Why are you single?

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Aerials1978

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2019
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#61
For me no problem! I´ll love to talk about God and maybe help him with this doubts
I don’t mean to interject, but say you find someone who treats you with all the love and respect he can muster, but his heart is not for Jesus nor would it ever be. Would you stay with that person?
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,266
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#63
I don’t mean to interject, but say you find someone who treats you with all the love and respect he can muster, but his heart is not for Jesus nor would it ever be. Would you stay with that person?
"heart is not for Jesus" is problematic for me. A person may have what I define as an instinctive faith. A very good heart which is not explicitly for Jesus but clearly their behaviour speaks Gospel truths.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
6,868
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#65
I don’t mean to interject, but say you find someone who treats you with all the love and respect he can muster, but his heart is not for Jesus nor would it ever be. Would you stay with that person?
Nope..
 
Dec 13, 2019
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#66
I think my parents' disasterous marriage probably has put me off taking that big step myself. My brother is the same. Having said that, if the right person exists and it feels so right it's right, then I would marry.
 

Beth78

New member
Feb 20, 2019
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#68
Hello All,

In thinking about meeting different people, I sometimes wonder why they are single. I find it to be an interesting question when it’s asked of me and I do think there is value in trying to answer that question.

So WHY are YOU single?

Is it because of circumstances, past relationships, lack of interest, is it a choice?

There are endless possibilities. If you had to determine why you are in this season of your life, what do you think the answer would be? Do you think your answer is different now than if you had answered when you were younger?

Being single often times becomes this all consuming label that people take on or have placed on them. It doesn’t have to be that way.

For our married friends, you can join in answering, why are you married beyond meeting THE one?
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
1,881
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#71
I don't know. Either because the Christian women I have been interested in are seemingly afraid of me and the other women that have just been "into me" seem to only want "the icing" right off the bat. No getting to know each other first...

Those were the "in my face" experiences.


Really it's finding a strong partner. I've met few...there aren't that many people that would "really" go anywhere the Lord sent them. I like to think he made another bird I can sing with and have baby birds...

I feel as though I am not ready for her. Would I really be willing to live in this world alone with the Lord with no one else to hold my hand? I'm really not sure, and it sort of makes me sad.


Somehow what I typed and deleted took me down a pretty bitter rabbit trail about how long I have yearned...how I'm consistently hopeful but at the same time confused and feel as though I'm missing something. I've laid down everything I know how, and then I pick up new things, only to lay them down eventually as well.


Currently my only romantic vision at the moment is two mostly blind wanderers bumping into each other and somehow we can see each other. Maybe I'm a lost sheep or she is...I occasionally think of it from a different perspective.


My life doesn't make much sense without a wife, but then again, maybe that's part of the mystery.

There has been a baffling amount of "flesh" to work through it seems. I'd love a bit of romance, but really I want a co-laborer that I can be physically close to and not have to worry about boundaries as obsessively. Just holding hands seems pretty nice.

Someone that I can be in accord with. Personalities aside...something like a business merger (although I realize that sounds not too "lovey dovey") You employ different thoughts and procedures I do, perhaps we can align them and operate more efficiently? It would certainly require personal compromise after a fashion but spiritual compromises would be few (if any). I'm open to leading for sure, she should be the same...otherwise there would likely be no merger.


I've become complacent, at some point when my purpose is clearer, I may consider that you just choose and live with the consequences/blessings. I really don't think had a roulette system in mind though, so I rather doubt it at present.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,225
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#72
I really dont get the whole hand-holding thing. I thought most people grew up and didnt need their hands held anymore...

When I worship the Lord, I dont hold someone elses hands up. He gets all my praise.
 
Nov 9, 2019
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#73
I had a pretty awful relationship a year ago. That experience and mental health issues have convinced me that I'm not ready to be with someone. There is a guy I've liked for a while now but I don't think it's fair to get involved with him because I'm already struggling on my own.
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,266
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#75
I had a pretty awful relationship a year ago. That experience and mental health issues have convinced me that I'm not ready to be with someone. There is a guy I've liked for a while now but I don't think it's fair to get involved with him because I'm already struggling on my own.
sorry to hear that. you might be suited to someone with mental health issues
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,197
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#77
or... take care of the mental health issues and find someone without them?
That's pretty much impossible, give it another decade and thinking you don't have any mental health issues will be called being in denial. Now how many mental health issues are really a spiritual issue is another question entirely, but the whole mental health framework breaks down if we admit that there's spiritual forces out there that are real and can affect us.

And before I get flamed, yes there are real issues ( physical, spiritual, and emotional) that affect the proper function of the mind as well as the scars and coping mechanisms we pick up just living life in a fallen and destructive world. But I'm suspicious of the current trend to call almost any deviation from a standardized normal a mental health issue that needs drugs or professional counseling to treat.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,225
5,805
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#78
I think mental health issues are spiritual and can badly affect others around you so if you or someone has them its not a good idea to put marriage on top of that, which can compound things.

There a lot of reasons why people are single but the main reason is being yoked to someone gets complicated. For a christian , the most important thing is to be free to worship the Lord. it is much simpler and easier when you are single.

When you are married there is too many distractions to focus on God alone. Aside from another person you need to please, there may be children.

solo or split parents cant be said to be truly single the constantly worry about their children or their exes. while they may not appear to be bound, they actually are until their spouse dies or is remarried or their children leave and are married or die.
 

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
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#79
At the moment, it's honestly because I haven't found someone that I have been interested in that is also interested in me. I've had one sided experiences on both sides, and just haven't had anything click yet.

To be honest with my job right now as well...it's honestly kinda not on my radar of "things that I NEED to focus on." I'm so focused on learning things, learning emotional/mental balance with the work load, and trying to be....more of an ADULT that I kinda just haven't been working on finding a mate.

I also....tend to be a bit lazy I think on the searching part. I only have ever really "looked" by online means and apps, as well as just from school. And now no more school, and no time really or money for apps. So yeah.

I'm at a "cool if it happens, not awful if it doesn't" kinda place here.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,225
5,805
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#80
Focus on God
It is tiring when people constantly try to match make you. I mean this happens even in primary school. I would get people going you should go round with so and so. Im like why? Im only 8 years old. I dont even know the boy. too much drama lol

I look at adults and they are playing mummies and daddies. But they are only playing at it. They dont take it seriously. A lot of people dont bother to officially marry either even after living with someone for 20 years. I think THATS when you need to ask someone about whats going on. so..whens the wedding?