Dating an older man: How old would you go?

[wisebeardman]

Pffffff my dad would NEVER approve of a marriage to someone 5 years older than myself.

why should he have to approve anyway? It is YOUR life, YOUR happiness, YOUR choice. He should respect YOUR decision on who you would wish to marry. Judging someone just by age is about as silly as judging someone just because they are missing a finger.

 

[JustAnotherUser]

My dad would never approve of me marrying even if my parents found hope in me to do so, period.

But heck, it's not like he cared otherwise. All he knew how to do was to shelter and rob me out from everything I could've had. So when the day I can move out I'm doing what I want.

 

[secularhermit]

One or two years back, I was walking with my daughter... When we reach the mechanic stariways, I wanted to hug my JOY and she pulled back (and I felt that rejection).

I said: "WhaT? What´s wrong with YOU? And, of course, I knew it (she was observed -and liked) and physically avoided that body language misunderstood.

When we sat, I spoke on the issue and, somewhere on the net, I left the feelings I had: I never rejected my mom or dad (that way) but, todays people WE ALL ARE QUITE DIFFERENT (Note: I´m on that boat)

2Ti 3:2 People will love only themselves and money. They will be proud and boast about themselves. They will abuse others with insults. They will not obey their parents. They will be ungrateful and against all that is pleasing to God.

 

[seoulsearch]

Hmmm! Just a thing: Why do many women, when meeting males, they do ask: "What's your occupation?"

I have a dozen of things, like this and, of course, NO ONE would seek a lame, a sick (etc) to be on a date or an ill fated marriage (Both genders seek THEIR conveniences).

In today's society, what you do is seen as who you are. As a woman, I'm always asked what I do for a living as well, and I can tell when they think that what I do isn't "good" or "prestigious" enough.

As I've written about before, my relationships were all very long-term to guys who were terrible with money and/or not working and I wound up paying for/supplementing their bills/childcare.

I hate the stereotype that women are just looking for wallet because in my case it's always been the opposite.

 

[JesusChica1991]

Wisebeardman, my father is very traditional in his beliefs and I respect them.

 

[wisebeardman]

In today's society, what you do is seen as who you are. As a woman, I'm always asked what I do for a living as well, and I can tell when they think that what I do isn't "good" or "prestigious" enough.

As I've written about before, my relationships were all very long-term to guys who were terrible with money and/or not working and I wound up paying for/supplementing their bills/childcare.

I hate the stereotype that women are just looking for wallet because in my case it's always been the opposite.

but in many cases it is just as true that women do the looking for the wallet thing. I have seen women bleed men dry and the minute the cash runs out they bail. I have seen women have kids just for that support check + government handouts.

do some men leech off of women, yeah. but all the woman has to do is leave... where as men tend to get stung for years after she bailed.

 

[wisebeardman]

Wisebeardman, my father is very traditional in his beliefs and I respect them.

respect of beliefs should go both ways. All I see out of the posts you have made is 5 years is my max cause daddy said so.. According to your profile you are 23 not 13. Who you will be with should be your choice and your choice alone..

 

[secularhermit]

why should he have to approve anyway? It is YOUR life, YOUR happiness, YOUR choice. He should respect YOUR decision on who you would wish to marry. Judging someone just by age is about as silly as judging someone just because they are missing a finger.

Yes! A missing finger or anything, except love.

Of course! each knows what they like: LOVE is not blind!

 

[secularhermit]

why should he have to approve anyway? It is YOUR life, YOUR happiness, YOUR choice. He should respect YOUR decision on who you would wish to marry. Judging someone just by age is about as silly as judging someone just because they are missing a finger.

Yes! A missing finger or anything, except love.

Of course! Each one knows what they like: LOVE is not blind!

 

[seoulsearch]

but in many cases it is just as true that women do the looking for the wallet thing. I have seen women bleed men dry and the minute the cash runs out they bail. I have seen women have kids just for that support check + government handouts.

do some men leech off of women, yeah. but all the woman has to do is leave... where as men tend to get stung for years after she bailed.

I think it also must be pointed out that we are all responsible for making wiser choices as well. In many, not all, but many of these types of cases, whether the person who is doing the using is a man or woman, there are huge red flags that are often ignored.

So when things go the way they do, the victim is not exactly blameless, but rather, facing the consequences of their own bad choices. I know this was my case as well--warning signs all over the place but I didn't get out when I should have.

Chica, I greatly admire you for respecting your father. I feel the same way. It has to be understood that our families have looked out and provided for us our entire lives--when someone does that, you have a great amount of respect for them in your life, no matter how old you are. Do you necessarily allow them to run your life as an adult? No. But you do take their wisdom and advice into consideration.

The Bible says, "Honor your father and mother." This does not mean allowing them to make or dictate your every decision, but the Bible also does not say to stop honoring them after a certain age or event, such as becoming an adult. Honoring your parents, trusting that they are wiser than you are, and considering their input is something we do all our lives, not just during our childhood and teenage years.

 

[secularhermit]

In today's society, what you do is seen as who you are. As a woman, I'm always asked what I do for a living as well, and I can tell when they think that what I do isn't "good" or "prestigious" enough.

As I've written about before, my relationships were all very long-term to guys who were terrible with money and/or not working and I wound up paying for/supplementing their bills/childcare.

I hate the stereotype that women are just looking for wallet because in my case it's always been the opposite.

Excuse me and I beg to be appologized! My culture is quite different than YOURS, then.

Now I "know" it from the female side and your own culture (and insight out).

I have saveral freidns dealing with the problem you mentioned (even my own sister, who get´$ more than her boyfriend) (a thing my mother surely regrets).

I have seen bothe genders have the same problem with money spent or childcare (I just ran from one who wanted me to marry her with his 3 sons). Ha! Ha!

When I lived with the PEMON people, I also saw men "seemed" to be lazy, while ladies worked harder, at least each day (by 1988) and those were hunter, Shamans or tribe chief... Hey! I´m not feminist (neither the other).

Excuse me for that stereotype, both genders feel "the same" as any could have it sensed their own life, though I have liked those shiny tennis shoes.

 

[wisebeardman]

I think it also must be pointed out that we are all responsible for making wiser choices as well. In many, not all, but many of these types of cases, whether the person who is doing the using is a man or woman, there are huge red flags that are often ignored.

So when things go the way they do, the victim is not exactly blameless, but rather, facing the consequences of their own bad choices. I know this was my case as well--warning signs all over the place but I didn't get out when I should have.

In the cases I have seen happen where the woman was the leech. Each one was sly and sneaky. I knew they were I could just tell (I am like that I just know what kinda person a person is just by looking at them)

in one case I knew the female bad news BUT nobody else could see it. Next thing ya know they get married out pops a kid, then another one.. then OPS I was right! she had been cheating the entire time. out comes divorce. Now this guy had been a good husband and a good dad. guess who ended up with the short end of the stick... the male. why? biased courts. she got every single thing she asked for.. She wanted the kids, she got them. She wanted his house (house he had before they had met) she got it, She wanted both the cars, she got it. She wanted 75% of his income for child support, she got it. He wants to have the kids for the weekend, she said pound sand. He was working a nice job with decent pay... but all he could afford to eat was rice.... every day.. three times a day. Finally he ended up with a work injury and I flat out told him ether go disability and he did, which ruined her plans for using the kids as a cash cow.. She was mad but nothing she could do the state now payed the support which was really little compared to what she had been getting. of course within days of him getting disability and her losing the cash cow she was off to marry some other guy...

moral of the story is, if you are female you can get away with being a leech AND have the courts on your side. while men just get kicked to the curb.

 

[seoulsearch]

No problem at all, Secular!!! I know you meant no harm at all!! No need to apologize but I greatly appreciate your consideration and explanation.

Your posts are always very insightful and heartfelt--and it's great to read a perspective from another culture.

Thank you for sharing and also for always being so polite and considerate.

 

[secularhermit]

No problem at all, Secular!!! I know you meant no harm at all!! No need to apologize but I greatly appreciate your consideration and explanation.

Your posts are always very insightful and heartfelt--and it's great to read a perspective from another culture.

Thank you for sharing and also for always being so polite and considerate.

You deserve more than that!

I have also seen how your posts have helped many (not only me) and this world lacks FACTS like those you (and several others) have poured on CC.

I hope that -any day GOD also want it- CC users may have a party in heaven to meet and look closely to our hearts: The fellowship you also have shown is real for many others here (though I would NEVER wear those shoes I have liked).

 

[gypsygirl]

at the point i'm at, basis for compatibility trumps most other variables (within reason) and thus i don't have a drawn line on an age. i've drawn that line already, and then made an exception for one. created a new line, and made an exception, and so on.

i've learned that every time i create a hard line about something that arbitrary, i am made to be a liar, so i've stopped.

i'm looking for an emotional, intellectual, spiritual equal and co-adventurer, who is heading in the same direction as i am. if there is one thing i've seen over and over in my life, it's that age is no better predictor of youth or maturity than scholastic grades are of intelligence.

the last guy who was "too old for me" was about 8 years younger than me, and seemed to have more in common with his recliner than he did with me.

 

[gypsygirl]

Hmmm! Just a thing: Why do many women, when meeting males, they do ask: "What's your occupation?"

I have a dozen of things, like this and, of course, NO ONE would seek a lame, a sick (etc) to be on a date or an ill fated marriage (Both genders seek THEIR conveniences).

could be conditioning. a lot of guys seem to define themselves by their work.

honestly, it's one of the last questions i would ask, because i really don't care that much. as long as he's happy, employed and secure with his choice (or at least content in the path he's on, and working towards his goals), i'm cool with that.

while i'll certainly be interested in what he shares about his life (including his work) i can think of 100 questions i'd rather ask than "what do you do for work?".

 

[hoss2576]

Probably not more than 12 years older than me. I won't date anyone younger than 30 because it seems to be a pivotal age for men.

That is because at age 30 we turn in our provisional Man Cards in for our permanent Man Cards. As long as we don't eat quiche before our thirty birthday, we get them.

 

[seoulsearch]

That is because at age 30 we turn in our provisional Man Cards in for our permanent Man Cards. As long as we don't eat quiche before our thirty birthday, we get them.

Makes me wonder if cougars everywhere are feeding their dates quiche.

D'oh!

 

[tourist]

My advice is not to date an older man. I did not say don't marry one, however.

 

[secularhermit]

could be conditioning. a lot of guys seem to define themselves by their work.

honestly, it's one of the last questions i would ask, because i really don't care that much. as long as he's happy, employed and secure with his choice (or at least content in the path he's on, and working towards his goals), i'm cool with that.

while i'll certainly be interested in what he shares about his life (including his work) i can think of 100 questions i'd rather ask than "what do you do for work?".

That´s apreciated and releaving!

Some things are claerly seen or guess... There was a time when I worked in a mining site and I was used to wear good clothing and, even some one "them" could have known / guessed I was on that mining site, several wanted to be reassured, not only to confirm I was well paid (girls) but also men wanted me to help them to be hired.

As a matter of passion (for the job any could be engaged) men tend to be selfish or too showy... While I was on NETLOG, I soonly knew there several man who wanted to make believe they were men of success and insisted on showing what they got or used, but i have several personal friends who played the fool and one of my closest had the chancew to be -somehow- a pimp when his GF paid his trip to china and several other countries: In the outside he was rich (he was a merchant sailor) but his cassanova look gave him the chance to play THE OPPO$ITE ROLE... Today he is one source of inspiration to me! He is a devote Catholic who once read too many books to be the man he was: GOD changed the whole thing!