A Husband's role

[seoulsearch]

I think it must always be remembered too, that Jesus gave us an example of what kind of heart a husband should have for his wife. Why is it that this is never brought up?

I just watched "Son of God" the other day. While not nearly as graphic as "Passion of the Christ"... I always wonder why His very clear example isn't talked about more: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ love the church and gave Himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25.

Jesus was showing ups what God would expect a husband to do for His wife as we watch the scourge tear away chunks of flesh. Jesus was fulfilling His role as the spikes were being pounded through His hands and feet. He was tortured beyond recognition and died a horrible, bloody death... all for the love of His Bride, when she was the one who had sinned and would have been otherwise condemned without His sacrifice, even though He'd never committed even one sin in His life. He didn't look at Her and said, "You're not submissive enough; you're going to spend all my money; you're going to drain me high and dry and leave me with nothing because the courts are going to side with you."

People, both men and women, are worried about whether or not they want to get married because of what's in it for them, what rights the laws and society will give them, what will they walk away with if they decide they don't want to be together anymore or if one or both cheat, etc. And I'm certainly not trying to claim that some of these things aren't fair--of course they aren't.

But I also truly believe that the reason more people aren't marrying... is because if they take a good look into their own hearts, neither person, man or woman, is willing to take on the responsibility or sacrifice that marriage is truly all about.

People say, "I'll get married when I find a woman who's submissive enough and a true Proverbs 31 woman;" "I'll marry when a man can take care of me and my kids and I won't have to work anymore because a good husband should provide"... And I'm not saying those are entirely unreasonable things. But the truth of the matter is that eventually, marriage is about SACRIFICE and SERVITUDE and more people are worried about getting something for themselves or how they're going to win out in the end than in sacrificing any of their own interests or serving anyone other than their own best interests.

And, I can say that about myself as much as anyone. I've tried to sacrifice and serve before. Maybe God is telling me I'm just not good enough at it yet. Or that I never will be... at least in a marital way, which I'm ok with for now.

I get to practice sacrifice and service in many other ways, and maybe someday, He'll think I'm ready for The Big Chance to Serve and Sacrifice.

 

[Fenner]

Understood ... but we need to hold both genders accountable and equal regardless of their roles. I grew up very poor and watch so many women go the plate and bat for men/husband because they were weak and lazy. At the same time I watch women who did not take care of their husbands & children. Marriages can't work smoothly unless both genders contribute equally. Both are sinners and fall far short of God's perfection. I can't help but to see some underlying 'bitterness' and a flair of feminism from some female posters because their marriages & relationships didn't work.

I understand people can get defensive due to past experiences, it doesn't necessarily mean they are a modern day feminist. I see that word thrown around when a woman expresses her opinon regardless of her past or present. It does take two to make a marriage work. Again I think Chandler was talking about men and I'll throw in women who use the Bible to power over someone.

 

[biscuit]

As a man, I worry about the men. I'll let women worry about themselves.

And biscuit, by calling out "some women" who you think are a little too "feminist" for your tastes by taking a potshot at their past marriage troubles, I hardly think you're attempting to keep the peace. Due to that fact, I will no longer be responding to your posts.

I will fight fire with fire ... but I won't start the fire.

 

[seoulsearch]

I prefer he use neutrality to get his point across. If not, then I will hold him accountable.

This is what I'm always curious about, Bisquick.

You're ALWAYS holding people "accountable" for something... But who exactly appointed you as the Accountant?

God? The Holy Spirit? Jesus?

Or... yourself?

 

[Fenner]

Understood ... but we need to hold both genders accountable and equal regardless of their roles. I grew up very poor and watch so many women go the plate and bat for men/husband because they were weak and lazy. At the same time I watch women who did not take care of their husbands & children. Marriages can't work smoothly unless both genders contribute equally. Both are sinners and fall far short of God's perfection. I can't help but to see some underlying 'bitterness' and a flair of feminism from some female posters because their marriages & relationships didn't work.

I understand people can get defensive due to past experiences, it doesn't necessarily mean they are a modern day feminist. I see that word thrown around when a woman expresses her opinon regardless of her past or present. It does take two to make a marriage work. Again I think Chandler was talking about men and I'll throw in women who use the Bible to power over someone.

 

[biscuit]

This is what I'm always curious about, Bisquick.

You're ALWAYS holding people "accountable" for something... But who exactly appointed you as the Accountant?

God? The Holy Spirit? Jesus?

Or... yourself?

If you are attempting to insult me, I hope you are ready to get your feelings hurt. I will avoid it because you are not a strong person and it is not my nature. You have really had it in for me when I indicated on one of your past thread that women over 30 would have a slimmer time in getting married. You took it very personal and always had a "snorty" remark to me when you would post to me.

 

[seoulsearch]

If you are attempting to insult me, I hope you are ready to get your feelings hurt. I will avoid it because you are not a strong person and it is not my nature.

So... you are responding to my question with a threat, then... (for when the mods read your post.)

Yes, every time I ask you something, this is the kind of response you give me.

Last time you told me I must be a very insecure person who hates my life... etc. etc. etc.

It doesn't matter what you think of me. And, if I didn't have some kind of strength, I wouldn't have asked.

I think the only reason women over 30 might not be as quick to get married is because we are more hesitant about hasty decisions of getting inot the wrong relationships. At least, that's what it's been for me.

 

[biscuit]

So... you are responding to my question with a threat, then... (for when the mods read your post.)

Yes, every time I ask you something, this is the kind of response you give me.

Last time you told me I must be a very insecure who hates my life... etc. etc. etc.

It doesn't matter what you think of me. And, if I didn't have some kind of strength, I wouldn't have asked.

I think the only reason women over 30 might not be as quick to get married is because we are more hesitant about hasty decisions of getting inot the wrong relationships. At least, that's what it's been for me.

Don't blame me if you feel life is unfair to you.

 

[Ugly]

Just my thoughts, but a husband's role is to love his wife as much or more than himself, but not as much as he loves God--everything else will just fall into place if he does this.

Sorry, but this is a worldly oversimplification. Just love and everything magically falls into place is not a valid concept. Sometimes love takes work. Relationships take work, especially marriage. You can love someone, but that doesn't mean all of a sudden two people are just going to start acting right and things will work. Humans are flawed and these flaws cause problems that our flawed love can't magically fix.
And even if it did it would remove growth. Part of growing in a friendship or relationship is the ability to work through things. To learn to understand one another better. To learn forgiveness, motives, history, etc.. To think things just magically go well because you love is not only unrealistic but removes a part of what helps people grow together.
I was in love. But my love didn't make things good between us all the time. I still made mistakes. And i've since learned that the love i felt was not translated to the person in the way i thought it was. They did not realize how much i cared. I thought it was obvious, and i was wrong. Love didn't make things all better.

 

[seoulsearch]

Don't blame me if you feel life is unfair to you.

Why would I feel life has been so terribly unfair to me? Have you never read my posts?

I was found in a box on a street when I was about 3 days old. Someone found me, took me to the police, and then to an orphanage. I was adopted by my wonderful, Christian parents who are even of a different race than I am when I was 6 months old. The social worker told my Mom that someone was most likely watching to make sure I was found, similar to Miriam watching over Moses.

Sure, I've had my ups and downs. I always will, like anyone else. But as an adult, I was able to travel back to my orphanage and it really changes a person's view of life. How could I not see the entire situation as God having His hand over me His entire life?

Why do you keep telling me my life must be some kind of train wreck? I wrote this to you before--I have a loving family, loyal friends, and a bright future. I hope to retire one day, travel the world because I love new places and cultures, and do a lot of volunteering. God has been so good to me!!!

Why do you always come across with such hatred and bitterness as if you want to accuse me or even imply that you hope I somehow have such a horrible, wretched life?

I'm truly curious as to why you would sound so bitter, hateful, and sure about how terrible you keep saying my life has been when it's quite the opposite, as I told you before. I'm curious because... when the feelings are that intense, it's usually rooted in a deep pain.

Maybe there is something we can help you with and pray for you? All you would need to do is ask and I'd be happy to pray.

 

[biscuit]

... you are responding to my question with a threat, then... (for when the mods read your post.)

And I am sure the mod will see that you insulted me by calling me a name that I consider degrading.

 

[seoulsearch]

... you are responding to my question with a threat, then... (for when the mods read your post.)

And I am sure the mod will see that you insulted me by calling me a name that I consider degrading.

I often give people nicknames as terms of endearment. Since you call yourself Biscuit, I saw "Bisquick" as being a brand of biscuit dough .

But seeing as you detest it so much... And yes, if the mods want to correct me for doing so, they are free to, of course.

And I shall call you by what you've deemed as your own proper name, as you wish.

 

[MidniteWelder]

As a man, I worry about the men. I'll let women worry about themselves.

And biscuit, by calling out "some women" who you think are a little too "feminist" for your tastes by taking a potshot at their past marriage troubles and by turning accusations away from yourself and towards others, I hardly think you're attempting to keep the peace. Due to that fact, I will no longer be responding to your posts.

Hey Bro, totally respect your opinion.
On the opposite side as a man, I worry more about the women.


If we're to be honest part of the husbands role is washing his wife with the water of the word to present
her to himself
as clean, unblemished holy and blameless.
Interesting concept and example there...The man is presenting her to himself.
I don't believe many catch that part completely enough to drink that in.
As Christ loved his church he washed the church clean by what?
With Gods word to help keep it clean.
He used Gods words to confront rebuke correct Love and forgive...all these things.

What is a man that neglects his role as Christ loves the church?
Some say it is more of a man to let things go.
But I wonder how much more it takes to confront issues which help free a person from the bondage they are placed under from the world...Even if he is hated by the other.
Christ said many would hate him for what he said.
Sometimes it's a matter of principal (God's principal) rather than pleasing and catering to.

If we remember when, I'm sure many of us when first coming to Christ didn't like what we heard from God's word.
We were confronted with things we needed to address to be what?
Conform to more of a likeness of him
See many people have this notion that Christ accepts us as we are...and then walks away and says ok all good remain as you are.
But that is actually not the case is it?
He accepts us as we are when first coming to him, then the rest is all about change for the rest of our lives.
Guiding and leading and protecting and even correcting for the rest of our lives.

Over time, the more time we spend with Christ, we gain a respect, an honor and a Love for him knowing what he said was best for us. He wasn't trying to be a dictator just to tell us what to do for the heck of it right?
He is looking out for our best interests, in the name of the Father since Father knows whats best.
from what hurts us in order to protect us from what we don't understand.
Even to protect us from ourselves, our own selfish self seeking desires and emotions which lie to us.

I'm sorry for your many women's personal experiences for how this concept may have been presented to them as men in general try to learn and understand the concept of leading a woman as a sacrifice of themselves and I'm not making excuses for these men.
But Christ himself even said to his own people, his church...Because you are lukewarm I am about to spew you out of my mouth.
That may not sound very loving, or very spoiling to his bride.
But it is truth presented to the one he loves for the brides better good of all things.
Christ said what needed to be said when it needed to be said.

What happens if men neglect this aspect of what Christ does for his church and in so doing they also neglect part of their own role.
It's not just Christ who's duty job and responsibility this washing with the water of the word is delegated for.
While some men may communicate themselves incorrectly or be taken the wrong way at times, I myself in the past have been in the situation when after exhausting every method of first trying to be nice, then firm (getting straight to the point as Christ did)...we're not exactly taught to stop and back up and allow God to help things sink in for ones partner.
Since Christ didn't exactly do that. He didn't back down.
So we should consider with compassion and love if when we back up if we are enabling a person to hurt themselves further.
Or if pressing just a little bit more, may help offer someone the tools to persevere past obstacles placed by the enemy.
To strengthen someone.
Frustration can set in when often all a man is trying to do is guard his partner from the enemy and the things which can hurt herself.
Even so far as to protect her from herself...when all she wants is the blue car and she doesnt realize that the make of the blue is the one consumer reports says is the one most likely to break down and cause headaches in the long run
It's hard for a guy to sit there and see the woman he cares for possibly make decisions that could not only hurt herself but them both as a team...and complacently sit back and do nothing about it.
I'm sure you can understand that while being compassionate and caring, it's just as caring to be tough when needed.

When asserting this (shall we call it authority) that God placed in a man, I've heard a woman say,
"what are you my Father now"
and all I could think was...No, A father only takes care of you for 18 years until you turn the age of consent.
A man isn't just a Christ figure or a Father figure.
(let alone a woman who hasn't had a good father and doesn't yet understand the proper respect for the one leading them.)
A Husband is A Christ figure, a Father Figure, A brother, a bodyguard, a partner and a friend...
all of these rolled into one that will take care of her not just for 18 years.

...But for
The REST
Of
Her Life.
I wish more people could see that and appreciate the great responsibility it entails.
Because a man will answer to God for how he well he cared for his wife as his role of a husband.
And trying not to mess it up as Adam or Samson did.....not for himself since that's what makes a man back down
But for her better good...which is what makes a man step up

Peace out

 

[MissCris]

Understood ... but we need to hold both genders accountable and equal regardless of their roles. I grew up very poor and watch so many women go the plate and bat for men/husband because they were weak and lazy. At the same time I watch women who did not take care of their husbands & children. Marriages can't work smoothly unless both genders contribute equally. Both are sinners and fall far short of God's perfection. I can't help but to see some underlying 'bitterness' and a flair of feminism from some female posters because their marriages & relationships didn't work.

Right, so I was on my way out when I saw this post.

"Some female posters" in this thread have spent several years living with abusive men.

Yes, I'm a little on the bitter side over the failure of my marriage. Because it shouldn't have had to end. There should never have been verbal, emotional, or anything even close to physical, abuse. Yet there was. And because of that, it made no difference at all to him whether I defied him at every turn (which I did for a while) or if I submitted to him and catered to his every whim (which I did for far longer). No matter what *I* did, his treatment of me was the same- insults, demands, expecting to be served, physical things that no man should ever do to a woman...

Yes, I'm bitter about it. Yes, I get defensive when men start trying to shift the blame for things, or when they feel women need to be constantly reminded that we're all a bunch of marriage-destroying feminists.

Because I Didn't destroy my marriage. Did I do things wrong? Ohhh yes. I am by no means perfect. I fought when I shouldn't have, I sometimes lied to keep the shaky peace, I cheated, even- and believe me, I'm thoroughly ashamed of and appalled by my own behavior.

The thing is (and no, this doesn't let me off the hook), I was backed into a corner by his behavior. Had there not been any form of abuse, I would have been able to do sooo many things differently. Would I still have screwed up, without the abuse factor being present? Of course I would have. That's what humans-yes, men AND women-do; they fall short of the glory of God. But put any human being in circumstances where they constantly have to protect themselves, and it's going to get ugly.

So, yeah- it gets pretty old to watch as men come through here and try to tell women what to do, how to do it, and that they have to submit to man's authority. It's a breath of fresh air to have the fine, upstanding male members here come in and say "Yeah, women have their role to fulfill, but SO DO MEN."

It's a huge relief to see that not all men want to lord their "God-given authority" over us "weaker vessels".

Yeah...going now. Off to my corner.

 

[BananaPie]

Dear Ones:

Let's be reminded that these mighty fine forum halls are for Christian fellowship no different than if we were in Church fellowship. Let's trust the Lord to have peachy sweet joys horsing around together in fellowship with Christ.

Please be mighty kind to one another, esteeming others as better than oneself, and may our words be for the edification of the readers to encourage one another in the most precious faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Also, let's keep within topic.

 

[biscuit]

Right, so I was on my way out when I saw this post.

"Some female posters" in this thread have spent several years living with abusive men.

Yes, I'm a little on the bitter side over the failure of my marriage. Because it shouldn't have had to end. There should never have been verbal, emotional, or anything even close to physical, abuse. Yet there was. And because of that, it made no difference at all to him whether I defied him at every turn (which I did for a while) or if I submitted to him and catered to his every whim (which I did for far longer). No matter what *I* did, his treatment of me was the same- insults, demands, expecting to be served, physical things that no man should ever do to a woman...

Yes, I'm bitter about it. Yes, I get defensive when men start trying to shift the blame for things, or when they feel women need to be constantly reminded that we're all a bunch of marriage-destroying feminists.

Because I Didn't destroy my marriage. Did I do things wrong? Ohhh yes. I am by no means perfect. I fought when I shouldn't have, I sometimes lied to keep the shaky peace, I cheated, even- and believe me, I'm thoroughly ashamed of and appalled by my own behavior.

The thing is (and no, this doesn't let me off the hook), I was backed into a corner by his behavior. Had there not been any form of abuse, I would have been able to do sooo many things differently. Would I still have screwed up, without the abuse factor being present? Of course I would have. That's what humans-yes, men AND women-do; they fall short of the glory of God. But put any human being in circumstances where they constantly have to protect themselves, and it's going to get ugly.

So, yeah- it gets pretty old to watch as men come through here and try to tell women what to do, how to do it, and that they have to submit to man's authority. It's a breath of fresh air to have the fine, upstanding male members here come in and say "Yeah, women have their role to fulfill, but SO DO MEN."

It's a huge relief to see that not all men want to lord their "God-given authority" over us "weaker vessels".

Yeah...going now. Off to my corner.

MissCris,

Appreciate your honesty and understand your feelings. What I was trying to contemplate was that we should not bring the 'bitterness' to the board and play the blame game. It doesn't matter who did what in the relationship if it fails. If it fails, both are responsible no matter who is at fault. When the both of you say "I do," both of you agree to accept each other's faults & etc. Men get into abusive marriages also. It is just best to forgive & forget and move on.

 

[DuchessAimee]

I find it funny that Christians often argue about biblical topics and don't use scripture.

I also find it quite interesting that people are surprised when the crazies come out to play. I think it should be a singles forum requirement that if you want to discuss a biblical topic, then you MUST post scripture with it. If we do this then the crazies will visit us much less often.

 

[Oncefallen]

I find it funny that Christians often argue about biblical topics and don't use scripture.

I also find it quite interesting that people are surprised when the crazies come out to play. I think it should be a singles forum requirement that if you want to discuss a biblical topic, then you MUST post scripture with it. If we do this then the crazies will visit us much less often.

Probably not, they'll just pull random scriptures and twist them out of context in order to support their viewpoint.

 

[MartyrNdaMaKn]

hmmmm. i thought a husband's role was what happened after the inevitable post-marital sandwiches???

this how I feel after a well made sammich.

 

[tourist]

I think it must always be remembered too, that Jesus gave us an example of what kind of heart a husband should have for his wife. Why is it that this is never brought up?

I just watched "Son of God" the other day. While not nearly as graphic as "Passion of the Christ"... I always wonder why His very clear example isn't talked about more: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ love the church and gave Himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25.

Jesus was showing ups what God would expect a husband to do for His wife as we watch the scourge tear away chunks of flesh. Jesus was fulfilling His role as the spikes were being pounded through His hands and feet. He was tortured beyond recognition and died a horrible, bloody death... all for the love of His Bride, when she was the one who had sinned and would have been otherwise condemned without His sacrifice, even though He'd never committed even one sin in His life. He didn't look at Her and said, "You're not submissive enough; you're going to spend all my money; you're going to drain me high and dry and leave me with nothing because the courts are going to side with you."

People, both men and women, are worried about whether or not they want to get married because of what's in it for them, what rights the laws and society will give them, what will they walk away with if they decide they don't want to be together anymore or if one or both cheat, etc. And I'm certainly not trying to claim that some of these things aren't fair--of course they aren't.

But I also truly believe that the reason more people aren't marrying... is because if they take a good look into their own hearts, neither person, man or woman, is willing to take on the responsibility or sacrifice that marriage is truly all about.

People say, "I'll get married when I find a woman who's submissive enough and a true Proverbs 31 woman;" "I'll marry when a man can take care of me and my kids and I won't have to work anymore because a good husband should provide"... And I'm not saying those are entirely unreasonable things. But the truth of the matter is that eventually, marriage is about SACRIFICE and SERVITUDE and more people are worried about getting something for themselves or how they're going to win out in the end than in sacrificing any of their own interests or serving anyone other than their own best interests.

And, I can say that about myself as much as anyone. I've tried to sacrifice and serve before. Maybe God is telling me I'm just not good enough at it yet. Or that I never will be... at least in a marital way, which I'm ok with for now.

I get to practice sacrifice and service in many other ways, and maybe someday, He'll think I'm ready for The Big Chance to Serve and Sacrifice.

You are plenty good in a marital way. This is obvious to me. You will be quite a catch, someday, soon.