Why are so many women attracted to jerks?

[Liamson]

I think I can see it from both sides.

Men pursue and treat badly women who they find to be non-threatening or not intimidating. Because they feel Like they don't deserve to go after ones that will measure their character. If they aim low, the prize is low because the men have low self esteem and therefore they see the women they are with as dirt and treat women accordingly. And the only women who will put up with this sort of behavior is women who are vulnerable or have low self respect.


I've also found that women who have a weak or non existent father figure will not have a good foundation for how men are suppose to treat women.


And anything else I would add I'm sure has already been covered by other people.

 

[TheAristocat]

The only problem with that concept is that once any guy starts asking a lot of women out word gets around quickly that he is just asking every girl out and that will make all the women lose interest in him.

I've wondered about this before. If the guy asks a woman out she might turn him down and then tell her friends. Afterward he'll go to one of her friends that he might like to get to know better (not knowing that it's one of her friends) and ask her out. That friend will know what happened with the last girl and also turn him down. Then she'll have her own friends and tell them about that. Then he'll go to one of her friends that he thinks he might like to get to know better and she'll turn him down. Hey, women make communities. And if they turn someone down just because he's asked out another woman or another one of her friends, then pretty much seems like a checkmate to me... unless the guy just moves to a different community that doesn't know him. Because he would've been trying to get to know someone, and no one would allow it. And if you haven't gotten to know someone, how do you know they're not the one? So... just something that's been confusing to me.

It seems like if a guy wants to get to know someone better he should be allowed to get to know them better unless that person is utterly disgusted by him. Shouldn't depend on who he's been asking out. He's trying to get to know someone, and he hasn't yet. So naturally he's going to continue asking girls out, no? The only other option is Mr. Forever Alone man.

 

[livingepistle]

Overall:

In western culture, it is the woman that catch the man not the other way around. In the United States, women rule despite their public outcry to the opposite. Many, not all, Western Women are "man-eaters" when it comes to relationships. Yes, they want the "bad-boy" types. I personally have had a few women explain their logic concerning the matter as: "It is because--it is like catching a wild stallion and trying to control its spirit..., If the stud is successfully corralled, it becomes a trophy to fulfill fantasies, give protection, and bragging rights in the fem-social gatherings...", and let-your-imagination-be-your-guide for what else matters.

They continued by stating, "...Looks are essential; i.e., facial aesthetics, muscles, popularity, etc. 'But, we will put all that aside if the 'boy' is loaded; got the bucks, money, rich. It doesn't matter how he got it, so long as he can keep it come'n in, he can have all the love'n he wants...'". That is what it is all about, the love of money--so it seems and for some reason the bad boys always have money, nice cars, clothes, and place to live.

Wolves Among Us

There are also categories of women that the bad-boys (wolves) want and it depends on what their "flavor of the month" is. Their top trophies are first-timers. Their favorite hunting grounds, you guessed it, the Christian (church) assemblies. Yes--the top trophy but be informed, not for long term relationships--wolves do not have time for commitment. I despise these bad-boys types that creep into assemblies and "hunt" naive sisters that have spent the majority of their lives living for Christ Jesus. I have discovered that the majority of these wolves are backsliders. Many sisters that "fell for their games" stated that they believed they could "help restore them to the Lord" and "they would love me". I will never understand, but it seems that the forbidden fruit is the most desired by both genders.

My Two-Cents

It is too often that the "Bad" girls and boys get the popular attention. In my brief life, the majority of women; globally, are trust worthy individuals. They tend to lead with their hearts. Men are raised (conditioned) differently. Once offended (heart broken) they can become hardened very quickly and never trust "totally" again. Without regards to gender, bad people are increasing in numbers within our societies. This scripture addresses my sentiments best:

Matthew 24:12
New International Version (©2011)
Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold,

As a male Christian, I have learned to put total trust in Jesus alone. He is the foundation for living and his commandments, when obeyed, supplies all my needs. To all my Christian Sisters the majority of men are not intentionally trying to "be" jerks, you are misinterpreting their positions, they are afraid of you. The "bad-boys and bad-girls" emotions are calloused with lusts, greed, and selfishness. They are children of a different father.

We "Christian-boys" are just afraid of you, so we put up a front to only appear to be tough. So pray for us. LOL

 

[Ariel82]

why are guys scared of girls?

 

[GreenNnice]

Who got Eve's attention? Adam was right there? What was he doing at the time Eve went over to the tree she wasn't supposed to go over to, what was Eve thinking? I THINK Adam was not being a good listener Just sayin'

I like that movie, 'Eat, Pray, Love,' the very beginning of the movie, this couple seems to me are a good couple together, loving each other, but with some issues that need ironed out. They are in the car driving, and, the girl says 'I got a new bathing suit.' The guy doesn't say anything remotely close to 'That's cool, I am sure you will look great in it.' Sad but true. The lady sees this as communication deficient and leaves her man she's married to.
In my opinion, the guy JUST needed to listen to what she said and say something back nice, he loved her at this time, I got that impression, anyway, but he just messed up. And, it cost him a lot, cost him her and he pursued her then and, well, I won't give the movie away. Just my analysis for the day on how that guy was a jerk in that movie, didn't even mean to be, but, he was. Men can be so dense, huh, ladies ?
--(((((((((((((((((())))))))))))--
I think a lot of guys that are getting the girls, have bought the Tesla or BMW (on financing, of course) and are looking pretty good to the women at that point. Of course, they don't tell the girls they are going to have the car repossessed at some point because they can't afford that car, and, got it on a zero-down program. They live in a 1-bedroom apartment and got a dead-end job and are in no means able to have a girlfriend, logically.

The guy might even mean well for he and this girl becoming marriage partners, at some point, but the whole situation is WRONG, very WRONG, from the start, as you can, maybe, $ee. This guy has NO money, He is saying he loves God but he is not living that kind of life of going to church regularly, reading the Word daily, showing 'fruit,' in other words. The guy realizes that the girl is going to be lost by him, so he does things with her that he regrets but does because he knows he is about to lose this girl, and, the girl leaves him, calling him a 'jerk' for not being up front with her about his financial situation, even deceiving her of his financial situation.

And, I think this cycle is very common in the world of boy meets girl, boy uses girl because boy can't afford girl and knows he will lose girl, this makes him a 'jerk.' Sad but true. All the reason in the world (pun intended), miladies, to FIND your guy by the way of praying to Jesus and just going about your life doing things that He wants you to do, WAITING ON HIM, like forgetting about guys thinking about all the time, and, just going to church regularly, going to bible studies (you can go to a men's bible study, but get into a women's one too ) regularly, and, reading the Word regularly and listening to music regularly that keeps you strongly affixed to He as your focal point, and, just, all and all, doing things that, one day, maybe, one fine day ( a little Michelle Pfeiffer and George Clooney there for ya all ) , the right guy will happen across you. OH, too, I know He will happen a "him," to you, when He sees you're ready for that step. The Lord leads . Follow His steps for your life, they will be known as you walk by faith in Him

Note: I don't mean to degrade, guys, here, and, I KNOW there are many girls that don't mind the guy in a tough financial situation, you say you know the Lord , you have faith,you say, it will work out just fine in the end. Fine, then. The Lord leads. As was said above, ''...you follow Me."

 

[TheAristocat]

why are guys scared of girls?

Size can win physical battles - not mental or emotional ones. I wouldn't say I'm afraid of women, but I can clearly see when my competition out-classes me in the relationship department. Having someone you admire reject you as second-rate doesn't leave a great feeling in your stomach either.

It's not that women scare them. If a guy's not looking he won't give a rat's butt about what a girl thinks of him. But if he admires her and is trying to "win" her it's a different game entirely. The "scared" part comes from losing the opportunity with the woman and is often induced by the presence of other men. If there were no other men on the face of the planet (e.g. Adam and Eve) then a guy would be free to act like himself and be carefree. That's why I think that whenever third parties are introduced into any relationship it complicates things. People fear losing someone. They don't necessarily fear them. And they start to act differently.

So if you want your guy to act like the guy you fell in love with - don't introduce third parties. Reassure him somehow that your still his.

 

[TheAristocat]

By the way, don't think that this is necessarily a problem with his self-confidence or self-esteem. Sometimes people just like what's new better, and they'll gravitate toward it. If you gravitate toward a new man - whether emotionally or physically - then your guy won't be doubting himself but rather you. And that will scare him.

 

[Ariel82]

I think a lot of the issues goes away if both people are devoted to God and having a godly marriage which would exclude even the THOUGHT of adultery or "someone else" or divorce.

I still think the problem is that many people date looking for someone to love them without know God's love and expecting the other person to fill that hole only God can fill.

 

[Ariel82]

By the way, don't think that this is necessarily a problem with his self-confidence or self-esteem. Sometimes people just like what's new better, and they'll gravitate toward it. If you gravitate toward a new man - whether emotionally or physically - then your guy won't be doubting himself but rather you. And that will scare him.

why would guys date a girl who just want the next bright new thing that catches her eye?

 

[Ariel82]

I've always held the belief that if another girl could catch my man's eye (to the point he is cheating), then she can keep the rest of him too.

I'd rather be alone then with someone who cheats and if he cheats then it kind of show he is not really a man of God, doesn't it?

 

[TheAristocat]

I think a lot of the issues goes away if both people are devoted to God and having a godly marriage which would exclude even the THOUGHT of adultery or "someone else" or divorce.

I still think the problem is that many people date looking for someone to love them without know God's love and expecting the other person to fill that hole only God can fill.

I don't think it's just an issue of adultery/divorce. When I say "gravitate toward someone emotionally" it could be something as simple as having a more enjoyable time with another man. If a guy's in a relationship with you I think he'd start wondering why he was in a relationship if you were having a better time with another person. Personally, it could leave me wondering if I no longer could fulfill a certain role in her life. And it would diminish the relationship. And if she and I were dating, then there would be a good possibility of a breakup if there were no signs of this changing. I don't think anyone wants to be stuck in a relationship with another person who thinks of them as second rate either. If we were just dating I'd very much want to break up if such a situation continued without signs of change. Of course I would try to change that, but ultimately any relationship depends on two people. Men can't just flex their muscles and change a relationship. They may be strong, but their strength has nothing to do with another person's mind or the way they think.

Again, the above is not talking about cheating. They could still only date YOU. But if on a date they always felt worse than when they were in the company of another person, what's the point of continuing, right? But dating is a way to spot these fickle people and cheaters before you enter into marriage with them. Just my opinion.

 

[Liamson]

2. Why Finding a Life Partner Isn’t That Simple | Psychology Today


Because For many they have been rejected and poured much of themselves into it.



To be UNDERSTOOD for your dreams aspirations goals desires etc...

To find yourself WEIGHED MEASURED and found WANTING, by the very source of so much happiness is a pain that doesn't really have an equal.


On the surface it doesn't look like much but, when a man really is in love with a woman, she holds all the cards. What she says or feels or expresses can make him feel like a bird in flight or like King Saul simply wanting to fall on his sword to end it all.


Because it is believed that a woman can see us for who we are inside. They were designed to accompany us, and if I had intentions of keeping someone with me and cherishing their opinion of me, I must value how they view me.






But on the flip side, if I ignore this drive to be understood and simply seek pleasure or pride or power, I can be gay or abusive or materialistic or a Jerk or any number of things and it will not hurt the way that being rejected by someone you love is.

 

[Relena7]

Jerks have remained in the gene pool for eons. This goes for female jerks too.

The only reason jerks still exist is because people are attracted to jerks in the first place, and so they breed and make more jerks, unless someone breaks the chain and "rebelliously" turns friendly. Blame human selection. For some reason, we as a humanity feel it is necessary to keep mean people around. I don't know why. I could list off a few philosophical ramblings for why I think this may be, but I don't wanna derail the thread.

Oh, and I don't find jerk-like guys attractive in the slightest. People with abrasive and prickly attitudes on a regular basis turn me off. I don't know about other women, but I'd rather have peace and love.

 

[Ariel82]

so Liamson, where does God come into that view?

this is a false belief "Because it is believed that a woman can see us for who we are inside."

Only God can see the inside of you and you should not give anyone that much power over you but God.

If they don't look at you and see you as a beloved child of God and the one GOD intends for them, then you should let it tear you up inside and make you want to fall on a sword.

You should be a friend and keep praying. Eventually God will bring a girl who will hear God tell her "THIS guy is a keeper"

it helps if you pray and ask God if you should pursue the girl in the first place or if you are chasing after another man's intended wife.

 

[TheAristocat]

But on the flip side, if I ignore this drive to be understood and simply seek pleasure or pride or power, I can be gay or abusive or materialistic or a Jerk or any number of things and it will not hurt the way that being rejected by someone you love is.

Amen. How bad would it feel to be rejected by your woman if you weren't emotionally involved and just had a few other women who would take you in? You could take your pick. Who'd care about rejection?

But I think the man who is selfless and truly strong and truly loves is going to try to figure things out when he experiences some level of rejection.

 

[violakat]

Many of these "jerks" also known as bad boys, exude confidence and leadership. This is very appealing to most women. Add on the good looks and charm of many, and well you now have a killer combination. However, good looks, charm, confidence, and leadership will only get you so far with most women. After awhile many women, who fall for these bad boys, do wake up. Of course it may take a few years to do so. Which results in a lot of heart ache.

 

[Liamson]

so Liamson, where does God come into that view?

this is a false belief "Because it is believed that a woman can see us for who we are inside."

Only God can see the inside of you and you should not give anyone that much power over you but God.

If they don't look at you and see you as a beloved child of God and the one GOD intends for them, then you should let it tear you up inside and make you want to fall on a sword.

You should be a friend and keep praying. Eventually God will bring a girl who will hear God tell her "THIS guy is a keeper"

it helps if you pray and ask God if you should pursue the girl in the first place or if you are chasing after another man's intended wife.

I think I disagree with this philosophy on 2 points.

You are assuming that there is a ONE. And that there is prophecy and divine mysticism involved in finding this person.

women should never rely on hearing voices to decide who they should be with. Thats just superstitious and asking for trouble.

And there is such as thing as seeing and being seen. I'm not talking about the sum of my soul or something, I just mean being understood for my heart.

There are simply people that Understand me more than other people. There are people that I click with and that resonate with me. If I am romantically interested in them, I have much to lose by being rejected. Because they understand me, I value what they think of me. Where as someone who doesn't and is simply into me for companionship, I have nothing to venture and nothing to lose, because its shallow.

 

[SeatBelt]

I see a lot of nice guys here at cc.. colorful , joyful, living in a sister or brotherly way.. I see us all as siblings really..Brothers and sisters in christ .. I tell my siblings I love you... Doesn't mean I'm going to go run off and marry my sibling. Just means I love the qualities God has put in you.. You are a joy to be around and I'm glad you're my brothers and sisters in Christ ..

HIGH FIVE!

 

[Powemm]

I can not complain about jerks, if I myself do not step up and change my own position and intervene ..

 

[Powemm]

View attachment 47372
HIGH FIVE!

Both hands seatbelt- I'll give you ten!!