Are we guilty of becoming bitter towards "pretty people?"

[ArtsieSteph]

This is just one of my own musings, but I notice that we have a lot of threads and posts about people being upset about not being seen for themselves because of their outward appearance. (Whether this is just in our minds or actually happening is not my place to judge, but still.) But there's one side of the coin that I never thought of too much, but do we ever get sort of resentful towards those that are pretty?

Ladies have you ever looked at a girl and gone "the guys only talk to her because she's gorgeous." Guys have you thought "why do all the meat heads get the girls?" Or have we looked at someone of the opposite gender and automatically assumed they were shallow because they were pretty/handsome? "They'd never like me, they're too pretty."

For once I honestly feel bad for the really attractive women and men because they may have no idea they're being judged too!

 

[sassylady]

I do wonder if the pretty women have somebody because of their looks. It does get sickening when you see how shallow our society is when it comes to looks. Teenagers get plastic surgery, men are even getting it now. And it hurts to wonder do I know have anybody because somebody cannot see past physical imperfection.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I do wonder if the pretty women have somebody because of their looks. It does get sickening when you see how shallow our society is when it comes to looks. Teenagers get plastic surgery, men are even getting it now. And it hurts to wonder do I know have anybody because somebody cannot see past physical imperfection.

I feel so bad for some of those kids, thinking they have to reach some sort of quota to be considered pretty enough. They end up trying to attain what the magazines see as beautiful and don't realize just how photoshoped the images really are.

 

[MissCris]

This is something I've been struggling with for a long time, actually...making a snap judgment about someone solely based on the fact that they're really attractive.

I've often caught myself thinking ridiculous and unfair things about another woman just because she's really pretty- things like "She's probably an air head" or "I bet she sleeps around". It's really messed up, and I get so disgusted with myself when I think these things.

I've gotten...better. I do my best to catch myself when I start to have a thought like that, try to think something positive about them instead, try to keep the insta-judging from turning into insults.

It's hard for me to get it under control. I wasn't raised to put so much stock in a person's appearance, but I learned on my own that being the "pretty girl" could count for a lot in life. I was constantly being told, as a child, that I was so pretty, that I reminded this or that person of Shirley Temple, that my hair was so beautiful or whatever else...and I realized that how I looked earned me a type of acceptance that I desperately wanted. As I got older, and started to have a wider range of friends, there were plenty of girls in my immediate circle who were much prettier, and in a way that all the boys noticed. They got a lot of the attention I was craving from boys our age, while I was passed over...and I began to resent it. What was wrong with me? Why didn't boys ask me out? Why was I not good enough?

Unfortunately, that resentment only grew. I started to actually avoid my friends who I felt were better than me, and purposely made friends with girls I didn't feel so threatened by- whether they were heavier than me, or dressed poorly, or whatever else I felt made them less attractive. I disliked the popular girls in school because I was sure they were only popular because they were pretty- which meant that, since I was not popular at all and nobody even really noticed I existed, I must therefore not be attractive. Not good enough.

I didn't even realize what a jerk I was being until just a few years ago. The thing that got me to see this prejudice I have was working with a girl who looked like a model. I was forced to be civil to her since I had to train her when she started the job- I hated being in that position because hello, pretty girls are all snobs, right? Well, after a few days, she started to open up to me and we actually became friends after a while. And she's not only pretty, but incredibly smart, a talented artist, and also has a ton of horrific things in her past.

The thing was, I realized she was human. And that changed my attitude a lot.

I do still sometimes get that pang of jealousy or resentment towards attractive women. But I'm working on that, and I'm a lot more accepting of myself than I used to be, which makes a huge difference in how I percieve others.

Hey, good topic

 

[Blain]

You see that is the main problem with everybody. We see with our fleshly eyes not Gods. This is why I constantly am asking God to give me his eyes, I told him I would rather go blind in my fleshly eyes just so I may see with his and such a prayer came from me noticing how subconsciously even without meaning to I judged a person for their looks, I would compare other to me I would compare others to pretty ppl I would even look down on others because of their weight no matter how much I truly resented myself for this. Because I just knew that what I saw was not what God sees and so I began to ask him to give me his eyes and his heart not mine.

It is a slow and gradual process to see with his eyes and love with his heart and even though I still see through such eyes and love with such a fleshly heart I am far better than I was. Whenever I see a person who in the worlds eyes are fat ugly and a loser if my mind starts to think that I say to myself who are you to judge them? do you not see the darkness inside yourself? do you not see the flaws you have? then I can suddenly see with Gods eyes and I see past the outer appearance and then I say to God now I see, now I understand the beauty you see in them. even if I had never met this person I still see the beauty that God sees and why he loves them so and why he is willing to go so far for them.

So how do we change what we see with our fleshly eyes? it all starts with a prayer

 

[JesusMyOnly]

Oh indeed I am guilty of being bitter towards "pretty people". Tho over many years of going through all those awkward, frustrating and scary phases of trying to find who I really was along with wanting to fit in and be pretty at the same time, I'm beginning to realize that being bitter over someone's outsides is rather silly and impolite. As a girl I'll always have it in me to worry about how I look and about the looks of others around me somewhat. I've been jealous, intimadated and somewhat scared of those who I've forced into the "pretty category".
I have been so blessed to meet and know some of the people I know today. Some just acquaintances and some that are really close friends. Getting to know them just by their looks is one thing but to see them open up and admitt to me things that I had never suspected they would tell me really opened my mind (but don't worry I'm not so opened minded like liberals to where my brain could fall out) to never judge or be bitter about whats on the outside. I always wonder now what people could be hiding, what their thoughts are like and what they are dealing with daily. There are times no doubt (because I'm still trying to mature) that I'll look at some girl and be envious, or a boy who scares me because I don't feel like I could be pretty enough to be his friend. But just as much as my friends have taught me to look at more than just the physical features they've also taught me I am loved, beautiful (pretty) and appreciated.
Pretty is beauty and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone will believe the woman voted "most beautiful" in the world is the most beautiful in the world. I knew a girl back in the 6th to the 7th grade. She was gorgeous, beautiful and had literally EVERY guy in school chasing her. We were actually pretty close friends. I got jealous of her often tho as a boy I liked refused to give up trying to get her to be his girl. Years later (5 years later) as I have now graduated from school I just ran into her this year. She is only 19 years old with a baby, living alone with her boyfriend as her mother just passed away from cancer. She is still glowing with beauty, but does this even matter anymore? She is a mother and what stands more than her outter looks, she will be a strong mother who watches over her child.
There is more to worry about in life than over what we look like. I understand the pressure society has given us all to look beautiful but just as the problem of bullying, it will NEVER stop. We all have to become confident and love ourselves with the help of Christ. And in Christ. Bitter is not beautiful. Those people who we think have no problems because they are beautiful may be hiding something huge. And while it may seem they are getting everything they want its all just an illusion.

 

[Lynx]

What gets me is, how do they know if people like them because of who they are or what they look like? The same problem exists with popular people, rich people, TV and movie stars, even politicians - How can they tell who their true friends are?

Kinda makes me glad I'm ugly, poor and unpopular. Any friend of mine is probably a real friend.

 

[zaoman32]

I've managed to avoid this somehow oddly enough. I saw the title of this thread and was really hoping to be snarky and mouth as usual, but I think I'm going to actually try to respond (somewhat) truthfully this time.

I thought I was ugly for the better part when I was in school, but as I finally passed that awkward looking stage, I didn't feel that way, and get a bit more confident in my looks. Other than that, I never really thought I was ugly, and I'd look around seeing all these girls dating and hooking up with guys that were kind of gawky and nerdy looking. Here I am, reasonably good-looking (not a model by any means), I make sure I smell good everyday, and this nerdy dude gets a hot chick.

Now that I think if it I really dislike these nerdy scrawny pale guys. What the crap?!

 

[DanielTate]

Yeah see... All us good looking people get the cold shoulder on this website... Jokesss

 

[Enga]

Guys Lets talk bible, lets discussion how we can improve the situation. Most of people do not like certain things, its fine, respect their feelings and respect how he or she feels. If he/she can post it then lest respect that can discuss on how help each other. Nay lets based all our discussion on bible.

 

[gypsygirl]

honestly, no.

i've never been jealous of others, for pretty or other reasons. i don't know how common that is, but that is pretty much how i've always been. i find it very hard to understand why anyone would be jealous or bitter towards another since we all have our strengths and liabilities.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I also haven't ever felt this way. That isn't to say that I don't have tons of other problems and flaws. (Micro-managing, critical, anxious, impatient... but I digress!) I feel pretty dumpy standing next to a beautiful person, but I have never resented them for it, or been angry about my own looks or theirs. (Depressed sometimes, haha... but not angry.) I saw two PERFECT looking women in the gym today. I couldn't help wishing I looked like that. But the feeling I felt was awe rather than bitterness.

I have a question for those who struggle with this... Do you also find yourself a little bitter when you see someone who has more money than you, or less problems in life, or a better job? I'm wondering if this isn't just a general jealousy/covetousness problem rather than insecurity, and then when I think about that, I also wonder if jealousy stems from insecurity, or if the two are related at all.

 

[Liamson]

The only thing I think I can honestly say I can be jealous of is a super high quality relationship.

Like when someone is burned from head to toe or someone is paralyzed, I think could I let someone take care of me? Could I keep someone forever if they were physically different? theoretically, I can't even begin to answer that because I'm not even in a relationship.



But when I see two old people on a bench, I don't think "Someday" I think, I'll never get there. How did they get there? But 90% of old people couples on benches aren't what I'm really talking about. Its that one old couple that is everything you're capable of being.



I rode a Train from Sandy Eggo up the coast about 10 hours one day. And I sat with a couple, in a sort of reverse booth thing. They were from Switzerland, "Backpacking" around the U.S. I didn't care so much about the means it takes to accomplish something like that but, when they told me that their luggage was lost and they had to figure it out for two weeks, with almost nothing. I could see it in their eyes and in their attitude that they were a team. And as bad as having nothing in NYC can be, their love was more than up to the challenge.

I didn't want to have her or be him. I'm okay with being me and pretty much everything that goes with that. But to have the opportunity, ability, and heart to pull it off, is something I would give all I own for.

 

[Loveneverfails]

*sigh* I have begrudgingly come to accept that one can be pretty on both the outside and the inside. >.>

exhibit A: Pipp.

*swoons*

 

[Roh_Chris]

This is something I used to struggle with, in the past. I was not a "desirable" boy in school and college. I used to look like a total misfit and I had many behavioural issues as well. The consequence was that nobody wanted to be my friend. Girls passed over me when it came to crushing on boys. There was little I could do to change my situation so I began to be bitter against beauty in general. I did not like handsome boys because I felt threatened by them. I did not like pretty girls because I knew they would not like me.

Over the last few years things have changed. I have worked a lot on my behaviour, my confidence level and my socialising skills. Today I appreciate beauty positively. I admire a man who has all the desirable features of a woman. I admire a beautiful woman. When I see men with a good physique, I only wish I looked like them. I have now learned to appreciate beauty - whether on the outside or on the inside.

I don't want to make a sweeping statement, but I wish to pose a question to everybody who feels bitter towards pretty people. Is that bitterness coming from your own insecurities? This was true in my case. I have grown to face them though I'm still a "work in progress".

 

[Tintin]

I don't know that I've been bitter towards pretty people but I've certainly wondered why so many girls (not ditzes - reasonably intelligent, grounded, good girls) would go out with chumps who treated them like crap. I also found it difficult to approach so-called good-looking people because I didn't feel worthy and I felt I couldn't relate to them (stupid, I know). When I did approach them, I found most of them to be angry, bitter people. They may have looked good on the outside but yeah... I learned that everyone has their problems and we all need hope in Christ. Naturally I've met some absolutely lovely pretty people and I'm more confident who I am in Christ so I generally don't have these same issues any longer. Which is awesome.

 

[Susanna]

I don't know that I've been bitter towards pretty people but I've certainly wondered why so many girls (not ditzes - reasonably intelligent, grounded, good girls) would go out with chumps who treated them like crap. I also found it difficult to approach so-called good-looking people because I didn't feel worthy and I felt I couldn't relate to them (stupid, I know). When I did approach them, I found most of them to be angry, bitter people. They may have looked good on the outside but yeah... I learned that everyone has their problems and we all need hope in Christ. Naturally I've met some absolutely lovely pretty people and I'm more confident who I am in Christ so I generally don't have these same issues any longer. Which is awesome.

I enjoy reading your posts, and this one is no exception, but I need to comment on what youre saying about reasonably intelligent, grounded, good girls. I have seen some girls being treated like that by their men, but, none of them was what I would have labelled reasonably intelligent etc. I'm not saying you are wrong, because my knowledge of other peoples relationships are fairly limited, but I just wanted to share my knowledge on the matter. I also believe that people are not always being able to see what kinda mean business a girl in a relationship is doing, but what the man is doing is for everybody to see. I know of men who are mentally abused by their wives...and word has it they are the ones abusing their wives...crazy world...

 

[Tintin]

I enjoy reading your posts, and this one is no exception, but I need to comment on what youre saying about reasonably intelligent, grounded, good girls. I have seen some girls being treated like that by their men, but, none of them was what I would have labelled reasonably intelligent etc. I'm not saying you are wrong, because my knowledge of other peoples relationships are fairly limited, but I just wanted to share my knowledge on the matter. I also believe that people are not always being able to see what kinda mean business a girl in a relationship is doing, but what the man is doing is for everybody to see. I know of men who are mentally abused by their wives...and word has it they are the ones abusing their wives...crazy world...

Yes, you makes some good points there, sister. As for saying the girls were reasonably intelligent, I meant they weren't the shallow types but seemed to have a good understanding of the world around them and were fairly academically intelligent. Obviously not too cluey about some guys though. Some of these chumps were those who bullied me. Not cool. Thanks for sharing.

 

[kenthomas27]

I also haven't ever felt this way. That isn't to say that I don't have tons of other problems and flaws.

I think the term is "scads".


you're welcome.

 

[Lynx]

Is that more or less than oodles?