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cris, thank you so much for making this point.
because i was precisely one of those girls who had a lot of pride about my virginity, and it became one of those things that i used to distance myself from others, and being "better" than most of my friends who were sleeping around. in my vast insecurity, seeking perfection and accomplishment became my primary means of esteem.
during my twenties, i really strayed from God. i took a great deal of joy hanging out in clubs and music "scene" knowing that i was probably the only virgin in the group. i was called a tease, and that distinction was something i wore like a tattered boa. i was a virgin, yes, but for the wrong reasons (which i still contend is better than not at all *looking at opal*) and that is probably only part of why i gave it up when i had sufficient pressure applied.
sadly, it was only after i too, gave in, that i really saw the irony in it. pride in something, as opposed to the joy and peace of being obedient are very different things, and generally, it eventually is something that can be devalued. just like any "holy" accomplishment and pursuit stemming from what others think, and earning approval from others. this is a scourge in our society, especially for women. but i digress. : )
i too really, deeply admire the men and women who choose to keep their virginity, and also those who recommit to abstinence and purity like myself. as a woman, it is beyond encouraging to see that these guys even exist. while i've always believed they did in theory, my experience hadn't really revealed much of that.
honestly, before i came to cc, because my belief in these kinds of guys just wasn't terribly high, the result was that i found myself in dating relationships where i felt like the elephant in the room is that i'm the gatekeeper of such things. eventually i quit that too. i've chosen better. : )
thanks so much for sharing so openly with us, it's very heartening.
and thank you lynx for your comment about the scripture in ezekiel. speaking for myself, there is no level of gratitude that i can express for what the experiences and road i'm on has brought me. lots of pain, but a heart that has been destroyed and rebuilt to feel what it never knew before. JOY. : )
because i was precisely one of those girls who had a lot of pride about my virginity, and it became one of those things that i used to distance myself from others, and being "better" than most of my friends who were sleeping around. in my vast insecurity, seeking perfection and accomplishment became my primary means of esteem.
during my twenties, i really strayed from God. i took a great deal of joy hanging out in clubs and music "scene" knowing that i was probably the only virgin in the group. i was called a tease, and that distinction was something i wore like a tattered boa. i was a virgin, yes, but for the wrong reasons (which i still contend is better than not at all *looking at opal*) and that is probably only part of why i gave it up when i had sufficient pressure applied.
sadly, it was only after i too, gave in, that i really saw the irony in it. pride in something, as opposed to the joy and peace of being obedient are very different things, and generally, it eventually is something that can be devalued. just like any "holy" accomplishment and pursuit stemming from what others think, and earning approval from others. this is a scourge in our society, especially for women. but i digress. : )
i too really, deeply admire the men and women who choose to keep their virginity, and also those who recommit to abstinence and purity like myself. as a woman, it is beyond encouraging to see that these guys even exist. while i've always believed they did in theory, my experience hadn't really revealed much of that.
honestly, before i came to cc, because my belief in these kinds of guys just wasn't terribly high, the result was that i found myself in dating relationships where i felt like the elephant in the room is that i'm the gatekeeper of such things. eventually i quit that too. i've chosen better. : )
thanks so much for sharing so openly with us, it's very heartening.
and thank you lynx for your comment about the scripture in ezekiel. speaking for myself, there is no level of gratitude that i can express for what the experiences and road i'm on has brought me. lots of pain, but a heart that has been destroyed and rebuilt to feel what it never knew before. JOY. : )
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I don't really see a reason for the topic to come up in normal conversation. If you have friends who talk about sex a lot, then you probably need different friends.
It's kind of like being a vegetarian. Someone could be a vegetarian and you'd never know it because they don't talk about it. Or someone could use every opportunity to expound on their dietary habits and the reasoning behind everything they do/do not eat. When you really get right down to it though, who on earth really cares what some random human eats for lunch?
When people ask me if I'm a virgin, I just tell them that's one question I never answer. Not out of shame, but because it's none of their business.
It's kind of like being a vegetarian. Someone could be a vegetarian and you'd never know it because they don't talk about it. Or someone could use every opportunity to expound on their dietary habits and the reasoning behind everything they do/do not eat. When you really get right down to it though, who on earth really cares what some random human eats for lunch?
When people ask me if I'm a virgin, I just tell them that's one question I never answer. Not out of shame, but because it's none of their business.
W
Wow. Completely shocked at how much this post blew up!!. I did not think it would get that much attention. For those who replied directly to my post. Thank you sobkuch for your words they believe orbit not have helped. Just got out of a relationship that didn't end to well. With the main reason being yet again. Not being sexual with me led him to not feel intimate or attracted to keep at all. There is more to the story but... Yeah. Basic point. I wasn't looking for anyone when I met him. DDecided to try it out with him. I feel like personally it's probably only going to work if I find someone who is a virgin as well . But I honestly have not met one yet.. I have met guys through church before but believe it or not they seemed like the religious type and talked all godly and everything but then come to find out sex in a relationship is an important part in a relationship and totally disregarded all the religious aspects ... Quite dumb founding. ..
Anyways thank you for all the replies greatly appreciated especially right now in my life.
Anyways thank you for all the replies greatly appreciated especially right now in my life.
T
I agree with the belief of keeping oneself sexually pure for marriage (not just sexual intercourse itself). I've got to say I get so angry when I hear about date rape and men pressuring their girlfriends into having sex. So angry. But that's righteous anger, isn't it? Dang, it's difficult being a Christian.
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M
I am holding on to my virginity not only for my future husband but also for the Lord. He tells us to wait. His rules are perfect and for our own good. Don't ever underestimate that.
Sin separates us from God. If we sin, especially share intimacy outside of marriage, it breaks our relationship with the Lord. No way would I want to do that!
Don't listen to the others, listen to the Word. They may just feel insecure about their own decisions.
Hope you can find the strength to continue. God bless
Sin separates us from God. If we sin, especially share intimacy outside of marriage, it breaks our relationship with the Lord. No way would I want to do that!
Don't listen to the others, listen to the Word. They may just feel insecure about their own decisions.
Hope you can find the strength to continue. God bless
I am holding on to my virginity not only for my future husband but also for the Lord. He tells us to wait. His rules are perfect and for our own good. Don't ever underestimate that.
Sin separates us from God. If we sin, especially share intimacy outside of marriage, it breaks our relationship with the Lord. No way would I want to do that!
Don't listen to the others, listen to the Word. They may just feel insecure about their own decisions.
Hope you can find the strength to continue. God bless
Sin separates us from God. If we sin, especially share intimacy outside of marriage, it breaks our relationship with the Lord. No way would I want to do that!
Don't listen to the others, listen to the Word. They may just feel insecure about their own decisions.
Hope you can find the strength to continue. God bless
A
I need to ask you if He/She masturbates, does it yet called virginity!? My opinion is of course not,for 1- it is sex by imagination, and 2- no difference in Christianity (as long as sex is a sin if both did out of blessed marriage)
And another answer: You are considered a virgin until you have intercourse for the first time. After that first time, you are no longer a virgin. Masterbation is not considered sexual intercourse - only self gratification..??
And another answer: You are considered a virgin until you have intercourse for the first time. After that first time, you are no longer a virgin. Masterbation is not considered sexual intercourse - only self gratification..??
I've had the same kind of comments and pressure from certain friends and previous potential boyfriends. I've had a friend say to me "you need to lose your 'V-card'" yet this same friend (who will remain unnamed) just gave it up to a total stranger in the back of a truck after a drunken night at a club. I personally don't see the appeal. Not much later a potential boyfriend of mine tried to coax me into at least entertaining the thought of him taking my virginity and even getting me pregnant, and not much later tried to physically coax me. I promptly gave him the boot (which in reality means that I pointed him to the bus stop outside of the building). I was 20 at the time. But in trying to be "nice" to guys, I never simply rejected them up front, but instead with several coats of sugar. But now I realize that if I do sugar coat and hem and haw, they think it means I'm not serious about it and can be convinced. You know, that idea that "a no is a yes that needs convincing" or "yes means yes and no means yes" (I know, it's pretty violating, sick and perverse). Now I don't even entertain sex-crazed guys for a second--one guy asked me when was the last time I "did the nasty" (I can't stand that way he worded it...just...ew) and promptly told him "that's not your business."
Yet on the other hand I have had other friends say that being a virgin is good, and that I don't seem like the type to "just give it away", or that they were not surprised (whatever that means. It's usually condescending or judgmental but it has the potential to be complimentary). Eh. What confuses me is how people will say it's a good thing and for me to stay that way (which a lot of people also say when I tell them I don't drink) but those same people don't make any moves to hold themselves to the same standard that they claim is so good. Yeah, okay. Makes sense.
Just continue with the way you're going, living according to the Word. Stay strong. God knows what He's talking about.
Yet on the other hand I have had other friends say that being a virgin is good, and that I don't seem like the type to "just give it away", or that they were not surprised (whatever that means. It's usually condescending or judgmental but it has the potential to be complimentary). Eh. What confuses me is how people will say it's a good thing and for me to stay that way (which a lot of people also say when I tell them I don't drink) but those same people don't make any moves to hold themselves to the same standard that they claim is so good. Yeah, okay. Makes sense.
Just continue with the way you're going, living according to the Word. Stay strong. God knows what He's talking about.
true.... i think asian countries are more conservative than western.... however, i also get startled every time i hear kids 10 11 12 talk about having boyfriends/girlfriends and have really complicated love stories and kids 12 13 who arent virgins already,.... i really feel sorry for these kids for losing their innocence really young.....
M
What i think about this is that human beings were designed by God to fall in love, but it is not part of God's plan for people to break up.
Lets say you fall in love with someone and have sex before marriage, wrong, you just got married in the eyes of God! So in a perfect world were no one breaks up, it is all good/wonderful!
The other problem is, our feelings don't know we are in an imperfect world when we fall in love, we naturally want to follow our love instincts and they just feel so 'rite' don't they? and you feel like you will be with them forever.... you feel it because that is the way God made you to feel in his perfect world were no one breaks up.
Lets say you fall in love with someone and have sex before marriage, wrong, you just got married in the eyes of God! So in a perfect world were no one breaks up, it is all good/wonderful!
The other problem is, our feelings don't know we are in an imperfect world when we fall in love, we naturally want to follow our love instincts and they just feel so 'rite' don't they? and you feel like you will be with them forever.... you feel it because that is the way God made you to feel in his perfect world were no one breaks up.
