Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[gypsygirl]

i just want to say how much i adore and greatly appreciate the amazing contribution you've all made in my life. you've shown me kindness, godly wisdom, support, acceptance, and even generously listened to my goofy ramblings.

in just over 6 months, you've all taught me in your own way, and shown me things that i never thought would bless me as they have.

your courage, honesty and willingness to be seen has been downright inspiring. i admire that so much.

you've all helped to make the challenges i've faced of late far more bearable and reflected God's amazing love to me in small and large ways.

and i'm so honored to call several of you friends. and that means so much more than you can possibly know.

with love and gratitude, monica

 

[ChandlerFan]

My uncle just sent an email to my mom that went something like this:

"WOWWWW SIS! I just saw some photos of your son on Facebook and he is SO handsome! Wow he looks like he should be an actor or singer or celebrity! Hes so talented and good looking!

...oh and Hallie is pretty too."

*sigh* this is NOT the first time this has happened either hahaha

hahaha awwwww...

 

[Loveneverfails]

hahaha awwwww...

Haha it's ok. I really do think it's funny. Besides, my brother IS quite the cutie. ^_^

 

[Oncefallen]

I feel like all these emotions that I never show are holding me back, yet at the same time I have no idea how else to live, how else to deal with the pain. When I open up to anyone I'm vulnerable and I know how easy it is to penetrate to my inner being and so deeply wound me that I never fully recover.

I'm sobbing now, so maybe I'll be able to sleep. I feel quite exposed now, please tread lightly. :'(

**breaks out the 52" mudders for this one

I think men tend to suffer from the issue of suppressed emotions a lot more frequently than women just because the societal norm is to tell young boys to "suck it up" "quit being a baby" etc. I would say that in some ways you are better off than I was at your age partially because you can still cry and partially because you recognize that there may actually be a problem.

When I was in counseling years ago one of the numerous "homework" assignments I had was to write about a time when I felt powerless, out of control, etc. (typical victim emotions) then part two of the assignment was to tell about how it made me FEEL. That part of the assignment took over a year to get through because it required me to actually mentally go back and re-live the event in it's entirety.

Learning how to feel emotions again at their deepest level was probably one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do, but I am by far a better man for it. I am grateful that God placed the right professional in my path that created a safe environment for me to work through all of that.

Suppressing emotions is not only emotionally unhealthy, but also can bring with it a long list of physical ailments because of the stress that suppressing emotions can create.

Feel free to PM me any time and likewise you don't live that far from me if you feel the need to talk.

 

[seoulsearch]

Guys like OnceFallen should be teaching "Men Showing Men How To Be Men" classes... Just sayin'.

I myself wouldn't mind sitting in for a few lectures myself, just because O.F. is someone who has an attitude of wanting to help... and not automatically appointing himself as some kind of authority figure we all need to listen to. He's humble and has a Godly attitude, which, unfortunately, is hard to find.

 

[DuchessAimee]

i just want to say how much i adore and greatly appreciate the amazing contribution you've all made in my life. you've shown me kindness, godly wisdom, support, acceptance, and even generously listened to my goofy ramblings.

in just over 6 months, you've all taught me in your own way, and shown me things that i never thought would bless me as they have.

your courage, honesty and willingness to be seen has been downright inspiring. i admire that so much.

you've all helped to make the challenges i've faced of late far more bearable and reflected God's amazing love to me in small and large ways.

and i'm so honored to call several of you friends. and that means so much more than you can possibly know.

with love and gratitude, monica

Thank you for telling me how awesome I am. I have always known this incredible fact!


I'm kidding!










Mostly.

 

[gypsygirl]

Haha it's ok. I really do think it's funny. Besides, my brother IS quite the cutie. ^_^

i sort of dealt with the same thing. my brother was the 3-sport star athlete and resident hottie in my family. my sister is the amiable, sweet girl that everyone loves because she seldom opens her mouth and has a permanent smile on her face.

there aren't so many groupies for the resident bookworm/geek/smart-alecks. : )

 

[seoulsearch]

i sort of dealt with the same thing. my brother was the star athlete and resident hottie in my family. my sister is the amiable, sweet girl that everyone loves because she seldom opens her mouth.

there aren't so many groupies for the resident bookworm/geek/smart-alecks. : )

*Is definitely a resident Gypsygirl groupie.*

*Screams and waves wildly after glimpsing GG's boots passing by...*

 

[violakat]

Thank you for telling me how awesome I am. I have always known this incredible fact!


I'm kidding!









.
Mostly.

And this is why we love are sweet, adorable, and humble Aimee

 

[ChandlerFan]

i just want to say how much i adore and greatly appreciate the amazing contribution you've all made in my life. you've shown me kindness, godly wisdom, support, acceptance, and even generously listened to my goofy ramblings.

in just over 6 months, you've all taught me in your own way, and shown me things that i never thought would bless me as they have.

your courage, honesty and willingness to be seen has been downright inspiring. i admire that so much.

you've all helped to make the challenges i've faced of late far more bearable and reflected God's amazing love to me in small and large ways.

and i'm so honored to call several of you friends. and that means so much more than you can possibly know.

with love and gratitude, monica

Thank you too for being such a kind friend to me in the week that I've been posting here.

(Man, it really feels like it's been much longer than a week.)

 

[didymos]

I get all my fish-care information from the Board of Irresponsible People. (...)

It makes you think, doesn't it? I mean, what's it all about?

[video=youtube;WQEkAbLJ5L8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQEkAbLJ5L8[/video]

 

[Nautilus]

i sort of dealt with the same thing. my brother was the 3-sport star athlete and resident hottie in my family. my sister is the amiable, sweet girl that everyone loves because she seldom opens her mouth and has a permanent smile on her face.

there aren't so many groupies for the resident bookworm/geek/smart-alecks. : )

You always have the rest of the smart-aleck/bookworm/geeks. I mean its tiring talking down to everyone else all the time. lol jk

 

[MissCris]

I decided to write my sister a letter. Hand-written, and snail-mailed. That way, she can read it in a couple days once she's cooled down, and she can respond (or not respond) however she sees fit.

I had to pray a lot before/during writing it...I didn't want to end up bringing up past painful events and actions. This letter...yeah, not about my pain or ways she's hurt me.

What it did contain...

I told her how I used to sneak into her room when we were little, to look at all her cool stuff. Sometimes I stole it...I told her I'm sorry. I told her how confusing it was for me that she's my "half sister" (different dad), because all I knew was that she was MY sister, and that she made the best pancakes, and had the best jewelry, and the best mischievous ideas.

I reminded her how I use to always try to tag along with her and her friends- I did it because she was COOL. I wanted to be around her. I wanted to dress like she did and listen to the same music and just be part of her world.

I told her, for the first time ever, how beautiful I thought she was in her junior prom dress. I told her how she'd made me feel safe and loved when our parents would fight. How when I had bad dreams, I would go curl up on the floor by her bed rather than running to our mom.

I told her how scared and worried I was for her when she left home, how I missed her and prayed for her and tried to get mom to stop being angry with her.

I told her that I'm sorry that I ran to her with so many petty problems when I knew she was going through so much of her own pain, her own hell. I told her that I never knew how to help her, because she seemed so strong and independent, but I thought if nothing else, I could at least stay close, make her laugh. I couldn't give her advice the way she could for me, I never had solutions for her troubles, all I knew to do was be THERE, in case...for some reason...she needed me.

I told her that I'm sorry for hurting her in the past- and I know I have, and sometimes I meant to...but mostly I didn't. Mostly, I was so focused on my own dramas that I probably still don't know the extent of the pain I caused her.

And I asked her...to forgive me. To let go of the past and let me start fresh with her from where, and who, we are now.

I don't know when, or if she'll respond. I hope that she does. Even if she's angry, I hope she calls or writes back and reads me the riot act- at least that would be a start, you know?

 

[persNickety]

I am a dizzy mess

 

[gypsygirl]

You always have the rest of the smart-aleck/bookworm/geeks. I mean its tiring talking down to everyone else all the time. lol jk

well, duh, why do you think i wear heels/heeled boots??? makes it sooo much easier to talk down, when i've got the significant height advantage. ; p

 

[persNickety]

Does anyone else feel that when they read a book, they devour the knowledge that comes from it and collects it like one would collect coins to put into a piggy bank? Reserve it, mull it over, allow it to change you, even in the smallest way?

 

[lil_christian]

Doing things always feels good.

 

[Oncefallen]

Guys like OnceFallen should be teaching "Men Showing Men How To Be Men" classes... Just sayin'.

I myself wouldn't mind sitting in for a few lectures myself, just because O.F. is someone who has an attitude of wanting to help... and not automatically appointing himself as some kind of authority figure we all need to listen to. He's humble and has a Godly attitude, which, unfortunately, is hard to find.

I went through several years of group counseling which for someone who has difficulty trusting others with their emotions and deepest darkest thoughts is quite beneficial because it forces you to develop certain levels of trust. During those years I sat with a couple of men who had quite clear passions in their lives such as music (one of the guys was a music teacher).

One night I bemoaned the fact that I had never really found an occupation that I was passionate about although I've worked in a handful of different job types over the years. This one guy proceeded to ask everyone else in the room if they knew what my passion in life was and I was rather surprised to see most of the guys with their hands up. How could all these guys know what my passion in life was when I didn't? The simple answer that I had missed for years was that my passion is people.

Disappointingly enough, after that I began to research the idea of going back to school with the intent of going into counseling since I finally realized what occupation was out there that I could actually be passionate about, just to find out that years of work would be wasted. In the state of CO in order to get state board licensing you must have a minimum of a Masters in Pych/counseling (no problem), but an old felony conviction precludes me from ever getting licensed by the state.

Although I may never be able to counsel as a profession, it gives me great satisfaction to help whomever I can as I mosey through life.

 

[seoulsearch]

Oncefallen,

What a cool story that your gifting was so apparent to those around you!!!

I know this is a small consolation but when I spent time talking with inmates, they said the thing that made a real difference to them about talking to someone like me is that they knew I was there on my own time and expense--I wasn't someone sitting there checking off lists on a clipboard and collecting a paycheck for it. They said it made them feel like real people, not commodities or numbers.

I truly believe sometimes God shuts some of us out of the "professional" world on purpose--because He needs His own round of "secret agents" whom He can send in "under cover".

(Ok, sorry, I just got finished watching a Ninja Movie with lots of conspiracies and undercover agents... but hey... I REALLY DO think it's true...)

 

[CatHerder]

i just want to say how much i adore and greatly appreciate the amazing contribution you've all made in my life. you've shown me kindness, godly wisdom, support, acceptance, and even generously listened to my goofy ramblings.

in just over 6 months, you've all taught me in your own way, and shown me things that i never thought would bless me as they have.

your courage, honesty and willingness to be seen has been downright inspiring. i admire that so much.

you've all helped to make the challenges i've faced of late far more bearable and reflected God's amazing love to me in small and large ways.

and i'm so honored to call several of you friends. and that means so much more than you can possibly know.

with love and gratitude, monica

Aw Shucks!