Break up

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Nov 16, 2019
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#1
I dated this boy for one year and almost 3 months. We had a long distance relationship but met 1-2 times a month. Otherwise, we were very close and spent a lot of time skyping after school until we fell asleep. We were each other’s motivation to do work.

However, during summer breaks and stuff, we saw each other everyday.

I helped him become stronger in His faith in God and he liked that. And he always cared for many the way that no could ever care for me. He was always involved in my problems and I was always involved in his and we helped each other all the time.

However, unexpectedly, he spoke to me and said he wanted to break up. It was a quick decision that I thought was a joke (because it’s happened before) but he proved it to me.

He told me he wanted independence and just didn’t want a relationship anymore, especially a long distance. Although I believe that some of it is true, I believe that it was compeltely out of character. He made this decision within minutes, he was loving to me one second then quickly changed.
Unfortunately, I’m unable to connect with him anymore. He’s tried his best to get over me and pretended he was ok and so he’s doing well...

He broke up with me even though he still loved me and tried his best to remove his feelings.

Now I’m left depressed and it’s been affecting my mental health, my physical health and my studies. Everything reminds me of him, I can’t work because I have no motivation and it just reminds me of him.

But a bigger problem, is that I gave away my virginity to him.

Our relationship was strong enough that I trusted him with it. He believed in God as well and he reassured me, and it was not a lie, that he would treasure it and never let me down.

But now he has, and I’m left lost.

I still love him but I can’t connect to him anymore. His friends also fully support his decision even though they’ve never been in a serious or long distant relationship before. I feel like i’ve lost everything.

Nonetheless, I’ve been reaching out to God, praying that he’s going to realize soon that he can’t just convince himself that he doesn’t love me anymore and that his actions now are unacceptable (he’s been partying, flirting etc.). And I’m praying that in the future he will return to me.

But I’m still so heartbroken, and I apply for university soon, but all I want is for him to not want to give up his love for me, so i can continue.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,603
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#2
He doesn't sound like a true Christian to me. Seems he wants to sow his wild oats, and reap the benefits. He used you, plain and simple. :( Hopefully you have learned a lesson out of all this, and can move on with your life.

He has and is, showing you his true colors. "He wants his independence" is a code phrase for "I want to be free to do whatever I want". He wants to be the party guy, without the constraints of a long-distance relationship and a "girlfriend". IF he's had sex with you, it's a good bet he's having sex with others. Sounds like a guy who needs to grow up.

I hate to tell you this, but long-distance relationships RARELY ever work out and produce good fruit.

Stop moping over him, let God be your strength, and move on with your life and school work. :)
 
Nov 16, 2019
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#3
I really appreciate that you’re taking the time to assess my situation.

I don’t think our relationship was fake at all. We are only teenagers but we lasted a whole year in long distance. He also sacrificed a lot.

When I said partying, I don’t think he’s getting drunk and stuff, he’s just having fun. I don’t think there’s anyone who would be willing to read bible verses with me and discuss about God and pray every night for one year just to use me. As well, I was the first one he did it with.

I don’t want to let go of him and I’m praying that he realizes soon that he wants to love me too.
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
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#4
Just worry about you now. People can be very disappointing. Male and female. Events in our lives prove our ultimate trust should be in Jesus Christ. I hope you can learn from this. Avoid bitterness if possible. He sounds young and stupid like I once was. Now I'm old and only slightly less stupid. 😃
You sound like a nice person. Hang in there . Life can be a rollercoaster sometimes.
 
Nov 16, 2019
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#5
Just worry about you now. People can be very disappointing. Male and female. Events in our lives prove our ultimate trust should be in Jesus Christ. I hope you can learn from this. Avoid bitterness if possible. He sounds young and stupid like I once was. Now I'm old and only slightly less stupid. 😃
You sound like a nice person. Hang in there . Life can be a rollercoaster sometimes.
I’m trying my best not to think negative thoughts although I have, I’m glad that I have no heart to do them because of God and my family.
Either way, I’m praying he becomes more mature but when he does, find love for me. He was just very important, the closest person that I’ve ever been with.

Thank you
 
Nov 16, 2019
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#6
He doesn't sound like a true Christian to me. Seems he wants to sow his wild oats, and reap the benefits. He used you, plain and simple. :( Hopefully you have learned a lesson out of all this, and can move on with your life.

He has and is, showing you his true colors. "He wants his independence" is a code phrase for "I want to be free to do whatever I want". He wants to be the party guy, without the constraints of a long-distance relationship and a "girlfriend". IF he's had sex with you, it's a good bet he's having sex with others. Sounds like a guy who needs to grow up.

I hate to tell you this, but long-distance relationships RARELY ever work out and produce good fruit.

Stop moping over him, let God be your strength, and move on with your life and school work. :)
I really appreciate that you’re taking the time to assess my situation.

I don’t think our relationship was fake at all. We are only teenagers but we lasted a whole year in long distance. He also sacrificed a lot.

When I said partying, I don’t think he’s getting drunk and stuff, he’s just having fun. I don’t think there’s anyone who would be willing to read bible verses with me and discuss about God and pray every night for one year just to use me. As well, I was the first one he did it with.

I don’t want to let go of him and I’m praying that he realizes soon that he wants to love me too.
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
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#7
I’m trying my best not to think negative thoughts although I have, I’m glad that I have no heart to do them because of God and my family.
Either way, I’m praying he becomes more mature but when he does, find love for me. He was just very important, the closest person that I’ve ever been with.

Thank you
sounds like you are counting on him coming back to you. Not sure that is wise to be honest.
 
Nov 16, 2019
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#8
sounds like you are counting on him coming back to you. Not sure that is wise to be honest.
You’re right, I am. I’m hoping he doesn’t become a person I don’t like anymore because by then, I will really have to let go, my sacrifices will be for nothing, and our beloved relationship would be for nothing either.
 

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
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#11
To me it sounds like he was not ready to have a long term commitment. Yes a year and a half is a long time, but the rest of your life is far longer. I don’t know if you guys spoke of future plans, but if he’s now partying and flirting with others, I think he has decided he doesn’t want to be “tied down” as some think a long term relationship is.

I personally wouldn’t hope have him come back to you, but instead pray God helps you to grow from this and find your identity in Him. Things will remind you of the relationship I know, but that’s part of growing so that you can see these things just as part of your journey in life.
 
Nov 16, 2019
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#12
To me it sounds like he was not ready to have a long term commitment. Yes a year and a half is a long time, but the rest of your life is far longer. I don’t know if you guys spoke of future plans, but if he’s now partying and flirting with others, I think he has decided he doesn’t want to be “tied down” as some think a long term relationship is.

I personally wouldn’t hope have him come back to you, but instead pray God helps you to grow from this and find your identity in Him. Things will remind you of the relationship I know, but that’s part of growing so that you can see these things just as part of your journey in life.
He’s not partying in the way you imagine. It was simply a birthday party with alcohol but he’s not the type to get drunk. It was only with his friends.

He wasn’t really flirting flirting, but in our relationship, we both consider it as something uncomfortable that friends often do with eachother.

I will definitely become closer to God, but even then, I still want him to realize his immaturity.
 

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
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#13
I will definitely become closer to God, but even then, I still want him to realize his immaturity.
Oh yes I totally agree. I only say it may take some time, and it may be best for both of you if it be Gods will that it be separate.

But that’s just me.
 
Nov 16, 2019
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#14
Oh yes I totally agree. I only say it may take some time, and it may be best for both of you if it be Gods will that it be separate.

But that’s just me.
Thank you, I hope it’s only God’s will got us to grow but also to find each other again.
 
E

EliBeth

Guest
#15
Precious girl, I am sorry for your pain. So very sorry. I can empathize in some small way.
You say that you feel you have lost everything. But may I interject that you still have the greatest Thing of all? Your Heavenly Father is SO much more valuable and essential than this one you mourn the loss of. Press into your True Love, the One who will never, not ever forsake you. Tell Him about your pain, disappointment, and ask Him what you are to do.
Dear, may I be honest with you? Just because this fellow believed in God, and your relationship was strong, and it was his first time, and he told you that he would treasure your virginity does not make fornication okay. No amount of excuses can justify the sin. It is sin in God's eyes and needs to be repented of. I say this not in condemnation, but in sincerity and love. God is grieved by our sin. God is also jealous for His children. Couldn't He be grieved in this situation too? Could He perhaps be jealous of your attachment and dependence on this fellow?
I do not know God's will in this situation. But I would be negligent if I didn't put forth the possibility that you may need to close the door on your former boyfriend and move on. Agonizing, perhaps. But if it is God's will, it is best. And you CAN trust Him. I have had to close the door on a few relationships (per His guidance) and it can be really painful. And it may take time to really, truly get moved on. Though, He will support, enable, and encourage you. But our Father has the master blue print for our lives and no one can create a better one. He cannot be topped. Perhaps, this is a suggestion, start praying something like, "Lord, if it is Your will for me to surrender (his name) and move on with my life , make me willing and help me to do it." This kind of prayer can really please God because it is rooted in trust and commitment.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. (Refer James 4:7-8)
I hope this helps in some small way. ❤️
 
Nov 16, 2019
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#16
We did it and we both were very repentful for our early sex.

It’s been very hard to even consider a life without him but I’ll pray more. I still love him very much that I haven’t not cried a single day this whole month. He’s very important to me.

Thank you.
 
E

EliBeth

Guest
#17
We did it and we both were very repentful for our early sex.

It’s been very hard to even consider a life without him but I’ll pray more. I still love him very much that I haven’t not cried a single day this whole month. He’s very important to me.

Thank you.
You are welcome, Strawberry. Hugs.
 
Aug 27, 2019
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#18
I really appreciate that you’re taking the time to assess my situation.

I don’t think our relationship was fake at all. We are only teenagers but we lasted a whole year in long distance. He also sacrificed a lot.

When I said partying, I don’t think he’s getting drunk and stuff, he’s just having fun. I don’t think there’s anyone who would be willing to read bible verses with me and discuss about God and pray every night for one year just to use me. As well, I was the first one he did it with.

I don’t want to let go of him and I’m praying that he realizes soon that he wants to love me too.
I am sorry to hear that... I understand how painful it is...

It breaks my heart because i remember my young niece and how it hurts her so much and our family especially her family 😥

She got pregnant He dumped her after he found out she was pregnant...

Sad to say but some people will say they love you but after sleeping with you and make you pregnant they will leave you like they never loved you..

I know you are still hoping that everything will go back to normal...but for example he goes back to you what will going to happen? He will again sleep with you for sure...and it will continue like that...he will continue to use you...


Strawberry I am sorry if i am being harsh here but the truth is he never truly loved you... He maybe loved you but not enough to stand by you ...His feelings fade away and suddenly left you after his work is done ..It doesn't matter whether you knew him for 1 year or 1 week...he makes his intentions known to you. Learn from this,use your experience to spot this kind of guy...because a guy that loves you will respect you, will wait for you,will not sleep with you even if you let him until marriage.


We all have experienced disappointments and hurts some learned things the hard way but without those we will never grow we will never be wise. You have a bright future ahead of you. You are still young 😊 pick yourself up, get closer to God talk to Him . It is good to cry...cry over it and keep praying. It will take time, maybe...but

Just give yourself a time to heal . It doesn't matter how slow you heal as long as you always take a small step forward.. 😊

It hurts but Sometimes God removes people from our life to protect us...HE knows what's best for you and He can already see the future...


May God hold you and sorround you with love and peace and wipe away your tears. Hugs lil sister 🤗🤗🤗God bless you ❤
 
Nov 16, 2019
25
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#19
I am sorry to hear that... I understand how painful it is...

It breaks my heart because i remember my young niece and how it hurts her so much and our family especially her family 😥

She got pregnant He dumped her after he found out she was pregnant...

Sad to say but some people will say they love you but after sleeping with you and make you pregnant they will leave you like they never loved you..

I know you are still hoping that everything will go back to normal...but for example he goes back to you what will going to happen? He will again sleep with you for sure...and it will continue like that...he will continue to use you...


Strawberry I am sorry if i am being harsh here but the truth is he never truly loved you... He maybe loved you but not enough to stand by you ...His feelings fade away and suddenly left you after his work is done ..It doesn't matter whether you knew him for 1 year or 1 week...he makes his intentions known to you. Learn from this,use your experience to spot this kind of guy...because a guy that loves you will respect you, will wait for you,will not sleep with you even if you let him until marriage.


We all have experienced disappointments and hurts some learned things the hard way but without those we will never grow we will never be wise. You have a bright future ahead of you. You are still young 😊 pick yourself up, get closer to God talk to Him . It is good to cry...cry over it and keep praying. It will take time, maybe...but

Just give yourself a time to heal . It doesn't matter how slow you heal as long as you always take a small step forward.. 😊

It hurts but Sometimes God removes people from our life to protect us...HE knows what's best for you and He can already see the future...


May God hold you and sorround you with love and peace and wipe away your tears. Hugs lil sister 🤗🤗🤗God bless you ❤
This really means a lot to me but I truly feel like he didn’t use me. We stopped doing it because we didn’t need it. In fact we didn’t even distance, it was just a “bubbling up of stress” from the long distance. It happened so quick, even he felt hurt and pained leaving me.
He’s still contacting me now as friends, he still cares about me and he slightly still loves me. He’s just trying his best to get over me and that’s just the part I find to accept.

I really don’t think he used me during that whole relationship.

God bless you!
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,256
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#20
Maybe we who have given advice have stereotyped this guy as a typical scoundrel. But strawberry from your last post I sense this guy is different or unique.
Maybe we were wrong. I await updates.