Does having sex make you married?

[Markum1972]

You forgot: (this is best read in a sarcastic tone)

F. Oh by the way Lord, he's either an Atheist or Agnostic .. I'm not sure which but Boy he sure is fun in Bed. I am going to be completely selfish here Lord, skip your one little rule about being equally yoked, (how bad can it be), I'm commanded to cleave to him... and well, I know there are no other Gods before you Lord.. but yeah.. he IS going to be my husband, I'm sure it will all work out.. after all we have a baby together You're cool with this right?? cause like well we had sex and he's going to make an honest woman of me.. we will marry and I'll just do that one thing.. where I just pray for the rest of my life for his salvation and hope he doesn't leave me cause I'm a Jesus Freak ...and well, he simply can't understand this.. I mean I know it's foundational and all but .. what's the big deal.. at least *I* can fix my sin by marrying the dude... Who needs you anyway God. ... 2 years later. Hey God remember me, I know you are a graceful and forgiving God .. so um.. sorry I haven't prayed for the last two years... my husband says it makes him uncomfortable and it's his house and well... I AM cleaving to him... Guess what Lord, I've cut my Bible up and just grabbed some cool things like cleave to my husband and you are forgiving .. well I made a whole new Bible that suits my lifestyle...you're cool with that right? Awesome, You are an Awesome God, Ok I'll be back to pray when I need something... PS, Don't forget to watch out for me and my husband oh and all of our children.. Remember I said he was fun in Bed.. Oh and God help us with provisions.. times are hard ... Don't forget about me if I don't get back to you in a couple years or so.. OHHHH but I fully intend to go to church on Christmas and Easter Services!!! Cause you are my God and I love you and thanks for Loving me.. Hopefully, my husband will let me attend those services.. you know he is the Man of the house.. Whew. It sure is hard being a Christian. Ohh by the way.. can you help save my kids... their dad doesn't like any GOD talk and I think the kids are straying away from you and I can't seem to keep up.



I'm telling you there's gotta be alimony somewhere in the midst of all this. I'd be RICH with CASH everywhere... especially if we count the movie stars I've lusted/married too!!

Are you suggesting that becoming one flesh with someone does not yoke you to that person?

Jesus explicitly said to remain together. Paul (the one who mentioned not being unequally yoked) also specifically said not to leave the unbeliever if it pleases them to stay. Why are you disregarding this? To suggest that Jesus would tell any couple that they should not remain together is an offense. Never once did Jesus do such a thing. To say this would make Paul a liar when he tells us that the believing should remain with the unbelieving. Such ideas lead to fornication by justifying a reason to not remain committed to that person that you chose to become one with.

 

[DuchessAimee]

I have it on excellent authority that while you don't need a license from the government to be married in God's eyes, you do have to make a public declaration (like in front of witnesses). Just because someone has sex with someone else doesn't make them married. It just means they've done some married things.


Now, I know that many of you are going to throw a fit about what I've just said. And that's fine. But this is all I've got to say.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

In terms of Paul too, since we have a lot of single parents here and people that have sex maybe without the cultural wedding ceremony and have children I think it should be noted Paul said somehwere (I always lose track of his many sayings) that a woman can be saved in childbirth. I think going by some of Solomon's wisdom that also a man can do a lot of good too by raising the children as well. So whatever your past circumstance may be in regards to sex and marriage, if you have a child, maybe all the sex and dating and marriage dramas be somewhat irrelevant so long as you just do good by Jesus and do good teaching Jesus and all His kindness to your child.

Heh from Nadia's comment on the alimony this is what got me pondering on this tangent. Trully I don't hate any of you and I don't think Jesus hates any of you. Personally I wish I could pay all single parents alimony pension for life, but meh I am a poor man with no political or financial power so that is just yet another of my utopia daydreams lol. However on the Reality Side, Jesus did pay ye with a child, so I suppose one could say if you invest in Jesus investment you will reap happiness beyond dollars.

This I believe strongly and have seen happen and work with mine own two eyes quite a few times actually.

 

[just_monicat]

I was thinking last night about these scenarios and what Jesus might say. Which of these is more pleasing to the Lord?

1. Two people that commit to remain together and forsake all others, become one flesh, but then leave one another.

2. Two people that become one flesh, then commit to remain together and forsake all others, and then do so.

Think about it for a moment before moving on.

Now try the two above scenarios with some variations:

1. a. The two marry, have sex, then divorce. b. The two make a promise to one another, have sex, then leave saying "well, we weren't really married".

2. a. The two have sex, then marry, and remain as such. b. The two have sex, then make a promise to one another (God witnesses this as he sees and hears all), and the two honor their word to one another (making them to not be liars).

Last question...
If two came to Jesus and said, "We have lay with one another and would like to marry." What might Jesus say?
A. You are too young to understand love and to be married.
B. So be it. No one should forbid them to marry.
C. I don't think you are good for one another. You should see other people before you decide this.
D. You should focus on your education and career first and then maybe consider this later.
E. None of the above.

Just some things I was thinking and wanted to share for consideration.

i think we all agree that the best, the only completely right thing to do is in regard to sex is to wait until marriage, which is what it was created for. i hope we can also agree that sex outside the boundary of marriage is sin. period.

the major problem i have with your hypothetical scenarios is that you are speculating on how to correct or negotiate the improvement of a sinful act. in my mind, sin simply cannot be retrieved or traded up. i don't know that it's possible to minimize sinful acts.

we can only seek forgiveness and avoid sin in the future, including the future that exists in such a relationship. an inappropriate pairing seems to beg all kinds of new questions that speak to the matters of "fleeing sin" and departing from situations that are less than ideal, also.

in this case, to me sin is like a broken dish. you can try to put the plate back together, but it's never going to completely look like what it should.

i also think that God's promise to forgive our sins completely, wholly and entirely is a difficult concept to understand. in some ways, the great effort to "fix" the situation makes me wonder why is that necessary if we are truly forgiven and there is genuine repentance. this seems especially true to me when the premarital sex exists between two people who are rather inappropriate for marriage together.

forgiveness is not casual "oops". it's deep, contrite and heartfelt confession. and it's sincere repentance. but we are told that sin disappears as if it never existed.

that's not to say i don't believe intentions count. i think they absolutely do. but i think the messiness of all the options and less than ideal situations provide further evidence that there is no real way to fix sin.

i can see a situation where a couple planning to marry, or a couple who already meets the compatibility requirements for a marriage (equally yoked) and possibly considering it could make a strong case to plan to marry down the road.

but the premarital sex must be confessed and repented, and they should remain on a path of spiritual purity until they're married.

in almost any other case, you are wanting to use the sex act alone as the "glue" or impetus for remaining in the relationship. essentially, this spiritual act is supposed to trump the other valid reasons for this couple to not stay together -- and i don't think a sinful act of sex was designed for that purpose. God just doesn't give us the opportunity to negotiate the consequence, fallout or corrective action sin requires. i'm not saying the SHOULD break up, but i don't think it's sufficient to make a marriage of their sinful actions.

the last thought on this. does anyone else see this passage as more than one conscious step?

Matthew 10
5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother- step 1 (verse 7a)
and cleave to his wife - step 2 (verse 7b)
8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. - step 3 (verses 8 & 9)
9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

to me it's further evidence of the importance of intention ALONG with the physical/spiritual act that creates a true bionically-defined marriage union.

i resisted the urge to reply to this much earlier so that i could further consider this. and i do appreciate your points, and see where you're coming from, however.

 

[just_monicat]

to me it's further evidence of the importance of intention ALONG with the physical/spiritual act that creates a true bionically-defined marriage union.

good gravy, stupid voice-to-text SW!

please substitute "biblically-defined marriage" for "bionically-defined".

hmmmm... i wonder what bionically-defined might entail??? ;p

 

[IloveyouGod]

There's no such thing as born again virgin. Like you said Fenner, once you slept with a man you are no longer a virgin, period. But we all sin and you did feel guilty and you knew you did something wrong and you did repent. God forgives us our sins like we forgive those who sins against us Fenner.

If I had used better judgement before I was married, I may have been a virgin, but I wasn't. I don't feel bound to past boyfriends. I don't feel bitter towards them, I made choices, the wrongs one's, but no one forced me. I struggled with this before I was married, I felt that I should be ashamed and I was. I talked to my Mom who helped me to feel better.

I don't understand this idea of the born again virgin thing. Once you've slept with someone you're not a virgin anymore, so you can't get it back, that whole re virgin thing confuses me.

I will have conversations with my kids about waiting, I have in a way a 7 and 8 year old can understand. But having sex with someone doesn't make you married to them.

 

[DarlinNadia]

Clearly I was married to someone the other day in my .. dream I was wondering if I needed to repent for having. Faceless, Nameless.. but it was married things ... i loved this term by the way.. married things. lol

How many have done married things alone? I thought if your eye caused you to sin.. pluck it out.. cut your hand off it it causes you to sin. If sex made people married ... there are a WHOLE LOT OF people not wearing their wedding rings. As I've said, I want alimony and now I want the wedding rings too, I could pawn them off and be like that Alligator King on sesame street
[video=youtube;qVDUYJo3CjU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVDUYJo3CjU[/video]

 

[FireWire]

I was thinking about this the other day. If so then I've been married.

 

[FireWire]

I'm still undecided on this issue. I agree that sex is a critical part of bonding a marriage, and that the two shall become one flesh. There IS a spiritual connection there. My natural objection to this is that I see many people "joining" in this sort of marriage without having any sort of official commitment. Many times they will later dissolve their arrangement and go their own way with no repercussion. I realize there are always repercussions with God, but I can't feel "right" about the statement "well, we are married in God's eyes so it's all good". There were official ceremonies and contracts in the Bible. Marriage was more than having sex. It was betrothals and agreements between families, and covenants and even exchanged camels and sheep. I have a hard time seeing the co-habitation and fornication that goes on even in Christian circles as holy matrimony in God's eyes.

I agree with this Gracie. I don't know why governments treat a de-facto relationship after two or three years as having the same legal treatment as a marriage if they split up. It's like a legally binding contract that neither party signed up to nor agreed to in regards to marriage. They were just living together and could've split at any time.

Let us remember the first thing Jesus did was perform a marriage ceremony.

 

[FireWire]

Another example I included was incest.

To the horror and shame of society, way too many people are subjected to sexual abuse within their own families.

If a young woman is abused by her own father, a cousin, brother, etc., are they required to marry? I would think, absolutely not! And if she is abused by her mother's boyfriend/husband (who is not her father), should she be required to marry him, especially if he is already married to her mother?

Again, I would think not, but I'm always open towards learning if there are passages that state something otherwise.

No I don't think so. A father marry his own child wouldn't seem right. Also if there were children the dna would be horribly messed up.

 

[DarlinNadia]

I agree with this Gracie. I don't know why governments treat a de-facto relationship after two or three years as having the same legal treatment as a marriage if they split up. It's like a legally binding contract that neither party signed up to nor agreed to in regards to marriage. They were just living together and could've split at any time.

Let us remember the first thing Jesus did was perform a marriage ceremony.

did he perform it? I thought he was turning the water into wine

 

[FireWire]

Woops, that was done at the wedding. Jesus didn't do the marriage ceremony.

 

[maxwel]

I think marriage only occurs when a man and woman who can't get along both agree to a lifelong commitment of not getting along for ever and ever.

Oh... and all the woman's friends have to wear ugly dresses to make it official.

 

[FireWire]

Interesting view of marriage Maxwel.

 

[Markum1972]

good gravy, stupid voice-to-text SW!

please substitute "biblically-defined marriage" for "bionically-defined".

hmmmm... i wonder what bionically-defined might entail??? ;p

Would that be a six million dollar marriage?

 

[GodIsSalvation]

Woops, that was done at the wedding. Jesus didn't do the marriage ceremony.

Heh I see where yo going with the above comment. Though Jesus didn't perform the marriage ceremony, in a way, He kinda did though when I think of it since he provided the festivities where they were lacking thus helping to bring together the wedding before him showing his blessing to them.

Heh I had not even pondered on the water to wine wedding before in such a light. Good mention indeed at least for some study.

 

[MidniteWelder]

I have it on excellent authority that while you don't need a license from the government to be married in God's eyes, you do have to make a public declaration (like in front of witnesses). Just because someone has sex with someone else doesn't make them married. It just means they've done some married things.


Now, I know that many of you are going to throw a fit about what I've just said. And that's fine. But this is all I've got to say.

Should one be able to claim the rights and benefits of Gods kingdom without considering themselves of Gods kingdom?
If one does consider themselves of Gods kingdom,
should they be able to claim the rights or benefits of marriage...without considering themselves married?

Furthermore, Is marriage only binding in Gods eyes to followers of him or just as binding to pagans too?
Who was the inventor of marriage? If God is the inventor of marriage,
why do Pagans marry unless its just as binding to them too.

 

[FireWire]

Heh I see where yo going with the above comment. Though Jesus didn't perform the marriage ceremony, in a way, He kinda did though when I think of it since he provided the festivities where they were lacking thus helping to bring together the wedding before him showing his blessing to them.

Heh I had not even pondered on the water to wine wedding before in such a light. Good mention indeed at least for some study.

I remember reading somewhere this is the first thing Jesus did. Maybe it was so. In any case Jesus has. When adam and eve were bought together.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

I remember reading somewhere this is the first thing Jesus did. Maybe it was so. In any case Jesus has. When adam and eve were bought together.

Aye indeed on the last part. This story is a good story for a variety of topics really.

I guess since we got some full chapter gospel goodness for Resurrection Week yesterday keep that up and get another in today. Wedding in Cana is relevant to the topic and good indeed on many topics even past this. Pertaining to this topic, we've gone over sex all ready quite a bit, maybe let's examine here an ideal wedding with Jesus in attendance.

John 2

1 And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:
[SUP]2 [/SUP]And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.
[SUP]3 [/SUP]And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.
[SUP]4 [/SUP]Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.
[SUP]5 [/SUP]His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.
[SUP]6 [/SUP]And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece.
[SUP]7 [/SUP]Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.
[SUP]8 [/SUP]And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.
[SUP]9 [/SUP]When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,
[SUP]10 [/SUP]And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.
[SUP]11 [/SUP]This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.
[SUP]12 [/SUP]After this he went down to Capernaum, he, and his mother, and his brethren, and his disciples: and they continued there not many days.
[SUP]13 [/SUP]And the Jews' passover was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
[SUP]14 [/SUP]And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting:
[SUP]15 [/SUP]And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers' money, and overthrew the tables;
[SUP]16 [/SUP]And said unto them that sold doves, Take these things hence; make not my Father's house an house of merchandise.
[SUP]17 [/SUP]And his disciples remembered that it was written, The zeal of thine house hath eaten me up.
[SUP]18 [/SUP]Then answered the Jews and said unto him, What sign shewest thou unto us, seeing that thou doest these things?
[SUP]19 [/SUP]Jesus answered and said unto them, Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.
[SUP]20 [/SUP]Then said the Jews, Forty and six years was this temple in building, and wilt thou rear it up in three days?
[SUP]21 [/SUP]But he spake of the temple of his body.
[SUP]22 [/SUP]When therefore he was risen from the dead, his disciples remembered that he had said this unto them; and they believed the scripture, and the word which Jesus had said.
[SUP]23 [/SUP]Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day, many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did.
[SUP]24 [/SUP]But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men,
[SUP]25 [/SUP]And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man.


EDIT: also that smiley face in the middle is not intentional but it looks so appropriate so not sure if i should edit it out.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

I remember reading somewhere this is the first thing Jesus did. Maybe it was so. In any case Jesus has. When adam and eve were bought together.

FireWire, good to see you brother. You should stop by more often