Help: Virginity and Test Drive a Car Before You Buy It!

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"Test Drive a Car before you Buy It?"

  • Yes

    Votes: 2 6.9%
  • No

    Votes: 27 93.1%

  • Total voters
    29
  • Poll closed .
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K

kayem77

Guest
I'm with you kayem, I'm not sure how one would do that.

Besides the fact that I'm confused what you're supposed to talk about "what you want" if you've never done anything before and don't truly know what it might be that you want, if that makes sense. :confused: I hope it makes sense because I don't really want to draw it out and explain what I mean by it but I can.
It completely makes sense. That's exactly what I had in mind when I was posting on this thread :). I'm thinking that maybe it's one of those situations where you don't know how to do something until you have to do it. But to be honest, I still think it's not necessary or safe to go into details afer discussing the basics that I mentioned before. And again, I'm talking about explicit details or preferences which I also don't want to describe.

I would think that the fruit of the Spirit should just follow into that area.My life is not about me, it's about God, and our neighbor. The same way, sex shouldn't be about us, but about our spouse more than ourselves. If we really live out that mentality, then I would think that we both could adapt to any preference (any non-sinful preference that is). Compromising is a must of course. But I don't know, I've never been in that situation, maybe it's not that awkward. Maybe this is something most couples talk about before getting married and I didn't know.
 
K

kayem77

Guest
I found this article on this topic. It's similar to what some CCers were saying here. To sum it up, it says that you can have a conversation about sex while keeping it pure, and that every couple is different.

Quoting: ''I would suggest dating couples stop worrying if what they are talking about is acceptable and start paying attention to how their conversations about sex shape their relationship. Do conversations lead toward holiness, understanding, growth, closeness and respect? Or do they lead toward crossing boundaries and treating sex as only a physical urge divorced from emotion, spirituality and God?''

Talking About Sex While Dating | RELEVANT Magazine
 

Nautilus

Senior Member
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
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Nautilus, that is a major concern for me and many of my virgin friends. You said it... "different people do like different things sexually..." That very statement is the heart of the concern of whether test driving a car before you buy it. I've come to rely on faith, as many posters on here have backed up, but "physically compatibility" just didn't invent itself.
To be completely blunt, Im not a virgin and havent been for some 14 odd years. I quit being active when I got saved though. That doesnt however erase the times and activities and knowledges of what I did enjoy. And yes I believe a partner with similar interests would certainly lead towards a more fulfilling marriage in total, rather than a partner with a completely opposite libido/interests. SO Im all for having a discussion if marriage is something you are seriously contemplating with a person. Sexual frustration/satisfaction tends to be a good percentage of the reasons people cheat outside of emotional ones.
 
Feb 21, 2014
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To be completely blunt, Im not a virgin and havent been for some 14 odd years. I quit being active when I got saved though. That doesnt however erase the times and activities and knowledges of what I did enjoy. And yes I believe a partner with similar interests would certainly lead towards a more fulfilling marriage in total, rather than a partner with a completely opposite libido/interests. SO Im all for having a discussion if marriage is something you are seriously contemplating with a person. Sexual frustration/satisfaction tends to be a good percentage of the reasons people cheat outside of emotional ones.
You mean getting? or giving? :confused:
 
Sep 6, 2013
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I'm with you kayem, I'm not sure how one would do that.

Besides the fact that I'm confused what you're supposed to talk about "what you want" if you've never done anything before and don't truly know what it might be that you want, if that makes sense. :confused: I hope it makes sense because I don't really want to draw it out and explain what I mean by it but I can.
I agree with you both, that if you've not had any experience in that realm, there is not really as strong a need to discuss it. You don't know what your needs/preferences/etc are yet, so you and your husband will learn together.

When I say "preference", that sounds like something naughty, but what it means (to me) is something more like, "How often do you want/need to be intimate?" or "Do you need to be spontaneous or are you more of a "make plans for it" type of person?" This is something that two people who've been married before will want to know about one another, because if the people are on total opposite sides in areas like these, it can cause some stress in the relationship.

If you've never been in that sort of relationship before, there's no way you could answer those questions anyway, so you can be happy that your life is less complicated. (You are blessed.)
:)


I thought it was pride.
Pride would be the main reason for arguments, but perhaps not the main topic couples argue about. :p
 
Feb 21, 2014
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I agree with you both, that if you've not had any experience in that realm, there is not really as strong a need to discuss it. You don't know what your needs/preferences/etc are yet, so you and your husband will learn together.

When I say "preference", that sounds like something naughty, but what it means (to me) is something more like, "How often do you want/need to be intimate?" or "Do you need to be spontaneous or are you more of a "make plans for it" type of person?" This is something that two people who've been married before will want to know about one another, because if the people are on total opposite sides in areas like these, it can cause some stress in the relationship.

...
So would you say that stress in this area relates to unrealistic expectations?

Blessings.

PS: Great header phrase, BTW; all those SOLAs..
 
Sep 6, 2013
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So would you say that stress in this area relates to unrealistic expectations?

Blessings.

PS: Great header phrase, BTW; all those SOLAs..
Thanks! And... I'd say that the unrealistic expectations lead to the stress. :p
 
T

Tintin

Guest
While it's good to be frank with one another, yet it's good also for what is said, to be consistent with Philippians 4.8: 'Whatever is true..honest..just..pure..lovely..of good report; if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things.'
Just once I'd love to see this verse not taken out of context. Just once. Is that too much to ask?
 
Feb 21, 2014
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Just once I'd love to see this verse not taken out of context. Just once. Is that too much to ask?
So what are you talking about?

I know that hermeneutically there is both primary interpretation and application. In fact, the Lord Jesus is indeed the perfect fulfilment of all the things mentioned in the verse.
 

Misty77

Senior Member
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
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I'm with you kayem, I'm not sure how one would do that.

Besides the fact that I'm confused what you're supposed to talk about "what you want" if you've never done anything before and don't truly know what it might be that you want, if that makes sense. :confused: I hope it makes sense because I don't really want to draw it out and explain what I mean by it but I can.
The discussions I recommended will of course vary based upon each couple's circumstances. For those who are blessedly inexperienced, you should not "research" the topic beforehand or guess at things you will or will not like. I do think that you could clarify if you believe that intimacy is for unity or only for procreation, if you believe in birth control or not, or if you have any particular beliefs or lines that you will not cross. Believe me, many things that you think are just obvious for other believers, really are rather subjective. It's just wise to be on the same page.

For example, if I were in potentially marriage-bound relationship, I would let him know that I will not be taking any hormonal forms of birthcontrol; it's barrier methods or nothing. We would also briefly touch on regularity, spontaneity, and what activities that I will not engage in, among a few other topics.

Sex is nowhere near the most important part of a marriage, but it is still significant. Honestly, if we had little to almost nothing in common sexually, I would seriously consider what benefit it would be to marry him instead of just remaining friends (illness/injury are different). I can support myself. I have a son, a career, a house, and my own walk with God. The only real benefit that marriage would provide me is companionship, sex being a major component of that. As a Christian, you get one shot at having a God-approved sexlife. Why would you pick someone that you know is incompatible?
 
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Feb 21, 2014
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The discussions I recommended will of course vary based upon each couple's circumstances. For those who are blessedly inexperienced, you should not "research" the topic beforehand or guess at things you will or will not like. I do think that you could clarify if you believe that intimacy is for unity or only for procreation, if you believe in birth control or not, or if you have any particular beliefs or lines that you will not cross. Believe me, many things that you think are just obvious for other believers, really are rather subjective. It's just wise to be on the same page.

For example, if I were in potentially marriage-bound relationship, I would let him know that I will not be taking any hormonal forms of birthcontrol; it's barrier methods or nothing. We would also briefly touch on regularity, spontaneity, and what activities that I will not engage in, among a few other topics. Sex is nowhere near the most important part of a marriage, but it is still significant. Honestly, if we had little to almost nothing in common sexually, I would seriously consider what benefit it would be to marry him instead of just remaining friends (illness/injury are different). I can support myself. I have a son, a career, a house, and my own walk with God. The only real benefit that marriage would provide me is companionship, sex being a major component of that. As a Christian, you get one shot at having a God-approved sexlife. Why would you pick someone that you know is incompatible?
I agree; but so many Christians don't seem to think so...

Blessings.
 
Feb 11, 2014
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So listen man Im a Christian and im guna be the most different opinion you've gotten thus far . I've read a few of the posts and I shutter at the ignorance of the church. First of all there is a kind of pulling to the natural to ask people what should I do but in this and in (all major situations) we must hear from GOD and take heed to what he says. PERIOD. Now for the noodle baker, you get married so you CAN have sex. why!? its the only arena where you can express intimacy, not to say that this should be the soul experience of your relationship. However GOD created us to have intercourse and also to be married. So yes its and area for sex.


GOD bless your bro Brian.
 
O

oldernotwiser

Guest
this may draw flak from both sides but i have just gone through a couple of weeks of hell dealing with issues my grand daughter was facing. test drive the car??? of course ..... but the test drive for an intimate relationship should not be simply sex. sex may enter it, but when sex does you must remember that it is tremendously powerful and can make us ignore many other things. get to know a woman. find out how you see things, both the world around us, and how we should relate to god. find out if this is a woman you will share life with, both good and bad. one thing to remember. in a christian wedding the person officiating doesnt ask it you are in love with your partner. the question is WILL you love this person. love is a verb in a christian marriage. sex is certainly a part of marriage and human life but before sexual involvement you had better know who you are sleeping with. the nights in bed can make one forget all of the qualities needed to be a part of a life partnership with children watching and learning about human relationships by watching you and maybe thats the greatest danger in casual sex.
 
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Feb 21, 2014
5,672
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this may draw flak from both sides but i have just gone through a couple of weeks of hell dealing with issues my grand daughter was facing. test drive the car??? of course ..... but the test drive for an intimate relationship should not be simply sex. sex may enter it, but when sex does you must remember that it is tremendously powerful and can make us ignore many other things. get to know a woman. find out how you see things, both the world around us, and how we should relate to god. find out if this is a woman you will share life with, both good and bad. one thing to remember. in a christian wedding the person officiating doesnt ask it you are in love with your partner. the question is WILL you love this person. love is a verb in a christian marriage. sex is certainly a part of marriage and human life but before sexual involvement you had better know who you are sleeping with. the nights in bed can make one forget all of the qualities needed to be a part of a life partnership with children watching and learning about human relationships by watching you and maybe thats the greatest danger in casual sex.
Despite your screenname, Sir, this is actually wise.
 
Jun 30, 2011
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Yes, I'm back with my questions on virginity :) And I appreciate everybody's help on my last question. I have a dilemma I really need to work out in my head. I've lost count how many people have told me I need to have sex with the woman I am dating before we get married or basically test drive the car before I buy it.

Is there truth to this? If you are going to a car dealership and see a great car, would you not test drive it first to see if it is up to your standards and needs? Is there a risk that we might not be physically compatible? Should this be a concern?

Imagine if you never had cake before, your first piece of Cake - will you know how to eat it?

Marriage isn't ultimately about sex in the first place - if you haven't figured that out by 35, you should wait longer
 
N

NightRevan

Guest
OK, I'll have a second more serious stab at this. Some of the above statements are very wise and insightful, much of it drawn from hard-won experience in life and you should pay attention to that and consider and meditate on it deeply. But their is another factor as well that is very important to bear in mind. 1 Corinthians 15 is my favourite chapter in the Bible, for a number of interconnected reasons, it starts with Paul's summing up of the creed he received in Jerusalem (adding in his own witnessing of Jesus physical resurrection at the end), accounting His death, burial and resurrection and those who witnessed this, and how this was according to the Scriptures, not just individual prophesies but rather it was according to the whole narrative of the OT Scriptures, His death, burial and resurrection was the completely unexpected place the story was going all along, and was the climax of the purposes and calling of Israel. Paul then proceeded to discuss the nature of the resurrection body to come and discusses both the discontinuities with our present bodies (they will be transformed, changed and be incorruptible and immortal) but through it all he stresses to the deep continuity with our present selves. These bodies, from them their information and their transformation, just like the Lord's, we will have our new bodies, our new selves to come, the mortal shall put on immortality. And with this Paul ends this section not that it's all ok then, but following this logic, he ends with (1 Corinthians 15:58), 'therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain.' And then Paul immediately talks of the collection for the church suffering from famine in Jerusalem, and their need.

And here is the point, the reason Paul makes this point from he's previous discussion on the resurrection, is that everything we do in and through our bodies for the Lord, by the Holy Spirit, every act of love and kindness, every sacrifice and act of self-sacrificial service done in His Name, our lives of selfless love, faithfulness and true holiness done in and through our bodies will be taken up, stored by Him (treasure in heaven) for the day of His appearing. And they will be made in ways we can't even imagine part of that fully restored, rescued and renewed world the new age comes in it's fullness, when the twin spheres of God's good creation, heaven and earth, are joined fully together as He always intended, the heavenly Jerusalem coming to the Earth at last, the glory of God filling the Earth as the waters covers the seas, and the new creation that started in Him at first Easter releases, renews and transforms the whole cosmos. And that will included us, as we are raised and transformed when He appears to be like as He is, and all we have done through and for him, the lives we lived for Him will become apart of who are are then, right now we are just shadows of our future selves being renewed, guided and lead by His Spirit, but then we will be the full, beautiful, unique and special human beings we were always meant to be.

So because of the resurrection, because of the new heavens and earth, because this is what your future will be, this is way the call to a life of love, faithfulness and holiness in and for the Lord is so important, the body is for the Lord, and it will be raised by Him on that future day. So what you do with it for him matters, immensely, though there is always forgiveness, cleansing and renewal is is by far better to go through and let Him work the build you and those around you for the future without damaging detours that you will need to be restored from.

God bless you and guide in His love and wisdom :)
 
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