Need help to overcome the extreme pain and rage.
Roughly 85% of long term marriages experience some form of infidelity at some point, and most people never see it coming because they expect their partners will be in the 15% who don't cheat. Most married people don't fulfill their partners' expectations in that regard, so it's not just you. So try not to hang blame, because if you do, it makes it a whole lot more painful for everyone involved. If humans are flawed, then your wife is flawed, too. She's no angel. She never was an angel, and she never will be an angel.
I suspect that you've put her on an untouchable pedestal for so many years that you forgot who she really was (assuming you ever actually knew). That's probably why she cheated in the first place. And when she did cheat, and when you found out, that would have shattered your deluded perception that you'd married a saint. That's where most of the pain you feel comes from; a broken expectation. It makes you feel like you're now married to some stranger. "Who is this woman? How could she be this way?"
The reality is that she's the same person she always was. The upshot of this whole situtation is that now you have a chance to get to know the woman who shares your bed
for real.
If I were you, that's where I'd start. By getting to know her again.
The funny thing is, you'll probably end up closer than you've ever been.
