Would you date someone who's got a terminal or mental disease?

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amymine712

Guest
#41
#41
blue_ladybug said:
lav, geesh you know how to bring a person down! :( I'm getting depressed just reading this entire thread, and I am not mocking anyone nor being sarcastic with that comment. Like seoulsearch, I have struggled with life-long depression and suicidal thoughts since a VERY young age. It was not until only a few years ago, that I knew I needed to change how I lived, or I would end up dead. On my darkest days I could literally envision myself swinging on a rope from the rafters of my back porch!! That is not a vision I would wish upon anyone!

To get back to the OP, knowing I have depression, suicidal thoughts, etc, WHY would I (or anyone in the same boat) want to bring another person into a mess like that?! We all have our own set of problems, some can handle other's problems as well as their own. I am not one of those people.
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Yes I agree with you on needing to change your life before you bring in anyone to share it with. When you are hurting that badly, you can't handle more stress or problems that another would bring to the table. And if you know you can't handle more of what you have on your plate, then definitely don't date someone with the same issues. However we do need to realize that everyone is going to have issues and no one is perfect.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#42
Feb 21, 2014
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#42
amymine712 said:
Yes I agree with you on needing to change your life before you bring in anyone to share it with. When you are hurting that badly, you can't handle more stress or problems that another would bring to the table. And if you know you can't handle more of what you have on your plate, then definitely don't date someone with the same issues. However we do need to realize that everyone is going to have issues and no one is perfect.
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amymine, amen! :) I'm happy being single. I guess I just enjoy my own company to that of other people. LOL. Even as a kid, I preferred to go off alone and play rather than hang out with friends. I have a good grip on my depression now. I have alot more good days than bad ones! Thoughts still try to creep into my head from time to time, though. BUT I have Jesus, I have my faith, and I have my witty sense of humor to carry me through the rough patches!! :eek:
 
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amymine712

Guest
#43
#43
blue_ladybug said:
amymine, amen! :) I'm happy being single. I guess I just enjoy my own company to that of other people. LOL. Even as a kid, I preferred to go off alone and play rather than hang out with friends. I have a good grip on my depression now. I have alot more good days than bad ones! Thoughts still try to creep into my head from time to time, though. BUT I have Jesus, I have my faith, and I have my witty sense of humor to carry me through the rough patches!! :eek:
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I personally think that you need to be content with what God has given you and praising Him on a regular basis (several times a day for me) before God will bless you with greater mental stability. It sounds like He has done that with you. Praise God! We of course have to deal with wrong thoughts and the illness but God makes it better and easier to deal with.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#44
May 23, 2009
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#44
I do want to say that for anyone struggling with an illness who is reading this thread and thinking, "I'll never find anyone," the best thing you can do is to work on putting yourself in a place of being as spiritually, emotionally, and physically improved as you can be--if nothing else, for your own health.

I have also found that some of my depression was probably situational, though I did not want to admit it. From ages 18 through 29, I spent nearly 12 years in 4 pretty much back-to-back long-term relationships. Looking back, I know that I caused much of my own grief because I was terrified of being alone and felt I just had to be with someone. And what do you do when your choices are driven by fear and insecurity? You make a lot of bad choices--at least I did. I chose the wrong people and even worse situations.

I hate admitting this but God has actually been able to bring me to a place of much more completeness WITHOUT a significant other. It doesn't mean I still don't have times when I feel like I'm going to hit rock bottom because I'm alone. I worry about growing old and dying by myself. But I can handle things better now and don't feel stir-crazy stressed 24/7 like I did when I was trying to solve some guy's problems as well as my own.

Do whatever you are able to in order to get healthy--seek counseling, build relationships, find a support network, become established in a church. You may even meet a special someone along the way. If nothing else, you will learn to at least be content in any situation you find yourself in, even if it means being single. I'm not quite there but God has helped me through SO much in the time I've been away from relationships. (I was also prone to being tempted into sin when with someone; not having anyone at least eliminates that temptation, which is a painful but often helpful blessing as far as keeping my life less complicated.)

You may also find it helpful to relocate. I've done this twice in the past few years after living my entire life in one place. It was horribly painful to adjust to at first but you know how when you break a bone, the bone has to be reset in order to heal? The pain I've felt from moving was like a "resetting" of some of my emotional and spiritual skeleton. It hurt like all get out in some ways but when it was "reset" and started to heal, I could finally recognize areas of my life that were clearer and much less painful. I'm still in the process of recovering from this last "re-breaking" but I've learned that the challenge is worth it. All thanks to God, I'm so much better than I was, let's say, even 2 years ago and seem to keep getting better as time goes on. No suicide attempts for probably 13 years and no cutting for around 6 years, which for some of us is a major God-given triumph.

I also like how some posters have reminded us that it's easy to say, "I won't date someone with X" if we ourselves feel we're in a better position. Thank you for reminding me that life can change in an instant and we could go from being the person with all the advantages to the person who now has Situation X in the blink of an eye.

I agree that it's a good idea to keep an open mind because God can surprise us or challenge us with things we'd usually turn down. However, I also believe that part of our growth is learning what we can and can't handle, and being smart enough to walk away from something we know is over our heads. God tells us to love... but also to use wisdom and discernment in doing so.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#45
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
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48
#45
I hate the facts that I need to add extra characters because the simple answer of NO is too short.
 
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lav

Guest
#46
#46
blue_ladybug said:
lav, geesh you know how to bring a person down! :( I'm getting depressed just reading this entire thread, and I am not mocking anyone nor being sarcastic with that comment. Like seoulsearch, I have struggled with life-long depression and suicidal thoughts since a VERY young age. It was not until only a few years ago, that I knew I needed to change how I lived, or I would end up dead. On my darkest days I could literally envision myself swinging on a rope from the rafters of my back porch!! That is not a vision I would wish upon anyone!

To get back to the OP, knowing I have depression, suicidal thoughts, etc, WHY would I (or anyone in the same boat) want to bring another person into a mess like that?! We all have our own set of problems, some can handle other's problems as well as their own. I am not one of those people.
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yeah, i'm not the only one here who knows how to do that... but thank you.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#47
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
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#47
amymine712 said:
I personally think that you need to be content with what God has given you and praising him on a regular basis (several times a day for me) before God will bless you with greater mental stability. It sounds like He has done that with you. Praise God! We of course have to deal with wrong thoughts and the illness but God makes it better and easier to deal with.
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amymine, I AM content with what he's given me! I DO praise him on a regular basis, AND he HAS blessed me with greater mental stability than I've had in a lifetime!! :) Thank you, lord!!
 
J

JustAnotherUser

Guest
#48
#48
C'mon guys. We need to be happy.

[video=youtube;jfNajFYPljQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfNajFYPljQ[/video]

You know you wanna laugh!
 
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lav

Guest
#49
#49
i think it's funny when some people seem to claim to have advanced further than others on their walk and have gained so much more wisdom and understanding and are now so Christlike, mature and in such an exalted position to give advice, but their actions and tone display otherwise.

who is anyone to judge another and build themselves up in how extremely far they've come ?

have fun sitting up on those high horses of yours... i'm fine walking.
 
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amymine712

Guest
#50
#50
lav said:
i think it's funny when some people seem to claim to have advanced further than others on their walk and have gained so much more wisdom and understanding and are now so Christlike, mature and in such an exalted position to give advice, but their actions and tone display otherwise.

who is anyone to judge another and build themselves up in how extremely far they've come ?

have fun sitting up on those high horses of yours... i'm fine walking.
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We all have to walk out our issues with God's help. Yes I have come far from where I was but I am still a work in progress and will continue to be one until the day I meet Christ. That I praise God for how far He has brought me and use it to witness to others on His goodness doesn't make me better than another...it just means that God is free to move onto the next plank in my eye. :)
 
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lav

Guest
#51
#51
amymine712 said:
We all have to walk out our issues with God's help. Yes I have come far from where I was but I am still a work in progress and will continue to be one until the day I meet Christ. That I praise God for how far He has brought me and use it to witness to others on His goodness doesn't make me better than another...it just means that God is free to move onto the next plank in my eye. :)
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exactly my thoughts... i have also come a long way. i think the offense is in assuming that one has a plethora of advice to give to their brother/sister when they have no idea where that brother or sister stands, what their relationship with God is, what they have learned and given up along the way and how much understanding they may have also come into by the grace of God.

it's all fine and good to give advice, however sometimes that advice can be extremely misplaced and can be received as being aggravatingly patronizing/condescending.



Proverbs 16:18English Standard Version (ESV)

[SUP]18 [/SUP]Pride goes before destruction,


and a haughty spirit before a fall.



Matthew 7:1-5English Standard Version (ESV)

Judging Others

7 “Judge not, that you be not judged. [SUP]2 [/SUP]For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. [SUP]3 [/SUP]Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? [SUP]4 [/SUP]Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? [SUP]5 [/SUP]You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
 
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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#52
May 23, 2009
15,157
4,689
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#52
Hmm. Lav, if you were speaking about me, I certainly did not mean to sound condescending, patronizing, or above anyone else.

Just simply wanted to share some experiences in how God has orchestrated my healing process. I never claimed to be ahead of anyone else, either. I just thought that sharing might help others consider some things that would help them, too.
 
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lav

Guest
#54
#54
alright, i'm waving my white flag. i surrender...


[video=youtube;HcnfT4arZtI]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcnfT4arZtI[/video]
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#55
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,603
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#55
​I surrender too--at least for tonight! It's getting late and I'm tired. :) Nice song, lav. :)
 
hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#56
May 10, 2014
552
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#56
I think we all like to believe we have the answer about whether we would or would not be in a relationship with someone with a terminal illness or mental health issues. We really don't know until faced with the situation, because too many factors come into play when it becomes a reality.

For those who don't think they could be in that type of relationship, I want to emphasize that doesn't mean these people do not still care about the terminal or mentally ill person.
 
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Raine

Guest
#57
#57
We are all called to help the sick, widowed, orphans and the poor... Which you all already know.

But in terms of relationship... I would like to believe that if faced with this situation, I would love them completely no matter what. Especially if we are already married. This does not mean that you have to carry the whole burden yourself. You have family and friends and your church to help support you as well. But in such difficult times, love is needed even more.

Now in regards to a newer relationship or just someone I liked and was thinking about dating... It would depend if I believe that I am capable of giving them the love they need. And if I seriously was in love with their heart and soul, I might enter in a relationship regardless or just remain close friends.

As a healthcare personnel, I'm sure that after work I wouldn't have much energy left to give after being drained from all the patients at work to come home and take care of my terminally ill partner or have the emotional/mental capacity to deal with their mental illness. I think this is when we need to realize that it is ok to seek help from others as well. I have seen burnout from families and spouses and I remind them, your job is to love them, we'll take care of the rest. We'll worry about their meds and cares and health status and appointments... They just need you to be there and show them you love them... They just need to forget that they are sick or dying... Even if only for a moment.
 
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Aya2011

Guest
#58
#58
Aya2011 said:
Like if a person has cancer, AIDS, multiple sclerosis, etc.

I'm not sending out some kind of negative tone here, I just wanna know what's your take on this matter.
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I know this topic is very sensitive but I didn't realize that it would go this deep. And I should have explained my OP more clearly and carefully.

My personal take is that I would have to say no (for now). Dating someone by God's principle should lead to marriage, its not a trial and error thing (like the world does). If lets say, in the near future, I met a person who has AIDS (a God-fearing man and has a good testimony) and there's an attraction between us, I dunno. It is still God's will. But I will forever admire those people who have selflessly and lovingly involved themselves with someone who has a serious health problem. One good example is Ken and Joni Tada's relationship.

ken-and-joni-wedding-day.jpg
 
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Raine

Guest
#59
#59
Another great story... This is not terminal or mental illness... But definitely something where his wife has devoted her whole life to care for him. Beautiful story! (I'm sure he makes good money too but that's beside the point I'm trying to make :p)

Nick Vujicic, Life Without Limbs
image.jpg
 
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Aya2011

Guest
#60
#60
Raine said:
Another great story... This is not terminal or mental illness... But definitely something where his wife has devoted her whole life to care for him. Beautiful story! (I'm sure he makes good money too but that's beside the point I'm trying to make :p)

Nick Vujicic, Life Without Limbs
View attachment 87058
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God really moves on mysterious ways!
 
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