What's holding you back?

djness · Jun 28, 2012

To be honest though previously in my life I just chased one girl for a long time. I was very single minded in my pursuit.

Somehow over time I have acquired the mindset of, there may be one just a little better ,I'll test this one and see but I'll hold out for one better.

Which means you end up with nothing. Which is what I have now.

Jullianna · Jun 28, 2012

I'm beginning to think that the only purpose served by online relationships is that they damage friendships.

NodMyHeadLikeYeah · Jun 28, 2012

I'm not sure i will ever try an online relationship... especially with any guy in here. All the one's ive talked to are either playin four girls at the same time, totally obsessive, seemingly elusive one minute then clingy the next, o straight up dirty and just wanna talk to you about sex. Yeeeeah... not interested.

djness · Jun 28, 2012

NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:

I'm not sure I will ever try an online relationship... especially with any girl in here. All the one's I've talked to are either playin four guys at the same time, totally obsessive, seemingly elusive one minute then clingy the next, or straight up dirty and just wanna talk to you about sex. Yeeeeah... not interested.

See how that works Nod?

NodMyHeadLikeYeah · Jun 28, 2012

djness said:

Oh so you've gotten girls in here that talk to you about sex, message you 18 times in an hour then ignore you for two weeks??

thats what i thought.

jkalyna · Jun 28, 2012

NOT SURE IF THE QUESTION IS JUST FOR MALES, BUT MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS IS "WHAT WOULD BE HOLDING YOU BACK' EITHER WAY TO ENTER INTO A RELATIONSHIP, MALE OR FEMALE. MOST OF YOU GUYS KNOW MORE ABOUT FISHING THAN I DO, BUT I KNOW THAT A FISH TRYING TO SWIM AGAINST THE CURRENT STRUGGLES. SOMETIMES PERSONALLY SPEAKING TRYING TO MAKE THE CATCH TO OUR PERFECTIOON MIGHT NEVER HAPPEN. EVERYONE HAS FLAWS, AND IMPERFECTIONS.. SOME EMOTIONAL SCARS THAT NEED HEALING. LOOKING AT SOMEONE WHO MADE A MISTAKE AND REMOVING YOURSELF FROM THEM EMOTIONALLY WILL NEVER OPEN A DOOR FOR LOVE. JESUS LOVED US THE WAY WE WERE, WE CAME TO HIM AND HE CHANGED US, AND STILL IS, DAY BY DAY. I THINK MANY VIEW LOVE OR LIFE LIKE AN INSTANT COFFEE MACHINE, I WANT IT MY WAY, OR NO WAY. I THINK THAT WHEN THE LORD PUTS SOMEONE ON YOUR HEART, IT'S WORTH TRYING AND TAKING THAT STEP OF FAITH. FRIENDSHIPS LEAD TO MARRIAGES IF IT'S THE LORD'S WILL. THE OTHER BARRIER THAT COULD BE HOLDING SOME BACK WHO ARE LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP IS FAITH THAT THERE IS NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE WITH "GOD" ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH HIM. NOT HAVING THIS PROBABLY WILL MAKE A INSECURE ONE, BECAUSE LIFE IS A STREAM THAT 2 GO ON IN FAITH, IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING AND BEING SUPERWOMEN/ SUPERMAN WILL ONLY DRAIN ONE EMOTIONALLY. AFTER THE RELATIONSHIP, IF MARRIAGE, CHALLENGES, BABIES, BILLS, ETC. IT TAKES GENUINE LOVE AND FAITH TO MAKE IT TO THE NEXT DAY. NOT THE GENUINE DIAMOND. ACCEPTING YOUR PARTNER THE WAY THEY ARE AND NOT SWIMMING AGAINST THE CURRENT INVITES REST AND PEACE AS PILLARS HOLDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER. JUST MY THOUGHTS, HOPE NO ONE GETS OFFENDED.

Jullianna · Jun 28, 2012

I knew there were a whole lotta reasons I preferred the forums

Even a patient woman has her limits...

djness · Jun 28, 2012

NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:

Yes. I have. Don't think for a moment it only happens one way. I have have female members of CC say things to me so overtly sexual...things I would and COULD never say to a girl without getting slapped.

I've also talked to a girl for months, and then had her drop off the face of the planet.

Don't think for a minute it only goes one way.

NodMyHeadLikeYeah · Jun 28, 2012

djness said:

i never thought it just went one way..

you assumed i did

dont assume things.

JimJimmers · Jun 28, 2012

NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:

Which one of these am I, Nod?

NodMyHeadLikeYeah · Jun 28, 2012

JimJimmers said:

ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!

djness · Jun 28, 2012

NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:

One would get the idea...given the direction.

NodMyHeadLikeYeah · Jun 28, 2012

djness said:

I like to use the word one in sentences to

im to tired to debate with you... or me.

zeroturbulence · Jun 28, 2012

NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:

Hmmm.. I didn't think you knew me that well Nod. Now I must rethink my cover strategy!

Liamson · Jun 28, 2012

Games, guilt trips, nagging, impatience, judgement, jealously, more mind games, flaky-ness... etc. <My reasons

I'm never dating anyone online again. It wouldn't matter if she actually seemed committed to trying.

Nothing is worse than telling someone in your life that you can't see anyone and aren't interested in anyone because there is someone thousands of miles who has shown enough interest to be taken seriously. Only to have it all blow up in my face because of whatever is going on in their life, that I cannot be made aware of. I'm tired of being played like a fool an pretending that something could actually happen, when in fact it is just a game to them.

Also, being in a long distance relationship is WAY more expensive than courting a someone where we live, Maybe not for a woman, but for us, there is an element of independent wealth needed to make it work. I don't know how the 9-5 home depot people could do it. I'm God has better intentions for my Money than Plane tickets to BFE, for a woman who may or may not actually think she is in a relationship with me.

I'm just going to play the game and have the routine that guys I make fun of have. Buy a house, work 9-5, marry a random local church girl.

THEN I'll brainwash her into learning Arabic, sell everything and follow God. Sell everything quit my job and get a 10 year Visa to Iraq. Drag her to Iraq, start a house church and Live out MY dream with my little brainwashed wife.

Actually since were in the brainwashing business, she probably doesn't even need to be a Christian.

NodMyHeadLikeYeah · Jun 28, 2012

Liamson said:

Games, guilt trips, nagging, impatience, judgement, jealously, more mind games, flaky-ness... etc. <My reasons

I'm never dating anyone online again. It wouldn't matter if she actually seemed committed to trying.

Nothing is worse than telling someone in your life that you can't see anyone and aren't interested in anyone because there is someone thousands of miles who has shown enough interest to be taken seriously. Only to have it all blow up in my face because of whatever is going on in their life, that I cannot be made aware of. I'm tired of being played like a fool an pretending that something could actually happen, when in fact it is just a game to them.

Also, being in a long distance relationship is WAY more expensive than courting a someone where we live, Maybe not for a woman, but for us, there is an element of independent wealth needed to make it work. I don't know how the 9-5 home depot people could do it. I'm God has better intentions for my Money than Plane tickets to BFE, for a woman who may or may not actually think she is in a relationship with me.

I'm just going to play the game and have the routine that guys I make fun of have. Buy a house, work 9-5, marry a random local church girl.

THEN I'll brainwash her into learning Arabic, sell everything and follow God. Sell everything quit my job and get a 10 year Visa to Iraq. Drag her to Iraq, start a house church and Live out MY dream with my little brainwashed wife.

Actually since were in the brainwashing business, she probably doesn't even need to be a Christian.

somebody seems a liiiiiiiiiiiittle angry

zeroturbulence · Jun 28, 2012

Oncefallen said:

We've all seen plenty of threads here that either start off, or end up on the topic of us men wanting Godly, emotionally stable, intelligent women that dress modestly, have similar interests, etc. and the ladies commenting that it seems that men don't prove it by actually getting involved with that type of woman.

So the question is, what's holding us back? I'm sure most of us have met a couple of ladies that fit the idea of the "perfect woman" that we hold in our head, but haven't pursued her. Has it been due to fear of rejection, feelings of inadequacy, thinking that an other guy showing her attention is better for her, etc? It kinda hit me hard over the weekend that many of us guys sell ourselves short and miss out on some great Godly women (at least I have) because of this sort of thing.

Proverbs 31:10 NIV A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

The thought came to mind that if someone told us where we could find a huge monetary treasure many of us would research the evidence and, if it was credible, take off in pursuit of it. I don't think any of us would think to ourselves, "well I just don't deserve that kind of wealth, or "that other guy deserves it more." Yet when we find a Godly woman who Solomon says is worth more than monetary treasure rather than pursue, we do this very thing and sell ourselves short.

What's holding me back?? Nothing. I don't want a Godly woman. I want an un-godly woman! They're much more fun!

And they're a lot easier to find too!

AsifinPassing · Jun 28, 2012

Well, I hear you guys and gals, but I think it may sometimes be a little more complicated than that.

For my case, as an example, I have long (and sometimes desperately) wanted a woman to love who would love me back. I've cried fountains of tears for numbers of reasons over many years due to this fact.

Sometimes, I did pursue and play 'the man' role as much as appropriate, but I long found that relationships are a team effort. You have to interpret for the other person. If you don't speak the same language (usually meaning you have to learn a new one), a number of complications arise, and it more or less will not work out.

In spite of this, I learned all 'the rules' and could 'play the game' for whatever the situation, but I find that empty and shallow. You just have to truly be yourself (good, bad, and ugly), and let your partner be his/herself. If you can't love one another for who you really are, then often should you make it to marriage...well, let's just say that's one of many reasons why counselors and pastors are so busy.

No, even all that aside, I would actively seek out and start relationships, only to find that they were not what God had planned for me. In the long run, though we may have grown from the experience, I only ended up hurting myself and those I loved.

After all of that, I finally got the message, and decided I would seek God first in having a relationships. Now, I don't just go looking, but seriously pray and await God's answer, in His time, for who he'll have me be with. There's more to it than that, but I'll give you this short version for now. ^_^

Ritter · Jun 29, 2012

Sometimes an impression is more important than reality. A dream so complete and engrafted into one's heart that the failure to realize it will make the world come crashing down.

That is what it was like for me a few months ago. There was a girl who I went out and fell in love with. She didn't fall in love with me. I still thank her for many things, she became the muse that I needed for my writing to really take off. She gave me a new romantic appreciation for beauty and a better grasp of who I am.

But she also enticed me to torture myself. I spent months in limbo with no closure, but the open wound and possibility was preferable to one burned shut, so I kept it open until another girl came around to put the bandage on.

I don't know if every man would word it the same way, but I think that is precisely why most don't pursue. The tortuous dream is enough.

For men in that place right now I urge you to take my advice in looking for God's steady hand. He will show you possibilities you didn't know existed because, get this, He knows you better than you do.

I think my current girlfriend and I will stand the test of time. Funny part is, I didn't think it would have been a good idea to ask her out, but God did. She is absolutely beautiful to begin with, but I didn't see the beauty within until a series of odd occurrances that culminated in the urging of my autistic brother to ask her out.

So I did, and I discovered that my copper mine was a gold mine. That my servicably irrigated field was lush farmland. That my almost randomly selected bundle of plants turned out to be a boquet of flowers.

Guess what? It works because she feels the same for me. I don't have to live in the tortured state I did, because the answer to the question. "Do you love me?" Would yield precisely the sort of answer I would be looking for.

This success story isn't true for everyone I realize. In time, it may end up not being a success story at all (my bet is that it will be though). The point is that God has dreams too, and you have to pursue His dreams whenever you are given the chance.

Liamson · Jun 29, 2012

zeroturbulence said:

Without a shred of sarcasm involved, I think I agree with you. It wasn't until I started looking 'inside' the church that I encountered more trouble than I care to describe. I don't know how anyone survives the expectations and the ocean of advice.

But the relationships that started not in a bar or a club, but in life, those are the ones that I can say were drama free, game free, and where I felt free.

There was no cause to fight for, no war to wage against this or that, no relationship status to update, no crowd to attend to. It was just US vs everything the world could throw at us. We didn't need to struggle to be something. We simply were there and that was enough.

There was peace, there was friendship, there was companionship, there was trust and there was love. Whether we had no money or lots of money, whether we were sick or well, depressed or euphoric, we were simply there for all of it.

"Starting from here, let's make a promise
You and me, let's just be honest
We're gonna run, nothing can stop us"

What's holding you back?

djness

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Jullianna

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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

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djness

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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

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jkalyna

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Jullianna

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djness

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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

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JimJimmers

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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

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djness

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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

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zeroturbulence

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Liamson

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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

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zeroturbulence

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AsifinPassing

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Ritter

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Liamson

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