"Bear" in mind that I am writing this without reading Any of the other responses.
Roh_Chris, it is a pleasure and an honor to be in community with you. The internet has been used as a tool of the devil time and again, but it is through fellowships like this that I feel confidant that the internet is God's tool, too.
I worry anytime I hear of a Christian that either is not going through spiritual struggles or cannot look back and speak of major spiritual struggles they have been brought through by God's hand. It either means that they are about to go through something (and need prayers) or that they are so far off God's path without knowing it that the devil doesn't need to bother them, he's got them in his bushel basket come the harvest. So it is with joy, yes joy, that I read your post, dear friend. Philippians 4:4-9
I know that in some countries, some regions, some cities, some churches...it is easier to get trapped in a silo. To have only one kind of thing and no other access to differing opinions, differing denominations, differing sources of teaching on The Way can leave you with a faith that needs to ask questions. I myself went through years of rebellion against Christ and his church as a result of life experiences. I believe that a faith tested is a faith made your own. It is my hope that my children Are tested, and that they hold true to the roots I now nurture for them in the church. If they end up in another sort of church someday, as long as they hold true to what I feel are the core salvation issues, I will not care overly much what name is on the door. I am complimented to be, as a member of this CC community, part of your questioning process. I am not a great Biblical scholar, and do not wish to present myself as such. I may try to quote scripture along the way. If anyone feels I am misquoting scripture or questions something that I say unsupported, please PM me about it first, and let us see if we can work out that difference. It is the Matthew 18 way, and should be applied to something as serious as me attempting to advise another in his time of significant faith questions.
I hope that you count some us us hear as Family, Brother Bear. In my five years of being ministered to and ministering to others at the Christ-centered 12-step program I attend, I have come to learn that family is occasionally related to us by genetic blood relations, but more often is related to us by Christ's blood.
It does sound to me that you are saying that your family of origin, while still holding whatever level of love in your heart, is not necessarily a safe place for you, and that you are acknowledging need to grow from that experience while away from their influence. I hear you say that you have made forays into this, but that it is not something that has developed itself out. I encourage you to continue this process, and to find a place in your life where you can fellowship with others, with your mask(s) off...even if you must put them back on to go back out into the world...or to go home to your family. Having other believers in your life with whom you can be genuine will keep your walk with Christ well rooted. The blessing of honesty in a Christian community, even if it is just a subgroup of a church, like a Bible study group or a men's breakfast group or...whatever, is a blessing that is worth pursuing. The "sharpening of your iron" (Proverbs 27:17) in such a circle, the opportunity to be vulnerable about your faith and receive encouragement, the chance to Hug a Brother In Christ and pray together through a tough time...that plus Grace is what will get me to Heaven some day.
If you don't have that place, take the time...and the prayer...and if necessary, the years, to find that for yourself.
1. I have come to read that the Old Testament laws did not free the Jews, and that this was part of the necessity of Christ. I read the New Testament (NT) and hear in it the whole of law, replaced by Love, Grace, & Forgiveness. I do see in the NT that there are a select few direct commands - one of which seems to have been more emphasized is the directive to care for the widows and orphans...and I look at that with Modern eyes which defines these two classes as something other than just women whose husband died or children who lack two biological parents. I see orphans regularly who live with two parents who have abandoned their child to the world in pursuit of their own sinfulness. My definition of widows is similarly broad.
I do not see a NT example of that the church should rule over its members dictating their every breath, and I consider such legalism as a red flag that may indicate a misrepresentation of Christ's message. It seems to me that this church takes this past the extremes, and could breed a corruptive sense of unworthiness.
2. No, it is not right. We are to be spreading the good news, seeking to save the lost; not here to be the church of Galatia. It seems that this is preached so heavily that I might even fear dissenting without fleeing this church's reach, for I have seen some who claim the name of Christ but teach other than His message do things that are against His will and do so "in His name" (or so they thought).
3. I do not believe there is ONE right way to worship God.
Here locally, there is a collection of churches under one name that is known throughout the community to have "really rocking worship service" with lasers and fog machines and.... and people leave with a buzz, but it is sometimes less of a mountain top communing with God, and more that the echos of the amplifiers are ringing in there ears. And some later question openly if they were moved by The Spirit or if it was just all the subwoofers. I call it Worshiptainment.
America was founded to provide opportunity to Christian diversity. We are now, to a great extent, a pagan nation. I am skiddish about anything that claims to be of Christ, but that closely resembles local pagan traditions...examples are the Celtic Cross was developed to allow the Celts to still mark their graves with Thor's Hammer without it being pulled down by those that came claiming God's name, the regional saints adopted and festival-ized in Central & South America (+ others, I'm sure) that mimic the local pagan practaces which eased the transition from tribal to "christian" religion, and in America I see it today in the blurring of the lines between the secular and the sacred. I see value in reaching the lost with a language they understand, but not at the expense of the message.
As Jesus the Christ Himself said in John 4:24, we are to worship in Spirit and in Truth. Worshiping because a man (or woman) commands it of you seems to be counter to this. Worshiping because you are consumed by a crowd doing so and are moved by the crowd mentality seems counter to this. Attempting to present before God any kind of worship that you do not feel in your heart to be giving Him His due seems to me to be counter to it. It's not a fake it till you make it kind of thing, it's bring God your heart, however it may be - imperfect, stained, troubled or joyfully clean - and sincerely give to God the best you can that day. Your offering of worship may be like the two mites (Luke 21) but if you pray like the tax collector (Luke 18) , that is to say earnestly and sincerely, your worship and your prayers are great indeed. Beyond that, who is to say that you need a harp, a drum, a guitar, a fog machine, or a solemn chapel with an a capella song service.
4,a) Yes. 1 John 4:1
4,b) The church should be a church first and a community second, but reaching out to the community around it. We are not to be a country club of exclusivity. We are to lift up one another and being others to Christ. We should attend to our own and to others. We should fellowship with one another to keep ourselves on the righteous path (Hebrews 3:13, 1 Thessalonians 5:11), but we should actively include those outside of the church in our lives so that we may not "hide it under a bushel" (Matthew 5:15)
4,c) Part of being a good Christian is being a good father or mother to your children.
You seem to be doing a good job of drawing your own conclusions, so I will not elaborate unnecessarily. If you want me to further elaborate on this or anything else, please ask me to do so.
5)I believe that God can heal anyone from anything. I accept that it is not always HIS plan to do so, even when the devout fervently ask it. I shy away from (ok, flee is the better word here) anyone holding a "Divine Healing Service" or who refutes modern medicine. I believe modern medicine (even psychiatric medicine... and this is coming from someone who does believe in demonic possession) is a gift from God. I also see that such services could result in faith crushing disappointments for some, driving them from the church, and that they could potentially result in a person seeing themself or being seen by others as more important than that person should be seen. I do not believe Christianity to be a hierarchical religion, but a flat structure with Christ our Savior, God the Father, and their Divine Comforting Spirit above us...and us equally trying to mature in the faith while attempting to spread the good news. I pray for the sick and the hurting, sometimes even with the laying on of hands. But I put it in God's hands to heal whom He chooses, and look (without condemnation) for how He is at work when He chooses to not heal.
6)I will say it this way: my church is an "Open Communion" fellowship. Anyone who wishes to partake may. It is our intention that communion should be for baptized believers, and that is what we teach. But as 1 Corinthians 11:27-29 indicates, each must must examine their own self. I have known of instances where one's sinfulness has become cause to dis-fellowship someone who once claimed to be a believer (as in the Matthew 18 model), but not without first attempting to follow the rest of that model for resolving conflict and doing so in a manner of Christian Love.
We do offer communion each Sunday morning, at both morning services, and it is offered again at the evening service for those who were unable to attend for whatever reason.
We seek to be a church open with Love to the individual, ready to condemn sin, but not in a way that drives anyone from the Lord.
Grace is Amazing. Remember that 'The New Testament is a Message of Reconciliation Not of Condemnation', and you will go far.
I hope that you find a place and a way to worship God, to be part of his church, and to be loved by Family...for by HIS blood we are family, Brother Bear.
Lastly, and separately, do not neglect your health in any way. If you are bleeding you would bandage the wound. If your heart is bleeding, let Christ heal you, too. If you feel you are suffering from a psychiatric condition, do not rush to self diagnosis too soon (some of what you wrote could point towards PTSD or similar instead), but do not neglect proper treatment either. All healing and all comfort comes from God. He may not always choose what we expect (like prayer healing illness one time, but the same illness healing only through medicine another time).
I love you, Brother.
I often think of this movie when posting to you.
Blindly accepting something as truth is going to weaken the foundations of your faith.
