What can a girl do to get the guy she likes?

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Louise31

Guest
#1
#1
So theres this guy I really like, but there are so many things in the way. I don't know if he's even thinking about dating at all let alone thinking about me. We hang out a bit but only in group situations. He's not on facebook much and has an ancient phone of which I don't have the number. How do I get in? How do I become more than just one of many friends but a good friend then how do I go from that to girlfriend?
Im not good at flirting and I don't want to come across as stalker-ish or obsessive. I can never seem to be able to talk to him on my own and just don't know what to do. Help/advice would be muchly appreciated!!!
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#2
May 3, 2013
8,719
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#2
If you get the correct answer, share it here so, men or young guys will do the same, to avoid mistakes. :)
 
djness

djness

Senior Member
#3
May 16, 2014
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#3
Why do you like him if you seem to have very little interaction with him?
 
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MissCris

Guest
#4
#4
Ask him and a couple of other people you both know to go out for coffee some time. It's not stalkerish, and you'll have other people as a "buffer" so you don't feel so nervous around him.

Edit: That's a good way to get to know him better, and a good excuse to ask for his number. If he says yes to going out for coffee in a small group, you can be all, "Great! If you give me your number, I'll call you and let you know when."

...just be aware you may end up finding out he's not interested in anything more than friendship, and don't beat yourself up over it if he isn't.


 
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djness

djness

Senior Member
#5
May 16, 2014
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#5
I think people who use the direct approach in life are more likely to get what they want. I still wonder why you like him but whatever the reason letting him know you exist and you would like to know him better is the best way to go about it. Most guys and even women don't get subtle no matter what cosmopolitan tells you {do people still read that?}
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#6
Apr 18, 2013
9,526
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#6
MissCris said:
Ask him and a couple of other people you both know to go out for coffee some time. It's not stalkerish, and you'll have other people as a "buffer" so you don't feel so nervous around him.

Edit: That's a good way to get to know him better, and a good excuse to ask for his number. If he says yes to going out for coffee in a small group, you can be all, "Great! If you give me your number, I'll call you and let you know when."

...just be aware you may end up finding out he's not interested in anything more than friendship, and don't beat yourself up over it if he isn't.
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1. MissCris seems to have a lot of stalker tricks down pat. And she IS married, so we have to assume her tactics actually worked. : )

2. As far as being the instigator of some group outings, that seems fairly safe.

3. I don't recommend calling him all the time once you get his number.
But I DO recommend sleeping in the shrubs by his front door... so you can keep an eye on him.

I can tell you from experience, that when a guy finds a girl sleeping in his shrubs, even though it's a tiny bit odd, he'll still probably invite her in for coffee.
"Oh goodness, there's a girl in my shrubs! Poor little thing. She probably needs some coffee."
 
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MissCris

Guest
#7
#7
djness said:
I think people who use the direct approach in life are more likely to get what they want. I still wonder why you like him but whatever the reason letting him know you exist and you would like to know him better is the best way to go about it. Most guys and even women don't get subtle no matter what cosmopolitan tells you {do people still read that?}
Click to expand...
I agree with this; being direct often works best. But a lot of people just can't be quite that bold, particularly with the opposite sex.
 
djness

djness

Senior Member
#9
May 16, 2014
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#9
zeroturbulence said:
Who cares why she likes him. Maybe she just thinks he's hot.
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Hot goes a long way.

..wait..No it doesn't!!

I do think it is important for her to have reason for liking the guy.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#10
Aug 2, 2009
24,644
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#10
djness said:
Hot goes a long way.

..wait..No it doesn't!!

I do think it is important for her to have reason for liking the guy.
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Once again, what does it matter to anyone else but her? She didn't say he was a cheating lying drug addict or anything like that. Sounds to me like you might be trying to set her up for some kind of judgement based on your own ideals.
 
J

johnbragg

Guest
#11
#11
Ask him to go to church with you. If he says yes you have common ground. If he says no think hard about it.
 
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Wormwood

Guest
#12
#12
Who cares why she likes him.
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+1

Louise, have you asked anyone from said group(s) of yours? That seems like a more suitable starting point if those people know the two of you.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#13
Mar 13, 2014
42,556
17,025
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Tennessee
#13
Louise31 said:
So theres this guy I really like, but there are so many things in the way. I don't know if he's even thinking about dating at all let alone thinking about me. We hang out a bit but only in group situations. He's not on facebook much and has an ancient phone of which I don't have the number. How do I get in? How do I become more than just one of many friends but a good friend then how do I go from that to girlfriend?
Im not good at flirting and I don't want to come across as stalker-ish or obsessive. I can never seem to be able to talk to him on my own and just don't know what to do. Help/advice would be muchly appreciated!!!
Click to expand...
Write the guy a letter and tell him how you feel. You may not want to come across as a stalker or obsessive but you have to come across as something that sets you apart from the others so that you may be noticed. Or you can simply do nothing and let him get away. That would be the safe, conservative approach.
 
djness

djness

Senior Member
#14
May 16, 2014
502
13
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#14
zeroturbulence said:
Once again, what does it matter to anyone else but her? She didn't say he was a cheating lying drug addict or anything like that. Sounds to me like you might be trying to set her up for some kind of judgement based on your own ideals.
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uhh ok
Interesting descriptors...bit extreme..
Activate super sensitivity mode captain...we may experience turbulence for being inquisitive!

It was just a simple question as to why she wanted to date the guy. She never said why she liked the guy. Normal human beings like something about someone they ask out, or so that was the case last time I got off the internet.
Any other ccer could have asked the same question.

I hope nobody else ever asks questions on here the results could be catastrophic!
 
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ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#15
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
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#15
zeroturbulence said:
Once again, what does it matter to anyone else but her? She didn't say he was a cheating lying drug addict or anything like that. Sounds to me like you might be trying to set her up for some kind of judgement based on your own ideals.
Click to expand...
djness said:
uhh ok
Interesting descriptors...bit extreme..
Activate super sensitivity mode captain...we may experience turbulence for being inquisitive!

It was just a simple question as to why she wanted to date the guy. She never said why she liked the guy. Normal human beings like something about someone they ask out, or so that was the case last time I got off the internet.
Any other ccer could have asked the same question.

I hope nobody else ever asks questions on here the results could be catastrophic!
Click to expand...
Your question was definitely fair, djness (although it maybe could've been worded a little better), and I'm sure she will answer it in time, but in the meantime there's no reason for you guys to escalate things by being accusatory and sarcastic/condescending.

Just wanting to try to keep another thread from going off the rails unnecessarily :)


Louise, I think the best thing you can do is stick your neck out a bit and look to become friends with this guy. If anything were ever to happen between you two long-term, having a foundation of friendship is going to be huge. And that way you will be able to find out more about whether or not he's dating and that type of thing. In all of this, though, press into God and trust that He has a plan for you that is good. It's easy to get fixated on one person and have your future life together all planned out, but God may have an entirely different (and better) plan altogether. It's best to walk closely with Him and trust Him throughout the process :)
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#16
Aug 2, 2009
24,644
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#16
Fine. What it sounded like to me is that its not ok to like someone based on "very little interaction", but of course I should have just ignored that part of the question. Anyway, let the judging begin! I'll just sit back and watch. :)
 
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MissCris

Guest
#17
#17
​Yikes, no wonder new people don't stick around :(
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#18
Aug 2, 2009
24,644
4,305
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#18
MissCris said:
​Yikes, no wonder new people don't stick around :(
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Yes, that was exactly what I was trying to avoid MissCris. That's why I said it shouldn't matter to anyone why she likes the guy. I feel like she was about to get "schooled" on why she shouldn't like a guy based on "very little interaction". Anyway.. next time I'll just keep my mouth shut.
 
H

HLR

Guest
#19
#19
The most important thing you can be... yourself. Don't change yourself to try and gain his attention. You don't want him to get the impression you're someone you're not. That's the most important advice I can give you.

In order to get his attention though, I would suggest just being open and honest with him. He might feel similarly to you, and he might not. Don't take it personal if he doesn't. There's certainly more people out there, and you're young I'm assuming. You will find someone. May not be tomorrow but you will.

Just be sure that you're upfront, and vocal about your faith and don't let the relationship you may form change that. Because no relationship is more important than the relationship you've established with the Lord.
 
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Nick01

Senior Member
#20
Jul 15, 2013
1,272
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#20
If you like him, just ask him if he wants to go get coffee with you. Don't overcomplicate it, and don't mix your signals.

Honestly, I'm actually not sure about going out in a group scenario (especially if you already meet in group scenarios). The reality is, when it comes to what women think, guys are dumb. If a guy asked a girl to get coffee, even in a group situation, if he was asking one girl specifically, nine times out of ten the girl would instantly know that the guy probably likes her, and wants to ask her out (this has happened to me, and is part of the reason why I now just favour a direct approach).

However, if a girl asks a guy out in a group situation, nine times out of the ten the guy will think she just likes coffee.

I've seen this happen, and there's always an exception, but that's the risk you run when dealing with men :p. You may just end up reinforcing in his mind the status quo of the relationship, whereas you might think, having met as a group for coffee, you have 'progressed' into some sort of relationship. Having different ideas on the nature of your relationship is not a great idea, especially after a first 'date'.

I would tend to be upfront, ask him if he would like coffee, go out, chat and see if he cottons on enough to start the conversation himself. If not, I would, towards the end of the coffee, be fairly direct and bring up whether you would both like to meet up again like this in the future, on an actual date. No rush, no strings, no schedule, just see whether, if you went out again, it would be something you both would like to pursue, one step at a time.

And, personally, for a Christian, I think 'hot' and 'Christian' is a perfectly legitimate benchmark to use when asking someone out. Dating is not courtship - you are not engaged, and you do not have to assume the other person is your new spouse! Dating is an opportunity for you to find out whether you could be in a serious relationship. If you find out after several dates that you realise all you like about the other person is that they're hot, then you might want to rethink. But when you're starting out, you don't need to have a completely exhaustive understanding of their personality. Most married couples still don't totally understand each other after years of marriage!
 
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