When "being married" becomes and Idol for singles

[thecreationtutor]

What are your thoughts about this?

The Bible says marriage is a good thing, man should not be alone etc - but when does that desire become and ultimate thing?

You reap what you sow , I do not want to reap the whirlwind - letting that become an Idol in my life, a place where God should rightfully be

looking at Jacob's life he treated God like this "If You just do x and y, then You can be my God

He had experiences with God
He had blessings from God
He had protection from God
But Jacob, did he really make God, God of his life?

You ever notice, Jacob never changed - he was a liar till the end? as well as other things?


End of the year, I think everyone is thinking about their life, and where is it going

I want to have better thinking

of God
of myself
of my life
where blessings come from
where consequences come from

thoughts?

 

[Lynx]

Being married (or these days not necessarily being married, but being "together" with someone) is something many chase assiduously. They have an intense fear of being lonely, which is only exacerbated by the current inability of many to be still and quiet for any length of time without being bored. They associate loneliness with boredom, which compounds their fear of being lonely. Also they fear that if they don't marry by the time they are a certain age they will NEVER find someone to marry because "all the good ones will be taken."

So they strike out like a drowning person looking for something to hold onto. And when they find their life preserver of a person to be together with they live in constant fear of losing this person. This leads to many undesirable habits, not the least of which are clinginess, devising coy games and tests to make sure he or she is "the one," amassing large numbers of possible dates... and let's not forget all the "tricks" a pickup artist has.

This also causes much stress, which impairs health, which impairs their chances of finding a good mate, which causes more stress, which impairs health, which...

 

[tourist]

My thoughts are that I thank God for bringing a wonderful woman into my life who is now my wife. My life will go where I allow God to lead it. I am gratefully for now having a traveling companion to explore the possibilities and face the adventure of life together. I don't believe that it says in the bible that marriage is good but it does say that it is not good to be alone.

 

[tourist]

Being married (or these days not necessarily being married, but being "together" with someone) is something many chase assiduously. They have an intense fear of being lonely, which is only exacerbated by the current inability of many to be still and quiet for any length of time without being bored. They associate loneliness with boredom, which compounds their fear of being lonely. Also they fear that if they don't marry by the time they are a certain age they will NEVER find someone to marry because "all the good ones will be taken."

So they strike out like a drowning person looking for something to hold onto. And when they find their life preserver of a person to be together with they live in constant fear of losing this person. This leads to many undesirable habits, not the least of which are clinginess, devising coy games and tests to make sure he or she is "the one," amassing large numbers of possible dates... and let's not forget all the "tricks" a pickup artist has.

This also causes much stress, which impairs health, which impairs their chances of finding a good mate, which causes more stress, which impairs health, which...

Maybe you should elope.

 

[Lynx]

The cure for this problem of people making "being married" an idol is to get a life. No, I mean really - get a life, put something in your life that makes it valuable to you apart from being someone's lifelong partner. Find something you can pour your life into. Get active in the church, it's the best way I know to spend your time. Learn to play an instrument - I recommend the piano/keyboard because then you can connect your keyboard to a computer, load a virtual instrument and have just BUNCHES of instruments to play. Learn to talk to people naturally by going to a mall or somewhere a lot of people are, sitting on a bench and waiting for a conversation to develop. You don't have to start a conversation, they just happen.


Boredom? What is that? I have more to do than I will ever get done in my one life. Loneliness? If I find the girl for me I will be glad of it, but in the meantime I have a lot to do.

Having said that... I WOULD like to find the girl for me. It's so hard setting up a sound board by myself - I have to adjust something, run up to the stage and test the mic, run back to the sound booth and adjust something, run up to the stage and test...

 

[JesusMyOnly]

I will never, get married. Ever. But..I want 100 kids and think about marriage from time to time. So I don't know lol. Its just not gonna do me any good to sit there and try to force some guy in my life, worshiping him, making him the center of my life and spending every..single..minute of our lives together. The world pushes that you must be married (especially young) or you will always be lonely. And sadly so, all the divorces prove that even marriage doesn't always help loneliness, being bored, so on so forth. When you begin to idolize marriage more than it should be seen as, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. Trying to fill a void that only Jesus can fill.

 

[secularhermit]

I don´t see that as idolatry but as add-on that suits my viscerality, the emptiness of my "togetherness", if God considered or planned something good for me. Even cats enjoy someone else around them to care or hugs.

Just see God, who wasn´t alone the moment He created heavens and earth, saw we -men- needed something good to keep on (Gén 2:18 And Jehovah God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. )

 

[1still_waters]

If more fairy tales were about waking up next to bad breath, bo, and a bad attitude until the significant other gets their coffee, the idolization of marriage might decline.

 

[secularhermit]

I will never, get married. Ever. But..I want 100 kids and think about marriage from time to time. So I don't know lol. Its just not gonna do me any good to sit there and try to force some guy in my life, worshiping him, making him the center of my life and spending every..single..minute of our lives together. The world pushes that you must be married (especially young) or you will always be lonely. And sadly so, all the divorces prove that even marriage doesn't always help loneliness, being bored, so on so forth. When you begin to idolize marriage more than it should be seen as, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. Trying to fill a void that only Jesus can fill.

Were you thinking of being in charge of an orphanage?

 

[secularhermit]

I just see Jesus enjoying the risk of attending a wedding in cana (Jn 2), getting involved in such a social experiment, by giving them some wine to cheer their life up.

PS

Besides, He loved to visit His friends at Lazzarus house. He endured that fellowship, too.

 

[JesusLives]

I will never, get married. Ever. But..I want 100 kids and think about marriage from time to time. So I don't know lol. Its just not gonna do me any good to sit there and try to force some guy in my life, worshiping him, making him the center of my life and spending every..single..minute of our lives together. The world pushes that you must be married (especially young) or you will always be lonely. And sadly so, all the divorces prove that even marriage doesn't always help loneliness, being bored, so on so forth. When you begin to idolize marriage more than it should be seen as, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. Trying to fill a void that only Jesus can fill.

Nothing wrong with thinking outside the box....How to have a 100 kids without being married? Start an orphanage and you could probably have more than 100 kids. Being married however, doesn't have to be an idol situation. Start putting God first in what you do and tell Him your hearts desire and God can make it happen. I wasn't even looking to get married again and somehow ended up that way to my surprise and delight. Making God first is the key and Bible tells us to seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you.

 

[secularhermit]

Nothing wrong with thinking outside the box....How to have a 100 kids without being married? Start an orphanage and you could probably have more than 100 kids. Being married however, doesn't have to be an idol situation. Start putting God first in what you do and tell Him your hearts desire and God can make it happen. I wasn't even looking to get married again and somehow ended up that way to my surprise and delight. Making God first is the key and Bible tells us to seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you.

That´s the SMART wife my brother got!

 

[ChandlerFan]

At the most basic level, an idol is anything that you feel like you can't live without--anything that if God were to take it away, you're not sure that you could continue to trust Him. So then thinking about it that way, you could also say that an idol is anything that we put before God on the throne of our hearts.
While marriage can no doubt be an idol I suspect that if someone considers marriage to be an idol in their life, there is a heart idol there that runs deeper than just a desire for marriage. Most likely an idol of acceptance or of success. My biggest struggle personally has always been the idol of acceptance--I feel unworthy of acceptance in some ways so I try to compensate in other ways and to me at times, marriage seems like a great bandaid.

Anyone who has an idol in their life is failing to believe the gospel as it applies to that area of their life, which is why Jesus is the answer to every idol. The truth is that God accepts me completely and is working in me to redeem the unrighteous things, but I fail to really believe that in my heart when I seek acceptance from people or allow myself to get depressed about singleness. There isn't anything wrong with longing for marriage. After all, God said that it isn't good for man to be alone. But when you let that longing cloud your view of Christ, that's when you start crossing into the realm of idolatry.

 

[secularhermit]

At the most basic level, an idol is anything that you feel like you can't live without--anything that if God were to take it away, you're not sure that you could continue to trust Him. So then thinking about it that way, you could also say that an idol is anything that we put before God on the throne of our hearts.
While marriage can no doubt be an idol I suspect that if someone considers marriage to be an idol in their life, there is a heart idol there that runs deeper than just a desire for marriage. Most likely an idol of acceptance or of success. My biggest struggle personally has always been the idol of acceptance--I feel unworthy of acceptance in some ways so I try to compensate in other ways and to me at times, marriage seems like a great bandaid.

Anyone who has an idol in their life is failing to believe the gospel as it applies to that area of their life, which is why Jesus is the answer to every idol. The truth is that God accepts me completely and is working in me to redeem the unrighteous things, but I fail to really believe that in my heart when I seek acceptance from people or allow myself to get depressed about singleness. There isn't anything wrong with longing for marriage. After all, God said that it isn't good for man to be alone. But when you let that longing cloud your view of Christ, that's when you start crossing into the realm of idolatry.

What if a person lacked that self-acceptance?

Will he (or she) be attained to any religion to "believe" he/she is worthy of love, just by thinking "God and Jesus loved me 1st"?

That´s is where MANY have used their religions (and Christianity) as AN IDOL no one is willing to deny publicly.

PS

If I can´t love ME, as I am, it will hard to love others, the way they might be, too.

 

[secularhermit]

Mat 22:39 The second most important commandment is like this one. And it is, "Love others as much as you love yourself."

This is where many of us fall short.

Such idolatry of the self, too, is the idol we surely missed when despizing (us) and those we´ve left alone.

 

[ChandlerFan]

What if a person lacked that self-acceptance?

Will he (or she) be attained to any religion to "believe" he/she is worthy of love, just by thinking "God and Jesus loved me 1st"?

That´s is where MANY have used their religions (and Christianity) as AN IDOL no one is willing to deny publicly.

PS

If I can´t love ME, as I am, it will hard to love others, the way they might be, too.

Well first of all, I do think that an idol of acceptance does usually come from a person who isn't able to accept himself/herself so you're definitely right there. And if idolatry is putting something before Christ, and a person's idol is acceptance, and they look to Jesus for acceptance within Christianity, that's a good thing because only Jesus is the one true God and only he can satisfy that need. And to be perfectly honest, I don't think anyone can find that need for acceptance to be satisfied in any other religion because the concept of saving grace only exists in Christianity.

I do, however, think that people can make religion and even Christianity an idol if they are living according to the standards of their religion for the sake of finding acceptance from other people.

 

[secularhermit]

Very well said, sir, yet I differed from you in minutes aspects that aren´t worth mentioning.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I agree totally, it's really easy for it to become the end all. And I mean as a woman often the wedding itself is what is planned/dreamed about ect, and not the actual relationship. I think there needs to be a balance, because it basically shows as an end to one part of your life but the beginning of a new phase.

 

[secularhermit]

Absolutely!

Here, on CC, I once read: "I want a wedding party with 200 guests..."

If a person dreams, wants or even demands that, I got an idea on how expensive that married life would be.

Does it sound like idolatry?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a9/ScroogeFirst.jpg

 

[jogoldie]

I've been alone for many years.........or should I say unmarried......or unattached.........I don't get lonely........we must find peace and joy in the state you are in at the time...........married ....or not....in
the middle of trials ...or victories........
happiness and lonlyness are states of mind.........chosen by us.........finding a man who puts God first.....would be good.......but its not everything.........and I suppose putting that pressure on someone
to be responsible for your happiness Is alot to ask...........unless its God your asking........you own
happiness is your own responsibility.......marriage is not an answer for lonelyness.........most of my
days of lonelyness were in the middle of my marriage.....be happy right now in whatever circumstance your in..........then God can take care of what your heart desires.......