it all began even before we got married, (we were together 4 years before getting married) i noticed that slowly she was looking for more and more excuses not to be intimate. Slowly the time between encounters kept increasing.
I am not a very tidy person, i tend to let dishes build up before washing them. She cannot relax if there is a mess and has to clean it up. Now she has actually told me herself that cleaning up my mess made her less interested in sex.
At first i interpreted it as just the normal 'settling down' from the initial excitement of a new relationship. As time went on, i began to think that perhaps she is just naturally less sexual, and allot of women can be that way. I did not consider sex a very important reason for not marrying her, we were still very much in love and i felt like we were soul mates.
Anyhow, after getting married we had 3 wonderful years together but the sex was down to once or twice a fourtnight. I tried very hard to be a gentlemen, but deep down the resentment was slowly growing. Meanwhile exactly the same thing was happening for her because i was not very attentive to her needs, helping doing chores, buying flowers, all the usual things well intentioned dumb guys usually screw up.
Then we had our daughter and it kind of put all that in the background. So after the first year with our daughter, my wife started sending me signals, she even told me a few times that she is not happy but i do not know how to respond? I tried to lift my game around the house, i tried very hard but my sleeping heart and hidden resentment held me back.
My wife was getting more and more disconnected to me romantically, she would get irritated if i gave her a random hug or kiss and she would say "not now, can't you see i'm busy". meanwhile in the 3 years after our Daughter was borne, we had sex only twice! I kept telling myself to be patient and give her her space, things will get better, i never once considered cheating, but underneath by resentment was getting stronger and louder until i did something quite horrid.... On our anniversary, she said to me that today is our anniversary, i said "oh really" then turned back to my computer and did nothing more about it. What i was thinking in my mind was very foolish, i was thinking "only lovers celebrate anniversaries and were not lovers, just good friends, so if she thinks I'm going to be romantic, she has got another thing coming".
So things were bad and neither of us put up our hand to say, 'stop' we need to do something about this, we just let it slide... Also with the busy lives and a young child, all the distractions make it very easy to forget/ignore there is a big growing problem underneath,,, and also i think that neither of us want to admit our bad feelings we want to try to deny them instead.
Then lastly we went on a holiday to the Philippines for 3 weeks (she is Filipino) and we met all her family and freinds and it reminded her of who she used to be and all the dreams she used to have when she was young. Meanwhile i was Mr negative, complaining about this and that and not really enjoying myself at all (not all the time of course). So when we got back on the 9th of January, and she was feeling very sad about leaving all her friends behind, just by chance i got a cold and my nose was running like a tap, so she was left to do all the unpacking. When she finished, on the 11 of Feburary, she told me it's over and has held absolute to that position since.
So there you have it, the whole story.
