Hey Everyone...
Do you tell your friends you love them? What if your friend is of the opposite gender? And what happens when either of you gets a significant other? How will it change?
I have been going through some rough spots and recently went on a 3-day partial fast to try to "shake off" the migraine-headache-like depression and try to get some direction from God. On the second day, a guy friend of mine texted me without knowing anything of what I was going through and asked me what was going on in my life. Needless to say, you never know when you could be saving a person's life... just by insisting on being there. I had to laugh because he kind of "hollered" at me over our texts, saying, "KIM!!! Stop!!! You ask me so many questions about myself that you never tell me anything about you!! I'm not leaving until you tell me what how you're doing and feeling!" But I was also overwhelmed by the realization that he would care enough to confront me out of the blue and insist on listening to me.
Throughout my estimated 11 years of being single, God has put wonderful people in my life and while they may come and go, some are brave enough and care enough to be there through the longer hauls of our life.
As I've gotten older, I've learned to cherish people like this as much as possible and hold them close, even if just for a minute or a text on the phone. Especially after having 2 major family friends die within the past 4 months... When I hang up or end a text session with my friends, male or female, I try to always tell them I love them. Sometimes I'm a little shy about it. But then I think about the fact that my parents went to see our dear family friends just a few months ago and now one of them is gone... and how we will never again get the chance to tell that person we love them... I am bound and determined to get over the shyness or "What if they think I'm just being mushy" factor--I don't care if they think I'm being mushy, dang nab it! I want to tell them I love them, whether they are a guy or a girl.
But I also think about how things will have to change when, or if, I ever get a significant other. Will he understand as I make the transition? I have a very close guy friend I have written about who is incarcerated. This is someone who has seen me, over many years, at my worst, including showing up at a visit with a self-inflicted cut that went all the way around my ankle in a ring. His refusal to give up on me and constant prayers were the driving force in why I no longer engage in such behavior (it's funny how God works. Though my friend currently has no freedom in his own life, he was somehow able to pass along the gift of freedom to me.)
Every letter and phone call I have with him always ends with a, "Love you!!!" and ours has always been a platonic situation. I can say the same of another guy friend I've known even longer (who is out in the free world, like myself) who is soon getting married. He and his soon-to-be-wife will text me together, saying, "Love you!" and I always address my texts to both of them, even if it's just to his phone. There is never anything to hide and everything is out in the open.
But I've often thought about what kind of changes I will make if God should bless me with the right man someday. My incarcerated friend and I have already said that we would no longer say "Love you" and that any letters we had would be addressed to the other as a couple, with everything out in the open, never anything just between us anymore. For me, there would be no more spending time alone with a guy friend for. Any guys friends would be invited to hang out with both myself and my significant other (I am secretly hoping they would hit it off and become friends too.) I have a guy friend I've known since I was 15 years old and whenever I had a boyfriend, I joked that they fell in love with him instead of me because he worked in tech and always had the latest gadgets and games. I'd be with someone and they'd say, "Let's go see X," because they wanted to go over and play video games with him!
I don't want to worry about a situation that may never come to be, but I don't want to be unprepared either, as I know that opposite-gender friendships can drive a huge wedge between couples. I would just hope the person I am with would understand how much the people in my life have helped me and realize the magnitude of what they've seen me through (such as preventing me from suicide.) I would hope that the person I was with would welcome such people to still be a part of our lives. And I would want to respect and honor the same things in his friends as well.
How do you all feel about expressing love to your friends? Do you have close opposite gender friends?
How will, or how have, things changed once you started seeing someone?
Do you tell your friends you love them? What if your friend is of the opposite gender? And what happens when either of you gets a significant other? How will it change?
I have been going through some rough spots and recently went on a 3-day partial fast to try to "shake off" the migraine-headache-like depression and try to get some direction from God. On the second day, a guy friend of mine texted me without knowing anything of what I was going through and asked me what was going on in my life. Needless to say, you never know when you could be saving a person's life... just by insisting on being there. I had to laugh because he kind of "hollered" at me over our texts, saying, "KIM!!! Stop!!! You ask me so many questions about myself that you never tell me anything about you!! I'm not leaving until you tell me what how you're doing and feeling!" But I was also overwhelmed by the realization that he would care enough to confront me out of the blue and insist on listening to me.
Throughout my estimated 11 years of being single, God has put wonderful people in my life and while they may come and go, some are brave enough and care enough to be there through the longer hauls of our life.
As I've gotten older, I've learned to cherish people like this as much as possible and hold them close, even if just for a minute or a text on the phone. Especially after having 2 major family friends die within the past 4 months... When I hang up or end a text session with my friends, male or female, I try to always tell them I love them. Sometimes I'm a little shy about it. But then I think about the fact that my parents went to see our dear family friends just a few months ago and now one of them is gone... and how we will never again get the chance to tell that person we love them... I am bound and determined to get over the shyness or "What if they think I'm just being mushy" factor--I don't care if they think I'm being mushy, dang nab it! I want to tell them I love them, whether they are a guy or a girl.
But I also think about how things will have to change when, or if, I ever get a significant other. Will he understand as I make the transition? I have a very close guy friend I have written about who is incarcerated. This is someone who has seen me, over many years, at my worst, including showing up at a visit with a self-inflicted cut that went all the way around my ankle in a ring. His refusal to give up on me and constant prayers were the driving force in why I no longer engage in such behavior (it's funny how God works. Though my friend currently has no freedom in his own life, he was somehow able to pass along the gift of freedom to me.)
Every letter and phone call I have with him always ends with a, "Love you!!!" and ours has always been a platonic situation. I can say the same of another guy friend I've known even longer (who is out in the free world, like myself) who is soon getting married. He and his soon-to-be-wife will text me together, saying, "Love you!" and I always address my texts to both of them, even if it's just to his phone. There is never anything to hide and everything is out in the open.
But I've often thought about what kind of changes I will make if God should bless me with the right man someday. My incarcerated friend and I have already said that we would no longer say "Love you" and that any letters we had would be addressed to the other as a couple, with everything out in the open, never anything just between us anymore. For me, there would be no more spending time alone with a guy friend for. Any guys friends would be invited to hang out with both myself and my significant other (I am secretly hoping they would hit it off and become friends too.) I have a guy friend I've known since I was 15 years old and whenever I had a boyfriend, I joked that they fell in love with him instead of me because he worked in tech and always had the latest gadgets and games. I'd be with someone and they'd say, "Let's go see X," because they wanted to go over and play video games with him!
I don't want to worry about a situation that may never come to be, but I don't want to be unprepared either, as I know that opposite-gender friendships can drive a huge wedge between couples. I would just hope the person I am with would understand how much the people in my life have helped me and realize the magnitude of what they've seen me through (such as preventing me from suicide.) I would hope that the person I was with would welcome such people to still be a part of our lives. And I would want to respect and honor the same things in his friends as well.
How do you all feel about expressing love to your friends? Do you have close opposite gender friends?
How will, or how have, things changed once you started seeing someone?
I'm much more careful saying it directly to male friends. It's definitely a step that, if taken or meant as more than platonic love, can't be reversed easily. Once that train starts moving, there's no going back, so I am uber-careful not to start the train. I never ever say it to married men unless the wife is equally included.
