Why are so many women attracted to jerks?
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There's a lot I could comment about this thread,and in all honesty I have had this opinion many times & I have struggled against dwelling on it,because I don't think it's healthy & it just give satan place in my mind to run crazy with bitterness and strife. The fact that I would whine & complain about why or why not a girl doesn't like me,just shows me how immature & unrenewed my mind is. In all honesty,if my eyes are fixed upon the Lord,why should it matter what type of a man a woman goes for? If she doesn't find the "Jesus" in me attractive,or exciting enough for her why should I let that upset me? It comes down yo my own pride & love of the flesh...plain & simple. One more time that I can't get MY way or understand why things are,so I get my eyes off of God & onto me. Never a good thing...and certainly no attractive! - and that's all I have to say about that.
A
I think you are missing the point.....
Women like men who actually not just LISTENS but also UNDERSTANDS what is being said....
Since its unlikely you will date your boss, being told you are a sweetheart is a nice way of saying they think you are a good "friend" material, but does not tell you that they are romantically attracted to you.
I would like to know why guys seem more attracted to sluts and women who dress provocatively or are "easy" but then the answer is pretty obvious: hormones.
Sometimes humans think with their libido more than their heart or soul or mind.
Also people don't really pray about their relationships: whether they should be in them or not.
Lots pray to keep the person, but never asked God if that person was right for them to begin with.
I prefer an honest man then one who sugar coats their words or just says what they think I want to hear.
cuz I'm strange and what I want to hear is normally not what they think I want to hear. lol
I had an ex-boyfriend who was a "nice" guy. However it got on my nerves he would always agree with me. made me think he never had a will or mind of his own. thought i was dating a robot or a pet puppy instead of an actual man.
I like being valued and appreciated but I can NOT respect or love a man who isn't strong enough to disagree with me and tell me my ideas are stupid, reckless and immature if the occasion calls for it.
luckily my husband is more diplomatic most of the time and just raises an eyebrow and says "I don't think that is a good idea."
nonverbal clues. I've found most men (and some women) are totally clueless about them or totally read them wrong.
anyway if you think so poorly of women (that they like jerks more than a decent man) then you will only see the women who are like that and totally miss out on a woman who might actually be intelligent, loving and kind enough to see past the jerks to a man worthy of love.
The question is: Are you a man worthy of love?
Do you follow God will all your heart?
Are you able to stand up for the Truth even if the world and your loved ones try to pressure you to conform to the world?
Would you curse God and die as Job's wife recommend him to do upon being afflicted or is your faith strong enough to answer wisely? Did you notice that Job didn't get a divorce just because his wife made a mistake and had 7 more children by his wife at the end of the story?
I find when men make statements like "women like jerks" that they are being JERKS and wonder why they complain about women not liking them?
brother, that is what I would call illogical.
being a jerk doesn't make women like you more. it is insulting to women to keep repeating that lie.
Women like men who actually not just LISTENS but also UNDERSTANDS what is being said....
Since its unlikely you will date your boss, being told you are a sweetheart is a nice way of saying they think you are a good "friend" material, but does not tell you that they are romantically attracted to you.
I would like to know why guys seem more attracted to sluts and women who dress provocatively or are "easy" but then the answer is pretty obvious: hormones.
Sometimes humans think with their libido more than their heart or soul or mind.
Also people don't really pray about their relationships: whether they should be in them or not.
Lots pray to keep the person, but never asked God if that person was right for them to begin with.
I prefer an honest man then one who sugar coats their words or just says what they think I want to hear.
cuz I'm strange and what I want to hear is normally not what they think I want to hear. lol
I had an ex-boyfriend who was a "nice" guy. However it got on my nerves he would always agree with me. made me think he never had a will or mind of his own. thought i was dating a robot or a pet puppy instead of an actual man.
I like being valued and appreciated but I can NOT respect or love a man who isn't strong enough to disagree with me and tell me my ideas are stupid, reckless and immature if the occasion calls for it.
luckily my husband is more diplomatic most of the time and just raises an eyebrow and says "I don't think that is a good idea."
nonverbal clues. I've found most men (and some women) are totally clueless about them or totally read them wrong.
anyway if you think so poorly of women (that they like jerks more than a decent man) then you will only see the women who are like that and totally miss out on a woman who might actually be intelligent, loving and kind enough to see past the jerks to a man worthy of love.
The question is: Are you a man worthy of love?
Do you follow God will all your heart?
Are you able to stand up for the Truth even if the world and your loved ones try to pressure you to conform to the world?
Would you curse God and die as Job's wife recommend him to do upon being afflicted or is your faith strong enough to answer wisely? Did you notice that Job didn't get a divorce just because his wife made a mistake and had 7 more children by his wife at the end of the story?
I find when men make statements like "women like jerks" that they are being JERKS and wonder why they complain about women not liking them?
brother, that is what I would call illogical.
being a jerk doesn't make women like you more. it is insulting to women to keep repeating that lie.
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N
im not attracted to the "bad boys."
However there is a certain appeal to them. Laurich kinda made my point for me. He said, "i won't chase a girl, i'll just let the cards fall where they may."
That's so lame.
The nice guys sit back and do a whole lotta nothin. The bad boys chase after you. That has always been my experience.
However there is a certain appeal to them. Laurich kinda made my point for me. He said, "i won't chase a girl, i'll just let the cards fall where they may."
That's so lame.
The nice guys sit back and do a whole lotta nothin. The bad boys chase after you. That has always been my experience.
A
a lot of guys give up before even trying....with the false mentality of "why should I try, she'll choose the jerk or someone better than me anyways?"
a lot of guys have let the world take away their confidence in themselves. instead of finding their value and identity in God's love they seek out a woman to worship them.
its so messed up.
a lot of guys have let the world take away their confidence in themselves. instead of finding their value and identity in God's love they seek out a woman to worship them.
its so messed up.
I know this may sound stereotypical, but I believe the main issue is low self-esteem. It doesn't matter whether she's a girly girl or a tomboy, psychologically she put themselves on a very low level because she magnifies all her faults. When she catches a guy eyeing her, she's immediately overwhelmed with feelings of being noticed. Many will not admit it, but they fall easily for the first average guy who takes a real interest in them. Those are usually jerks who knows they are indeed vulnerable. I could walk through a crowd and pick out several women that are low self esteemed. They have similar body language, and that body language tells on them. They can try to cover it up with craziness, acting open-minded, or being a class clown, but if you know what to look for, you can look right through them.
P
Answering the question from my perspective ...
imagine the woman at the well..
there are wells that are rich of the spirit
Love , joy, peace, patience, kindness and long sufferring..
When a well is full ( because God has made them full)in any of these areas there is an outpouring..
People in general flock to these areas for a drink..
those wells can be full off the blood of Christ or have the " appearance " of being full from feeding off others.. There are two
There are two types of fullness.. as I look I see two categories...
I see people "like you zero, full of the spirit) you have an outpouring that does not feed off others .. But feeds off God Himself .. making your well very rich when you give a drink to someone who is thirsty..
then there are those who are full drinking from many wells full of things from resources other than God himself .. You will see people running back often to them ..
it's not a "jerk" problem . It's a heart problem..
imagine the woman at the well..
there are wells that are rich of the spirit
Love , joy, peace, patience, kindness and long sufferring..
When a well is full ( because God has made them full)in any of these areas there is an outpouring..
People in general flock to these areas for a drink..
those wells can be full off the blood of Christ or have the " appearance " of being full from feeding off others.. There are two
There are two types of fullness.. as I look I see two categories...
I see people "like you zero, full of the spirit) you have an outpouring that does not feed off others .. But feeds off God Himself .. making your well very rich when you give a drink to someone who is thirsty..
then there are those who are full drinking from many wells full of things from resources other than God himself .. You will see people running back often to them ..
it's not a "jerk" problem . It's a heart problem..
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A
add to the fact many of those girls (who have low self esteem) were raped at an early age and/or were abandoned by their fathers.
jerks know how to pick their victims.
but not all girls dating jerks are the victim, some of them like playing "games"
however most of those girls like messing with the heads and hearts of "nice boys"
its more about POWER and control in exchange for the illusion of protection and love.
P
I think it's confusion really ..
people are lost in some areas ..
we know we are rich when we can give a drink without motive to our own ego or pride.
without looking for something or someone to blame for what we are not doing .. And that is , when we are lonely running to God first instead of people .. it is when god has filled us .. We can then give a drink "a reminder" so to speak to te person coming to us that no one can love us more than God can.. We have been given words for this ..
Passing by someone who is sad, lonely, depressed or sees themselves in a light of something other than who God says they really are.. it's sort of like an anointing if you will.. I have seen many people doing this in the forum .. I know it is being done.. Because when I was having a bad view of myself , my brother "itorethesky" (sorry tore but I'm using you as a good example)
came to me and pointed out the lie I was focusing on.. Reminding me of who I really am in Christ ... I am grateful for that reminder .. and blessed by it ... there is friendship and there is edification of building up the body.. those reminders are very important and can also be mistaken as something else .. I for one have had horrible experiences with men.. this is my fault fir not knowing god.. I jad nothing Better to compare too.. And i will say openly , i Would not be part of a group if the men here were truly not presenting themselves in a godly fashion .. behind the closed doors of private mesaages and
private discussions, the men in cc are doing a beautiful job minding their manners ..
presenting God before themselves .. I would have no tolerance otherwise ..
people are lost in some areas ..
we know we are rich when we can give a drink without motive to our own ego or pride.
without looking for something or someone to blame for what we are not doing .. And that is , when we are lonely running to God first instead of people .. it is when god has filled us .. We can then give a drink "a reminder" so to speak to te person coming to us that no one can love us more than God can.. We have been given words for this ..
Passing by someone who is sad, lonely, depressed or sees themselves in a light of something other than who God says they really are.. it's sort of like an anointing if you will.. I have seen many people doing this in the forum .. I know it is being done.. Because when I was having a bad view of myself , my brother "itorethesky" (sorry tore but I'm using you as a good example)
came to me and pointed out the lie I was focusing on.. Reminding me of who I really am in Christ ... I am grateful for that reminder .. and blessed by it ... there is friendship and there is edification of building up the body.. those reminders are very important and can also be mistaken as something else .. I for one have had horrible experiences with men.. this is my fault fir not knowing god.. I jad nothing Better to compare too.. And i will say openly , i Would not be part of a group if the men here were truly not presenting themselves in a godly fashion .. behind the closed doors of private mesaages and
private discussions, the men in cc are doing a beautiful job minding their manners ..
presenting God before themselves .. I would have no tolerance otherwise ..
L
The problem with these girls is they look to "thugs" as a way to live easy. Not having to work to support themselves but instead use they boyfriends money. It's all about alpha male vs the "lesser" male. They don't think long term, they don't realise that these men may drop them and move on to the next young ignorant girl that they can use a toy.
I would much rather have a hard working guy who even though doesn't make a lot of money, does it in a legal responsible way. I don't want a jerk, I want a nice guy.
I would much rather have a hard working guy who even though doesn't make a lot of money, does it in a legal responsible way. I don't want a jerk, I want a nice guy.
S
Don't forget the Artist Formerly Known As... too many issues with him to list, LOL.
This begs the question, why would a fella want to change if he already was dating the girl worth changing for... Obviously no need to change... she's going out with him already, right? Glad you got over that Cris
I used to exclusively date jerks. Because I used to be so smart.
Part of the attraction is definitely thinking "I will be the one who changes him!" Except obviously, that never works. But more than that, it was me thinking, "I will be the one that he WANTS to change for."
Funny how several of those guys would tell me "You make me want to be a better man" (ok, first, these were Boys, not men, and also big whiny babies, so that alone makes me laugh....also, GET SOME ORIGINAL LINES! Ahem...sorry...) but then, of course, nothing ever changed.
So, that leaves me with...no real good answer to your question
Part of the attraction is definitely thinking "I will be the one who changes him!" Except obviously, that never works. But more than that, it was me thinking, "I will be the one that he WANTS to change for."
Funny how several of those guys would tell me "You make me want to be a better man" (ok, first, these were Boys, not men, and also big whiny babies, so that alone makes me laugh....also, GET SOME ORIGINAL LINES! Ahem...sorry...) but then, of course, nothing ever changed.
So, that leaves me with...no real good answer to your question
Glad you got over that Cris
P
I see a lot of nice guys here at cc.. colorful , joyful, living in a sister or brotherly way.. I see us all as siblings really..Brothers and sisters in christ .. I tell my siblings I love you... Doesn't mean I'm going to go run off and marry my sibling. Just means I love the qualities God has put in you.. You are a joy to be around and I'm glad you're my brothers and sisters in Christ ..
Girls who have dated Jerks (I have) are usually struggling with who they are. They end up lowering their standards for someone just so they can boost their own egos as well. Women can have ego problems too. Instead of waiting for the decent guy, they end up dating the first guy that comes across them. Another factor is that the more arrogant guys are usually found to be more attractive. They use their sexuality to an advantage and they know it from younger years. Another factor is when these girls do start dating "jerks" is they are already consumed and blinded by a false sense of security and what they think is love. Most guys I have dated were jerks until more recently. But right now, I am not worried about it. If a gentleman comes my way I may give it a try. If not, then I will be okay. I prefer now dating people with standards and principles.
A
I would say that I am attracted to 'bad boy', like not thugs or abusive guys. Maybe it's the courage that attracts me, the fire in the belly to stand for and against something. Maybe that's not the definition of bad boy tho... I read the book "No more Christian nice guy" years back, it was quite insightful in this regard. I agree with Nod, and there is this passiveness among nice guys that turns me off. I am looking for a man to stand up for something, to know that being good doesn't mean being nice, to be protector of the household.