to think Christianity isn't for me.
Hugs ww... I don't want you to think I'm picking on you or talking down to you, because I'm not. I
love you, girl, and I really care. But I feel like there's a few things I've got to say.
Why did you decide to become a Christian in the first place? Were you absolutely sure that Jesus was the way, the truth, God come in the flesh? Why did you think that? Do you think that He's changed, or that He lied about who He is, and about His nature?
I know that things have been really, really hard on you, and I am very sorry. I can guarantee you, though, that running away from God won't help. I would suggest, in the most loving way I know how, that instead of asking God to make things better, you ask Him what you should do. Ask Him to guide you, and be open to His way, whatever that is. Trying to hold on to something that should not be kept, whether it's a plan for the future, or unforgiveness, or anything really... is counterproductive. And seeking what you think you want is not the answer. So let go of things, however you can. Give everything into His hands, your past, present, and your future. Cast your cares right where they belong, at His feet. And please don't take yourself out of the frying pan, and into the fire.
"There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death."
I understand that you might not be ready to follow Him right now, but He isn't going anywhere. He will be there if you decide later to turn to Him. And of course I hope you know that we love you no matter what. ~Pop