I messed up with god

[Angela53510]

This is rape, pure and simple.You said no repeatedly by pushing his hands away. Even if you didn't say it in words. He probably thought you were being a tease, and pressed harder. That is the action of a sick man. He used you, and abused you.

Please call the police and just talk to them about what happened. They will decide if he needs to be charged. It will be hard, but at least you will get some support, if they have Victim Services and counseling.

He has defiled you, made you ashamed and guilty. You are young and he is old. He pushed you, and even if it felt good, it was still a rape.

As for Bible stories - Moses comes to mind. He killed a man, when he was an Egyptian prince, for beating on a fellow Hebrew. He didn't do anything about it, because he thought no one knew. Then he came upon two Hebrews fighting and tried to stop them. One of the men said, "Are you going to kill me too?" So Moses realized that probably everyone knew about the murder.

So did he admit to his crime? No, he ran into the wilderness for 40 years, and married a woman, had kids and settled down. Was he running from getting found out or from God? I don't think the Bible is clear about that.

So then God appeared to this escaped murderer, and called him to lead the Hebrews to freedom and the promised land. I guess Moses had made his peace with God.

So God used Moses mightly. Let the people across the desert to the promised land. Did they go in? Nope! Because 8 or the 10 spies were cowards, and they were afraid of the people in the land, not depending upon God to fight for them. Moses could have overruled them, but he didn't. So he disobeyed God, took the Israelites back into the desert, where all kinds of things went wrong for 40 years. Including Moses disobeying God on a matter of striking a rock for water, which God punished him for, but not letting him enter the promised land when they finally got there.

So a very human being, who never quite became perfect even at the end, even though he talked to God face to face on Mt. Sinai when he brought down the tablets with the law.

A good model for us to remember. He was a sinner, but God still used him. He fell and stumbled all along the way, but God kept him and his peope going. God used him in spite of his failings.

God can use you, and certainly forgive you. But you need to get some counseling and help to get through this. And do check with the police. This man may have done this to many girls in the past. Or it may encourage him to do it again in the future to some other young girl.

The fact is, he may brag. But if you get him to the police, then the ball is in his park. He becomes the rapist, and you get the help you need.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I thank you all so extremely much for your kind and encouraging words. I feel thankful I even stumbled upon this site by accident. I don't have anyone else to talk to or turn too and as far as church or other Christian people they are not around for me to get to know yet go too. So all of you, are my help. and im most thankful for it.

I want to clarify some things just to make sure there's no misunderstanding for readers. Im not looking for sympathy in the least. It's just as much my fault as it is my neighbors. I let it happen. I wasn't held against my will, I wasn't threatened. I just didn't let myself out the door and I don't know why. I didn't want it. And I think that's where I am hating myself so much for letting things happen the way it did. I failed myself. My mind kept saying to get out or walk away but I just didn't. For that I am so sorry to myself. I let myself down. I should have seen it coming in the first place. Despite my pushing him away my mind gave up so easily. It makes me question myself.

Is there some stories or other people in the bible I could read about that messed up and god didn't leave them? Or scriptures saying he isn't mad at me and really does forgive how you guys are encouraging me he does? How do I walk in forgiveness? I can ask for forgiveness but I feel exactly the same.

thank you guys a lot and for all the kind encouragement things will be ok. it means more then you know.

I don't have time to write a full reply but please know that you were frozen in fear, my friend. You did not stay because you wanted to. It was because you were afraid. That is a normal reaction to what was happening. It happens to most victims of sexual assault. Don't put the blame on yourself. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You have every right to report this as a crime and I hope you find the courage and strength to notify someone of authority. I will be praying for you.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Call the cops on him! And for heaven's sake, stay away from him, AND his house from now on. He pressured you into it, you didn't want it, that's rape. I don't know how old you are, but you look like a teenager or young adult. No matter your age, what he did was wrong, and he needs to be taken to task for it.

 

[jsr1221]

God is most definitely not upset at you. He's sitting there wheeping with you. We all feel guilty after doing something. We're imperfect and can't ever be perfect. I am so sorry this happened to you. It's already been mentioned, but he knew what he was doing and knew you'd eventually give in. And, as already said, if you are less than 18, than it is mandatory to report him. I am praying for you sister, that Jesus heals you and you get help go recover from this and move on with your life... And yes, stay away from him. Nothing good can come out of seeing or talking to him.

 

[LanceA]

This is rape, pure and simple.You said no repeatedly by pushing his hands away. Even if you didn't say it in words. He probably thought you were being a tease, and pressed harder. That is the action of a sick man. He used you, and abused you.

Please call the police and just talk to them about what happened. They will decide if he needs to be charged. It will be hard, but at least you will get some support, if they have Victim Services and counseling.

He has defiled you, made you ashamed and guilty. You are young and he is old. He pushed you, and even if it felt good, it was still a rape.

As for Bible stories - Moses comes to mind. He killed a man, when he was an Egyptian prince, for beating on a fellow Hebrew. He didn't do anything about it, because he thought no one knew. Then he came upon two Hebrews fighting and tried to stop them. One of the men said, "Are you going to kill me too?" So Moses realized that probably everyone knew about the murder.

So did he admit to his crime? No, he ran into the wilderness for 40 years, and married a woman, had kids and settled down. Was he running from getting found out or from God? I don't think the Bible is clear about that.

So then God appeared to this escaped murderer, and called him to lead the Hebrews to freedom and the promised land. I guess Moses had made his peace with God.

So God used Moses mightly. Let the people across the desert to the promised land. Did they go in? Nope! Because 8 or the 10 spies were cowards, and they were afraid of the people in the land, not depending upon God to fight for them. Moses could have overruled them, but he didn't. So he disobeyed God, took the Israelites back into the desert, where all kinds of things went wrong for 40 years. Including Moses disobeying God on a matter of striking a rock for water, which God punished him for, but not letting him enter the promised land when they finally got there.

So a very human being, who never quite became perfect even at the end, even though he talked to God face to face on Mt. Sinai when he brought down the tablets with the law.

A good model for us to remember. He was a sinner, but God still used him. He fell and stumbled all along the way, but God kept him and his peope going. God used him in spite of his failings.

God can use you, and certainly forgive you. But you need to get some counseling and help to get through this. And do check with the police. This man may have done this to many girls in the past. Or it may encourage him to do it again in the future to some other young girl.

The fact is, he may brag. But if you get him to the police, then the ball is in his park. He becomes the rapist, and you get the help you need.

Ok this isn't considered rape. He didn't force himself on her, he advanced toward her and she eventually gave into his advances. She said he made sure she was enjoying it before he did anything. How is this considered rape? Do I agree with what the guy did? No not at at, he is a perv and he needs the Lords help. The only thing we don't know here if she is under age. If she is under age then it is a different story.

I pray for both parties involved that both of them find the Lord, only He can heal this mess they are in.

 

[Yeraza_Bats]

No, you should NOT feel shame and guilt if you believe Romans 8:1. Yes, you should feel regret and be sorry for hurting God. But shame and guilt are not God's way... they are tools of Satan. It is exactly what Satan influenced Adam and Eve to feel in the Garden. But God, came looking for them to cover their shame and to draw them back to His love.

Theres a difference between knowing you did wrong, and not feeling any guilt. It is good to feel the shame of sinning when you sin, because it leads you to repent. Its what keeps you from going on sinning. Its good to know that you are forgiven when you repent in His name, but its another thing to feel guiltless and believe you dont need to repent.

The fact that someone knows they did wrong, and seek repentance is a good thing, if they do not, they will be put to shame.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Ok this isn't considered rape. He didn't force himself on her, he advanced toward her and she eventually gave into his advances. She said he made sure she was enjoying it before he did anything. How is this considered rape? Do I agree with what the guy did? No not at at, he is a perv and he needs the Lords help. The only thing we don't know here if she is under age. If she is under age then it is a different story.

I pray for both parties involved that both of them find the Lord, only He can heal this mess they are in.

Sorry but I disagree entirely. He pressured her into it, knowing full well she would give in to it. She pushed his hands away multiple times, so her body language alone should have screamed "NO" to him. But try telling a person who is bent on getting sex any way he can, no. :/ IMO, pressuring her equals "forcing himself" on her. He seduced her by touching her repeatedly even AFTER she slapped his hands away, and he used her for one purpose only: SEX. :/

 

[atwhatcost]

Ok this isn't considered rape. He didn't force himself on her, he advanced toward her and she eventually gave into his advances. She said he made sure she was enjoying it before he did anything. How is this considered rape? Do I agree with what the guy did? No not at at, he is a perv and he needs the Lords help. The only thing we don't know here if she is under age. If she is under age then it is a different story.

I pray for both parties involved that both of them find the Lord, only He can heal this mess they are in.

So, No doesn't mean No, if you ask again and again and again, and keep pushing for what you want? You might want to check out the law. Particular how it's changing because of situations just like this.

 

[Angela53510]

So, No doesn't mean No, if you ask again and again and again, and keep pushing for what you want? You might want to check out the law. Particular how it's changing because of situations just like this.

Some excellent links explaining both the law, and what men can no longer get away with! I hope everyone who thinks the OP is guilty has a close look at them.

No means no! She said no by pushing him away, and that is enough to charge him with rape.

 

[Tintin]

I'm not a violent man in the least, but I seriously feel like kicking this perv in the balls and worse. God help me.

 

[jsr1221]

I'm not a violent man in the least, but I seriously feel like kicking this perv in the balls and worse. God help me.

You know, I've always wondered why this doesn't happen more in these types of situations. I could never imagine doing some sickening act like this, but me as a guy, if I was kicked there... I know I would be in serious pain, as any guy would. That would cause me to lose focus on what's going on. Don't mean to direct from the thread, I just find it interesting because it's something I always wondered why it didn't happen more.

 

[hind_let_loose]

I thank you all so extremely much for your kind and encouraging words. I feel thankful I even stumbled upon this site by accident. I don't have anyone else to talk to or turn too and as far as church or other Christian people they are not around for me to get to know yet go too. So all of you, are my help. and im most thankful for it.

I want to clarify some things just to make sure there's no misunderstanding for readers. Im not looking for sympathy in the least. It's just as much my fault as it is my neighbors. I let it happen. I wasn't held against my will, I wasn't threatened. I just didn't let myself out the door and I don't know why. I didn't want it. And I think that's where I am hating myself so much for letting things happen the way it did. I failed myself. My mind kept saying to get out or walk away but I just didn't. For that I am so sorry to myself. I let myself down. I should have seen it coming in the first place. Despite my pushing him away my mind gave up so easily. It makes me question myself.

Is there some stories or other people in the bible I could read about that messed up and god didn't leave them? Or scriptures saying he isn't mad at me and really does forgive how you guys are encouraging me he does? How do I walk in forgiveness? I can ask for forgiveness but I feel exactly the same.

thank you guys a lot and for all the kind encouragement things will be ok. it means more then you know.

A few things:

1. Praise God that He has been opening your eyes to your need for Him and His grace. This is a gift of God. Pursue Him with everything you have, and follow after Christ by studying His word, obeying it, and serving Him openly. I'm thrilled to see God at work in you.

2. Like some of the others on this board have said, we have all done things at one time or another where we knew we did wrong and were overwhelmed with a sense of guilt and shame. And each of us has done, thought, or felt things that we hope never becomes public. However, it is important for us all to keep in mind that, as shameful as some of our actions have been, Christ's grace and love infinitely exceeds that. Even if word gets out that we did this or that, Christ's grace is sufficient to sustain us through it. The shame will pass. People will get over it, forget about it, and move on just like a news cycle. But Christ's love for us will never fade away. Acceptance with Christ is all that matters, and as long as that's all we care about, nothing can move us from true Christian joy, confidence, and comfort in the Holy Spirit.

3. I'm also glad that you haven't bought into the victim mentality. It is easy for us to shift blame to others when we have sinned. And while your neighbor appears to be a predator with much greater guilt than you (he's certainly someone you should keep your distance from), it sounds like you could have and should have done things differently, too. I'm thrilled that you're willing to accept that and confess it. Eve blamed the serpent for her sin, and Adam blamed Eve. It is a sign of true grace when we are quick to find our faults, acknowledge them, and turn from them. Thankfully, if you are in Christ, then your sins in this matter are completely washed away, and you can move on with the confidence of a clear conscience and the hope of eternal purity and holiness in heaven.

Yours,
hind_let_loose

 

[jsr1221]

I thank you all so extremely much for your kind and encouraging words. I feel thankful I even stumbled upon this site by accident. I don't have anyone else to talk to or turn too and as far as church or other Christian people they are not around for me to get to know yet go too. So all of you, are my help. and im most thankful for it.

I want to clarify some things just to make sure there's no misunderstanding for readers. Im not looking for sympathy in the least. It's just as much my fault as it is my neighbors. I let it happen. I wasn't held against my will, I wasn't threatened. I just didn't let myself out the door and I don't know why. I didn't want it. And I think that's where I am hating myself so much for letting things happen the way it did. I failed myself. My mind kept saying to get out or walk away but I just didn't. For that I am so sorry to myself. I let myself down. I should have seen it coming in the first place. Despite my pushing him away my mind gave up so easily. It makes me question myself.

Is there some stories or other people in the bible I could read about that messed up and god didn't leave them? Or scriptures saying he isn't mad at me and really does forgive how you guys are encouraging me he does? How do I walk in forgiveness? I can ask for forgiveness but I feel exactly the same.

thank you guys a lot and for all the kind encouragement things will be ok. it means more then you know.

God doesn't leave you. Ever. There are plenty of verses that support that. Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. For the the Lord is with you wherever you go." Isaiah 41:10-13 (too long to type on a phone, so I apologize for that, but I encourage you to read them if you see this). Deuteronomy 31:8 is another one. "It is the Lord that goes with you. He will be with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be feared or dismayed." I hope those verses are encouraging and help you realize that God does in fact forgive you. As mentioned before, maybe look into some sort of counseling, or try and talk to a pastor. I am continuing to pray for you, sister.

 

[blue_ladybug]

You know, I've always wondered why this doesn't happen more in these types of situations. I could never imagine doing some sickening act like this, but me as a guy, if I was kicked there... I know I would be in serious pain, as any guy would. That would cause me to lose focus on what's going on. Don't mean to direct from the thread, I just find it interesting because it's something I always wondered why it didn't happen more.

More than one girl has kicked there to get away from a guy, I'm sure. I know I have.. :/

 

[BarlyGurl]

You know, I've always wondered why this doesn't happen more in these types of situations. I could never imagine doing some sickening act like this, but me as a guy, if I was kicked there... I know I would be in serious pain, as any guy would. That would cause me to lose focus on what's going on. Don't mean to direct from the thread, I just find it interesting because it's something I always wondered why it didn't happen more.

I think I can answer that. The idea to do that "kick in the balls" it truly stems from "base carnal rage". NOW TO BE CLEAR... I am not in any way implying Tintin or anyone is a "base" man. Anyway.... as I said, the idea is that it is a primal kind of response and EVERY SINGLE HUMAN ("cept jesus) is born with this nature. SO god addresses this "particular" act in the OT because it can have PERMANENT consequences, far beyond the offense that caused the response.... ya follow me?
Basically the law is ... don't grab a man by the balls.
Very small children will "commit" this action on either other for jealously, or what ever.... they have to be taught how SERIOUS this is not allowed to be done... and that includes girls. By the time girls hit puberty they have been well taught that this action is NOT OKAY.... so when it might come in handy to actually DO IT... it is not a "natural"- "go to" function.
Did that make sense???

 

[MarvelousLight]

NoRedemptionBeyondRepair,

You may not want to accept the reality, but I agree with others that what happened to you was RAPE. I have referenced a link for you to check out. I believe you are experiencing feelings of “guilt” as described in the website.

What is happening right now is that you’re causing self-blame on yourself, which often happens with victims of rape. You might not even identify this as rape, while thinking that this is all your fault, when it is not your fault at all. You should resolve this with the police authorities as soon as possible, so that this man who hurt you will not hurt you again. Also, you may feel afraid or ashamed to even tell your parents about it, yet you should still tell them. Again, this is not your fault, so please do not be afraid, or even embarrassed that people will know. People should know that there is a rapist in their neighborhood, so that they will be careful about him. Maybe this man has done this to other girls before or will do it to other girls in the future.

You didn’t mess up with God. God is not mad at you, and if He is mad, He would be mad at that rapist. God says He will never leave you nor forsake you, and He wants to help you through this situation. It’s not forgiveness that you need though. You feel bad because that man violated you, and you’re blaming yourself for his actions. You’re hating yourself because you blame yourself, but it hurts because God doesn't hate you, He wants you to love yourself as He does. God is probably hurt that the man hurt you. That man needs to get what he deserves, and that's jail. Stop blaming yourself, it's not your fault.

If you did not make the choice to take your own clothes off, then it is rape. He forcefully held you close to him, not allowing you to leave and took your clothes off. When we are faced with shocking situations, especially where we know full well the person involved is a close and trusted person, we might not be able to make the appropriate response by leaving, because you would have never expected him to do that to you. No matter how he made you enjoyed it, it doesn’t matter because it is forced. You may even try to defend the attacker by sympathizing with his actions, you should not.

Reference (website):
Family Crisis Center | Rape Survivor Feelings

Analysis Overview

Rape
· He was so forceful that it just kind of happened anyways.
· Despite my pushing him away my mind gave up so easily.
· [he] wear me down until I just had sex with him.
· I didn't want it.
· I wasn't ready.
· I didn't feel ready
· I feel emotionally damaged because I didn't want it to happen.

Denial of Rape/Knows attacker
· It's not that it was rape or anything of the sort.
· He made sure I was enjoying it and everything if you know what I mean...
· Since he is my neighbor I feel like I can't even face him ever again.
· I don't want to be used for sex or anything...
· I'm so scared he's going to brag or tell one of my neighbors and word is going to get out.

Self-Blame and “feelings of guilt”
· I should have seen it coming in the first place.
· I wasn't assertive enough.
· I let things go too far with my neighbor.
· But tonight I let things happen.
· I failed myself.
· I let myself down.
· I did something stupid.
· I made an immature decision
· But I let it. I don't know why I let it.
· It's just as much my fault as it is my neighbors. I let it happen.
· I wasn't held against my will, I wasn't threatened. I just didn't let myself out the door and I don't know why.
· My mind kept saying to get out or walk away but I just didn't. For that I am so sorry to myself.
· I made a mistake by letting him
· I feel the most sickening feeling I ever felt. I feel so regrettably awful

 

[missfairy]

First, I am glad you are here seeking help. I am so sorry this has happened and I am sorry you are feeling so down about it all I can't even imagine how you are feeling. Secondly, The feelings of remorse and shame are normal feelings and they do not mean that God is mad at you... They actually mean that he wants you to come closer to him! He wants to be there for you! This man took advantage, and he knew better. He knew it was wrong. I am here if you would like a female friend who you can trust to talk to.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I think something needs to be cleared up here for accuracy's sake....

It may be different in other countries, but here in the US, the FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation) defines rape as, "Penetration, no matter how slight.... without consent."

Until we know all of the facts, this may technically be a case of sexual assault, and not rape.

Either way, the term 'sexual assault' might be a better word to use here, since rape is also a type of sexual assault... so we wouldn't be minimizing the seriousness of what occurred by using the phrase 'sexual assault'.

 

[hind_let_loose]

NoRedemptionBeyondRepair,

You may not want to accept the reality, but I agree with others that what happened to you was RAPE. I have referenced a link for you to check out. I believe you are experiencing feelings of “guilt” as described in the website.

What is happening right now is that you’re causing self-blame on yourself, which often happens with victims of rape. You might not even identify this as rape, while thinking that this is all your fault, when it is not your fault at all. You should resolve this with the police authorities as soon as possible, so that this man who hurt you will not hurt you again. Also, you may feel afraid or ashamed to even tell your parents about it, yet you should still tell them. Again, this is not your fault, so please do not be afraid, or even embarrassed that people will know. People should know that there is a rapist in their neighborhood, so that they will be careful about him. Maybe this man has done this to other girls before or will do it to other girls in the future.

You didn’t mess up with God. God is not mad at you, and if He is mad, He would be mad at that rapist. God says He will never leave you nor forsake you, and He wants to help you through this situation. It’s not forgiveness that you need though. You feel bad because that man violated you, and you’re blaming yourself for his actions. You’re hating yourself because you blame yourself, but it hurts because God doesn't hate you, He wants you to love yourself as He does. God is probably hurt that the man hurt you. That man needs to get what he deserves, and that's jail. Stop blaming yourself, it's not your fault.

If you did not make the choice to take your own clothes off, then it is rape. He forcefully held you close to him, not allowing you to leave and took your clothes off. When we are faced with shocking situations, especially where we know full well the person involved is a close and trusted person, we might not be able to make the appropriate response by leaving, because you would have never expected him to do that to you. No matter how he made you enjoyed it, it doesn’t matter because it is forced. You may even try to defend the attacker by sympathizing with his actions, you should not.

Reference (website):
Family Crisis Center | Rape Survivor Feelings

Analysis Overview

Rape
· He was so forceful that it just kind of happened anyways.
· Despite my pushing him away my mind gave up so easily.
· [he] wear me down until I just had sex with him.
· I didn't want it.
· I wasn't ready.
· I didn't feel ready
· I feel emotionally damaged because I didn't want it to happen.

Denial of Rape/Knows attacker
· It's not that it was rape or anything of the sort.
· He made sure I was enjoying it and everything if you know what I mean...
· Since he is my neighbor I feel like I can't even face him ever again.
· I don't want to be used for sex or anything...
· I'm so scared he's going to brag or tell one of my neighbors and word is going to get out.

Self-Blame and “feelings of guilt”
· I should have seen it coming in the first place.
· I wasn't assertive enough.
· I let things go too far with my neighbor.
· But tonight I let things happen.
· I failed myself.
· I let myself down.
· I did something stupid.
· I made an immature decision
· But I let it. I don't know why I let it.
· It's just as much my fault as it is my neighbors. I let it happen.
· I wasn't held against my will, I wasn't threatened. I just didn't let myself out the door and I don't know why.
· My mind kept saying to get out or walk away but I just didn't. For that I am so sorry to myself.
· I made a mistake by letting him
· I feel the most sickening feeling I ever felt. I feel so regrettably awful

While there may be a legal definition of rape that this could satisfy, I think it is a mistake to say that any case where there is self-blame, feelings of guilt, and an attempt to refuse sex is genuinely rape. People who refuse sex for a bit, then change their mind in order to get around some pressure, are not raped. They may have been in an uncomfortable situation. And it may have been wrong for them to be pressured in the first place. But they still need to say "no" all the way through the ordeal.

If your husband, for instance, comes to you and says, "I was raped. A lady tried to seduce me. I said 'no' three times. Then, to get her off my back and because she really wanted to, I finally just went with it," you probably wouldn't say that he is blameless. You'd probably ask, --"Did she have a gun?" "No." --"Did she use a knife?" "No." --"Did she overpower you?" "No." --"So what happened?" "Well, she tried to seduce me, and she didn't stop after I said 'no' three times. So, I went with it." --"You mean there was no force, threats, or anything, and you voluntarily allowed this?" "Yeah. I mean, I was uncomfortable with it, though. And I didn't really want to, but I just didn't want it bad enough to say 'no' a fourth and fifth time." Etc. That just doesn't free from all blame. And no self-respecting wife or husband would say they're spouse is completely blameless because someone persistently and successfully seduced them, using no force, threats, or anything like it.

Don't get me wrong. What the guy did to our new sister in Christ was vile and wicked, and he has greater responsibility for what happened than she does. But that doesn't mean that she is literally blameless, nor does it mean that he raped her. Praise God, however, that there's abundant mercy in Christ for all sin, including sexual sin. I think our focus should be on praising God for His grace in her life, rather than trying to convince her that she is 100% blameless and that the guy should get a rep as a rapist.

 

[zoii]

Hugs sis - I know I cant find the right words - just lots of emotions reading ur post ....so I'm just sending u vibes of empathy n love