Jim's conduct is totally inappropriate. He appears to be a moron. If I were Carrie I would not let that guy be the cause of her losing her job. I would report his conduct to the proper authority. At the very least Jim would be given a warning to watch his behavior. What you have described is typical in the modern workforce. There is no place for harassment of any type and none should be condoned either overtly or implied.
What Would You Do If Your Significant Other Was Being Sexuall Harassed?
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See? This is what I was talking about. We have a tendency to personalize things, and either add to them, or change them entirely, according to our own emotional hearing.
In this case, he did not call her hot. He said that hairstyles like she was wearing were hot (NOT a dirty word, BTW). And in addition, this is a quote from the OP... We really do need to keep it real and accurate.
From the way the OP described her appearance at work, this guy might actually be trying to bolster the self-esteem of someone he may see as feeling she is a frump.
In this case, he did not call her hot. He said that hairstyles like she was wearing were hot (NOT a dirty word, BTW). And in addition, this is a quote from the OP... We really do need to keep it real and accurate.
From the way the OP described her appearance at work, this guy might actually be trying to bolster the self-esteem of someone he may see as feeling she is a frump.
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I can understand why the discussion is becoming a matter of whether or not Carrie is actually being harassed...
But the main question of this thread was what you would do if this was happening to your significant other, or, if you've been personally harassed, what your significant other did to support you.
Maybe in the future it would be a better choice to leave out an example altogether.
I can see your point, Wille, I truly can. But as someone who's had much-older men "complimenting" me my entire life, starting when I was about 12, I will admit to my own prejudice in that I find it to be creepy and not complimentary at all.
But the main question of this thread was what you would do if this was happening to your significant other, or, if you've been personally harassed, what your significant other did to support you.
Maybe in the future it would be a better choice to leave out an example altogether.
I can see your point, Wille, I truly can. But as someone who's had much-older men "complimenting" me my entire life, starting when I was about 12, I will admit to my own prejudice in that I find it to be creepy and not complimentary at all.
Well, if you're going to look at this kind of thing on just a personal level....... Although I can't make myself play the "knight in shining armor" like some of the younger "gentlemen" here seem to want to do, I would (If I knew it was real) handle it in a close and personal way with the male. I have done so with one of the 20 year-olds at church when he ignored my wife, and went into a closed session assembly. To this day, the poor kid is not sure if that crazy old man really will "rip his arm off, and beat him senseless with it."
Awesome story, Willie... not that the kid ignored your wife, but that... um... You obviously took care it! 
Personal stories are exactly what I'm hoping people will share.
I'm not endorsing threats or violence, but it's refreshing to hear that people would stand up for each other, especially a spouse.
And yes, this is a personal subject. I don't need a "knight in shining armor" to rescue me. What I would want to know are things like, "Honey, I'm going to pursue this. I'm going to contact HR..." and if it goes further? "Honey, are you with me on taking legal action against this man?" Even if it means our income will be cut in half... and I may be out of work for a year, and we might have to lower our standard of living, but I want to do what I believe is right.
I would want to know if he was on my team, and willing to take any initiative he might be able to help with, and whether he would be willing to make any sacrifices that we might run into.
Personal stories are exactly what I'm hoping people will share. I'm not endorsing threats or violence, but it's refreshing to hear that people would stand up for each other, especially a spouse.
And yes, this is a personal subject. I don't need a "knight in shining armor" to rescue me. What I would want to know are things like, "Honey, I'm going to pursue this. I'm going to contact HR..." and if it goes further? "Honey, are you with me on taking legal action against this man?" Even if it means our income will be cut in half... and I may be out of work for a year, and we might have to lower our standard of living, but I want to do what I believe is right.
I would want to know if he was on my team, and willing to take any initiative he might be able to help with, and whether he would be willing to make any sacrifices that we might run into.
C
If I was Carrie, I think I would speak with some other women that I know he does this to and make an agreement that whenever he makes comments to tell him that those comments make you feel uncomfortable and would like him to stop. I would also tell him that if he doesn't learn to stop that they would report it to management that Jim is making them feel uncomfortable. If you talk with some of the other ladies and they report it as well, the report should actually carry more weight than if Carrie would report it by herself. If management is refusing to do anything then I would find another job, because why would you want to work for a company that doesn't want to protect the safety of their employees?
Awesome story, Willie... not that the kid ignored your wife, but that... um... You obviously took care it! Personal stories are exactly what I'm hoping people will share.
I'm not endorsing threats or violence, but it's refreshing to hear that people would stand up for each other, especially a spouse.
And yes, this is a personal subject. I don't need a "knight in shining armor" to rescue me. What I would want to know are things like, "Honey, I'm going to pursue this. I'm going to contact HR..." and if it goes further? "Honey, are you with me on taking legal action against this man?" Even if it means our income will be cut in half... and I may be out of work for a year, and we might have to lower our standard of living, but I want to do what I believe is right.
I would want to know if he was on my team, and willing to take any initiative he might be able to help with, and whether he would be willing to make any sacrifices that we might run into.
Personal stories are exactly what I'm hoping people will share. I'm not endorsing threats or violence, but it's refreshing to hear that people would stand up for each other, especially a spouse.
And yes, this is a personal subject. I don't need a "knight in shining armor" to rescue me. What I would want to know are things like, "Honey, I'm going to pursue this. I'm going to contact HR..." and if it goes further? "Honey, are you with me on taking legal action against this man?" Even if it means our income will be cut in half... and I may be out of work for a year, and we might have to lower our standard of living, but I want to do what I believe is right.
I would want to know if he was on my team, and willing to take any initiative he might be able to help with, and whether he would be willing to make any sacrifices that we might run into.
I've often wondered to myself if I would go to court if I felt it were necessary. Intimidation works for some and not others; I've known a few who used intimidation and wound up in jail themselves.
The problem for me is that the victim's entire life would be put on display and what people will REALLY ask is, "Was she acting like a whore or doing something to entice him or invite that behavior?"
Basically, you have to prove that you're "worthy" enough to be considered a victim and not a perpetrator. We've seen that fact quite blatantly in some of the recent threads. It's also very disheartening to read that true perpetrators often go unpunished as well.
But if worse came to worse, I would definitely consider taking the legal route. And if my significant other were going through something like this, if we couldn't resolve it ourselves, I wouldn't hesitate to start forming a legal team with those who specialized in such cases.
The problem for me is that the victim's entire life would be put on display and what people will REALLY ask is, "Was she acting like a whore or doing something to entice him or invite that behavior?"
Basically, you have to prove that you're "worthy" enough to be considered a victim and not a perpetrator. We've seen that fact quite blatantly in some of the recent threads. It's also very disheartening to read that true perpetrators often go unpunished as well.
But if worse came to worse, I would definitely consider taking the legal route. And if my significant other were going through something like this, if we couldn't resolve it ourselves, I wouldn't hesitate to start forming a legal team with those who specialized in such cases.
1. get one of those 'wires' that undercover cops hide on them to secretly record and listen to people.
2. save and and all evidence of harassment, including emails, phone calls, etc..
3. file a formal complaint with management/human resources and record or document the complaint. Do this multiple times if necessary.
4. If the harassment doesn't stop, call a good lawyer..
2. save and and all evidence of harassment, including emails, phone calls, etc..
3. file a formal complaint with management/human resources and record or document the complaint. Do this multiple times if necessary.
4. If the harassment doesn't stop, call a good lawyer..
You know, everyone has a smartphone these days... Tell the guy straight up that you might or might not at any given time have your phone recording from your pocket. And have it recording when you tell him that. Either he backs off or you start hitting record before you leave your office.
There are some good free recording programs, and audio files don't take up much space on a 64 gig micro SD card.
There are some good free recording programs, and audio files don't take up much space on a 64 gig micro SD card.
D
Sorry for the weird copy bit in post #31, people. I tried to fix it, but the phone rang, and before I knew it, my five minutes were up =P.
Thanks for answering, Kim. I'll curious if anyone else was taught that definition of the word "hot".
Thanks for answering, Kim
. I'll curious if anyone else was taught that definition of the word "hot".
C
I am not married, but for the sake of the argument, I am. If I was at work and if I had a coworker that would make remarks of my attractiveness, I first would say thank you, but kindly remind them I am married. If they persist and make crude remarks about my body I would be totally devastated and feel violated. I would want my 'husband' to listen to me and hold me, tell me that everything was going to be okay. He probably would get upset and walk off to think about it and come back. I would want him to take my hands and pray over this situation and turn it over to God and allow God to reveal a solution to us in how to handle it. If my 'husband' was the one being sexually harassed, I would want him to remind whoever is harassing him that he is happily married and move forward. I would want to think he would want to handle it the same way if it was reversed and pray and turn it over to God. However, if a guy was to accuse a woman of sexual harassment, that woman could imply that he is one that came on to her and the entire situation could spiral out of control.
V
I would give the guy the chance to correct his behavior by telling him straight up that he's out of line and making me extremely uncomfortable. I would let him know I will not tolerate any further unwanted attention. I would give him that ONE opportunity. After that, it's a criminal matter.
Sexual Harassment Training: Can Staring Be Considered Harassment?
Sexual Harassment Training: Can Staring Be Considered Harassment?