Need boyfriend advice!

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Lion94

Guest
#1
#1
Default Possible Boyfriend Issue
Hello!

I am new here and wasn't sure where to post this so I guess I'll just post here.

I've been really struggling with Something as of late and was wondering if anyone could give me some advice.

I have been with my boyfriend coming up to two years now. He is Coptic orthodox (Egyptian) and I am Protestant. We have been through so much together and our love and bond runs very deep. I dream of marrying him all the time! He's honestly the perfect man.

HOWEVER, one thing that makes me question everything in our relationship is his denomination. Sure we are both Christian and have the same morals and openly talk about our faith with one another but in order for us to get married I would have to be baptised and converted to the Coptic church. I was open to this idea as I know his church have the same morals as mine however just recently I have been second guessing everything. His church is very different to mine methodically and, I'm still skeptical, theologically. I love my church (Anglican) and all my very good friends are there. He's not telling me to leave my church or anything but I would have to join his church in order to get married. The thing is, he won't change churches for me, I am the one who has to make the change and it is very hard for me. I am scared this fact will break us up but I do truly love him very much but i don't know how this can work out.

Any advice?

Ps. Thank you for reading that if you did.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,895
9,628
113
#2
​Search your heart and pray to God about this. If it feels wrong, don't do it. If God tells you it's right, then go ahead and do it..
 
Jenizona

Jenizona

Senior Member
#3
Aug 8, 2015
629
28
0
#3
Lion94 said:
Thank you !

Oh sorry if I wasn't clear. Basically he has to marry someone of the same denomination, that being Coptic orthodox. Therefore I would have to get baptised before the wedding and then we could have the ceremony in the church.

Women are treated fine at his church. Everyone is lovely. There is nothing wrong with that side of things. They are a bit more traditional however. They have men and women separated on different sides of the church and some women cover their heads which is very different to my church.
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Awww, Lion... for ME this is a huge problem. Think about it. You will never be able to go to church with him and hold his hand... but lots of people do this, and it works for them! But -something- must be bothering you, and you need to identify exactly what it is.

It doesn't sound as if the two of you are going to church together now? Where have you been going to church, and do you attend together or separately? Maybe you should try out the "other side of the aisle" method for now, and the covering your head thing.. .maybe you'll like it, maybe it will be good for you! But bear in mind, you'll be raising your daughters that way, as well.

For me, personally, I wouldn't do it. For me, -personally-, I would explain that I really love him, but for me, this is a total deal-breaker. And then take responsibility (graciously and kindly) for the break-up... which is presumably which would happen next.

Also, Lion, the fact that he is not willing to bend on this issue, but expects you to... how many issues are there where that might be the case?
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#4
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#4
Lion94 said:
Default Possible Boyfriend Issue
Hello!

I am new here and wasn't sure where to post this so I guess I'll just post here.

I've been really struggling with Something as of late and was wondering if anyone could give me some advice.

I have been with my boyfriend coming up to two years now. He is Coptic orthodox (Egyptian) and I am Protestant. We have been through so much together and our love and bond runs very deep. I dream of marrying him all the time! He's honestly the perfect man.

HOWEVER, one thing that makes me question everything in our relationship is his denomination. Sure we are both Christian and have the same morals and openly talk about our faith with one another but in order for us to get married I would have to be baptised and converted to the Coptic church. I was open to this idea as I know his church have the same morals as mine however just recently I have been second guessing everything. His church is very different to mine methodically and, I'm still skeptical, theologically. I love my church (Anglican) and all my very good friends are there. He's not telling me to leave my church or anything but I would have to join his church in order to get married. The thing is, he won't change churches for me, I am the one who has to make the change and it is very hard for me. I am scared this fact will break us up but I do truly love him very much but i don't know how this can work out.

Any advice?

Ps. Thank you for reading that if you did.
Click to expand...

I think it could be an issue.. Down the road, what if you two get married? The point of marriage is for two people to come together under Christ, and if you two are going to different churches that preach different things... Well, then how is God bringing you two together? This is something you're going to need to bring to Him about.
 
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Lion94

Guest
#5
#5
Jenizona said:
Awww, Lion... for ME this is a huge problem. Think about it. You will never be able to go to church with him and hold his hand... but lots of people do this, and it works for them! But -something- must be bothering you, and you need to identify exactly what it is.

It doesn't sound as if the two of you are going to church together now? Where have you been going to church, and do you attend together or separately? Maybe you should try out the "other side of the aisle" method for now, and the covering your head thing.. .maybe you'll like it, maybe it will be good for you! But bear in mind, you'll be raising your daughters that way, as well.

For me, personally, I wouldn't do it. For me, -personally-, I would explain that I really love him, but for me, this is a total deal-breaker. And then take responsibility (graciously and kindly) for the break-up... which is presumably which would happen next.

Also, Lion, the fact that he is not willing to bend on this issue, but expects you to... how many issues are there where that might be the case?
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I do attend his church (not every week it semi regularly) and he dies attend mine equally.

I go to an Non-traditional Anglican Church which is very different to his.

We have talked about this issue many times together and both got very upset when we did talk about it. So together we are just growing our faith together, reading the bible together, praying etc. no denomination, no worries.

I'm trying to put God first in my life.
 
Jenizona

Jenizona

Senior Member
#6
Aug 8, 2015
629
28
0
#6
Lion94 said:
I do attend his church (not every week it semi regularly) and he dies attend mine equally.

I go to an Non-traditional Anglican Church which is very different to his.

We have talked about this issue many times together and both got very upset when we did talk about it. So together we are just growing our faith together, reading the bible together, praying etc. no denomination, no worries.

I'm trying to put God first in my life.
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Howdy, Lion! Well, you might want to try attending his church for a few months, and then you can make a more informed choice. Maybe you'll like it! Maybe the people are wonderful, and will embrace you, and you'll just -know- that it's your new church home. Otherwise, explain it to your honey and see if he might be willing to try out some new churches with you. If not... then this might be an indicator of how he handles problems in the future. Meaning, he might always side with his mother over you, or the men in his family or church over you. Those are just examples, but definitely things to be thinking about, if you have marriage on the mind! :cool:
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#7
#7
Denomination schmomination. A church that has prerequisites for your relationship to go to the next level sounds legalistic and folly. What's important is that you both love Christ and are centered around Him, not your denominations.

Same morals? Concerning what? Because it sounds like it you're at odds with their standards.

This is kind of upsetting. I'm so hoping you two can find some peace and clarity on this, Lion. Perhaps the second guessing part is not so much vague uncertainty on your end, but conviction - perhaps. Just food for thought.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#8
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#8
2 years..... of never thinking about this to begin with. I'm sorry, dear, but the chances are you are both so different in your beliefs that it won't work. This should have been discussed as soon as the relationship got serious. If you don't marry him, 2 years are gone with only pain left. If you marry him & discover the incompatibilities are too much, there's even more pain & loss. My best advice with so little info is to quit before more damage is done.

If you attend separate services, where would your future children go? If it didn't work out, the children will lose a daddy. No child deserves that.
 
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Mitspa

Guest
#9
#9
Do you trust him to be the spiritual head of your family as the bible would tell us is correct? If not? Maybe you need to be very careful about how you proceed?
 
Jenizona

Jenizona

Senior Member
#10
Aug 8, 2015
629
28
0
#10
Stephen63 said:
2 years..... of never thinking about this to begin with. I'm sorry, dear, but the chances are you are both so different in your beliefs that it won't work. This should have been discussed as soon as the relationship got serious. If you don't marry him, 2 years are gone with only pain left. If you marry him & discover the incompatibilities are too much, there's even more pain & loss. My best advice with so little info is to quit before more damage is done.

If you attend separate services, where would your future children go? If it didn't work out, the children will lose a daddy. No child deserves that.
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Personally, I agree, but I was trying to be nice... and who knows, maybe if she tries it out.. REALLY tries it out, she will like it? I'm trying to be optimistic here. :confused::)
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#11
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#11
Jenizona said:
Personally, I agree, but I was trying to be nice... and who knows, maybe if she tries it out.. REALLY tries it out, she will like it? I'm trying to be optimistic here. :confused::)
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I know what you're sayin'.....but with 31 years of ministry, I'm being realistic here. With a 50% divorce rate among the church, what can she expect?
 
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Lion94

Guest
#12
#12
We have talked about this from day 1. Am I have attended his church to see what it is like and am still continuing to do so. I am currently learning about orthodoxy both in the church and through books. I am doing everything I can to see of this can be my new church. We have discussed that we would take our children primarily to orthodox services but also Protestant services so they can grow up seeing two cultures of worship.
 
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Lion94

Guest
#13
#13
I 100% trust him. He is amazing and would never hurt me. He can lead well and provide. He keeps me on the right path spiritually and vice versa. Not much else I could ask for.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#14
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#14
Lion94 said:
I 100% trust him. He is amazing and would never hurt me. He can lead well and provide. He keeps me on the right path spiritually and vice versa. Not much else I could ask for.
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Well..... sounds like you really don't need us..... go on & marry him.
 
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ray_james

Guest
#15
#15
If I were you, I would do a deep study on the differences between what you believe and what the Coptic Orthodox Church believes! Do you believe in infant baptism? Do you believe baptism is essential to salvation? Coptics believe both, I am not sure where you stand as a Protestant on either of those. There is no reason to let go of an important standard or principle that you know is right for an individual.
Just remember, when you have children what will you teach them? If both parents are teaching two different things that they both feel strongly about it can be confusing for children and can cause division in the home.
I pray that you will be able to resolve this issue and that you are able to find what is God's will for you to do!
 
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Lion94

Guest
#16
#16
But I do need you guys! I'm in a difficult position! I was just trying to give as much information as possible to understand my situation better. Our relationship is "perfect" for lack of a better word except for the one thing. And this one thing is very important. So that's my dilemma.
 
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Lion94

Guest
#17
#17
Yes I am currently studying and attending his church. I know for a fact that we believe the same things because we do devotions together and read the bible. After all, there is only one God and we are worshipping Him together.

As for the children factor, what we teach will be the same its just a matter on what church we attend.

Thanks for your support!
 
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Mitspa

Guest
#18
#18
Lion94 said:
I 100% trust him. He is amazing and would never hurt me. He can lead well and provide. He keeps me on the right path spiritually and vice versa. Not much else I could ask for.
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Ok then...trust him :)
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#19
#19
Siberian_Khatru said:
Denomination schmomination. A church that has prerequisites for your relationship to go to the next level sounds legalistic and folly. What's important is that you both love Christ and are centered around Him, not your denominations.

Same morals? Concerning what? Because it sounds like it you're at odds with their standards.

This is kind of upsetting. I'm so hoping you two can find some peace and clarity on this, Lion. Perhaps the second guessing part is not so much vague uncertainty on your end, but conviction - perhaps. Just food for thought.
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Amen, I agree it sounds legalistic & silly to have to leave her church in order to be married at his church. :p

Sister Lion94, what is unsettling to me is your statement: The thing is, he won't change churches for me, I am the one who has to make the change and it is very hard for me.

The Word says that the man is to leave his mother & father and cling to his wife and become one flesh with her. The husband does the leaving. Also, Jesus said that a husband should lay down his life for his wife as Jesus did for the church.

But you say your boyfriend is not willing to make that sacrifice for you. Instead, he is willing to let you suffer and make you change churches in order to get married at his church.

Or am I seeing this wrong? It doesn't sound like he's willing to go the distance to make you happy right now.
 
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Mitspa

Guest
#20
#20
NO ...No... NO! If He is really a godly man..she is supposed to follow and trust him and God will honor that.
 
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