What do men look for in a woman?

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J

JustViv

Guest
#41
#41
Dino246 said:
I can speak only for myself, and I'm not even sure I can answer fairly. I have not started dating since my marriage ended, so most of my answer, particularly about personality, would describe what my ex wasn't.

What will I look for when the time comes to look? Aside from externals (yes they do matter, no they aren't the final arbiter), of course, she must believe in Jesus. I think that owning responsibility for wrongdoing would be a very significant positive trait, as would evidence of and desire for growth in her Christian walk. I would want to see that she takes disappointments from others to the Lord. I'd want to see good fruit (of the Spirit) in her life. Openness to communicating and working through issues would be important. She must understand biblical forgiveness, because I will fail at times, as will she.

JustViv... is there some context behind this question?
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Growing up in a non-Christian family, surrounded by the world and trying my best to live a good Christian life, wondering what it is like to date a Christian. I don't know how to put this but while I'm looking for someone for several years, hoping that I won't fall for the wrong guys anymore, I thought I was careful enough not to hurt myself but I wasn't. Things happened, I got so angry with myself and hated myself so much. I was trying my real best to stay focus on God, believing that things will happen in God's own timing. With so much hatred on myself, I started to find ways to harm myself. I guess it was rather successful.

While, I still wonder what actually men look for in a woman...
 
S

spunkycat08

Senior Member
#43
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#43
Calmador said:
Galatians 6:2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Proverbs 15:22 Plans fail for lack of counsel (in another translation counsel is replaced with advice), but with many advisers they succeed.

As much as I agree with a lot of what you said, I'm sure we can give each other G-dly advice. She also implicitly asked for advice in her op.
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That is if the other person asks you for Godly advice.
 
Gary

Gary

Senior Member
#44
Oct 23, 2011
246
14
18
#44
Two of the many things I look for in a woman are honesty and integrity. It doesn't matter if she can spout scripture by heart if her actions show a spirit of deceit and dishonesty.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#45
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#45

The old saying was; A man wants a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom. But these days; A man also wants a woman with a ton of money. Oh yeah, and all that superficial stuff too, like a good personality, sense of humor, etc. Succinctly put, we pretty much want it all :)
 
Addison

Addison

Senior Member
#46
Jun 28, 2014
1,028
46
0
54
#46
Dan58 said:

The old saying was; A man wants a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom. But these days; A man also wants a woman with a ton of money. Oh yeah, and all that superficial stuff too, like a good personality, sense of humor, etc. Succinctly put, we pretty much want it all :)
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Just make sure they all don't find each other. :eek:
 
D

DCrawshawJr

Guest
#47
#47
I'll take the maid, the cook, and the whore. You can take the millionaire's money. I'd rather have a Belle from A Christmas Carol than a rich supermodel.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#48
May 23, 2009
16,440
5,387
113
#48
I'm a bit curious as the sentiment of some of the guys here expressing that they're all for the "whore" aspect of what would make the ideal woman.

Yeah, I've heard the whole saying before but I'm wondering...

Do this mean they intend to pay their wives for sex?
 
B

blondieindahouse

Banned
#49
Jun 23, 2015
1,990
37
0
#49
Dan58 said:

The old saying was; A man wants a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom. But these days; A man also wants a woman with a ton of money. Oh yeah, and all that superficial stuff too, like a good personality, sense of humor, etc. Succinctly put, we pretty much want it all :)
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And woman just want a man who is not a pig.........................but a man buried in Christ.

I wonder if a godly man says the kinda things you just said?
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#50
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#50
seoulsearch said:
I'm a bit curious as the sentiment of some of the guys here expressing that they're all for the "whore" aspect of what would make the ideal woman.

Yeah, I've heard the whole saying before but I'm wondering...

Do this mean they intend to pay their wives for sex?
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No. I think they just expect her to be as passionate as a "whore" when it comes to sex. Sorry, it is a degrading term and I can't speak for all men who think this way, but I think the intention behind it is clean. At least, I suppose so? :confused:
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#51
Nov 25, 2014
942
44
0
#51
This might burst a lot of testosterone bubbles, but whores fake it.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#53
May 23, 2009
16,440
5,387
113
#53
Argh. For some reason, my "Reply with Quote" function isn't working. And please forgive my grammatical errors--I've living on coffee and sugar.

Anyway, PoetMary scored the big one (no pun intended) when she said whores are putting on a show. How else do they "work" several times in a row and manage to get paid? I would hope any grown man should realize this, but apparently, many do not.

The reason I'm bringing up the whole "Men want a Whore in the Bedroom" train of thought is because I've heard Christian men say, "I don't want to marry a Christian woman. I have NEEDS, and a prudish Christian woman is never going to agree to the things I have in mind."

Eh. Society has it the other way around. It's the "whores" that are supposed to be learning from US (Godly Christian women) as to how to treat a man/husband right. Now I'm not talking about lewd, abusive, or disrespectful actions that would humiliate either partner.

But it seems most men, even Christians, think they have to go to the world (and worldly women) to have their curiosities fulfilled. As Christians, it's our right and privilege to work out where those God-given boundaries are with our spouses, and blaze right past anything a "whore" might have to offer.

And, with our spouses, we're willing to do it freely (without charging... :rolleyes:).
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#54
May 23, 2009
16,440
5,387
113
#54
Roh_Chris said:
No. I think they just expect her to be as passionate as a "whore" when it comes to sex. Sorry, it is a degrading term and I can't speak for all men who think this way, but I think the intention behind it is clean. At least, I suppose so? :confused:
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Yeah, some people in the "profession" are really into sex.

But don't most grown adults realize that the real "passion" here is for the $$$?

Which is ironic to me, because so many men are bitter over having dated women whom they say used them for money in the first place.
 
SpySat1

SpySat1

Senior Member
#55
Sep 19, 2009
250
1
18
#55
seoulsearch said:
Argh. For some reason, my "Reply with Quote" function isn't working. And please forgive my grammatical errors--I've living on coffee and sugar.

Anyway, PoetMary scored the big one (no pun intended) when she said whores are putting on a show. How else do they "work" several times in a row and manage to get paid? I would hope any grown man should realize this, but apparently, many do not.

The reason I'm bringing up the whole "Men want a Whore in the Bedroom" train of thought is because I've heard Christian men say, "I don't want to marry a Christian woman. I have NEEDS, and a prudish Christian woman is never going to agree to the things I have in mind."

Eh. Society has it the other way around. It's the "whores" that are supposed to be learning from US (Godly Christian women) as to how to treat a man/husband right. Now I'm not talking about lewd, abusive, or disrespectful actions that would humiliate either partner.

But it seems most men, even Christians, think they have to go to the world (and worldly women) to have their curiosities fulfilled. As Christians, it's our right and privilege to work out where those God-given boundaries are with our spouses, and blaze right past anything a "whore" might have to offer.

And, with our spouses, we're willing to do it freely (without charging... :rolleyes:).
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but... 50 shades of grey.

:rolleyes:
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#56
May 23, 2009
16,440
5,387
113
#56
SpySat1 said:
but... 50 shades of grey.

:rolleyes:
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Yup. It goes both ways.

But some women have absolutely no interest in 50 Shades of Grey.

I don't need an abusive billionaire boyfriend.

I already have a job.
 
proverbs35

proverbs35

Senior Member
#57
Nov 10, 2012
827
239
43
#57
seoulsearch said:
I'm a bit curious as the sentiment of some of the guys here expressing that they're all for the "whore" aspect of what would make the ideal woman.

Yeah, I've heard the whole saying before but I'm wondering...

Do this mean they intend to pay their wives for sex?
Click to expand...
Yes. The word "whore" is very degrading, but when I read that reference in this thread, I thought the poster was just being honest about how a lot of men actually feel - Christian or not.

I think women really need to know this is a very real expectation for a lot of men. Women (Christian or not) get married. AFTER the marriage, women become aware of the husband's sexual expectations. If they are not on the same page, this can cause a lot of problems.

It makes me think about Mark Driscoll and his views on sex within marriage. Driscoll even referred to women as just homes (or houses) for a man's genital, and that's the sanitized version.

Practical Theology for Women: The Harmful Teaching of Wives as their Husbands' Porn Stars
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#58
#58
Dan58 said:

The old saying was; A man wants a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom. But these days; A man also wants a woman with a ton of money. Oh yeah, and all that superficial stuff too, like a good personality, sense of humor, etc. Succinctly put, we pretty much want it all :)
Click to expand...

That whore in the bedroom has been around more than a wet towel. You may want to rethink that course of action.
 
proverbs35

proverbs35

Senior Member
#59
Nov 10, 2012
827
239
43
#59
kaylagrl said:
That whore in the bedroom has been around more than a wet towel. You may want to rethink that course of action.
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As you said, this mentality has been around for a long time. Funny, I don't see a lot of men rethinking or abandoning that train of thought any time soon.
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#60
Nov 25, 2014
942
44
0
#60
seoulsearch said:
Argh. For some reason, my "Reply with Quote" function isn't working. And please forgive my grammatical errors--I've living on coffee and sugar.

Anyway, PoetMary scored the big one (no pun intended) when she said whores are putting on a show. How else do they "work" several times in a row and manage to get paid? I would hope any grown man should realize this, but apparently, many do not.

The reason I'm bringing up the whole "Men want a Whore in the Bedroom" train of thought is because I've heard Christian men say, "I don't want to marry a Christian woman. I have NEEDS, and a prudish Christian woman is never going to agree to the things I have in mind."

Eh. Society has it the other way around. It's the "whores" that are supposed to be learning from US (Godly Christian women) as to how to treat a man/husband right. Now I'm not talking about lewd, abusive, or disrespectful actions that would humiliate either partner.

But it seems most men, even Christians, think they have to go to the world (and worldly women) to have their curiosities fulfilled. As Christians, it's our right and privilege to work out where those God-given boundaries are with our spouses, and blaze right past anything a "whore" might have to offer.

And, with our spouses, we're willing to do it freely (without charging... :rolleyes:).
Click to expand...
Part of the deal is that society has trouble with women being sexual creatures. So, while a man can be successful in business, intelligent, leap tall building, AND also sexual, there's this tendency to want to compartmentalize women.

Mothers aren't sexual (forget how they got to be mothers in the first place). If you're an educated professional, you're not sexual. If you're shopping for groceries you're not sexual.

For a woman to be sexual she has to be framed in a certain way. We need to imagine that she's dressed in particular kinds of clothes and we use certain words to refer to her sexuality to separate it from the rest of womankind....these words are all shaming.

Additionally, there's a HUGE disconnect between the idea that a woman can be virtuous (meaning ethically good) and also sexual. There are "good" girls who aren't sexual and then there are the morally dicey women that are.

So you end up with no real adult way for Christian people to discuss female sexuality, even in a really superficial sort of way.

It is super-disappointing, however, when Christian men talk about women in such a reductionistic way.
 
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