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S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#21
#21
cmarieh said:
This guy is not the smartest monkey in the barrel and I have always had dreams of dating an educated man.
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Hi cmarieh,

Maybe someone pointed this out already and I missed it (apologies if I did!): Educated and smart are not exactly synonymous. E.g, I have an uncle who's very educated and very analytical, but has some self-destructive tendencies despite having an academic background in psychology.

Just some food for thought. :) Ultimately, if you are certain (or you think you're certain) you don't want this to become a thing, then it needs to be voiced sooner rather than later.
 
Last edited:
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#22
Mar 13, 2014
42,390
16,880
113
69
Tennessee
#22
cmarieh said:
Hi,
I met this guy at a church only for about five minutes. He found out who I was related to and started to make comments, like I was a nice lady and my sister gave him my phone number so we could be friends. This guy is not the smartest monkey in the barrel and I have always had dreams of dating an educated man. I believe he is getting the wrong impression from me and wants to date me. I just want a friendship. I need help and advice on not leading him on and we scheduled a time next week to get together, to get to know each other and need to tell him before then. Please help
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The problem is that 'we' scheduled a time next week to get together. That seems overtly friendly to me. I have yet to meet a guy who's intention was to just be 'friend's' with a girl.
 
J

Jacob_Fitzgerald

Guest
#23
#23
seoulsearch said:
never underestimate "the uneducated.
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Let me add to seoulsearch's statement: "don't underestimate the apparently simple or unintelligent person."

I had a friend one time who acted like he was unintelligent. He would do and say things that I thought only a person who was not smart would do. So for a couple of years I thought he was just a simple unintelligent person, and I treated him as such. Then, through a series of events I found out that he was actually a genius, seriously, and for some strange reason he put up the unintelligent front.

I don’t know how he fooled me for two years. I don’t why he did it, I don’t think he did it to be mean or to mislead people. Needless to say I was very embarrassed at how I had been treating him.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#24
May 23, 2009
16,238
5,204
113
#24
tourist said:
The problem is that 'we' scheduled a time next week to get together. That seems overtly friendly to me. I have yet to meet a guy who's intention was to just be 'friend's' with a girl.
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At last, a man who speaks the truth!

Wait a minute.

Tourist, are you saying that when you first starting talking to JesusLives, your intention WASN'T just to "be friends"???!!!

:D (Hope you know I'm just kidding... I just thought this post was kind of ironic.) ;)
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#25
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,174
113
#25
cmarieh said:
Hi,
I met this guy at a church only for about five minutes. He found out who I was related to and started to make comments, like I was a nice lady and my sister gave him my phone number so we could be friends. This guy is not the smartest monkey in the barrel and I have always had dreams of dating an educated man. I believe he is getting the wrong impression from me and wants to date me. I just want a friendship. I need help and advice on not leading him on and we scheduled a time next week to get together, to get to know each other and need to tell him before then. Please help
Click to expand...
Last spring an older gentleman from church asked me if I thought he was too old for me? He was 68 and I was 58 my response to him was Not too old to be friends as I only intended to be his friend period as we really didn't have a lot in common. Then for the next month or so he tried his best to become more than friends. I realized that this was a man who had lost his wife about three years previously and was a lonely guy. So I was friendly toward him but not overly friendly and never led him on that it would ever become more than friends.

He did try to become more than friends, in inviting me to do things with him, but I never really went out on a date with him as a couple. I met him at a concert one time only because there was a group of people from our church going already and I wanted to hear the group sing at the church if it had not been something I wanted to do I would not have gone and had turned him down on other invites to things I was not so interested in as I did not want to lead him on. However, I never not talked to him or tried to avoid him at church because when I say friend I mean it nothing more.

He moved to Maryland to be near his family since he is getting older and in the mean time I met tourist on the site and our relationship was more than friends and when Peter would call to just say hi from Maryland I told him about my love interest and also told him that tourist and I got married. My friend in Maryland is happy for me to have found someone that is my age and that I love and I told him I would pray for him to find someone for a mate for him and I will. It is better to be honest with them right up front and move on or make them a real friend and the man might move on himself as it would depend what his intentions were. Peter understood that I meant friend and we are still friends now even though he moved to Maryland.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#26
Mar 13, 2014
42,390
16,880
113
69
Tennessee
#26
seoulsearch said:
At last, a man who speaks the truth!

Wait a minute.

Tourist, are you saying that when you first starting talking to JesusLives, your intention WASN'T just to "be friends"???!!!

:D (Hope you know I'm just kidding... I just thought this post was kind of ironic.) ;)
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Well, being romantically inclined I really was not interested in finding a friend. I admit that I gave her my entire song and dance repertoire in my letter writing and she did the same for me. I feel that God has orchestrated our entire relationship.

What impressed me at first that she was very open and honest and trusted me with her phone number, address, and private email address. She accepted me for who that I am.

We wrote many playful, intimate, affectionate, spiritual and romantic emails. We exchanged actual snail mails. One day she sends me a bible in the mail because I had left mine in Maine. I was deeply touched and felt like crying.

I was a little shy at first so I did not call her right away but the first time that I did call she sang me a song that she had written. That about sealed the deal for me. She has the sweetest voice that I have ever heard. Soon we were talking on the phone 2-3 hours each night.

The thing is, we are now each other's best friend. God has truly blessed me with this amazing, fascinating woman who is beautiful inside and out. We do daily bible devotions together, pray together and attend church together. She knows how to make me laugh too. We enjoy each other's company very much.

I thank God for her each day and I am proud to have her as my wife.

Oh yeah, she is a very good kisser too...
 
D

didymos

Guest
#27
#27
JesusLives said:
Last spring an older gentleman from church asked me if I thought he was too old for me? He was 68 and I was 58 my response to him was Not too old to be friends (...)

tourist and I got married (...)
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Proof you actually like guys younger than you more. ;)
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#28
#28
I'm not what anyone would call "educated", and I can imagine how humiliating it would be to find out that a person I thought the world of thought I was sweet but dumb.

Don't play games with this guy. You already stated he isn't what you are looking for, so be honest with him about it.
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#29
#29
I did talk to him about it this morning and apologized. We have agreed to get to know each other because he may be the guy I may have been looking for, for a long time in maybe different packaging. I guess, I could not wrap my head around this. We will go out as friends with a group and decide from that if we want to pursue a relationship with each other. Who Knows. Most of the advice was helpful and I appreciate it. I will keep you all posted.
 
K

kinzo

Guest
#30
#30
Sounds like you are comfortable with your decision. Fix your eyes of Jesus.
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#31
#31
Final Note:
I decided to go on somewhat of a date with him and he tried to touch me between the legs and my bottom. I kindly grabbed his hand so I could hold it because it was in front of all his friends. I waited until we were alone in his car and told him that I didn't appreciate being touched there because we were still getting to know each other. It seemed that he understood. But yet this morning he texted me and asked if we were boyfriend or girlfriend or just friends. I kindly stated to him. "Would you get mad if I said, I didn't know yet." He got extremely angry and gave me an ultimatum. So, I made it clear to him that I didn't want to go out with him or be friends because I didn't want to be pressured into something I may or may not want to do. Please pray for encouragement for me.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#32
Aug 2, 2009
24,641
4,300
113
#32
cmarieh said:
Final Note:
I decided to go on somewhat of a date with him and he tried to touch me between the legs and my bottom. I kindly grabbed his hand so I could hold it because it was in front of all his friends. I waited until we were alone in his car and told him that I didn't appreciate being touched there because we were still getting to know each other. It seemed that he understood. But yet this morning he texted me and asked if we were boyfriend or girlfriend or just friends. I kindly stated to him. "Would you get mad if I said, I didn't know yet." He got extremely angry and gave me an ultimatum. So, I made it clear to him that I didn't want to go out with him or be friends because I didn't want to be pressured into something I may or may not want to do. Please pray for encouragement for me.
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Why didn't you just tell him NO?
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#33
Aug 13, 2014
26,697
8,935
113
#33
Someone needs a baseball bat...
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#34
#34
cmarieh said:
Final Note:
I decided to go on somewhat of a date with him and he tried to touch me between the legs and my bottom. I kindly grabbed his hand so I could hold it because it was in front of all his friends. I waited until we were alone in his car and told him that I didn't appreciate being touched there because we were still getting to know each other. It seemed that he understood. But yet this morning he texted me and asked if we were boyfriend or girlfriend or just friends. I kindly stated to him. "Would you get mad if I said, I didn't know yet." He got extremely angry and gave me an ultimatum. So, I made it clear to him that I didn't want to go out with him or be friends because I didn't want to be pressured into something I may or may not want to do. Please pray for encouragement for me.
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Welllllll that changes things. I applaud your restraint; I likely would have slapped him and left :/
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#35
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#35
He sounds like a creep, stay away from him.
 
IBDesmond

IBDesmond

Senior Member
#36
Jan 25, 2013
148
3
0
#36
Right fellas.....as her brother in christ, I feel it's our duty to do as the bible tells us....and go lay hands on this lad! LOL!!!

I'm so sorry for you experiences. This guy sounds like a complete....well.....CC won't allow me to use the adjectives I want to use but you did right in cutting him off as a friend too. As if he thought what he was doing was appropriate. Your news has actually really angered me.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#37
Aug 2, 2009
24,641
4,300
113
#37
cmarieh said:
Final Note:
I decided to go on somewhat of a date with him and he tried to touch me between the legs and my bottom. I kindly grabbed his hand so I could hold it because it was in front of all his friends. I waited until we were alone in his car and told him that I didn't appreciate being touched there because we were still getting to know each other. It seemed that he understood. But yet this morning he texted me and asked if we were boyfriend or girlfriend or just friends. I kindly stated to him. "Would you get mad if I said, I didn't know yet." He got extremely angry and gave me an ultimatum. So, I made it clear to him that I didn't want to go out with him or be friends because I didn't want to be pressured into something I may or may not want to do. Please pray for encouragement for me.
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Oh sorry I didn't see that part. Good for you! You did the right thing! :)
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#38
#38
cmarieh said:
Final Note:
I decided to go on somewhat of a date with him and he tried to touch me between the legs and my bottom. I kindly grabbed his hand so I could hold it because it was in front of all his friends. I waited until we were alone in his car and told him that I didn't appreciate being touched there because we were still getting to know each other. It seemed that he understood. But yet this morning he texted me and asked if we were boyfriend or girlfriend or just friends. I kindly stated to him. "Would you get mad if I said, I didn't know yet." He got extremely angry and gave me an ultimatum. So, I made it clear to him that I didn't want to go out with him or be friends because I didn't want to be pressured into something I may or may not want to do. Please pray for encouragement for me.
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Ugh! The world we live in...All the best to you cmarieh. I'll say a prayer for you.
 
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