How to go about telling my mother about our relationship

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Corbinscam

Corbinscam

Senior Member
#41
Jul 17, 2016
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#41
TemporaryCircumstances said:
Yes....we have even tried getting a notebook so we could write what we had to say
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My mom and I tried a notebook simply because it's literally impossible to actually yell at each other while writing :p

It was a flop. I wasn't ready to deal with it and she wasn't ready to either. It's easy to ignore feelings and manipulate a situation and ignore the real issue. The elephant in the room. Look around for an elephant....if you find one be ready to deal with him first. Until you do that nothing will really happen between you and your mom.

And I think I mentioned it before but pray about it. Ask God for wisdom and guidance and ask Him to help you deal.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#42
#42
Corbinscam said:
My mom and I tried a notebook simply because it's literally impossible to actually yell at each other while writing :p

It was a flop. I wasn't ready to deal with it and she wasn't ready to either. It's easy to ignore feelings and manipulate a situation and ignore the real issue. The elephant in the room. Look around for an elephant....if you find one be ready to deal with him first. Until you do that nothing will really happen between you and your mom.

And I think I mentioned it before but pray about it. Ask God for wisdom and guidance and ask Him to help you deal.
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Yeah....
Will do... thank you
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#44
Feb 7, 2015
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413
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#44
When you guys say you tried notebooks, did you actually write individual letter personally directed and delivered to the other person? Or did you treat it like a diary entry left for the other to read?
 
Corbinscam

Corbinscam

Senior Member
#45
Jul 17, 2016
560
35
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#45
Willie,

We used both methods. I honestly think both are effective if used correctly. We just didn't use them correctly. We just weren't ready to handle reality....and if you're not being honest no relationship is fixable.
 
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Ruth

Ruth

Member
#46
May 14, 2016
99
5
0
#46
I think the idea of seeing a therapist is a good idea for the simple reason that there would be a third party present and a witness of what your mother says to do should your mother try to deny that she said anything mean and nasty to you! With time, the therapist may be able to help teach both of you how to listen and respond instead of react to each other. Just a thought......
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#47
#47
GaryA said:
I sincerely hope and pray that what I am thinking is not true...
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Well I don't know what you're thinking so I couldn't tell you
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#48
#48
Willie-T said:
When you guys say you tried notebooks, did you actually write individual letter personally directed and delivered to the other person? Or did you treat it like a diary entry left for the other to read?
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We wrote it and slipped it under the door of the other persons bedroom for them to read and respond
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#49
#49
Ruth said:
I think the idea of seeing a therapist is a good idea for the simple reason that there would be a third party present and a witness of what your mother says to do should your mother try to deny that she said anything mean and nasty to you! With time, the therapist may be able to help teach both of you how to listen and respond instead of react to each other. Just a thought......
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That's what I was thinking.
We found a therapist who takes out insurance and specializes in everything I need, so we'll see what happens
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#50
#50
TemporaryCircumstances said:
That's what I was thinking.
We found a therapist who takes out insurance and specializes in everything I need, so we'll see what happens
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I'm not sure how to say this without sounding insensitive, so please know that I don't mean it insensitively! What about your mum? She sounds like she has a lot of needs too.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#51
#51
Tinuviel said:
I'm not sure how to say this without sounding insensitive, so please know that I don't mean it insensitively! What about your mum? She sounds like she has a lot of needs too.
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She has a counselor
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#52
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
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#52
I wish I had $10 for every time I have heard, "Boy, she (he, them, they) sure need/needed to hear THAT." Or more directly when they walk into the office.... "I brought her here so you can straighten her out."

Therapy should always be approached with an emotional mirror held up to OURSELVES....... NOT the other person.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#53
#53
Willie-T said:
I wish I had $10 for every time I have heard, "Boy, she (he, them, they) sure need/needed to hear THAT." Or more directly when they walk into the office.... "I brought her here so you can straighten her out."

Therapy should always be approached with an emotional mirror held up to OURSELVES....... NOT the other person.
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Youre right......
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#54
#54
Tinuviel said:
I'm not sure how to say this without sounding insensitive, so please know that I don't mean it insensitively! What about your mum? She sounds like she has a lot of needs too.
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By the way, when I said she specializes in everything I need I was talking about anxiety, depression ect.
The therapist isn't only there for our relationship but to try to work on me.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#55
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#55
I have heard two things about marriage that I think apply to all of life in some way or another.

One, marriage is a give-and-take affair. Plan to give 90%, and hopefully receive 10%.

Two, the man is the head of the family, BUT the wife is the neck, and the neck turns the head.

You can swap and or substitute any of those subject/nouns for parent & child, or boss & employer, etc..... even just thinking about friends.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#56
#56
Willie-T said:
I have heard two things about marriage that I think apply to all of life in some way or another.

One, marriage is a give-and-take affair. Plan to give 90%, and hopefully receive 10%.

Two, the man is the head of the family, BUT the wife is the neck, and the neck turns the head.

You can swap and or substitute any of those subject/nouns for parent & child, or boss & employer, etc..... even just thinking about friends.
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What if the "neck" or "head" isn't working
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#57
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#57
BTW, a good therapist doesn't try to 'fix' you, but rather, they lead you to the threshold of your own understanding, and let you walk through on your own.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#58
#58
Willie-T said:
BTW, a good therapist doesn't try to 'fix' you, but rather, they lead you to the threshold of your own understanding, and let you walk through on your own.
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Yeah... I know
I am the only person who can fix me. I know
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#60
#60
Willie-T said:
Which do you see yourself as..... and why do you think either (or both) are "not working?"
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Neck I guess... and because.... I don't know...we can't work together, I can't trust her, she's doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, and I know I'm doing things wrong.
 
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