What is the Christian Take on "Dating Within (or Outside) Your League"?

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,666
5,581
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

I have a series of topics I'd like to ask about, and this question seems to be the key to about 3 threads I hope to write in the future.

I don't watch much TV, but wasn't there a sitcom (maybe Seinfeld?) that talked about how high one comes in on the dating scale (on a scale of 1-10, where does one rate?) and that the normal social "rule" is that you can date within about 2 numbers above or below your rating?

For instance, if 1 is the lowest score and 10 is the highest and you are a 7, your "league" is going to be within the range of a 5-9 (socially, you "can" date people who "rate" within this range.) Anything lower or higher than that is "outside of your league" and just not acceptable. For example, you typically don't see doctors marrying fast food workers, supermodels marrying "geeks" or "nerds", or people from wealthy families marrying into families who suffer from poverty.

As Christians, everyone is going to say, "We all have value and are beautiful in Christ," but when it comes to real life and the dating game, Christians are just as prone to these kinds of unspoken "ratings" as anyone else (at least, from what I've seen.)

In fact, I often feel Christians have their own rating scale IN ADDITION to the "regular" ratings (looks, earning potential, social status, etc.) that revolves around a "spiritual" rating.

After all, the Bible says not to be unequally yoked. And you hear about a lot of Christians rejecting other Christians because they basically don't rate high enough on the spiritual scale in order to be considered "within their league."

The purpose of this thread is NOT in any way meant to PROMOTE the idea of "leagues", status or basing our decisions about whom we will date on these supposed "ratings", but rather to ask, have you observed this kind of thinking? And what do you think of it?

Do you think the Christian community is any different from the world when it comes to "dating within our league", or do you actually see people who are a "4" and are dating or married to a "10", in any category?

Marrieds are welcome to answer too. I certainly don't expect them to list their "own" "ratings" ("I'm a 10 and I married a 3!!") because that's a bit personal (though they surely can if they want to), but it would be interesting to hear whether they've observed this phenomenon among those they know who are married, too.

Anyone is invited to share their thoughts.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,667
9,605
113
#2
Thought 1: I'm probably about a 4 or so. I wonder if an 8 would take me.

Thought 2: Maybe people don't want to marry someone of lower class because it would pull their class down. Maybe lower class people want to pull themselves up.

Thought 3: "What's your sign" is pretty outdated as an opening line, so let's make a modern one. "What's your league?" :D

Thought 4: If the supermodel DID marry the nerd, the kid would have the best of both worlds. Brains and beauty.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,655
17,111
113
69
Tennessee
#3
I'm a 6 and I married a 9. There is always room for improvement.
 
C

coby

Guest
#5
I went on a date with a university man, had it all together, not a rent but a bought house, savings, my, no I'd rather marry a homeless dude. It's a different world, can't connect with someone like that. He had a lot of friends and a great social life. Lol his friend asked me if I had friends. I said no I'm kinda antisocial. Hahahahaha I just joke about it if someone feels so good about himself. Gimme a break.
 
C

coby

Guest
#6
Or a pastor of a big church or something, just never. My brother went out with a woman because she kept asking and he can't say no. She had a big ministry, travelled the world, bought the drinks herself and talked about everything she had done. He said I felt like a don't know how to say that in English, just a real simple person, I just translate and I'm in my room the whole day and sometimes I go for a walk. Hahahahaha
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,666
5,581
113
#7
Thought 1: I'm probably about a 4 or so. I wonder if an 8 would take me.
Lynx, one of your best qualities is that you just let things roll off your back. I've had arguments with you up one side and down the other in this forum and you always just shrug and let things go (setting an example of how I should be handling things as well.)

That alone has to be worth an extra 2.5 points.

I consider myself to be about a 5.5 -- just slightly above average, and the I only give myself the extra half point because I'm loyal to my friends, which I hope is worth something.

Besides, it seems like the "just-trendy-enough", "not too pretentious", "not too modest" answer that would look good on a poll. :p
 
D

DCrawshawJr

Guest
#8
From what I've seen even in the Christian dating circle, leagues still exist, even spiritual leagues, which is unfortunate. Although, one variable I would like to see displayed in both men and women is courage, the courage to confess their desire to marry, and working together to determine if both of them are suited for each other, without the need to try to win them over. I'm talking about two reasonable Christians coming together and, using Scripture as the basis for their decision, determine whether or not they should marry each other.

Coby talked about not marrying a homeless person...under certain circumstances, I would. Which is why the logical dialogue is necessary, because today, whether or not you should marry should not be based on "leagues" but rather circumstance, such as your families (Deuteronomy 5:16, Proverbs 11:29), your mutual faiths (2 Corinthians 6:14), and your level of self-control (I Corinthians 7:2, 9).

Have I seen interleague marriages? Not really, maybe when I visit the city more often, that will change. However, I have heard of marriages that violate the secular age rule (x/2+7), such as Martin Luther (+3 yrs) and Catharina Von Bora (-1.5 yrs). Then again, that was a different time, but surely it's no sin to marry outside the age range.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,666
5,581
113
#9
Have I seen interleague marriages? Not really, maybe when I visit the city more often, that will change.
"Interleague Marriages"... I really like that term.

I'm going to have to remember that one... and I agree--I haven't seen many, if any of them, even (or especially) among Christian circles.
 

BruceWayne

Senior Member
Aug 7, 2013
3,695
357
83
Gotham City
#10
I don't know much about ratings and I'm definitely not qualified to know anything about spiritual ratings. What one person finds attractive, someone else may not, so who's to say who is really a 10 or not. I personally wouldn't be with someone just because they're beautiful in Christ though. I'm not going to pretend that the human factor isn't there. We all want to be with someone we're physically attracted to, a 10 to us. It doesn't make sense not to be. We all want someone who will be at least moderately successful and all of those things too.

My first thoughts on ratings, leagues, etc. is that it sounds like high school nonsense to me, but at the same time, it's okay to find someone in your league; everyone should. I would just hope that it's your league and your standards, not what your friends think or expect, nor the trivial things that people around you place value in.
 
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C

coby

Guest
#11
From what I've seen even in the Christian dating circle, leagues still exist, even spiritual leagues, which is unfortunate. Although, one variable I would like to see displayed in both men and women is courage, the courage to confess their desire to marry, and working together to determine if both of them are suited for each other, without the need to try to win them over. I'm talking about two reasonable Christians coming together and, using Scripture as the basis for their decision, determine whether or not they should marry each other.

Coby talked about not marrying a homeless person...under certain circumstances, I would. Which is why the logical dialogue is necessary, because today, whether or not you should marry should not be based on "leagues" but rather circumstance, such as your families (Deuteronomy 5:16, Proverbs 11:29), your mutual faiths (2 Corinthians 6:14), and your level of self-control (I Corinthians 7:2, 9).

Have I seen interleague marriages? Not really, maybe when I visit the city more often, that will change. However, I have heard of marriages that violate the secular age rule (x/2+7), such as Martin Luther (+3 yrs) and Catharina Von Bora (-1.5 yrs). Then again, that was a different time, but surely it's no sin to marry outside the age range.
Oh no I said I'd rather marry a homeless dude than one who is arrogant because he has it all together. We had a guy in our home who became homeless all of a sudden. Totally normal man and a great cook and so funny. He said I had a Dutch wife, a Spanish girlfriend, now I have a friend. Jesus.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#12
I do tend to do that. Not something i consciously do, but it happens. Though i have dated women i felt were 'out of my league'. But they didn't seem to think they went down the ladder, so to speak.

I remember my last gf, even. I saw her come into chats often and i would open her chat box to see her avatar (picture of her) and wish that someone that pretty would talk to me. Did that for months, kept looking at her pic in chats, wishing, but feeling i wasn't good enough. Till one day she said hi... we fell in love quickly after that.

So it's really a screwed up approach. One person may see you as a 2 and another an 8. You may pass over a wonderful person because you rate them low because you don't know them, but might rate them higher if you knew them. It's all subjective, even how we rank ourselves.
 
C

coby

Guest
#13
I do tend to do that. Not something i consciously do, but it happens. Though i have dated women i felt were 'out of my league'. But they didn't seem to think they went down the ladder, so to speak.

I remember my last gf, even. I saw her come into chats often and i would open her chat box to see her avatar (picture of her) and wish that someone that pretty would talk to me. Did that for months, kept looking at her pic in chats, wishing, but feeling i wasn't good enough. Till one day she said hi... we fell in love quickly after that.

So it's really a screwed up approach. One person may see you as a 2 and another an 8. You may pass over a wonderful person because you rate them low because you don't know them, but might rate them higher if you knew them. It's all subjective, even how we rank ourselves.
The whole ranking thing based on looks or social status is just nonsense. I'm a 10 because Jesus lives in me. I was a 0 lol. But to be honest I do it too. Oh I'm not good enough for that one. Nonsense.
 
S

sydlit

Guest
#14
Or a pastor of a big church or something, just never. My brother went out with a woman because she kept asking and he can't say no. She had a big ministry, travelled the world, bought the drinks herself and talked about everything she had done. He said I felt like a don't know how to say that in English, just a real simple person, I just translate and I'm in my room the whole day and sometimes I go for a walk. Hahahahaha
I've never really dated, and I've never
met anyone in person that would consider me
to be either IN or ABOVE their league, class,
number ranking or rating, and of course,
I see no reason why they ever would now,
I'm nobody, and haven't got much to offer
but a weak prayer, a hand of friendship,
trying to be a nice guy (sometimes I fail, I'm sorry)
and some light-hearted kidding around which
always seems to get twisted and taken the wrong way.

When I am serious, no one believes me,
and it's just laughed off...yet when I kid,
it's taken serious, and I get put down.
I try not to pre-judge, yet I'm so often judged
as being less than or not meeting up to rankings,
why would anyone want to date me, let alone more,
if they consider me to be not good enough.

I guess there's not much left to do but just
put on a half-smile and some cheap sunglasses,
go through the motions, whatever that means,
and probably keep getting cast aside,
easily forgotten until the end.
I've tried to cheer others, be supportive, keep the faith,
But I guess it takes a whole lot more than that,
and whatever it is, I obviously don't have it.
But, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year,
and God Bless You anyhow.
 
C

coby

Guest
#15
I've never really dated, and I've never
met anyone in person that would consider me
to be either IN or ABOVE their league, class,
number ranking or rating, and of course,
I see no reason why they ever would now,
I'm nobody, and haven't got much to offer
but a weak prayer, a hand of friendship,
trying to be a nice guy (sometimes I fail, I'm sorry)
and some light-hearted kidding around which
always seems to get twisted and taken the wrong way.

When I am serious, no one believes me,
and it's just laughed off...yet when I kid,
it's taken serious, and I get put down.
I try not to pre-judge, yet I'm so often judged
as being less than or not meeting up to rankings,
why would anyone want to date me, let alone more,
if they consider me to be not good enough.

I guess there's not much left to do but just
put on a half-smile and some cheap sunglasses,
go through the motions, whatever that means,
and probably keep getting cast aside,
easily forgotten until the end.
I've tried to cheer others, be supportive, keep the faith,
But I guess it takes a whole lot more than that,
and whatever it is, I obviously don't have it.
But, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year,
and God Bless You anyhow.
Hey a nobody with Christ living in them is a 10. Do you have Dutch ancestors or something? That's Dutch humor. Here they aprreciate it.
 

JonahLynx

Senior Member
Dec 28, 2014
1,017
30
48
#16
I've never understood what that league thing meant. So you're saying people don't date based on attraction? :confused:
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,467
2,703
113
#17
For a long time, I had low self esteem, so I saw all guys (except jerks lol) out of my league. I felt I didn't deserve to be noticed.

But after God healed me, I never really paid attention to leagues. Lol well, I did pay attention to a guy's walk with Christ. I remember I had a crush on a guy, but he was a baby christian. I then noticed I needed to be his older sister in the faith, and not a girlfriend. I've seen these cases work out for some, so I'm not saying it can never be done.
 
C

coby

Guest
#18
For a long time, I had low self esteem, so I saw all guys (except jerks lol) out of my league. I felt I didn't deserve to be noticed.

But after God healed me, I never really paid attention to leagues. Lol well, I did pay attention to a guy's walk with Christ. I remember I had a crush on a guy, but he was a baby christian. I then noticed I needed to be his older sister in the faith, and not a girlfriend. I've seen these cases work out for some, so I'm not saying it can never be done.
Yes me too after the divorce. I dated two drugaddicts, non christian. That I considered my league. It's all about healing up and knowing who you are in Christ. I really spoke those texts over myself. I am the righteousness of God and such. My old man died with Christ. I am a new creation. Hey even Jesus wants to marry me. Wonder who considers Him out of their league.
 
C

coby

Guest
#19
I've never really dated, and I've never
met anyone in person that would consider me
to be either IN or ABOVE their league, class,
number ranking or rating, and of course,
I see no reason why they ever would now,
I'm nobody, and haven't got much to offer
but a weak prayer, a hand of friendship,
trying to be a nice guy (sometimes I fail, I'm sorry)
and some light-hearted kidding around which
always seems to get twisted and taken the wrong way.

When I am serious, no one believes me,
and it's just laughed off...yet when I kid,
it's taken serious, and I get put down.
I try not to pre-judge, yet I'm so often judged
as being less than or not meeting up to rankings,
why would anyone want to date me, let alone more,
if they consider me to be not good enough.

I guess there's not much left to do but just
put on a half-smile and some cheap sunglasses,
go through the motions, whatever that means,
and probably keep getting cast aside,
easily forgotten until the end.
I've tried to cheer others, be supportive, keep the faith,
But I guess it takes a whole lot more than that,
and whatever it is, I obviously don't have it.
But, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year,
and God Bless You anyhow.
You're a King's kid.

http://www.desicomments.com/wp-content/uploads/Sending-Virtual-Hug-dc-77008.gif
 
D

DCrawshawJr

Guest
#20
My bad, Coby. I am so sorry.