What Does Someone Who Catfishes Have to Gain?

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Gary

Gary

Senior Member
#21
Oct 23, 2011
246
14
18
#21
Roh_Chris said:
Clarifying what I said - I was referring to the virtual reality websites, where people who have alter egos can live out their fantasies without having to catfish others. Maybe they need to be given an opportunity to live that out through virtual reality websites like SecondLife, without having to feel guilty over it.

In no way am I justifying catfishers. Does that make sense?
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Totally different.....thanks for clarifying!
 
Gary

Gary

Senior Member
#23
Oct 23, 2011
246
14
18
#23
This can probably be narrowed down to someone with low-self esteem and longing to feel loved, or someone with a sociopathic mental disorder with no regard for someone else's feelings. Maybe a recovering Catfish will chime in with his or her thoughts someday!



seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

I'm always fascinated by the reasons behind why people do what they do.

When a person sets up a dating profile with a beautiful, glamorous photo (that isn't theirs) and a star-studded, overachieving life (that isn't theirs), what do they really hope to gain? Is it really enough to constantly receive attention and approval based on lies, but never achieve any real connection or substance?

When I think of catfishing, I'm always reminded of a prison inmate I used to correspond with. He told me that over the years, countless numbers of women, often married, would send him photos, racy letters, and even money because they wanted to "keep" him as a "boyfriend" on the side, usually to get back at their husbands. "I know these women don't care about me and are just using me," he said, "But fake love is better than no love."

I once read a letter to a newspaper in which a man was asking for advice: many of the people in his local neighborhood had started their own online chat group, and often "met up" almost every night. Eventually, a real-life meeting was planned (seeing as no one was more than 20 minutes away) and this man was longing to go.

The problem? He had presented himself to this group as a 34-year-old fitness expert with a successful career. "The person online sounds like a terrific guy," he wrote, "except that this person... is not me." In real life, he confessed that he was about 60 years old and not nearly the young, athletic stud he had presented himself to be. (There is, of course, nothing wrong with anyone being their real age, no matter what it may be, but the man admitted that because of his deceit, several of the woman had been flirting with him intensely, and told him they were eager to meet him.) The advice columnist told him to go anyway, tell people who he really was, play it off as a joke, and start making friends as his real self.

As I read this article, I was thinking of the handful of wonderful CC'ers I've met in real life. Sure, there are "the usual" obstacles to overcome--schedule conflicts, work, cost--but if everything were to align, I couldn't imagine not being able to go because everyone was expecting a tall, blue-eyed blonde part-time model and aspiring actress... in the place of me. I couldn't imagine sitting back and thinking, "I CAN'T go... because they believe in someone who's not really me... But I really wish that I could. The would never accept me if I told them who I really am." What must that feel like for a catfish?

I understand that some people who catfish just don't care about others' feelings and all that matters to them is being in the spotlight.

But what must it be like to constantly be "connecting" with people--and then always having to cut it short in case someone were to find out? My heart couldn't take that. I would feel broken all the time. And, let's be honest here--I'm not nearly clever enough to be able to keep up with all the lies I would need to tell in order to keep up the facade.

In a world where almost everything today is artificial, I have an innate, constant craving for what's real.

What are your thoughts as to why someone would go through the trouble to create an entirely false identity online?

Please note that you if have been catfished at some time, I am asking that absolutely NO NAMES be given here, because for me, it borders too closely on gossip, and opens the doors for anyone to accuse anyone else of doing them wrong. It may also be against CC policy, so out of respect for this site, I'm asking that this thread be seen as general discussion only and that NO NAMES be mentioned.

The reason I'm writing this is because I see so many people here longing for love, and I know how badly that feels--even to the point of believing in a carefully-woven fairy tale--but sometimes, it just isn't real. I've run into a few catfish during my online adventures, and sometimes became very close to them, wishing they'd just let me in so that I could be their friend. While I wholeheartedly believe that leading someone else on and not being honest is wrong, it's also our responsibility to be able to recognize the warning signs and not take the bait. And, we are to pray for them.

What causes people to go to such depths to deceive others? Are they so broken emotionally that the only way they can manage to try to have any kind of human connection with someone... is to try to become someone else?

Is fake love really better than no love at all? At times, I've almost thought so (not in the sense of becoming a catfish, but meaning that I've put up with unhealthy situations because that's all I thought I could get.)

I would love to hear your thoughts.
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Addison

Addison

Senior Member
#24
Jun 28, 2014
1,028
46
0
54
#24
Profile picture vs. real life. :confused:

 
AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#25
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#25
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

I'm always fascinated by the reasons behind why people do what they do.

When a person sets up a dating profile with a beautiful, glamorous photo (that isn't theirs) and a star-studded, overachieving life (that isn't theirs), what do they really hope to gain? Is it really enough to constantly receive attention and approval based on lies, but never achieve any real connection or substance?

When I think of catfishing, I'm always reminded of a prison inmate I used to correspond with. He told me that over the years, countless numbers of women, often married, would send him photos, racy letters, and even money because they wanted to "keep" him as a "boyfriend" on the side, usually to get back at their husbands. "I know these women don't care about me and are just using me," he said, "But fake love is better than no love."

I once read a letter to a newspaper in which a man was asking for advice: many of the people in his local neighborhood had started their own online chat group, and often "met up" almost every night. Eventually, a real-life meeting was planned (seeing as no one was more than 20 minutes away) and this man was longing to go.

The problem? He had presented himself to this group as a 34-year-old fitness expert with a successful career. "The person online sounds like a terrific guy," he wrote, "except that this person... is not me." In real life, he confessed that he was about 60 years old and not nearly the young, athletic stud he had presented himself to be. (There is, of course, nothing wrong with anyone being their real age, no matter what it may be, but the man admitted that because of his deceit, several of the woman had been flirting with him intensely, and told him they were eager to meet him.) The advice columnist told him to go anyway, tell people who he really was, play it off as a joke, and start making friends as his real self.

As I read this article, I was thinking of the handful of wonderful CC'ers I've met in real life. Sure, there are "the usual" obstacles to overcome--schedule conflicts, work, cost--but if everything were to align, I couldn't imagine not being able to go because everyone was expecting a tall, blue-eyed blonde part-time model and aspiring actress... in the place of me. I couldn't imagine sitting back and thinking, "I CAN'T go... because they believe in someone who's not really me... But I really wish that I could. The would never accept me if I told them who I really am." What must that feel like for a catfish?

I understand that some people who catfish just don't care about others' feelings and all that matters to them is being in the spotlight.

But what must it be like to constantly be "connecting" with people--and then always having to cut it short in case someone were to find out? My heart couldn't take that. I would feel broken all the time. And, let's be honest here--I'm not nearly clever enough to be able to keep up with all the lies I would need to tell in order to keep up the facade.

In a world where almost everything today is artificial, I have an innate, constant craving for what's real.

What are your thoughts as to why someone would go through the trouble to create an entirely false identity online?

Please note that you if have been catfished at some time, I am asking that absolutely NO NAMES be given here, because for me, it borders too closely on gossip, and opens the doors for anyone to accuse anyone else of doing them wrong. It may also be against CC policy, so out of respect for this site, I'm asking that this thread be seen as general discussion only and that NO NAMES be mentioned.

The reason I'm writing this is because I see so many people here longing for love, and I know how badly that feels--even to the point of believing in a carefully-woven fairy tale--but sometimes, it just isn't real. I've run into a few catfish during my online adventures, and sometimes became very close to them, wishing they'd just let me in so that I could be their friend. While I wholeheartedly believe that leading someone else on and not being honest is wrong, it's also our responsibility to be able to recognize the warning signs and not take the bait. And, we are to pray for them.

What causes people to go to such depths to deceive others? Are they so broken emotionally that the only way they can manage to try to have any kind of human connection with someone... is to try to become someone else?

Is fake love really better than no love at all? At times, I've almost thought so (not in the sense of becoming a catfish, but meaning that I've put up with unhealthy situations because that's all I thought I could get.)

I would love to hear your thoughts.
Click to expand...

Hard to say. I think I've fallen prey to a few catfishers (one from this site, actually). I mean... if I had to guess a motive, probably the desire for something they don't have in reality. For example, I don't condone it, but I could see where someone in an unhappy marriage would look elsewhere (like online, and yes, that's cheating). I could see where someone who is single (but in a situation they are sure is un-fixable, like being severely handicapped, etc) would want to have whatever they could get (in that earlier statement of yours "false love better than no love'). I could see where a lonely shut in could fabricate a lie to feed that need for love, attention, affection, etc...

...and there a several more examples like this. Then, I can also see people who do it maliciously or in a predatorial way. *see any show like NCIS, Criminal Minds, etc to overindulge in this way of seeing things/thinking.

As for what they stand to gain...mm...some sense of pleasure or satisfaction or alleviation of loneliness, sadness, etc.

IMO, you could rank this topic and question with:

Why are people unfaithful?

or

Why are there addictions?

or

Why do we hurt others?

...or several other questions that all come back to some version of self-service...whether well or ill intended...

""The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" -Jeremiah 17:9 (NLT)

Other versions say 'desperately sick' or 'without/beyond cure' (which the word for is 'incorrigible'). and ask the question 'Who can understand it?' or 'Who can know it?'

We do very strange things, and are not always logical/reasonable. We constantly change in our choices, ways, beliefs, etc... and all the while, there are recurring themes or choices in our lives that we come to again and again... I have to assume catfishing is just another branch of hedonism which sin, satan, and our own flesh devises.
 
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S

sydlit

Guest
#26
#26
Mcsmitty said:
Well said, my friend!! It's very difficult to stand tall and just take the pain of rejection, insecurity and or heartbreak head on and therefore we fold and seek relief from carrying around a heavy heart and breathing deep sighs all day long by any means possible.
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How sad but true, but I can't go along with 'by any means possible' personally. I already feel bad enough, but to create an alter ego doesn't make sense for me. As soon as we meet, she'd be even MORE disappointed than she would have Already been just having met the Real me. Easier just to remain the nobody that I am, and stay somewhat private and alone, than to try to live a lie and prove it publicly, I guess.



GodIsSalvation said:
P.S. No princesses that are secretly ogres please.
Here's my picture:

View attachment 142286
Click to expand...
Never trust a prince in a pink cape. ;)

From the OP'er:
'--but if everything were to align, I couldn't imagine not being able to go because everyone was expecting a tall, blue-eyed blonde part-time model and aspiring actress... in the place of me.'
•Dear seoul, Can't you please go back to being a tall, blue-eyed blonde part-time model and aspiring actress?
You're ruining EVERYthing!:(
:);)
 
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D

didymos

Guest
#31
#31
seoulsearch said:
...I would love to hear your thoughts.
Click to expand...
Thank God there was no internet when I started dating...

(I'm just to hot, no one online would have believed me) :p

 
AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#32
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#32
You know...the smart-Alec-y troll answer to this is...a catfish, or perhaps...many catfish.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#33
Aug 2, 2009
24,644
4,305
113
#33
seoulsearch said:
What are your thoughts as to why someone would go through the trouble to create an entirely false identity online?

Please note that you if have been catfished at some time, I am asking that absolutely NO NAMES be given here, because for me, it borders too closely on gossip, and opens the doors for anyone to accuse anyone else of doing them wrong. It may also be against CC policy, so out of respect for this site, I'm asking that this thread be seen as general discussion only and that NO NAMES be mentioned.

The reason I'm writing this is because I see so many people here longing for love, and I know how badly that feels--even to the point of believing in a carefully-woven fairy tale--but sometimes, it just isn't real. I've run into a few catfish during my online adventures, and sometimes became very close to them, wishing they'd just let me in so that I could be their friend. While I wholeheartedly believe that leading someone else on and not being honest is wrong, it's also our responsibility to be able to recognize the warning signs and not take the bait. And, we are to pray for them.

What causes people to go to such depths to deceive others? Are they so broken emotionally that the only way they can manage to try to have any kind of human connection with someone... is to try to become someone else?

Is fake love really better than no love at all? At times, I've almost thought so (not in the sense of becoming a catfish, but meaning that I've put up with unhealthy situations because that's all I thought I could get.)

I would love to hear your thoughts.
Click to expand...
Maybe because their real life sucks and the internet gives them a chance to live as someone else for a change...

Sometimes its easy to judge others when the answer seems so obvious...but what if the real reason isn't obvious at all... then shame on us for having judged...
 
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S

sydlit

Guest
#34
#34
AsifinPassing said:
You know...the smart-Alec-y troll answer to this is...a catfish, or perhaps...many catfish.
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You know I was gonna say that, but not to be smarty-alecal-ish-like, but because I though it was one of those trick questions where they don't want you to pick the obvious because that would be ... too .......obvious, but that's really the answer so they use reverse typology on you and get you to pick what you would or wouldn't, depending on your answer.

I guess cats.

NO WAIT! ..... fish.

Ok. Catfish.
 
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