why women won't be the first to talk to guys?

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PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#21
Nov 25, 2014
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#21
jsr1221 said:
This is why I've decided I am not going to date again. Too much and too easily can there be misinterpretation. So there can't be any if one purposely doesn't put in any interest.
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Yeah...that doesn't make sense to me.

The whole point of dating is to find out if a sort of initial interest can lead to something greater. The problem is that people aren't transparent AND they almost always bring a pile of expectation.

So you take a woman out on a date and discover that she's nice enough, but really not a good fit for you. You don't ask her out again. You think "no harm, no foul." On her end of things, she's already named your four children and pictured the vacation home you'd own in Fiji. Now, whenever you see her at church she gives you the evil sideglance and mutters "jerk" whenever she passes you. You, sir, have crushed her dreams.

This is tiresome to deal with. But it makes no sense to me to stop dating simply because some people don't understand what "dating" means and presume that every lottery ticket is a winner.
 
chickwithsticks

chickwithsticks

Senior Member
#22
Jul 25, 2015
893
44
28
#22
jsr1221 said:
This is why I've decided I am not going to date again. Too much and too easily can there be misinterpretation. So there can't be any if one purposely doesn't put in any interest.
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But see I enjoy my male friendships as much as my female friendships and everyone loses if they give up out of fear of misinterpretation.

Im just saying it is difficult, for both men and women but not impossible. I have actually said to men I have met at the church who were single, after I have gotten to know them briefly before service..."I'm not asking you on a date but you wanna grab lunch." Most laugh and say something like..."what ..you don't wanna date me? Why" as a joke but it does break the ice. It is awkward but not impossible.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#23
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#23
PoetMary said:
Yeah...that doesn't make sense to me.

The whole point of dating is to find out if a sort of initial interest can lead to something greater. The problem is that people aren't transparent AND they almost always bring a pile of expectation.

So you take a woman out on a date and discover that she's nice enough, but really not a good fit for you. You don't ask her out again. You think "no harm, no foul." On her end of things, she's already named your four children and pictured the vacation home you'd own in Fiji. Now, whenever you see her at church she gives you the evil sideglance and mutters "jerk" whenever she passes you. You, sir, have crushed her dreams.

This is tiresome to deal with. But it makes no sense to me to stop dating simply because some people don't understand what "dating" means and presume that every lottery ticket is a winner.
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Or... Some people have gone through enough of the opposite sex to believe it's not worth the passive miscommunication to where someone gets hurt over and over again. Dating isn't a necessity.
 
christian74

christian74

Senior Member
#24
Oct 1, 2013
594
282
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#24
maxwel said:
Ghostwolf,

As man, it is your duty to assume that if any woman, anywhere, speaks to you, looks at you, gestures toward you, or in any minutely trivial way acknowledges your existence... she MUST want you.

So just relax, and go talk to her.


If she suddenly acts like she isn't interested...
she's either playing hard to get, or she's a lesbian.

Really, this stuff isn't complicated.
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I think there's some truth in that - guys are more prune to that whole 'she must be digging me' stuff. How do I know? I read about it; it has nothing to do with my experience.
 
shineyourlight

shineyourlight

Senior Member
#25
May 25, 2015
6,149
850
113
#25
GhostWolf said:
I've been wondering this now for a while. I sit in my church and none of the women will talk to me. It seems like there is a lot of single women there but none of them make that first move to introduce themselves. It's not that i'm to shy or scared it just has my curiousity now as to why it is this way. Why don't women in general make the first move? Just was wondering what women think on the subject.
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That's not entirely true always. I think we like to think of the opposite sex as being extremely confident and never having any insecurities. I used to think, "If a guy was interested in me, then he'd make the first move." Turns out, I found out later that some of my guy friends actually did like me, but was too scared to even say anything, so they remained silent.

But yet, they didn't make the first move.

Sometimes, you have to let go of some of your preconceived ideas. "Well, if they like me, they will approach me." Actually, what if they're really shy? Or, maybe they don't like you like that? It can be various reasons why someone doesn't approach you.

I consider myself a pretty confident person and I do approach people often. However, there are moments when I do get shy and just draw back from certain people. It just happens.

I think everyone is different. Either you make the first move, or they do. But, if you want to talk to someone, why are you waiting and sitting back waiting for them to talk to you? Just get up, walk towards them, and talk. Find common ground.

That's my philosophy: If I want to talk to someone, whether it's female or male (because let's be honest, if I approach someone, doesn't mean I am interested in you), I'll go and talk to you.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#29
Aug 13, 2014
27,241
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#29
Hot, darjeeling by preference, with just a drop of honey. No milk or lemon - interferes with the darjeeling flavor y'know.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#30
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
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#30
I am usually one of the first people at church to greet anyone new, whoever it is. I wouldn't necessarily consider that "making a move", but it is a bit sad that women at your church won't talk to you. :(
 
J

jennymae

Guest
#31
#31
jsr1221 said:
What do you say to the girl if you don't like coffee, though?
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You know, JSR, I'm not sure whether you be joking or not here, but you ever seen that Seinfeld episode where a girl is asking George to come up for coffee, and he says no because he cant sleep if hes drinking coffee that late:p

On a serious note, you might shouldn't always be taking what a girl is saying literally...try some reading in between the lines instead...could make things easier:)
 
L

LiJo

Guest
#32
#32
Speaking for myself, in a public setting outside of church I will say hello first, but not necessarily just walk up and carry a conversation with anyone. But at Bible study if I see a man or woman sitting alone and there is an empty seat at the table I'm sitting at, I will invite them to sit with us, especially if they are new.

When I'm with the Singles Minustry where I serve, I'm on the First Impressions team, so my job is to greet new people and introduce them around to other people. If I see the new person sitting alone, I will approach them and sit with them. I usually try to introduce new men to other men who serve in the ministry with me, just so they don't get the wrong impressions or other people get the wrong impression that I'm trying to hit on the new guy....lol
 
chickwithsticks

chickwithsticks

Senior Member
#33
Jul 25, 2015
893
44
28
#33
LiJo said:
Speaking for myself, in a public setting outside of church I will say hello first, but not necessarily just walk up and carry a conversation with anyone. But at Bible study if I see a man or woman sitting alone and there is an empty seat at the table I'm sitting at, I will invite them to sit with us, especially if they are new.

When I'm with the Singles Minustry where I serve, I'm on the First Impressions team, so my job is to greet new people and introduce them around to other people. If I see the new person sitting alone, I will approach them and sit with them. I usually try to introduce new men to other men who serve in the ministry with me, just so they don't get the wrong impressions or other people get the wrong impression that I'm trying to hit on the new guy....lol
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Im on the greet team also LJ and I have the same technique...I like your style! Lol
 
M

magicrick

Guest
#34
#34
GhostWolf said:
I've been wondering this now for a while. I sit in my church and none of the women will talk to me. It seems like there is a lot of single women there but none of them make that first move to introduce themselves. It's not that i'm to shy or scared it just has my curiousity now as to why it is this way. Why don't women in general make the first move? Just was wondering what women think on the subject.
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Really? Girls and women talk to me all the time. Could be because I'm not interested in THEM, maybe THAT's the key. ;)
 
G

GlowingLight

Guest
#35
#35
I don't make the first move because I believe men should make the first move. I think for women who does make the first move if gives men the wrong message that they are open to anything and will do more than just kissing with them. That's just my personal opinion and what I think. I also think a lot of godly men would rather make the first move them selves anyways.
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#36
#36
I would totally approach...sadly no single men in my church. I am not shy! However, most women have been raised that they shouldn't approach and wait to be approached first. Just smile their way, maybe then they will approach. Or walk over to a group and say....Hi, would you all like to grab an ice cream? (solves the whole coffee issue...as I don't drink it either). Then you can have a whole group women to get to know. Fun!!!!
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#37
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
175
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36
#37
jsr1221 said:
What do you say to the girl if you don't like coffee, though?
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Go with her and order an orange juice instead.

I hate coffee, too. I have the whole thing planned out.....
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#39
Aug 13, 2014
27,241
9,301
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#39
I also was thinking about Star Trek, but I prefer Darjeeling.
 
Shawn2516

Shawn2516

Senior Member
#40
Dec 20, 2013
154
1
0
#40
GhostWolf said:
I've been wondering this now for a while. I sit in my church and none of the women will talk to me. It seems like there is a lot of single women there but none of them make that first move to introduce themselves. It's not that i'm to shy or scared it just has my curiousity now as to why it is this way. Why don't women in general make the first move? Just was wondering what women think on the subject.
Click to expand...
Because whether men like it or not, women view us as "men". We are suppose to be the first to do everything. Which I hate, not because its something I wouldn't mind doing, but it shows its very hypocritical of women to suggest men play in old 1950 gender roles, when their feminist sisters openly abandoned them.

Today's women are pretty much a hybrid of worldly christianity and feminist culture. On one hand, they will tell you to be the man, protector, provider, on the other, should you ever dare them to be submissive, make a sandwich, or clean the house, their fury will come down on you like a lightning bolt.

Then there is the question to ponder about the women themselves. On one hand they want a man to do all the manly things for them, but on the other, their very picky about who they want to do it for them. It cannot just be any man, it has to be the man they want.

There is exceptions to every rule, but you will not win waiting around for women. If you want one, you have to go get one brother.
 
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