Would You Date Someone Who Didn't Speak Your Native Language Very Well?

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zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
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#21
I don't speak my own native language very well.... hardly at all even! ;)
 

Maka

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2017
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#22
No. We'd have no way of getting to know each other.
 

Pipp

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2013
3,968
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#23
How would you know you were interested in them if you can't communicate ?
 

Daylilies

Senior Member
Apr 11, 2017
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#24
Great discussion topic, Seoulsearch! :)

I would definitely work on learning another language to develop a friendship. I have been really blessed to have worked with people from many different countries and we have always found ways to build friendships despite the language barrier, usually through shared hobbies. In my experiences, you can often get to know the person through their actions, which sometimes provides more insight into a person than their words. :)

Communication is such an important part of a romantic relationship though, that I would want to make sure that we were both committed to working through the language barriers. I think it would be important for both of us to work on learning one another's language and, even though it sounds impersonal, having someone who could serve as a translator if needed. Someone trustworthy, like a minister, who could serve as a resource but still allow us to be the ones to work through whatever issue we were communicating about.

It would definitely be a dating challenge, but for the right person, I think it would definitely be worth it! :)
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#25
Doggone it, for some reason, the "Reply With Quote" function hasn't been working for me...

Yahweh! Thank you so much for answering because I knew from some of your posts that you had experience in this area.

I have had several friends/family members who married spouses who grew up in another different country, and from what I've observed, it certainly presents its own unique set of challenges.

I would have loved to have had a raw conversation with each of them to hear their perspective on how they met, decided to marry, and were able to make it work.
The things that were most difficult to deal with were the cultural misunderstandings and having to stop in the middle of a sentence to explain some idiom or piece of slang. It got to be very tiring to me over the years we were together. I know for a fact that I don't have the patience to deal with that stuff again.

There is way more to a language other than just being able to say the right words, the right way, at the right time. There's so many little nuances of culture, slang, idiom that are NOT similar between cultures, and that stuff can be quite a hangup that gets in the way of real and meaningful communication.
 

Tinuviel

Senior Member
Jun 6, 2015
4,760
257
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#26
Nope, I wouldn't. Unless we each knew a decent amount of the other's language. Then I might consider it.
 

Susanna

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2013
2,588
69
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#27
The things that were most difficult to deal with were the cultural misunderstandings and having to stop in the middle of a sentence to explain some idiom or piece of slang. It got to be very tiring to me over the years we were together. I know for a fact that I don't have the patience to deal with that stuff again.

There is way more to a language other than just being able to say the right words, the right way, at the right time. There's so many little nuances of culture, slang, idiom that are NOT similar between cultures, and that stuff can be quite a hangup that gets in the way of real and meaningful communication.
Exactly.

I have been dealing with so many non native English speakers over the years and sometimes I just wanted to bang my head against the nearest wall when the communication went south.

Mind you, I wasn't married to them. I can just imagine how frustrating that would have been.
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
12,678
351
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#28
The things that were most difficult to deal with were the cultural misunderstandings and having to stop in the middle of a sentence to explain some idiom or piece of slang. It got to be very tiring to me over the years we were together. I know for a fact that I don't have the patience to deal with that stuff again.

There is way more to a language other than just being able to say the right words, the right way, at the right time. There's so many little nuances of culture, slang, idiom that are NOT similar between cultures, and that stuff can be quite a hangup that gets in the way of real and meaningful communication.
Ugh, for real! My brother was watching some anime one time and I noticed about a third of the subtitles were annotations explaining some cultural bit that you really needed to know in order to understand what they said.
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
3,430
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#29
Mark and i were talking about this last night, and came to this conclusion:

assuming you marry someone of the opposite sex, eeevvvrryyone marries someone who doesn't speak their language.

no, really!
 

Susanna

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2013
2,588
69
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#30
Mark and i were talking about this last night, and came to this conclusion:

assuming you marry someone of the opposite sex, eeevvvrryyone marries someone who doesn't speak their language.

no, really!
You are right.

So obvious.

Yet people marry left and right without knowing anything about the opposite sex.

Plain crazy.

Is it possible to learn the opposite gender's language and culture?
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
3,430
254
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#31
You are right.

So obvious.

Yet people marry left and right without knowing anything about the opposite sex.

Plain crazy.

Is it possible to learn the opposite gender's language and culture?
i meannnn.... after a few decades? lol

i'm not sure we ever truly know and understand? glimpses, for sure, and it develops better with talking, which presumes a common language, so there's that. it requires a willingness to be open, and that means vulnerability, which doesn't come easily to some of us. (looks at husband ;))

but on the whole, nah. makes for some interesting times, tho! :)
 

Miri

Senior Member
Jul 22, 2012
7,781
537
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#32
Americans do speak a different language to everyone else. :p

Pavement - sidewalk
car boot - trunk
scone - dumpling
motorway - freeway
biscuit - cookie
trousers - pants
pants - underwear
colour - color
postman - mailman


I think Ive learnt the lingo pretty well, so if you are offering...... lol
 

Miri

Senior Member
Jul 22, 2012
7,781
537
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#33
Hey Everyone,

One of the most interesting things I've ever experienced on a dating site was when a hearing-impaired man messaged me about dating. He asked me if I was good at learning languages and if I would be willing to learn sign language if we decided to have a relationship. He also sent me links to videos regarding how he went about daily tasks like using the (regular) telephone, because at the time, cell phones didn't exist.

Although we eventually decided we were not right for each other, it got me thinking about the possibility of learning another language for the sake of someone I might be interested in.

I'm in a work situation right now in which a guy who speaks Spanish almost exclusively tries to talk to me almost every day, but all we can say to each other are very basic, polite, "How are you's?" The other day he apologized profusely for his English, and I felt awful that he would feel the need to apologize.

Although it's not a dating situation at all, I almost wish I could ask him to text all his questions so that I could try to run them through Google Translator (and then also have a way of answering him back in Spanish). I know there would still be some misunderstandings but at least it would hopefully make him more comfortable with trying to hold a conversation.

The other day, I asked him how long he'd worked for the company and he answered with several sentences in Spanish. Unfortunately, all I could decipher was "tres" (three), and that was just from watching Sesame Street as a kid!

What about the rest of you?

* Would you learn another language to talk to or date someone you were interested in?

* If the other person didn't speak your language well, would you only agree to date them if you believed they would become more fluent in your own language? Why or why not?

* Would you choose not to date someone who didn't speak your language well, and why? Is it just because of the communication barrier, or are there other reasons?

Thanks in advance for sharing.

I would really love to know your thoughts. :)
My aunt’s half deaf, so no problem. Ha ha
 
Jun 1, 2016
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3
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#34
Hey Everyone,

One of the most interesting things I've ever experienced on a dating site was when a hearing-impaired man messaged me about dating. He asked me if I was good at learning languages and if I would be willing to learn sign language if we decided to have a relationship. He also sent me links to videos regarding how he went about daily tasks like using the (regular) telephone, because at the time, cell phones didn't exist.

Although we eventually decided we were not right for each other, it got me thinking about the possibility of learning another language for the sake of someone I might be interested in.

I'm in a work situation right now in which a guy who speaks Spanish almost exclusively tries to talk to me almost every day, but all we can say to each other are very basic, polite, "How are you's?" The other day he apologized profusely for his English, and I felt awful that he would feel the need to apologize.

Although it's not a dating situation at all, I almost wish I could ask him to text all his questions so that I could try to run them through Google Translator (and then also have a way of answering him back in Spanish). I know there would still be some misunderstandings but at least it would hopefully make him more comfortable with trying to hold a conversation.

The other day, I asked him how long he'd worked for the company and he answered with several sentences in Spanish. Unfortunately, all I could decipher was "tres" (three), and that was just from watching Sesame Street as a kid!

What about the rest of you?

* Would you learn another language to talk to or date someone you were interested in?

* If the other person didn't speak your language well, would you only agree to date them if you believed they would become more fluent in your own language? Why or why not?

* Would you choose not to date someone who didn't speak your language well, and why? Is it just because of the communication barrier, or are there other reasons?

Thanks in advance for sharing.

I would really love to know your thoughts. :)
I believe that 2 people should decide to date based on alot of things, language is a major part of dating! To be able to express your love for each other in poetic ways, to spill out your hati!. Ask yourself this, is the love interest so strong, that you are willing to learn an entire language for Someone? My answer is yes, I do not speak bahasa very well, but I'm learning satu per satu :) my sayangku is my passion and I am blessed to make that decision to date her.

So with your question it's not the language barrier, you can easily break that barrier. But the real reason that you choose not to date someone is because you don't have a connection. A connection is made almost immediately in my opinion. You will be swept away off your feet and float as the butterflies take you on a ride of mystery, love, fear, excitement, passion, and enlightenment. I hope my opinion helps :)
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
4,870
395
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#35
... well, her English is better than my Russian...

(j/k)
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,044
340
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#36
How did I miss this thread???? (I am still searching for the rant-thread.....)

I was married to a Finnish guy. He didn't speak Norwegian, and I didn't speak Finnish. I learned Finnish.... he waited 10 years before trying to learn Norwegian. (he didn't do a great job on it, might I add). We spoke English together. For me, I didn't have any problems expressing myself. I seldom do. But I sometimes felt frustrated by that he didn't always understand my English. It can be quite frustrating to explain myself.

It didn't work out very well. Perhaps his violence was a result of a deeper frustration over lacking communicative skills. I don't want to excuse him, and I understand everything he said in Finnish anyway. Most of it was just verbal abuse and cussing so I wish I didn't.

Now..... Being older and wiser, I would say that we need to be able to communicate better and deeper than a basic language provides. I think Wong Filmore's studies upon the use of emotional impact would be valid in this discussion as well. I think I couldn't marry a Finn again, because it is the most depressing sounding language in the world. Or. If he was from the Swedish speaking minority, I wouldn't have any questions about it. I find that variety of Swedish very attractive, and it is somehow my second mothertongue. A Swede would also do. Or a native English speaker. I might not have the grammar right, but I think I make myself understood mostly. And I comprehend most English speakers as well. I had problems with some North English accents and some how the accent spoken in New York didn't agree with me. Or perhaps it was because I was in Queens.

So my answer is. If God wants me to marry, I hope it is not with someone from Queens or Manchester.
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#37
No, I would not. Words are far too important to me. More important than actions, actually.
 
Z

Zi

Guest
#38
I enjoy teaching and being taught. I could sit for hours.

But not by self proclaimed know it all folks..
The above is for those who might scratch their chin due to my interaction online
Exactly.

I have been dealing with so many non native English speakers over the years and sometimes I just wanted to bang my head against the nearest wall when the communication went south.

Mind you, I wasn't married to them. I can just imagine how frustrating that would have been.
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#39
I enjoy teaching and being taught. I could sit for hours.

But not by self proclaimed know it all folks..
The above is for those who might scratch their chin due to my interaction online
You would rather be taught by know it alls who are not self proclaimed? At least the self proclaimed know it alls are self aware. People who are know it alls unknown to themselves, are not very self aware.

Which begs the question, since some know it alls are self proclaimed, does that mean they actually know it all? The know it alls unexamined, must not know it all.

This makes me think of Thomas Carlyle “Know thyself!”. I believe it was Carlyle.
 
Nov 14, 2017
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#40
not a problem. so long she's:
1. Christian
2. virgin
3. loves you
(yes, in that exact order)

language barrier wont be a problem. normally, we'll just use english language as the middle ground, and if needed, just learn each other's native language.