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S
Now I'm just worried that I can't use my casual reference to my women friends here anymore, because it's someone's username now.
In reference to the OP and the prior OP (Red), I think Red really does make a pretty solid point: I think I know what I want...but I really won't know it until I see it. Donk starts with some pretty good groundwork. After the initial physical attraction and/or friendship that connects two people to the point that they decide to explore "more than friendship," I think (keyword: THINK, i.e., believe, theorize, postulate) that what most men really desire is someone who is trusting and supportive. Just as most women seem to desire being cherished an appreciated, I think most men want to feel trusted and supported in their choices. It's not that we should never be questioned or that we should be followed blindly; rather, that our spouse honestly believes that us men have our (man and woman) best interests at heart, rather than doing things selfishly.
That's not to say that Christian men won't ever be selfish and do something stupid, because we can be, and likely will at SOME point...but to know you have your wife's trust and support makes you feel THAT much stronger. This, of course, can easily be abused (see: every person here who's companion left them for another), but if your companionship is truly, deeply rooted in Christ, it shouldn't be an issue. But no one should ever consider themselves safe or immune. King David, anyone?
In reference to the OP and the prior OP (Red), I think Red really does make a pretty solid point: I think I know what I want...but I really won't know it until I see it. Donk starts with some pretty good groundwork. After the initial physical attraction and/or friendship that connects two people to the point that they decide to explore "more than friendship," I think (keyword: THINK, i.e., believe, theorize, postulate) that what most men really desire is someone who is trusting and supportive. Just as most women seem to desire being cherished an appreciated, I think most men want to feel trusted and supported in their choices. It's not that we should never be questioned or that we should be followed blindly; rather, that our spouse honestly believes that us men have our (man and woman) best interests at heart, rather than doing things selfishly.
That's not to say that Christian men won't ever be selfish and do something stupid, because we can be, and likely will at SOME point...but to know you have your wife's trust and support makes you feel THAT much stronger. This, of course, can easily be abused (see: every person here who's companion left them for another), but if your companionship is truly, deeply rooted in Christ, it shouldn't be an issue. But no one should ever consider themselves safe or immune. King David, anyone?
D
I have come to believe that any christian who says all they want is a good godly ''person of the opposite sex'' is a liar.
A liar to other people and unfortunately to themselves most of all
I have had this exact scenario happen within the last year.
Woman Christian ''all I want is a good godly man''
Man Christian ''all I want is a good godly woman''
Me '' Girl meet man , man meet girl''
Guess what , they didn't meet.
Guess why? Cause ''all I want is a good godly person'' isn't the truth.
There are other factors that matter. So please do no fool yourselves.
God above all but there are other factors.
A liar to other people and unfortunately to themselves most of all
I have had this exact scenario happen within the last year.
Woman Christian ''all I want is a good godly man''
Man Christian ''all I want is a good godly woman''
Me '' Girl meet man , man meet girl''
Guess what , they didn't meet.
Guess why? Cause ''all I want is a good godly person'' isn't the truth.
There are other factors that matter. So please do no fool yourselves.
God above all but there are other factors.
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S
You know I'd say all I need is a woman who loves God more than she loves any man on the planet, but come to think of it.. one or two more things.
She better not try smothering me.
She probably shouldn't be flamingly liberal. Too many potential arguments there...
She needs to be open, fair, and honest about finances (finances rank up there with the top reasons for divorce).
And I'm not compromising on those very few requirements I have, especially where she has to love God more than me! I'll stay single before I have a train wreck marriage.
She better not try smothering me.
She probably shouldn't be flamingly liberal. Too many potential arguments there...
She needs to be open, fair, and honest about finances (finances rank up there with the top reasons for divorce).
And I'm not compromising on those very few requirements I have, especially where she has to love God more than me! I'll stay single before I have a train wreck marriage.
im totally referring to outer beauty. my standard isnt necessarily what 'the world's' beauty standards are, bur yes a woman needs to be attractive to me for me to consider them as a partner. its just how it rolls. does it make me shallow? perhaps. am i okay with that? certainly
im need to be interested in getting to know you before i get to know you. i mean if you dont attract my attention why would the rest matteR?
im need to be interested in getting to know you before i get to know you. i mean if you dont attract my attention why would the rest matteR?
Ah, the truth finally emerges. It always comes down to appearance with [most of] the men. As much as they talk about a girl who loves God and is pretty on the inside, they only care if it is wrapped up in a petite, perky package. I know dozens of amazing women of God who are entirely overlooked because they don't fit man's standard of beauty for diverse reasons. Yet the Christian men find a cute little thing who "just happened" to make a profession of faith about 3 months into their relationship. Then 5 years later, he's surprised that she's a flake, and their marriage is crumbling. As a former pastor's wife, this story has happened in front of my own eyes again, and again, and again.
So..you would have no qualms dating lets say the world's ugliest man as long as he was a good christian? Really? REALLY? Also I like how it's "Man's" standard as if we are all some hivemind of a gender and we have all agreed that only one type of woman is attractive. Yet meanwhile you honestly have no earthly idea what I consider attractive. Instead your just going with the stereotypical rant in this case. Yes all these dozens of women are single ONLY because of their looks there could not be possibly anything else wrong with them could there? like maybe a super-defensive bitter attitude anytime someone mentions looks?
I just want to say for the record that this is not what I am looking for, and it never was...
Above anything else, I want a woman who appreciates me for all that I am, and is willing to accept all that I am not.
Finding a woman like that who is also a christian would be like a miracle to me.
Above anything else, I want a woman who appreciates me for all that I am, and is willing to accept all that I am not.
Finding a woman like that who is also a christian would be like a miracle to me.
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I'm not bitter, just observant. If it happened once or twice, I would dismiss it as a fluke. Maybe this is just a Texas thing, and the men in other parts of the world men are more enlightened. But this is reality in my sphere.
And beauty isn't evil. My best friend is still a drop-dead gorgeous blonde even after 5 kids. It's just so foreign to me that something as fleeting beauty is ALWAYS the prerequisite for a woman to be loved. My little sister was in an accident and has chemical burns on over 14% of her body, including both breasts. My other sister has genetically thin hair, and the heinous things that "Christian" guys said to her were the main influence for her leaving the faith. One of the most godly young women I know had multiple reconstructive surgeries from a dog bite on her mouth and chin as a child. My medical condition prevents me from losing weight without dedicating more time and money than I have to the effort. A good friend of mine is a runner and really sweet Christian but is never considered pretty enough. It's just really sad that no matter how good a woman is, it always comes down to beauty.
And beauty isn't evil. My best friend is still a drop-dead gorgeous blonde even after 5 kids. It's just so foreign to me that something as fleeting beauty is ALWAYS the prerequisite for a woman to be loved. My little sister was in an accident and has chemical burns on over 14% of her body, including both breasts. My other sister has genetically thin hair, and the heinous things that "Christian" guys said to her were the main influence for her leaving the faith. One of the most godly young women I know had multiple reconstructive surgeries from a dog bite on her mouth and chin as a child. My medical condition prevents me from losing weight without dedicating more time and money than I have to the effort. A good friend of mine is a runner and really sweet Christian but is never considered pretty enough. It's just really sad that no matter how good a woman is, it always comes down to beauty.
You are projecting an emotion that I do not have. No, I am not bitter. In fact, I am quite content for the most part--though I miss the frequent conversation that I enjoyed in relationships. I have been on staff or an active volunteer in churches for all of my adult life. I have coordinated weddings, counseled couples, and otherwise had a bird's-eye view of these relationship dynamics. I am simply stating what has come up time and time again. Like I said earlier, maybe this only happens in Dallas and East Texas. But this is the norm where I live.
awesome way to start this, DF! In total agreement. Thanks!
I think it would be good to add what some of these things may LOOK like in a woman of character:
1. loving God - not because it's the "right" answer, as DF pointed out, but because you are sold out for God. How is this measurable? You want to do more than just warm a pew every Sunday. You long to grow spiritually and are considering serving in a ministry. Perhaps you already serve in a ministry within or separate from your church body. You've discovered that Christian service is not always convenient and can be very taxing, but can also be very energizing at the same time. You might be in a Bible Study group.
2. wants to be with her guy - Yes. You give him space (and vice versa) but you also want to spend time with him. Few guys like to sit and talk about their feelings, but if you just hang out and do stuff with them, this stuff will come out. So help him - hand him those bricks as he is putting up that retaining wall, or bring him a beer while he is measuring/sawing wood for that bookshelf. Throw that frisbee with him. When they are doing stuff, guys will share what's on their heart. Be affirming and nonjudgmental - women do not have a monopoly on insecurity - he took a risk when he confided with you.
3. Loyal, faithful, no games - What DF said.
I also want to add - we often hear that men are to "love your wife as the Lord loves the church." Some women are easier to love than others. A woman who is easy to love has these qualities:
1. Respectful - nuff said
2. Submissiveness - this one always ruffles some feathers. God called us to be the spiritual heads. If you don't like it, take it up with Him, not us. Don't be a doormat, that's not what the verse means. Discuss things. Disagree. We have the tough decision to make once everything has been hashed out. Don't make it harder for us by being a contentious shrew. And ladies, if you see that your guy is being a jerk and lording this "submission" thing over you and abusing it, ditch him before you marry, please!
3. A Sense of Humor - speaking for myself here. A few on here seem humorless....don't know what they want in a woman.
4. Attractiveness - Confident women are just as attractive to men as confident men are to women. Taking care of yourself produces confidence. As far as makeup, etc. goes....men don't care if hair strand #3047 is out of place If you are always late because you are still putting your war paint on when we are picking you up, we will think you are "high maintenance."
5. A Sex Drive - "He didn't bring that up, did he?" "I can't believe it...he did!" - for men, sex tends to produce loving feelings. For women, the tendency is that the loving feelings need to come before the sex. Oh, and before I go on, this is for AFTER MARRIAGE, okay? Okay. This difference in men and women is not a big deal when both halves of the couple are doing what they are supposed to be doing to maintain the relationship, because the loving feelings are maintained. The problem comes when one person or both drop the ball.
...oh wow! It's 12:30.....just gonna leave this post as is. Night all!
I think it would be good to add what some of these things may LOOK like in a woman of character:
1. loving God - not because it's the "right" answer, as DF pointed out, but because you are sold out for God. How is this measurable? You want to do more than just warm a pew every Sunday. You long to grow spiritually and are considering serving in a ministry. Perhaps you already serve in a ministry within or separate from your church body. You've discovered that Christian service is not always convenient and can be very taxing, but can also be very energizing at the same time. You might be in a Bible Study group.
2. wants to be with her guy - Yes. You give him space (and vice versa) but you also want to spend time with him. Few guys like to sit and talk about their feelings, but if you just hang out and do stuff with them, this stuff will come out. So help him - hand him those bricks as he is putting up that retaining wall, or bring him a beer while he is measuring/sawing wood for that bookshelf. Throw that frisbee with him. When they are doing stuff, guys will share what's on their heart. Be affirming and nonjudgmental - women do not have a monopoly on insecurity - he took a risk when he confided with you.
3. Loyal, faithful, no games - What DF said.
I also want to add - we often hear that men are to "love your wife as the Lord loves the church." Some women are easier to love than others. A woman who is easy to love has these qualities:
1. Respectful - nuff said
2. Submissiveness - this one always ruffles some feathers. God called us to be the spiritual heads. If you don't like it, take it up with Him, not us. Don't be a doormat, that's not what the verse means. Discuss things. Disagree. We have the tough decision to make once everything has been hashed out. Don't make it harder for us by being a contentious shrew. And ladies, if you see that your guy is being a jerk and lording this "submission" thing over you and abusing it, ditch him before you marry, please!
3. A Sense of Humor - speaking for myself here. A few on here seem humorless....don't know what they want in a woman.
4. Attractiveness - Confident women are just as attractive to men as confident men are to women. Taking care of yourself produces confidence. As far as makeup, etc. goes....men don't care if hair strand #3047 is out of place If you are always late because you are still putting your war paint on when we are picking you up, we will think you are "high maintenance."
5. A Sex Drive - "He didn't bring that up, did he?" "I can't believe it...he did!" - for men, sex tends to produce loving feelings. For women, the tendency is that the loving feelings need to come before the sex. Oh, and before I go on, this is for AFTER MARRIAGE, okay? Okay. This difference in men and women is not a big deal when both halves of the couple are doing what they are supposed to be doing to maintain the relationship, because the loving feelings are maintained. The problem comes when one person or both drop the ball.
...oh wow! It's 12:30.....just gonna leave this post as is. Night all!