I don't know. Either because the Christian women I have been interested in are seemingly afraid of me and the other women that have just been "into me" seem to only want "the icing" right off the bat. No getting to know each other first...
Those were the "in my face" experiences.
Really it's finding a strong partner. I've met few...there aren't that many people that would "really" go anywhere the Lord sent them. I like to think he made another bird I can sing with and have baby birds...
I feel as though I am not ready for her. Would I really be willing to live in this world alone with the Lord with no one else to hold my hand? I'm really not sure, and it sort of makes me sad.
Somehow what I typed and deleted took me down a pretty bitter rabbit trail about how long I have yearned...how I'm consistently hopeful but at the same time confused and feel as though I'm missing something. I've laid down everything I know how, and then I pick up new things, only to lay them down eventually as well.
Currently my only romantic vision at the moment is two mostly blind wanderers bumping into each other and somehow we can see each other. Maybe I'm a lost sheep or she is...I occasionally think of it from a different perspective.
My life doesn't make much sense without a wife, but then again, maybe that's part of the mystery.
There has been a baffling amount of "flesh" to work through it seems. I'd love a bit of romance, but really I want a co-laborer that I can be physically close to and not have to worry about boundaries as obsessively. Just holding hands seems pretty nice.
Someone that I can be in accord with. Personalities aside...something like a business merger (although I realize that sounds not too "lovey dovey") You employ different thoughts and procedures I do, perhaps we can align them and operate more efficiently? It would certainly require personal compromise after a fashion but spiritual compromises would be few (if any). I'm open to leading for sure, she should be the same...otherwise there would likely be no merger.
I've become complacent, at some point when my purpose is clearer, I may consider that you just choose and live with the consequences/blessings. I really don't think had a roulette system in mind though, so I rather doubt it at present.