I used to have a crush on a member. Then I got smart, and realized I was wasting my time, cause everyone I have ever gotten to know has/will be taken from me at some point.
I can understand you feeling like that. I once was like this as well. My mindset was, "I refuse to get close to any guy because he's going to leave me like everyone else." This was how I got through life, never really getting close to anyone because they were going to all hurt me.
It wasn't until I found Christ nine years ago when he began to change my outlook.
When you already feel rejected, you're going to ooze off rejection from you. People can tell the difference between a person who rejects themselves to a person who holds themselves up in confidence and still loves themselves even through the rejection. When one oozes off rejection, people tend to stay away....hence, leaving that person believing that they are being rejected because people choose to not stay. For years, I blamed others for leaving. For years, I thought they were rejecting me. But it was I who was rejecting myself, and hence, this is why I felt that everyone rejected me. Sure, there were people that did....but not everyone. When I found my identity, rejection still hurt but it didn't phase me. I hope one day that will be the same for you.
It was one of the hardest lessons to go through with my relationship with the Lord. I wanted to blame others instead of looking at myself and saying, "I need to start loving myself...and not for others to love myself, but because I am utterly miserable living a life like this. God loves me, why can't I do the same for me?" And as I started to love myself because Christ loved me, my life became liberating. It was so freeing. When people reject me, it hurts, of course. Everyone wants to be liked....but my life doesn't change because two people don't like me. Because, I'm loved. First and foremost, Christ loves me. If everyone on the earth hated me and even though that would hurt, I would only need God's love. Fortunately, that is not how life works. There are people there that love you but there are going to be people that hate you.
You ARE loved. Pushing people away is a defense mechanism (something that protects you from hurting you) so you keep people at arms length in order to be protected. But in the end, you're going to be miserable and lonely.
