Ok, so this might require a bit of reading for you all starting out. This thread is a spin-off of a 5-year old thread that was bumped. I think the OP of that thread is pertinent to this one, so I will start off by quoting [most of] it.
Really this thread has two tracks:
1) First of all, seoulsearch, I was interested to hear an update on what your experiences have been like since making this thread if you're willing to share And others can feel free to share their experiences as well.
2) (This is largely in reference to #2 on seoulsearch's list.) I'm a huge proponent of grace and showing it to people whom God has shown grace to. Every now and then I see/hear people on this forum and elsewhere talk about how they want to marry a virgin. This really bothers me because it's holding someone's past sin against them when God no longer does, and in that case I think it's the person who only wants to marry a virgin who really has the heart problem and doesn't really understand the gospel.
Now, I'm not saying that you are one of those people, seoulsearch, in that your examples of people you try to avoid as potential mates are those who have slept with numerous people and have addictions. In that case, I would say that I can understand there being concern with the person not having an entirely healthy lifestyle or mindset in their approach to things like sex, or with them having some type of STD that would prevent you from being able to be physically intimate in the event that you would get married. I also completely understand not wanting to date someone who is still addicted to sex or drugs for obvious reasons and I agree that any guys who justify their sin by saying God will forgive them should be ruled out.
But if the person had a checkered past filled with debauchery, but has repented of their sin and has worked through counseling and other means to get to a place of being able to live a healthy, normal life physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc., would you give them a chance? (This implies that they are not suffering significant physical and emotional consequences of their past sins.)
And with that I'm just looking for people's general thoughts on this. My take is that if a person has a really checkered past, but has repented and now lives a healthy life with the aim to glorify God with their life, who am I to say that they are unworthy of me? I would have no problem accepting, embracing, and dating such a person.
Thoughts from everyone else?
Hello Everyone,
Lately, I've seen a lot of discussion in the forums and in chat about whom Christians should date, and it seems that the "good Christian answer" is that Christians should always date other Christians and that it should be a no-brainer... with a reference to the passage that says we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
However, is it just me, or have you any of you had some extreme frustrations in dating other Christians? Whether it be doctrinal disagreements, maturity differences, etc.--what are your experiences and what advice do you have?
I, myself, am trying to adhere to a personal guideline of only dating Christians, but here are a few of my own frustrations with the guys I have met:
1. The guy who, when I was having struggles or problems, would withdraw for a few weeks, fasting and praying over what I'd told him (which was great!), but then would proceed to "give me a word" that he expected me to follow and obey without question. When I told him, "Well, I don't really think that applies to what I'm going through right now..." he said, "Well Kim, if you can't accept a Word from God, then I truly feel sorry for you," while naturally having several passages to quote in order to back his stance. (Of course, what I wanted to ask next was, "Who made YOU God?" but, I was good and restrained myself.)
2. Guys who are Christians (and/or were raised as Christians) but have had (or are still having) strong issues with addictions (sex, drugs, alcohol) but have an attitude of either, "God's forgiven (or will forgive) me," or, on the opposite end, "I'm such a failure" (in a self-pitying way) but in both cases, they expect you to put up with their repeated, deliberately terrible choices because they have yet to change. (Or, they've supposedly changed... but think you shouldn't mind that they've had a history of say, sleeping with 25 other people (not an exaggeration--in some cases, the numbers have been higher)... doing hard drugs... etc. when that's not how you've chosen to live your life... NOT that I haven't made my own mistakes, but they expect me to be perfectly comfortable with their pasts and forgive all.) First of all, they didn't do these things against me so I don't feel they need my forgiveness (if they didn't sin against me, it doesn't seem like they should think I owe them some sort of forgiveness, do you think?) but does that mean I have to marry someone with that history if I don't have that history myself?
3. A guy friend who has only been a Christian for about 3 years and is the nicest guy, but very unsure of himself in his relationship with God--he's always calling me and asking, "Do you think it's ok if I do this [watch such-and-such movie] or do that [buy such-and-such product], or would God disapprove?"
I also had a good guy friend who started going to my church because he thought it would help his chances in trying to date me--we never did date but he became a Christian and has been very actively involved in the church ever since.
I don't want to think that I'd try to wait for a "good" unbeliever to be saved so that I could date him... but I do have to say, I'm frustrated with dating other Christians!! I guess all I can do is wait it out for a "compatible" Christian who's in a similar place in their walk with God?
Lately, I've seen a lot of discussion in the forums and in chat about whom Christians should date, and it seems that the "good Christian answer" is that Christians should always date other Christians and that it should be a no-brainer... with a reference to the passage that says we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
However, is it just me, or have you any of you had some extreme frustrations in dating other Christians? Whether it be doctrinal disagreements, maturity differences, etc.--what are your experiences and what advice do you have?
I, myself, am trying to adhere to a personal guideline of only dating Christians, but here are a few of my own frustrations with the guys I have met:
1. The guy who, when I was having struggles or problems, would withdraw for a few weeks, fasting and praying over what I'd told him (which was great!), but then would proceed to "give me a word" that he expected me to follow and obey without question. When I told him, "Well, I don't really think that applies to what I'm going through right now..." he said, "Well Kim, if you can't accept a Word from God, then I truly feel sorry for you," while naturally having several passages to quote in order to back his stance. (Of course, what I wanted to ask next was, "Who made YOU God?" but, I was good and restrained myself.)
2. Guys who are Christians (and/or were raised as Christians) but have had (or are still having) strong issues with addictions (sex, drugs, alcohol) but have an attitude of either, "God's forgiven (or will forgive) me," or, on the opposite end, "I'm such a failure" (in a self-pitying way) but in both cases, they expect you to put up with their repeated, deliberately terrible choices because they have yet to change. (Or, they've supposedly changed... but think you shouldn't mind that they've had a history of say, sleeping with 25 other people (not an exaggeration--in some cases, the numbers have been higher)... doing hard drugs... etc. when that's not how you've chosen to live your life... NOT that I haven't made my own mistakes, but they expect me to be perfectly comfortable with their pasts and forgive all.) First of all, they didn't do these things against me so I don't feel they need my forgiveness (if they didn't sin against me, it doesn't seem like they should think I owe them some sort of forgiveness, do you think?) but does that mean I have to marry someone with that history if I don't have that history myself?
3. A guy friend who has only been a Christian for about 3 years and is the nicest guy, but very unsure of himself in his relationship with God--he's always calling me and asking, "Do you think it's ok if I do this [watch such-and-such movie] or do that [buy such-and-such product], or would God disapprove?"
I also had a good guy friend who started going to my church because he thought it would help his chances in trying to date me--we never did date but he became a Christian and has been very actively involved in the church ever since.
I don't want to think that I'd try to wait for a "good" unbeliever to be saved so that I could date him... but I do have to say, I'm frustrated with dating other Christians!! I guess all I can do is wait it out for a "compatible" Christian who's in a similar place in their walk with God?
1) First of all, seoulsearch, I was interested to hear an update on what your experiences have been like since making this thread if you're willing to share And others can feel free to share their experiences as well.
2) (This is largely in reference to #2 on seoulsearch's list.) I'm a huge proponent of grace and showing it to people whom God has shown grace to. Every now and then I see/hear people on this forum and elsewhere talk about how they want to marry a virgin. This really bothers me because it's holding someone's past sin against them when God no longer does, and in that case I think it's the person who only wants to marry a virgin who really has the heart problem and doesn't really understand the gospel.
Now, I'm not saying that you are one of those people, seoulsearch, in that your examples of people you try to avoid as potential mates are those who have slept with numerous people and have addictions. In that case, I would say that I can understand there being concern with the person not having an entirely healthy lifestyle or mindset in their approach to things like sex, or with them having some type of STD that would prevent you from being able to be physically intimate in the event that you would get married. I also completely understand not wanting to date someone who is still addicted to sex or drugs for obvious reasons and I agree that any guys who justify their sin by saying God will forgive them should be ruled out.
But if the person had a checkered past filled with debauchery, but has repented of their sin and has worked through counseling and other means to get to a place of being able to live a healthy, normal life physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc., would you give them a chance? (This implies that they are not suffering significant physical and emotional consequences of their past sins.)
And with that I'm just looking for people's general thoughts on this. My take is that if a person has a really checkered past, but has repented and now lives a healthy life with the aim to glorify God with their life, who am I to say that they are unworthy of me? I would have no problem accepting, embracing, and dating such a person.
Thoughts from everyone else?