Sex after infidelity

secularhermit · Apr 27, 2014

Sadly! Noone but GOD knows what each man or woman thinks (That´s up to each of them).

Flee! flee from the sin

Here are Paul´s:

1Co 6:18 Stay away from sexual sins. Other sins that people commit don't affect their bodies the same way sexual sins do. People who sin sexually sin against their own bodies.

Angela53510 · Apr 27, 2014

I'm sorry your husband has destroyed your marriage and violated you. I think adultery IS one of the worst things that can happen to a wife. It may not have meant anything to your husband, but it really has ruined your marriage. Esp. if you still have to see that adulteress in church all the time.

I would suggest switching churches as a start. If your husband does not want to do this, then I do believe it is time for a divorce lawyer. I know I could never enjoy my marriage if my husband did that to me. Even when he was tempted once, it just about destroyed me, and he never did actually commit adultery. I remember being so angry, and screaming at him, esp. since before he had gone on this work trip, he had looked me straight in the eye, and told me he would not see this woman, who had been my best friend for 20 years, little knowing what a whore she was. (There's a lot more, but TMI for her!)

So I was screaming and I could not stop I was so wounded. He called the police and tried to have me committed for being crazy. I talked to the dispatcher, and told the man my husband had tried to commit adultery with me on my ex best friend. The dispatcher canceled the police order, and told me he would have done worse if his wife had done this to him.

It is one thing to forgive, and another thing to move forward. You have not moved forward and you may never be able to.

So switch churches with him. Go for personal counseling. And I will be praying for you, to discern God's will!

salty227 · Apr 28, 2014

CORRECTION... We dO NOT ATTEND THE SAME CHURCH..JUST RUN IN THE SAME CIRCLES...SMALL TOWN.
sO i DO NOT SEE HER AS MUCH WHICH IS GOOD. I REALLY HAVE FORGIVEN FOR MYSELF..YET THE LITTLE REMINDERS ALWAYS COME UP..ESPECIALLY IN CHURCH SINCE HER NAME IS FAITH. REMINDED EVERYDAY AND EVERY SUNDAY.... SOMEONE HAS TO SAY HER NAME. EVEN I HAVE TO SAY IT.

Sinner44 · May 1, 2014

I really need prayer

zeroturbulence · May 1, 2014

Sinner44 said:

What's wrong? You can start your own topic if you like. I have to leave right now but if I will check back here tomorrow. If you want to start your own topic (thread) you can do that in the forum. There is a prayer requests forum here which might be the best place for yours. Here is a link to it: http://christianchat.com/prayer-requests/

God bless.

I will pray for you before I go to bed. I'm sure God will know what you want prayer for even if I don't.

tourist · May 1, 2014

salty227 said:

Our Heavenly Father has a new name for each of us that only he knows. You do not need a new church but rather, a new state. I could tell you to "Keep the Faith" but that would be a mean thing to do. Little reminders can add up to a large depressing situation. Yours is a very sad story and I bleed for you.

tourist · May 1, 2014

Sinner44 said:

Even better, answered prayer. I will certainly pray for you.

Hungry · May 1, 2014

MsSpratt said:

I'm pretty surprised to hear about Joseph too, because it didn't happen, at least not in my Bibles. I really hate being legalistic but what Jesus said about divorce was this: Matt 5- If a man divorces his wife other than adultery he causes her to commit adultery, and anyone who marries her commits adultery. Mark 10- If a man divorces his wife and marries another he commits adultery and if she divorces her husband and marries another then she commits adultery.

I'm not saying its fair but according to scripture there are no grounds for a women to be able to sinlessly remarry after divorce regardless of the circumstances. Because of polygamy there were different rules for men and women. Marriage was more of a business arrangement than a hollywood romance. Please don't get me wrong, I am totally sold on the one wife, one husband, faithfully together for life scenario. I just think people really need to realize that there is no reset button on marriage. Be careful who you say I do to because it really means for life!

rainin · May 1, 2014

Hungry said:

Being recently divorced myself this is one of the things that bothers me the most. I struggle daily with this burden of being a divorced woman. My husband divorced me technically but that doesn't change anything in my opinion. You are so right.....be careful who you marry. I will have to live the rest of my life knowing that I can not remarry without committing adultery. You may not have to be with the person you married forever but you really are connected forever.

oldernotwiser · May 1, 2014

i think you should talk this over with another pastor. the roman tradition has a wonderful way of looking at this kind of problem, the concept of annulment. many marriages that collapse were in some way dishonest at the beginning. i dont know the roman rules for annulment but it says that many of these marriages were entered into on false pretenses. i don't know if this is your case but when a partner breaks the core vows of marriage it would at least raise the question: "did that person honestly enter that relationship." if not, then it wasnt a christian marriage.

tourist · May 1, 2014

oldernotwiser said:

I believe that the key point is this: Did God truly joined the couple together in marriage? What God has joined together no one may put asunder. Under what circumstances does God join anyone together in marriage? Now, I am certainly not God but I do know that he wants his children to have life and have in more abundantly in this life and in the world to come. I do not see how anyone can enjoy an abundant life if there is a gigantic hole ripped into their heart as the result of a loveless marriage devoid of all joy and happiness.

danschance · May 1, 2014

salty227 said:

What you are experiencing is very normal considering your circumstances. I recommend counseling. There are some techniques that help restore emotional and physical intimacy. I am proud of you for wanting to make it work in the midst of such devastation. Keep praying, it may take time and don't loose hope.

My wife had an affair and is now living with a lesbian. So I know how it feels.

BeanieD · May 1, 2014

There is hope, but that hope needs to be in God. Have you read"FIREPROOF". It is an awesome book and shows how one can work to gain back what was almost lost. It takes a LOT of work, and a lot of doing things you don't feel like, but with God in the foundation of what you do, there is more than hope. God bless hon

Elisa · May 1, 2014

Since your trust in your husband and your intimacy with him have been affected, these things need to be worked on. You need to make him aware of your feelings and stop giving or doing that which you do not feel to do. It's good that you were able to forgive but he needs to regain your trust and in a sense, to conquer you again.

EyezOnGod · May 1, 2014

Sister,
All things are possible through Christ Jesus! God can completely restore your marriage. If it is within His will then it will be so. Lets not jump ahead of God. God bless you for remaining obedient to the Lord and your covenant. You are still married so continue to keep your eyes on the Lord and give the pain, doubt, anguish etc to Him. I will say that if you still love your husband then remain in your marriage and allow the Holy Spirit move in a mighty way...lean on the Father alone! God bless you...

pastac · May 2, 2014

I've seen some bitter and unforgiving remarks here and it makes me wonder if Jesus had our attitude of forgiveness where would that leave us. Sin is sin infidelity adultery murder whatever is still sin so you can forgive but you cant forget? Wrong teaching Jesus throws away our past so it doesn't condemn us why then do we hold on to the past memory of our personal Egypt's? Forgive, let God, move on in his plan for us.
And no it will not be easy but it will be possible. So for all the bad divorce advice remember that can apply to us being divorced from Jesus as well? As for the remarrying point who said you can't remarry people take scripture so far out of context that is why we have to learn to rightly divide the word of truth.Just some thoughts

rainin · May 2, 2014

pastac said:

Learning to rightly divide the Word is extremely important....I worry that I miss the mark many times. For me, feeling that I can not remarry is more of a conviction than a decision. There is no sadness or feeling of being deprived of anything. It's feels as natural as when I wanted to be married....make any sense? I guess Im just not being led in that direction so to say.

Springlover · May 2, 2014

Hi Salty, I can truely imagine what you are going through. I am in the same situation. My wife is with other man, We been married for over 5 years now and have 2 kids. I just want to encourage you with the scripture that is about such situation.

The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes." Hosea 3:1

This is what I am doing still loving her as the Lord loves the church. I have forgiven her. It truely breaks my heart to break the family, once its broken it is forvever. if you have forgiven your husband with true heart, no matter what he did in the past, it shouldnt matter. it is burried, you have forgiven and forgotten. By doing this you are onoring God, your true forgiveness, love for him will change his life as long you are praying and standing on Word of God.
Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing". Luke 23:34.

Yes you dont have to go to same church where Faith attends, just change the church if possible.

Again your family is important, try not to break it if you have forgiven your husband already then now fix the issues you might still have with true forgiveness, true love, earnest prayers. Everyting will change, it will take a while, but you will get te desired results. God bless.

salty227 said:

Hungry · May 2, 2014

pastac said:

Well I suppose that's a fair point about remarriage. Do you suppose Jesus was speaking to all of His followers when he made the comments on women being adulterous if they remarry or do you think He meant just Jews? This is my understanding: Polygamy was widely accepted, the wives "belonged" to the husband and he was responsible for all of their needs. If he divorced her she would essentially have nothing so the only accepted reason for divorce was infidelity. Also he could not divorce one woman and marry another (trade up). He could marry as many women as he wanted as long as he could provide for them so adultery wasn't really two sided. Women couldn't really earn a living on their own so it was a kind of necessary "evil". I'm sure if everybody considered marriage to be for life as intended, without the possibility of a redo, we would all put proper consideration into choosing a life mate and maintenance of our relationship.

secularhermit · May 6, 2014

Hungry said:

I don´t know how Jesus see is but, according to the Bible I read, it says: "Joh 8:7 The Jewish leaders continued to ask him their question. So he stood up and said, "Anyone here who has never sinned should throw the first stone at her." "

The reset botton is this: " Mat 19:9 I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for the problem of sexual sin, and marries another woman is guilty of adultery." "

And this: Mat_1:19 Mary's husband, Joseph, was a good man. He did not want to cause her public disgrace, so he planned to divorce her secretly.

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