Would you ever?

[Nautilus]

Eh, I would date an unbeliever. I mean its not like there are a lot of believing women in my area who strike my fancy at the moment and Im certainly not going to end up single for life because of that one circumstance. Would I prefer a believer...well sure. But since that isn't i the cards currently, well guess I'll have to settle for a non.

Now I could go into a whole list of why the local believers aren't grabbing attention but I'd rather just not open that can of worms.

 

[Misty77]

I have casually dated an unbeliever before, without letting my heart get involved. As soon as he started seeing us as longer term, I felt like I should let him go so I wasn't leading him on. I prayed about it, and the next day the guy broke it off. I was thinking, "THIS prayer you answer quickly? I would have preferred for You to wait another couple of weeks."

It was actually one of the best and most respectful relationships I had ever been in. He wasn't trying to judge me or make me fit into some little box that the Christians I had dated tried to do. We were great companions, and he even helped me prep for my mission trip.

As long as it is on the most casual of levels, it can turn out okay; but realize that you are playing with fire.

 

[wisebeardman]

would I? idk.
wots a date?

 

[polarguyinak]

Wow - I am seeing some answers I'm troubled by.

I don't believe that "casual" dating is a good idea. If you know it's not good for long-term, then by definition, you're leading them on; you're either using them as a safety blanket, toy, or crutch, none of which is a very Godly thing to do. It's not to say you can't be friends, but dating and sharing intimacy with someone you have no intention of marrying is pretty much just selfish or irresponsible. SOMEONE always becomes more invested in the relationship, so they get unnecessarily hurt. For what? Fun? Comfort? It just makes no sense.

Regarding dating of a non-believer, it makes no sense Spiritually to become romantically involved with someone who doesn't share your sense of reality. I wrote a long time ago that the Godly purpose for dating is to find a spiritual partner to marry. A spouse needs to be an anchor to reality. If you can't agree on what reality is, then you are tethering yourself to a time bomb. Unless of course your sense of spiritual reality is that God isn't really that big of a deal, and that there are more important things in life than heeding scripture. Whether something is statistically probable or not should have no bearing on whether you persevere if it's the right thing to do. The cards of your future are stacked by a knowing, wise, and loving God. He will use you, willing or not - blessed or not - to stack the deck in other people's lives. If you are unwilling to be submissive, prudent, obedient or responsible, I don't believe you're going to be very blessed in your relationship, and most tragic of all, God will certainly not be glorified in it.

 

[Misty77]

Wow - I am seeing some answers I'm troubled by.

I don't believe that "casual" dating is a good idea. If you know it's not good for long-term, then by definition, you're leading them on; you're either using them as a safety blanket, toy, or crutch, none of which is a very Godly thing to do. It's not to say you can't be friends, but dating and sharing intimacy with someone you have no intention of marrying is pretty much just selfish or irresponsible. SOMEONE always becomes more invested in the relationship, so they get unnecessarily hurt. For what? Fun? Comfort? It just makes no sense.

I am a 32-year-old single mom. This person was another single parent, and we got along well. We were both taking it slow, no commitments, no expectations. We had a great time together, and I'm thankful he was in my life. But really, ALL relationships are temporary: in marriage it is either by death or divorce. People change, people move. To say that we shouldn't engage in relationships because they might end is foolish. Perhaps you would prefer if I called it "friends who eat dinner together, hang out sometimes, and do stuff together but he pays because he is a gentleman." Casual dating has a lot fewer letters.

 

[Jullianna]

Wow - I am seeing some answers I'm troubled by.

I don't believe that "casual" dating is a good idea. If you know it's not good for long-term, then by definition, you're leading them on; you're either using them as a safety blanket, toy, or crutch, none of which is a very Godly thing to do. It's not to say you can't be friends, but dating and sharing intimacy with someone you have no intention of marrying is pretty much just selfish or irresponsible. SOMEONE always becomes more invested in the relationship, so they get unnecessarily hurt. For what? Fun? Comfort? It just makes no sense.

Regarding dating of a non-believer, it makes no sense Spiritually to become romantically involved with someone who doesn't share your sense of reality. I wrote a long time ago that the Godly purpose for dating is to find a spiritual partner to marry. A spouse needs to be an anchor to reality. If you can't agree on what reality is, then you are tethering yourself to a time bomb. Unless of course your sense of spiritual reality is that God isn't really that big of a deal, and that there are more important things in life than heeding scripture. Whether something is statistically probable or not should have no bearing on whether you persevere if it's the right thing to do. The cards of your future are stacked by a knowing, wise, and loving God. He will use you, willing or not - blessed or not - to stack the deck in other people's lives. If you are unwilling to be submissive, prudent, obedient or responsible, I don't believe you're going to be very blessed in your relationship, and most tragic of all, God will certainly not be glorified in it.

I would have to agree with this. I'm not interested in dating for sport.

 

[polarguyinak]

...ALL relationships are temporary: in marriage it is either by death or divorce. People change, people move. To say that we shouldn't engage in relationships because they might end is foolish.

I didn't say one shouldn't engage in relationships. I said someone shouldn't date another if it isn't going anywhere. If it's purely for entertainment and emotional pandering, it's milking an emotional cow. It's not right to invest or to let people invest themselves into something they will inevitably develop a feeling of ownership or entitlement from and feel betrayed by when it's revealed that they're going to start pouring themselves into someone else instead later. Whether you admit it or not, there's a feeling of betrayal by the person who didn't decide to leave when they were ready. It's just a bad idea, in my opinion.

 

[IloveyouGod]

If you wanna settle for just anything so as not to stay single, then here's the bad news up front. You will get nothing at the end. And actually you might still end up single because of a divorce or separation. But at this point you will be single with a tragedy. Kids and hurt. So good luck!!

Eh, I would date an unbeliever. I mean its not like there are a lot of believing women in my area who strike my fancy at the moment and Im certainly not going to end up single for life because of that one circumstance. Would I prefer a believer...well sure. But since that isn't i the cards currently, well guess I'll have to settle for a non.

Now I could go into a whole list of why the local believers aren't grabbing attention but I'd rather just not open that can of worms.

 

[Nautilus]

Regarding dating of a non-believer, it makes no sense Spiritually to become romantically involved with someone who doesn't share your sense of reality. Well when there arent believers around that are worth dating you got go to a bigger lake. And Im sure me and any believer I date would have enough differing opinions that dating a nonbeliever isnt going to be much different.

I wrote a long time ago that the Godly purpose for dating is to find a spiritual partner to marry. A spouse needs to be an anchor to reality. If you can't agree on what reality is, then you are tethering yourself to a time bomb. Funny because I've done pretty well anchoring myself to reality alone. I dont really think I would need my spouses help.

Answered above.

 

[Misty77]

I didn't say one shouldn't engage in relationships. I said someone shouldn't date another if it isn't going anywhere. If it's purely for entertainment and emotional pandering, it's milking an emotional cow. It's not right to invest or to let people invest themselves into something they will inevitably develop a feeling of ownership or entitlement from and feel betrayed by when it's revealed that they're going to start pouring themselves into someone else instead later. Whether you admit it or not, there's a feeling of betrayal by the person who didn't decide to leave when they were ready. It's just a bad idea, in my opinion.

We were friends who spent time together while he chivalrously paid for stuff. We were there for each other through some difficult times. I think we are both better people for having been together for those few months. He ended it. It's not for everyone, but I would definitely do it again.

 

[polarguyinak]

Answered above.

Well when there arent believers around that are worth dating you got go to a bigger lake.

My point is that for a follower of Christ, there is nothing "worth" dating in someone who doesn't also follow Christ. The Bible is pretty implicit about this. The other stuff might be nice, but it's not WORTH yolking yourself with if it comes at the cost of cooling your relationship with Christ. What happens when you mix warm water with cool water? Depending on the mix, the cool water may get a lot warmer, or it may not, but the warm water only EVER gets cooler. You will never do better in your walk with God by romantically pursuing someone who rejects truth. If one is more attracted to lies than to truth, then they simply aren't following Christ, calling themselves a "believer" or not. Their Spiritual state is obviously not after Christ's heart, so they aren't really a Christian. Just calling themselves one.

I know how it feels to be hopeless and filled with despair about wanting a relationship, but as much of a problem as that was for me, I know that I needed God far more than I needed any woman or human relationship. I'll pray that that becomes your number one priority. When it does, it pulls other priorities back into place and you will find, in God's timing, that He will provide exactly what you need at the best time for it to happen (for whatever reason).

 

[ChosenbyHim]

This one may be a controversial topic but my question to you is would you ever date a non-believer? What is this person is someone you have been dating since before you were saved? What is this person is genuinely a good person who treats you right and respects your new found beliefs?

Well I don't date to start with.

And furthermore, by the grace of God, I will not betrothe and marry an unbeliever. God's word specifically says to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14). It also says: Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3).

So I really don't see how a Christian can seriously consider being with an unbeliever. Your headed to glory in Heaven and the New Jerusalem and the unbeliever is lost and on his way to eternal Damnation in the Lake of Fire.

The unbeliever may be nice and respectful to you but he will still not be spiritually compatible wih your spirit. Until the other person gets saved, you both will always be heading in separate directions spiritually. You will be doing things to serve the Lord. While the lost person will have an interest in the things of this world.

Definitely not a recipe for marital and relationship success. Trust that God has your best interest in mind. Afterall He is your Heavenly Father. And there is a reason why He gives us specific restrictions and commands to follow in His holy word. And they are to be heeded and obeyed.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Answered above.

Naut, I believe that your priorities when gauging who is "worth" dating may be a little out of whack. None of it means anything without Christ.

 

[ServantStrike]

Hmm!

Married people should not be dating, by the way.

Those who were recently IN LOVE with another person, should not be dating.

Just thoughts or ideas on wrong things I did.

Married people should date...

each other!


I always look at couples who do "date nights" and have to applaud it. But I know what you mean. A divorced person shouldn't be dating, too much heartbreak too fast.



As for dating an unbeliever, I guess it depends on what the definition is. If it's a relationship, then yes, but some people will go on an exploratory date or two just to get to know some one, after which it's readily apparent this person isn't a believer and it's going to have to end.

Me personally, I do not have to know someone's theological stance before I will spend time with them, but I guess one could call that hanging out as opposed to dating. After getting to know someone and finding out they aren't a believer, it's not going to go any where other than a friendship.

 

[Pipp]

Well I don't date to start with.

And furthermore, by the grace of God, I will not betrothe and marry an unbeliever. God's word specifically says to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14). It also says: Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3).

So I really don't see how a Christian can seriously consider being with an unbeliever. Your headed to glory in Heaven and the New Jerusalem and the unbeliever is lost and on his way to eternal Damnation in the Lake of Fire.

The unbeliever may be nice and respectful to you but he will still not be spiritually compatible wih your spirit. Until the other person gets saved, you both will always be heading in separate directions spiritually. You will be doing things to serve the Lord. While the lost person will have an interest in the things of this world.

Definitely not a recipe for marital and relationship success. Trust that God has your best interest in mind. Afterall He is your Heavenly Father. And there is a reason why He gives us specific restrictions and commands to follow in His holy word. And they are to be heeded and obeyed.

Beautifully said

 

[Nautilus]

My point is that for a follower of Christ, there is nothing "worth" dating in someone who doesn't also follow Christ. The Bible is pretty implicit about this. The other stuff might be nice, but it's not WORTH yolking yourself with if it comes at the cost of cooling your relationship with Christ. What happens when you mix warm water with cool water? Depending on the mix, the cool water may get a lot warmer, or it may not, but the warm water only EVER gets cooler. You will never do better in your walk with God by romantically pursuing someone who rejects truth. If one is more attracted to lies than to truth, then they simply aren't following Christ, calling themselves a "believer" or not. Their Spiritual state is obviously not after Christ's heart, so they aren't really a Christian. Just calling themselves one.

I know how it feels to be hopeless and filled with despair about wanting a relationship, but as much of a problem as that was for me, I know that I needed God far more than I needed any woman or human relationship. I'll pray that that becomes your number one priority. When it does, it pulls other priorities back into place and you will find, in God's timing, that He will provide exactly what you need at the best time for it to happen (for whatever reason).

IM feeling pretty good in my relationship with God...I gotta be honest. I mean I guess youre right I could always go for whats left at my church. But then there is a reason they are still single, and it's normally not something good, at least not around here.

I know thats kinda heavy to accuse those singles of when Im single myself. But then mine was by choice, I didnt want a serious relationship in my twenties. I didnt want to deal with a having another person in my life at the time and sharing things and tempering myself to their expectations. I lived like a king though in my 20s. Now Im just ready to settle down, and yet all the good ones I saw in church 9 years ago now have kindergarteners.

Im not bitter...but as much as I know we are supposed to be with fellow believers its hard to balance if the people in your area just dont fit the criteria. Like sure girl a maybe a believer but thats all she has going for her out of things i look for while girl b has everything but a relationship with Christ...I mean it's tough trying to pick the one you know is right versus the one you prefer.

 

[Nautilus]

Lost out on edit time...
Im not bitter this just sounds harsher than it is, I blame it on a lack of energy at the moment so Im typing more off the cuff rather than planning anything...

 

[Nautilus]

Naut, I believe that your priorities when gauging who is "worth" dating may be a little out of whack. None of it means anything without Christ.

The girls in my area who are believers are either still in college or roughly 35 and up. The college girls...far too immature for me, I went to college graduated and never want to deal with it again til i have kid in it. The older women are great, but being older they tend to be a bit...duller. They aren't up for spontaneous outings on a random tuesday or late ngiht movie marathons. I guess I'm lucky my job allows me those indulgences but neither of the two lifestyles really mesh with mine all too well. NOw lets add in the other fact of being in the bible belt we tend to have a great deal more of the super-conservative types politically and those are truly a terrible match for me. I know I cant have my cake and eat it too, but I would at least like a hint of what it looks like, instead wanting a cake and settling for mudpie.

 

[Tintin]

I would never date a non-believer, simply because Christ is my life. If I can't share my love for Him and they share theirs, well, it just wouldn't work for me.

 

[adekruif]

Heck no! That's worse than dating a skiier.