Would you marry you?

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morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,258
113
#21
But for me the idea of marrying someone is the opportunity to escape the self. To open a new world of discovery. To be challenged to think differently or more broadly. My wife introduced me to a different world view which I am grateful for.
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
1,570
1,423
113
#22
So I was listening to a radio program today on Focus on the Family, talking about questions for a parent to ask a child’s future spouse. There were several, but man this one was a big big one for me.

Would you marry you?

Not being snarky. Not being silly. If you had to live with someone like yourself, with the issues that you know you have and still need to work on...would you? I know I need to really chew on that personally. I may have to answer after a while of having posted this to give myself time to really consider it.

And obviously if the answer is no way, what do you need/want/ are doing to change it?
Yes... is that wrong?
 

christian74

Senior Member
Oct 1, 2013
545
231
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#24
Great question.

I used to ask a similar question and it was 'if you had a daughter, would you give your daughter to someone like me?' and my answer was 'dude, I don't think so - don't even think about it.' Soon enough the question evolved into whether God would give one of His daughters to me. Then it dawned on me that not only God has to look at my side of story as a loving Dad (Dad, when are you bringing her?), but He has to also make sure that His daughter, whom He loves equally if not more, will be happy with me as well.

Conclusion: Son, you ain't ready yet (or could it be I'm ready but 'she' isn't? If so and you are her, get it together!)
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
570
486
63
#25
Ok I’m gonna finally try and do this...
It’s so funny because it plays into my notion of self criticism that I always have. At first I was like all critical of my flaws but then I had to think “Ok what would I say if it was a guy dealing with this same problem...I would want to help him, to support him. To let him know I’ve been there.” And this is weird because when it’s me, it’s totally not ok.

Hm...well if it was a gentleman who had the same ideals as far as smoking/drinking/premarital relations and was also a Christian, AWESOME. Christian geek as well, yas...

Hm....I think yes I would marry me...but if it wasn’t me? I think that just shows that I have again self criticism that I need to deal with.
Hi Artsie,
Interesting thread!
My first reaction to this was "No! Absolutely not! "
I was thinking of all the things wrong with me that need work. But as you said, that is a lot of self criticism. So I started thinking about the other side of things.
I have 5 young people that love me and are usually excited to see me when I get home from work.
I've got a job and have worked at the same company for 18 years. I have skills and abilities. Like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills...
I am working on my faults that I am aware of, I do want to grow and become a more godly person.

I find it interesting that we are told to love others as ourselves, not love others and hate ourselves.
Husbands are to love their wives like they love their own bodies.

So after thinking about this today...I would say..."No! Absolutely not!" I am not a selfish person, at all. 🤣
That would be greedy to keep me all to myself. I'd like to share me with someone who shares the same values and has other skills than me.

Thanks for the thread.
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
4,807
1,785
113
#26
Heck yeah, I'm awesome.




Jk mostly
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
1,570
1,423
113
#27
Not at all! Just a question for self reflection.
Awesome, have had lots of opportunity for self reflection over these past (almost) three years. Has been a long process with a lot more to process and learn along my journey... While acknowledging my faults, limitations, and weaknesses; I've strived to try to focus upon becoming the best version of myself possible with the hope of becoming whole/complete and to learn my own self worth and to realize what I have - that I can give - to contribute to a relationship...

Am I perfect - no, buy no means. Do I have a couple few bad habits - well yes (I sometimes forget to fold my laundry, socks tend to be out and about, I might be a pack rat of old papers, I'm a recovering workoholic; and working on managing my work stress with tremendous success (the bureaucratic bully was fired - yea!) etc). I've been accused of being too nice and even too forgiving...

I've learned that I have a lot of love, compassion and selfless acts of kindness to give in a relationship - so it would be an amazing blessing (I think) to meet my female doppleganger equivalent (oh no, would I have to look like myself in this scenario - cuz that would be kinda weird ew that's my sister).

So, if I were to meet someone that could understand and empathize when I am down, remind me to pick up after myself, and throw away out dated paperwork; recognize and help me to decompress when I need to reduce unwarranted stress; someone to be my partner - whose got my back and vise versa - with a never quit - never surrender positive energy and mindset...
Yes... now where might a guy find such a gal?
1572486524502.png
 

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laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
1,690
1,597
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#30
I think I would have to be willing to take my time, get to know me, really listen and see if I am compatible with me. Oh sure, in the short term it seems perfect, but rushing it could be a definite red flag. I would need to see evidence of a real commitment to love in action rather than just words. I know I can be pretty hard on myself and that has to be tempered with mercy and compassion. I would need to show some flexibility if it was going to work in the long run. I think I have a lot of potential but if it is meant to be then there is no need to rush. :)
 

G00WZ

Senior Member
May 16, 2014
960
262
63
34
#34
So I was listening to a radio program today on Focus on the Family, talking about questions for a parent to ask a child’s future spouse. There were several, but man this one was a big big one for me.

Would you marry you?

Not being snarky. Not being silly. If you had to live with someone like yourself, with the issues that you know you have and still need to work on...would you? I know I need to really chew on that personally. I may have to answer after a while of having posted this to give myself time to really consider it.

And obviously if the answer is no way, what do you need/want/ are doing to change it?

Rephrasing the question as "Would you marry someone like you?" short answer yes.
 

von1

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2010
1,523
1,379
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56
#35
I am turning 56 this month, maybe to late for me to marry or may not. Maybe if that special someone came along.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
32,213
10,319
113
#36
I am turning 56 this month, maybe to late for me to marry or may not. Maybe if that special someone came along.
Happy Birthday, Von! Never say never ;)

 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
1,690
1,597
113
#38
I am turning 56 this month, maybe to late for me to marry or may not. Maybe if that special someone came along.
I'm turning 55 this month and though I am at a different place than in my 20s, I think the possibility of being in a loving relationship makes sense. I think if someone is will to be caring, curious about others, has humour and intelligence and is willing to be emotionally flexible, age is not the issue. The desire for companionship is still there. You have years of learning how to be your best self. You have years of knowing how to be a friend, and how to treat people the way you want to be treated. You have had time to learn your own weaknesses and how to own them. No matter your age, there are others who are the same age and are still open to life. If it is a call of your heart, then do not be afraid. It is possible. God is good.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,466
3,113
113
#39
I cant recall any marriages hapoening in the retirement villages I worked in where there were heaps of widows. Just the one with one of the staff who didnt live there, but she invited everyone to her wedding. I dont think it was a marriage to one of the residents though. People said it was her second one as shed been divorced.

It would be intresting to find out if theres many marriages for over 65s. I mean is age a thing, is there an age you cant marry? Most people seem to think you need to do it becore 30 or you never do it. Or in some circles as soon as you leave school cos some people think adulthood is just too hard without being married.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
1,335
1,177
113
#40
Would I marry myself? I'll get back to you on that one (actually I won't).

Seriously though, I think it would be helpful to live with someone with the same issues. We would understand and maybe be more forgiving and tolerant as we have the same insight. We would also know how to help one another.

Plus we'd have the same strengths. I think that would be a blessing.
Not necessarily. What is required is someone who understands your issues. Having someone with the same issues may make things worst.

. If we think we would be good to help another with the same issues as ourselves, because se understand, why can we not help ourselves?
Good point. I tend to be uncomfortable around people, if my spouse is the same, I would understand sure, but could I help him be more confident around others? Nope. And can he help me? Nope.

On the other hand if my spouse is full of confidence, he would certainly be a great example for me (provided I'm not uncomfortable around him as well).

obsessive compulsive narcissism
What is that?