i don't do this often, and i hope it's doesn't make people worry about me, but
i like to read about serial killers.
yup.
see what had happen was.... lol
i like reading the psychological side of them.
Oh my goodness, I've found my Psychological Soulmate!!! (Please forgive me, I'm about to go on a Raving Mad Nerd Tangent.)
Mel, I can totally, totally relate. I used to read case after case of these kinds of crimes and the biggest thing that always puzzled me was how many of these killers seemed to commit these acts because they had a sexual attraction to violence and death. I always wondered, How in the world does that happen???
My program in school was behavioral psychology, if anyone's heard of Pavlov's Dogs--Pavlov was a scientists who paired meat powder with the ding of a bell repeatedly, and eventually, the dogs in his experiment salivated just to the sound of the bell.
During my time of ministry and writing inmates, there was one I wrote whom I believe had all the makings of a serial killer. He was already in for murder and had a long history of attempted murders both in and out of prison, as well as at least one other murder he talked about openly but was never associated with at the time.
He had all the classic "textbook" characteristics that you read about in high-profile cases--a severely abusive childhood in which he started acting out his revenge on animals and then moved on to people. He wrote that violence was his biggest turn-on and was something he couldn't resist. And, he was only 27 years old (with the abuse starting at about 7 years old.)
For the first time, I could see glimpses as to why these people might turn out this way. From the time this guy was a very young child, people had severely abused him, and because he felt helpless to stop it, he would fantasize in his mind about fighting back/violently stopping, and eventually killing the abusers.
So, what would otherwise be a natural human response (sexuality) became paired with abuse, extreme anger, and violent thoughts over and over again over the years... to the point where they were intermingled, and he could no longer separate them into individual feelings. For him, any feelings of anger or sexual response all triggered the same violent reactions.
Now, people ask why would I be interested in things like this? Because all around us, people are growing up in abusive environments they have no control over... and their anger is growing, growing, growing... and then we wonder why someone goes into a school, post office, shopping mall, etc.--and opens fire.