Who wants to get married????

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Jun 14, 2016
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#81
Seems like there are a lot of singles on here who are longing to be married. If you're one of the singles here who would like to meet your 'helpmeet' someday, what is stopping you and how long to you plan on waiting.
For those who want to remain single, unless your too young, what do you enjoy about being single?
It's just a thought I've had since I joined on and see so many singles that seem like they're lonesome for a partner(spouse). I'm expecting a lot of 'I'm waiting for the Lord to send the right one'.
So if this is too personal just skip it. My son just said 'be the voice for the many', I hope he's right, lol.

One of my biggest dreams in life is to be a dad. So yes, I hope to be married some day :)
I don't mind being single, but one of the things I wish I could do is just shut out the ideas/building up of potential happenings. I'm asking God to help me keep my focus on Him because I can get distracted/sidetracked when thinking about the things that may never happen.

I was recently meeting with a mentor from my church and he put it to me like this (someone else gave him this):

"So, you like a girl, then you start to imagine dating, holding her hand, all that good stuff, then you imagine getting married and eventually having children and your hopes get so high for what you're thinking because it's something you really want. Then you decide to go after the girl, and then she shuts you down and it crushes you. Why? She just killed your child(ren)."

^ I'm not saying it always happens this way, and you get shut down, but for the daydreamer this can be real. I was wowed at it. So, I've been just trying to take it easy and just seek God. If He sees it fit, He'll bring her around. I can pray about my inklings and who I perceive as potential partners and trust that God will do the sorting out.

Things that are stopping me, I don't think I'm quite yet confident enough. I still have a lot of days where I'm missing it.
 

shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
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#82
I know what you mean, been single 40+ years.
Men get crushed pretty easy, women can be very cold hearted.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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Florida
#83
One of my biggest dreams in life is to be a dad. So yes, I hope to be married some day :)
I don't mind being single, but one of the things I wish I could do is just shut out the ideas/building up of potential happenings. I'm asking God to help me keep my focus on Him because I can get distracted/sidetracked when thinking about the things that may never happen.

I was recently meeting with a mentor from my church and he put it to me like this (someone else gave him this):

"So, you like a girl, then you start to imagine dating, holding her hand, all that good stuff, then you imagine getting married and eventually having children and your hopes get so high for what you're thinking because it's something you really want. Then you decide to go after the girl, and then she shuts you down and it crushes you. Why? She just killed your child(ren)."

^ I'm not saying it always happens this way, and you get shut down, but for the daydreamer this can be real. I was wowed at it. So, I've been just trying to take it easy and just seek God. If He sees it fit, He'll bring her around. I can pray about my inklings and who I perceive as potential partners and trust that God will do the sorting out.

Things that are stopping me, I don't think I'm quite yet confident enough. I still have a lot of days where I'm missing it.
I don't believe that thinking about one day being married and becoming a dad means that your focus is not on God. Would you say that when you are at work to provide for your essential needs your focus is not on God, or when you are shopping for groceries your focus is not on God? God is present during the seemingly trivial or mundane tasks or events and for the major tasks and events as well. This is called living your life.

What your mentor told you about this girl killing your child was totally ludicrous.

Yes, by all means seek God but this seeking process does not mean you must shut out totally the matters and concerns of living your life. God will indeed do the sorting out in finding your heart's desire if that is His will and desire for your life. You are right to pray about such matters.

You might want to consider getting a different mentor, or better yet, become a mentor yourself for a young man that's just starting out

Being a husband and dad myself I can say that it is one of the great things that can happen, a lot of responsibility yes, but being a husband and raising a child is probably the most rewarding thing you will ever experience.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
5,979
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#84
What's ironic is that there are many Christian ladies and gents who are 'waiting upon the Lord'. That's a nice gesture but someone also has to use a little faith w/action. The Christian comedian Nazareth, was praying for a wife. After a while he was with a friend in the ME and saw a gal and just outright asked her to marry him. She said 'oh I've been praying for a saved man to marry'. They got married and they got gold gold gold for presents.
I'm just saying sometimes w/prayer that can happen but we can't be scared of rejection.. We don't know how long we have here, so it's not a time to be timid. Rejection means you picked the wrong one and not to just quit
If you particularly like someone on CC, either way male to female & vice versa, start a conversation. That is allowed, you know, and may God bless all awaiting spouses with His perfect results, in Jesus' name, Amen!!
 

shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
3,477
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#85
we know the best is ahead of us, spending this one with the Lord is a great way to live our lives and present our crowns to Him on that day.
 
Jun 14, 2016
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#86
I don't believe that thinking about one day being married and becoming a dad means that your focus is not on God. Would you say that when you are at work to provide for your essential needs your focus is not on God, or when you are shopping for groceries your focus is not on God? God is present during the seemingly trivial or mundane tasks or events and for the major tasks and events as well. This is called living your life.

What your mentor told you about this girl killing your child was totally ludicrous.

Yes, by all means seek God but this seeking process does not mean you must shut out totally the matters and concerns of living your life. God will indeed do the sorting out in finding your heart's desire if that is His will and desire for your life. You are right to pray about such matters.

You might want to consider getting a different mentor, or better yet, become a mentor yourself for a young man that's just starting out

Being a husband and dad myself I can say that it is one of the great things that can happen, a lot of responsibility yes, but being a husband and raising a child is probably the most rewarding thing you will ever experience.
Hey Tourist,

Sorry about that, let me clarify a little bit xD
I was wondering if what I said was going to be taken weird.

I didn’t mean for it to sound like she did something bad by rejecting, but more to show an extreme reason as to why it may hurt to imagine things with a gal that may not come to pass. It does sound a bit crazy, but I heard where he was coming from.

When talking about my focus, it’s not that I’m not focused on God, but that sometimes I can get to a place of obsession and get my eyes off of God when I like someone.
 
Jan 15, 2019
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Durban
#87
I'd love to married one day, God Willing it happens. I'm 27 years old and have struggled with self esteem, anxiety and many other issues during my adolescent years.
Long story short, I've never been in actual relationship but would love to meet some Godly woman one day. 🙏
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
5,979
5,694
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#88
I'd love to married one day, God Willing it happens. I'm 27 years old and have struggled with self esteem, anxiety and many other issues during my adolescent years.
Long story short, I've never been in actual relationship but would love to meet some Godly woman one day. 🙏
You are such a nice lookin young man, you need to see yourself as God sees you. There are many gals on here, hang around and get to know them. Then start a casual conversation and follow the Spirit. Winners never quit and quitters never win. How you present yourself is a message. You should not say negative things about yourself, I'm sure you have many strong points to focus on. Remember, the more comfortable you are w/yourself, the more others will be comfortable around you. Ask God for your partner from Him, then thank him everyday she's on the way.
The comedian Nazareth has a funny story about waiting then finding his wife.
God bless!
 
Jan 15, 2019
55
48
18
Durban
#89
You are such a nice lookin young man, you need to see yourself as God sees you. There are many gals on here, hang around and get to know them. Then start a casual conversation and follow the Spirit. Winners never quit and quitters never win. How you present yourself is a message. You should not say negative things about yourself, I'm sure you have many strong points to focus on. Remember, the more comfortable you are w/yourself, the more others will be comfortable around you. Ask God for your partner from Him, then thank him everyday she's on the way.
The comedian Nazareth has a funny story about waiting then finding his wife.
God bless!
THANK
You are such a nice lookin young man, you need to see yourself as God sees you. There are many gals on here, hang around and get to know them. Then start a casual conversation and follow the Spirit. Winners never quit and quitters never win. How you present yourself is a message. You should not say negative things about yourself, I'm sure you have many strong points to focus on. Remember, the more comfortable you are w/yourself, the more others will be comfortable around you. Ask God for your partner from Him, then thank him everyday she's on the way.
The comedian Nazareth has a funny story about waiting then finding his wife.
God bless!
Thank you so much for those words of encouragement and wisdom. God bless you🙏❤️
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
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#94
It's not an easy question to answer personally.

I am at a point where my desire to get married is diminishing.

Okay, start over.

I guess you could say I was never into getting married because I am supposed to or because everyone else is getting married.
No interest whatsoever because of pressure from family or society - i could careless.
It is one of single most important events in your life - you become one with someone with different background, value, gender, and even sometimes culture - therefore, at least I want to marry someone I'm madly in love with, that's right, you heard me, MADLY in love with. Even with all the downplay on romanticism or what proper Christians ought to do - I want to marry someone I am madly in love with, and I tell my heavenly Dad that's how I would like it to happen (*wink at Him - "Son, did you just wink at me?")

Now, that being said, I am not sure what's stopping me:

1. God: "Son, you ain't ready yet" Me: "Nooo! Objection!"
2. Me: Maybe I'm just not really interested in getting married - I mean, look at me, do I look like someone who is preparing and actively living his life in a manner so he can get married? Not really - it's more like you are waiting for things to happen and may end up in my 80's in deathbed, looking at the ceiling and mutter "So, I am not ready yet Dad?" Perhaps, I've waited little too long based on my own standard or maybe God has something soon and she's right around the corner.

But one thing honestly I can tell you is that I don't think I can ever say that I was 100% content with being single all my life.
My good friend, Lynx, (I hope he considers me as a good friend) is telling you the truth - every word he said.
For me, I don't think I was 100% content being single - perhaps I was mostly content being single but it is that one night when I'm listening to something, some old songs that take me back in time, I feel the need and want to be with the person whom I can be one so I can share the feeling and emotion I feel at the moment - which is precious and very personal to the point where even my own self cannot explain what it is - and want her to feel at least that I'm sharing something that is very important to me and not appreciate but feel and experience that we are 'one' at that moment because she just knows that this guy is revealing to her his innermost part of his being that he is capable of opening up. Not sure if I can get up after we get married for ten years or coming back from work after having a long day and look at her and feel 'Me is one with this gal' instantaneously. However, at least, I want to have moments in our lives where we can and we know we are one (not because we are husband and wife) because of something we experienced together that superseded our human understanding - SO, when I wake up in the morning after being married for 10 years or coming home from having a long day, AND SEE HER, something changes instantaneously - for good and for better - because she is that person that I married and become one 10 years ago. That face, her voice, and just.. her - I feel better already. That is what I want.

That Is What I Want.



PS: Haha.. got little carried away - that's my honest thought on the subject (and sorry if I didn't answer/respond to the topic at hand - and my final answer? I trust Him enough and choose to trust His direction because He loves me, even with all these craziness!)
Thanks for the share. This is relatively close to how I feel about the subject.


I flip flop consistently about the subject and I've become a little bit bitter about how and when and if it will ever occur.

I'm pretty sure I've worked through the bitterness but then things from the past crop up...and I don't think they are valid but it's like a courtroom setting at times. Ok...you now have your scheduled hearing about marriage. Complete with the prosecution, defense and judge as well as me, the witness.



Right this moment I'm wondering if perhaps it's impossible to have the best of being both single and married.

Like my private moments are intimate, how would that change if there were someone else? Could it ever be that way again? Feels like a sort of death in a way.


I wonder if it's possible to find someone that wants to be "together alone". Where we meet/help at times but mostly are absorbed in our individual walk to the point where we could honestly forget that we even have a physical companion. Until children show up. Then alas and praise...a mutually shared lifelong ministry/mission.

My mind/spirit creates some unlikely scenarios. There are times I'm unwilling to give up my "aloneness" and other times where it's a burning need to be "together" to just have someone hold my hand. There are times where I feel like that is being unfaithful. Why would I need to be in union with anyone but the Lord? And yet, he designed it that way for most and my physical drive hasn't ever really disappeared but I also have an extremely difficult time understanding why we were created that way in the first place.

At least Adam had it easy in one respect. The Lord decided for him.
 

alfa19

New member
Aug 20, 2019
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#96
I could simply answer “I do”, but I know it’s not as simple as that :) I have been waiting and praying (although there was this time - and quite some time at that - that I was so “absorbed” in the ministry, nonetheless, Ill always be grateful for such privilege though :) )... Anyway, some random thoughts that come a number of times, “if only christian women were given that opportunity to ‘court’ instead of christian men, maybe I would be married by now” lol ...
Thanks for the question TabinRivCa! Made me laugh and made my day :)
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
1,445
990
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#97
@alfa19 Sometimes I think it would be helpful if the female made the first move in a way. Like, I've walked on eggshells so many times and then come on a bit too strong. Been told that the way I did it was just "wrong" but not in an ungodly way just that's not how it works...also that image standards and all this surface level stuff. Tis annoying.


the female making the first move sort of happened with Rebekah in some fashion. It was a predetermined first move in order to know the will of the Lord but it is still an interesting example to note.
 

alfa19

New member
Aug 20, 2019
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#98
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experience Mii, really appreciate it! And i agree, it’s an interesting example to note :)
 

alfa19

New member
Aug 20, 2019
11
7
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#99
@alfa19 Sometimes I think it would be helpful if the female made the first move in a way. Like, I've walked on eggshells so many times and then come on a bit too strong. Been told that the way I did it was just "wrong" but not in an ungodly way just that's not how it works...also that image standards and all this surface level stuff. Tis annoying.


the female making the first move sort of happened with Rebekah in some fashion. It was a predetermined first move in order to know the will of the Lord but it is still an interesting example to note.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experience Mii, really appreciate it! And i agree, it’s an interesting example to note :)
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,435
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I think people that want to get married are more thinking about themselves rather than the other person.
They arent considering they have to be prepared to give up the rest of their lives and body for the other person. Often they are fantasising about what the other person can do for them...thats what I found. Like a house, picket fence, babies, or cooking meals or someone to hold their hands.

Not saying anything wrong with thinking about those things but they arent really thinking about what God wants to do in their lives, or who they can reach.