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How do you know that you always bore guys? Most people are reluctant to say that even if it is true. My guess is that you aren't boring but it is something else that is off putting. Guys that I have talked to say things like "Nice guys finish last, I'm just boring etc." but in my experience that is rarely true. Generally, it is their negative attitude, their desperation, being too clingy, etc. that makes me not want to talk to them anymore. So, it could be a number of things. When I talk to people I just say what I'm thinking and be myself. I figure if a person doesn't like me for me, then they don't deserve me anyway so why waste my time? Not everyone is going to like you, but if you quit worrying about it so much and just be yourself.. (people worth talking to) are bound to like you.
U
The above poster is right.
Another thing to consider is this isn't a gender issue. It's not that men are bad. Because women cause difficulties for men as well. It's just problematic to get close to someone, and if you try to up it to wanting to meet someone for a romantic reason that increases the difficulty. Man or woman.
Another thing to consider is this isn't a gender issue. It's not that men are bad. Because women cause difficulties for men as well. It's just problematic to get close to someone, and if you try to up it to wanting to meet someone for a romantic reason that increases the difficulty. Man or woman.
What kinds of conversations do you have? Sometimes it's as simple as finding topics that interest you both, or picking up on signals that the other person isn't really interested in what you are discussing. Pay attention to those things, and if you sense that happening, move on to some other subject. Ask them questions about themselves. Be interested in them. Be interesting in your own end of the conversation. Give them space. Don't chase after them - instead give them time to want to contact YOU. If they are getting "sick of you", perhaps you are smothering them and chasing them off unintentionally. Let them lead in how often to talk, and you follow their cues.
It could just be that the two of you don't have a lot in common to talk about. Or they find that you aren't compatible. That's okay. Not everyone is going to be perfect for everyone else. Don't take it personally. But as far as interesting conversational skills, try the above and see how it goes.
It could just be that the two of you don't have a lot in common to talk about. Or they find that you aren't compatible. That's okay. Not everyone is going to be perfect for everyone else. Don't take it personally. But as far as interesting conversational skills, try the above and see how it goes.
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I agree with what Grace said. From my personal experience, unless you are an extrovert, which I guess you are not, it is not easy to identify common interests with everybody. It takes trial-and-error to identify the type of people with whom you will be able to connect with. Don't be disheartened if guys act like you bore them. It is not worth changing yourself for someone whom you have just met, so continue being yourself.
Secondly, have you spoken to any of your friends about this? If you have any close guy friends, run your convos with them and ask them if you come across as being too strong or clingy. They should be able to give you an honest opinion from a guy's perspective.
Secondly, have you spoken to any of your friends about this? If you have any close guy friends, run your convos with them and ask them if you come across as being too strong or clingy. They should be able to give you an honest opinion from a guy's perspective.
C
The last guy I dated thought I was too clingy but I don't like someone who first talks til 3 in the night then 2 days silent. I just am clingy. If they hate that so be it. I'm not interested then either. Now I chatted with an old collegue the whole night because he thinks I'm single and I wanted to bring him to the Lord. He just says come over and stuff. The guy is not christian. Is it a christian thing to wait so long I wonder. The other one also just responded when I said something the next morning. He waits for hours. Now I wait for hours with my collegue who texts in the morning because I want him saved but not hook up lol. Maybe the other one is jealous now. I just told him but he says nothing. I dunmo. I don't care if he doesn't like me. I'll just ask and say I'm clingy and app not only after 6 o'clock and if he hates that just find someone else. If noone likes that it is also okay. Weird thing is the not decent just divorced guys do like it. I tell my whole past to my collegue because he also almost died. With him it's still so just regular topics and such, not too personal, a bit but all the others I spoke to on dating sites had to know everything immediately. Yet they were not decent.
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Being clingy is OK just as long as you are not desperate. It shows that you are interested in proceeding in the relationship to the next logical point. It gives the other person a sense of belonging.
You either click with someone or you don't for one reason or another. I don't think it has anything to do with your perception that you are clinging on to someone.
Try communicating by letters rather than strictly by phone. It is a more relaxing way to get to know someone and less stressful.
I see nothing at all wrong with telling someone your whole past but you might want to do that in snippets at appropriate times to allow to him to process what you told him.
Your last sentence was profound. If they're not decent they're not worth pursuing.
Happy hunting.
You either click with someone or you don't for one reason or another. I don't think it has anything to do with your perception that you are clinging on to someone.
Try communicating by letters rather than strictly by phone. It is a more relaxing way to get to know someone and less stressful.
I see nothing at all wrong with telling someone your whole past but you might want to do that in snippets at appropriate times to allow to him to process what you told him.
Your last sentence was profound. If they're not decent they're not worth pursuing.
Happy hunting.
C
My ex always thought I was too clingy. He just didn't love me. Next guy same thing. Wanted space and go out with his friends on his birthday. Well after complaining and asking for attention for 12 years I just accepted the fact and went doing fun things with my baby who did appreciate it. Next guy I said it a dozen times. No reaction. Okay then we just live seperate lives. Last date wanted to go out with his girlfriend. I had to shut up for 3 days after apping and calling and meeting once for three weeks the whole day through and he always called me. Then just shut up I'm busy with my female friend. Okay thanks it's over now. Lol with every guy I get less patience. I just told this guy I was too clingy for most guys and so I don't want to chat anymore. It's everything or nothing. No response lol and he chats all day with guy friends and is fired.
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Coby, forgive me if I'm misreading you... it sounds like you are serious about finding someone, and willing to try with several people rather than giving up easily. That is good. What I don't sense is that you are actively involving the Lord in your search. Perhaps you are doing that and simply haven't shared about it, which is fine.
God is REALLY good, and is concerned about who you connect with... because He loves you so much. He will lead you to "green pastures", but it will happen in His time. Also, there may be things about you which He would like to adjust before you are ready. Be patient... trust God to lead you to His choice of man for you. Use the between time to deepen your relationship with God; that will pay off in any later relationship.
God is REALLY good, and is concerned about who you connect with... because He loves you so much. He will lead you to "green pastures", but it will happen in His time. Also, there may be things about you which He would like to adjust before you are ready. Be patient... trust God to lead you to His choice of man for you. Use the between time to deepen your relationship with God; that will pay off in any later relationship.
I'm gonna be a bit blunt, and a bit tackful with you because I think you might be able to handle it. Remember I'm saying the following to help you...
I've seen you post a few times and I can see that your a blunt person... people don't like bluntness. I think there's a time and place for it but your spilling your thoughts and emotions out a lot it seems. People don't like that... especially men. Men want women who are more on the gentle side. A woman who is upfront may not give that impression. You may need to just give more time and thought to what you say... its a habbit that I think could help you.
Or.. maybe your just too picky, maybe there's a nice 30 yr old guy who is G-dly and loves you but because he's 15 yrs young you won't give him a shot. So, you should re-evaluate your "standards." G-d loves us and understands as we are.... he just asks we be moral people. I believe we should be the same... relationships, I believe... will be faaaaaar better with that perspective. Don't be picky about anything except morals.
Worst case scenario... there MIGHT MAYBE POSSIBLY be something morally wrong with you. I don't know you and I won't say with certainty that there is something morally wrong with you. You know yourself better than me.. so look at yourself, ask your CHRISTIAN friends and family, Pastors, if there's something you can morally improve. I think character is easily one of the most important and attractive things any single can improve on.
Remember just saying these things to help you
I've seen you post a few times and I can see that your a blunt person... people don't like bluntness. I think there's a time and place for it but your spilling your thoughts and emotions out a lot it seems. People don't like that... especially men. Men want women who are more on the gentle side. A woman who is upfront may not give that impression. You may need to just give more time and thought to what you say... its a habbit that I think could help you.
Or.. maybe your just too picky, maybe there's a nice 30 yr old guy who is G-dly and loves you but because he's 15 yrs young you won't give him a shot. So, you should re-evaluate your "standards." G-d loves us and understands as we are.... he just asks we be moral people. I believe we should be the same... relationships, I believe... will be faaaaaar better with that perspective. Don't be picky about anything except morals.
Worst case scenario... there MIGHT MAYBE POSSIBLY be something morally wrong with you. I don't know you and I won't say with certainty that there is something morally wrong with you. You know yourself better than me.. so look at yourself, ask your CHRISTIAN friends and family, Pastors, if there's something you can morally improve. I think character is easily one of the most important and attractive things any single can improve on.
Remember just saying these things to help you
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C
Thanks. No that thing works in the States. I live in Holland. My ex is Indian and he pursued and stuff but I read some tips from an English guy on how to date Dutch guys because they were never interested in me and I was always shy. Dutch guys want women to bluntly tell them they like 'em. Serious. When I was married a guy from school turned out to have been interested. I never noticed because we were both shy. And in general Dutch people are really blunt. It's a culture shock really. I don't want to go after someone but this guy showed interest, great conversation, then he said nothing for a week. Ehm okay what do you expect? Should I now contact you? My. So I thought well I'll never know since I'm not gonna respond. Then he posted a song on Facebook, it was something like you ignore me. So ehm was that meant for me? No idea, but then I just said something random and then he started talking again. Lol I now just said I didn't want to chat anymore because I was too clingy for most guys. He said no not at all but I can't always respond. He chats with a lot of guys, he's evangelizing on Facebook and has a lot of Facebookfriends he chats with and they also need his attention. Oh okay, well I said maybe you can say hm hm then next time if I send you something. My brother does that too if I talk too much. I don't expect you to chat for hours if I just say something. It gives me the impression that it's interesting what I say lol. But I got the idea he just chats with everyone just for friendship and that's perfectly fine, but I just told him since he's 38 and I'm 45 and feel like an old cow that he can't just chat so much with those old cows since I saw another 55 year old posting a lovesong on his wall. I just said yeah sorry but that's what you get when you do that. Then he said who's an old cow? And then that it was up to me if I wanted to chat. So I said no it's up to you. Friendship is fine, no problem if you also chat with all your male Facebook friends for hours but with just friendship you can't chat so much with me, not chat one night for hours and with Christmas you say nothing, sorry and I told him about that other guy that apped the whole day though and it was just friendship and then I had to shut up. That doesn't work with me. So blunt and clear in your face. Lol he gave me his phone number and said I could call him. Unfortunately I'm only blunt if I type and way too chicken to call lol. So he got no response. I know him from a Dutch forum from years ago.
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C
Coby, forgive me if I'm misreading you... it sounds like you are serious about finding someone, and willing to try with several people rather than giving up easily. That is good. What I don't sense is that you are actively involving the Lord in your search. Perhaps you are doing that and simply haven't shared about it, which is fine.
God is REALLY good, and is concerned about who you connect with... because He loves you so much. He will lead you to "green pastures", but it will happen in His time. Also, there may be things about you which He would like to adjust before you are ready. Be patient... trust God to lead you to His choice of man for you. Use the between time to deepen your relationship with God; that will pay off in any later relationship.
God is REALLY good, and is concerned about who you connect with... because He loves you so much. He will lead you to "green pastures", but it will happen in His time. Also, there may be things about you which He would like to adjust before you are ready. Be patient... trust God to lead you to His choice of man for you. Use the between time to deepen your relationship with God; that will pay off in any later relationship.