How do you find closure within yourself?

[secularhermit]

Hi, I know exactly what you mean. For me looking back, my biggest help has come from the Lord.

He does not push me to deal with anything too quickly but when I am ready, he puts situations
in front of me to deal with at the right time.

Just to alloborate on that, I was brought up in foster care (long story but I posted my testimony in
the testimony forum) and have had to deal with all the difficulties that presented.

I have a cousin who has been alcoholic all his adult life and has attempted suicide on two occasions
and threatened it on others (he is now safe and doing well).

Have been made redundant twice.

Have had to deal with long term illnesses both in myself and in others close to me.

Currenly work part time while taking care of an elderly aunt who I live with. She has
been in and out of hospitals lots of times over the past couple of years.


I have asked why and wondered as thing have occurred. At times things I have dealt with
have come back to the surface and then I realised I never dealt with them at all, I just
pushed them to one side. As I look back, God has brought me back to those hidden things
in order to deal with them properly when the time has been right for me.

A huge thing happened last year as an example, when I found out my real mum who I haven't
seen since I was a child, had died. That brought lots of thing back which I thought I had dealt
with and also certain complications. But under Gods guidance and his timing I now have peace
in areas which I had just brushed under the carpet.

Many people have already said it, but pray, ask for wisdom and guidance, ask for emotional
healing all in Gods perfect timing.


It also takes mental discipline to think right this has happened I can't change the past, but I can
sort things out in my own mind and then move on and press on into the future and look
forwards to the future. Every new day is a fresh start. Some people get stuck in the past
but it is possible to move on. Let God shape your future not the devil.

By the way it's not weak to seek out medical help or councilling if you feel this would help.
But chose a Christian councillor if you can find one.

God bless
x

Hmmm!

If I stayed stuck in the past it was becasue I wanted to know those whys I was unwilling to ignore or leave behind.

I don´t have problems that I grew in my grandmom´s or that my mom and dad stayed more than few years, becasue she married to leave her "mom" and her dad (her own uncle) becasue she married for wrong reasons and knowing nothings about that... It would be nice if most of these ppl have a seat in the Lord´s classroom to see their whole lives to understand those whys hat keep pulling us back to understand them.

 

[secularhermit]

Everyone wants happiness, enduring joy... The Bible says life (here) it is another thing so, to really get the "closure" each person has to dye; because we all (or millions of us) are betting in life to find love, to give and to receive it and, more than once, ppl had realized life sucks, like a funnel (or sink).

 

[PopClick]

It does depend on the situation. Sometimes we need to dig deeper into the situation because there is something more for us to learn. And sometimes our desire for "closure" is causing us to keep picking at things we ought to leave alone, or mentally wallow in things that really have no conclusive answer, or even to try to go back and change something that ought to be dead and buried.

If you feel like you need closure, there are different steps you can take, depending on the situation. You can ask other people involved for their opinion. You can write down all of your thoughts and feelings on the subject, to try to get things organized and better understood. You can ask God to show you anything else that you might have left to learn from it... and then when you have more peace, drop it and trust that He will show you what you need to see. God does not withhold learning and growth from us, but sometimes things need time to marinate and sometimes the rawness of it keeps us from having the broader perspective that time will give us.

Above all else, cast everything on Him. Because... you know. He cares for you.

 

[thecreationtutor]

I only find closure in seeking God really - He's the healer, He's the comforter - apart from that - what else is there?

 

[Fenner]

Good question Chris. Something happened to me between the ages of 11 and 12. The person that did it passed away. He was only a couple of years older then me. So what he did numerous times was looked upon as kids being kids. I didn't want him to die but you know I have no say in that. It took me much time to forgive him and those that should have protected me. With the help of someone who validated my feelings I was eventually able to let go of the sadness and fright over those events. I do forgive all involved. It just took time.

 

[Roh_Chris]

I am thankful to everyone who shared their opinion here. I spent the last weekend marinating on the advise which was given here, and I feel better now. I need to pray some more, but apart from that, I think I have done fairly well.

We all have an idea of what we need to work on. I know for me, it's things like my temper and lack of patience. As far as other things that someone might be able to point out but never told you--I would suggest regularly asking God what He wants to work on with you. Not only will He know better what you REALLY need to focus on, He'll also know the right sequence in which to work on things.

For example, someone might tell you that you're an impatient person. So you try to practice being more patient... But maybe God knows the REASON you're impatient is because of anger. And maybe He knows the reason you're angry is because of something that happened to you. So on the surface, another person will tell you that you need to work on patience, but God knows that what you really need is to first work on: 1. facing and healing an old hurt, 2. dealing with your anger, and then, 3. practicing patience.

Right said, Kim. This is exactly why it is difficult for me to find closure on an issue if I receive no feedback from the other stakeholders. I agree that we should be unique and not change ourselves for every individual who walks into our lives, but that does not mean that we should be reluctant to improve on our faults.

I guess Olerica and PopClick have together answered the second question very beautifully - "You can find closure in God by trusting in Him to show you what you need to learn, once the dust has settled down. Despite your best efforts at soliciting feedback to improve yourself, you have to accept the fact that people are messed up; you cannot expect to not be hurt by them, if you want to be in a relationship with them."

As for the first question, the answer is that one can find closure only in God and over a period of time.

 

[Oncefallen]

I spent the last weekend marinating

Woohooo, them's gonna be some tender Velociraptor steaks.

 

[PopClick]

I am diligently working to find some macabre horror to entertain ya'll with.

Oh, don't worry about it, Ken. Your presence here is enough.

Wait, that didn't come out right...

 

[seoulsearch]

So no - the closure is a ghost. I don't consider embarking on a new journey a close to the old because I would not have made it to this fork in the road without the prior travel.

As update, I have another job in the same line. It's been challenging but it's getting there. I am diligently working to find some macabre horror to entertain ya'll with. Stay tuned.

Better make it soon because I feel I have no closure over Hal... and it's causing me a mild level of trauma.

I need something to fill the hollow void!

 

[Tinkerbell725]

Closure is to snap out of it as fast as you can...life has too much to offer. Stop overthinking about it because sometimes the pain we feel is only in our minds. Although pain demands to be felt but if only there is a shortcut for closure of that wound i will take it.

The trick is not to mind when it hurts...-lawrence of arabia